! X-NEWS: spcvxb news.groups: 18759 I Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0 13.10.90 VAX/VMS V5.4; site spcvxb.spc.edu  Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!rutgers!ub!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!cis.ohio-state.edu!pacific.mps.ohio-state.edu!linac!att!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes n Newsgroups: news.groups,rec.arts.startrek,rec.arts.sf-lovers,alt.flame,alt.folklore.computers,alt.humor.oracle& Subject: Usenet Olympic Games -- Day 22 Message-ID: <1991Aug26.044824.20784@cbfsb.att.com>2 From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (michael.s.forbes) Date: 26 Aug 91 04:48:24 GMT Sender: news@cbfsb.att.com$ Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories? Keywords: The 1991 Usenet Olympic Games -- exclusively on USPN!  Summary: The Long Post finals 
 Lines: 118 Xref: spcvxb news.groups:18759 rec.arts.startrek:45490 rec.arts.sf-lovers:32611 alt.flame:21932 alt.folklore.computers:12939 alt.humor.oracle:254     / The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents:   +                          Exclusive Coverage   %                                of the   *                           Long Post Finals      !                            _ - ()              /            \O  ungh!            /\
          /| |    ------/-|_
        -  / ) @   _________-            |            |            |            |A                        250K         500K         750K         1MB     = Brought to you by the PLO.  We're with you all the way, Kent!   B [Cut to the "shot put" area of Spafford Stadium, where Marv Albert is standing with a microphone.]    Marv: C >This is Marv Albert and Bernard Shaw here at the Usenet Olympics-- @ >Bernie, why are you lying on the ground and covering your head?   Bernie: [gets up]  >Sorry, force of habit.    Marv: B >Anyhow, we're here at the Long Post finals, where the competition? >is just about to begin.  The first athlete is Eric S. Raymond, & >from the alt.folklore.computers team!  C [Camera switches to Raymond, who is loosening up, then to a graphic ! with Raymond's vital statistics.]    Bernie: > >Alt.folklore.computers doesn't have a lot of athletes at thisB >level of competition, but they've got a sure medal winner here inB >Eric S. Raymond.  He's been flamed by sysadmins several times forA >unusually large posts, and at one time proposed creating his own  >newsgroup for the postings.   Marv: B >Raymond is stepping up into the circle now.  Here comes the post:B >It's version 3.4.5 of the Jargon File, over a megabyte in length! >The crowd's on its feet!    Bernie: A >You've got to admire his form, Marv.  There just aren't too many ' >people who can post like that anymore.    Marv: C >Our next poster is Name Withheld by Request from alt.sex.pictures. 6 >We don't seem to have a lot of information about him.   Bernie: ? >No, but a.s.p has a long history of placing in this event, and   >I'm sure they'll do well today.   Marv: B >It's 14 GIFs of a nude woman eating a banana!  He takes the lead! >  >Next up:  The Usenet Oracle!   C [The sky is darkened, and a bolt of lightning blinds everyone for a = brief moment.  When the smoke clears, the Oracle is visible.]    Oracle: A >I shall now post the Ultimate Answer, which shall be infinite in > >knowledge and wisdom and will surely win this feeble contest.   Marv: 4 >Get back up, Bernie.  Here comes the Oracle's post:/ >Two bytes?  That's it?!  I don't believe this!    Bernie: ' >Who's going to tell him he didn't win?    Marv: 7 >I don't know, but we're moving on to our last athlete: 1 >Mike Brown (Vidiot) from rec.arts.startrek.info!   . [Switch to a graphic bio with Vidiot's stats.]   Bernie: C >Vidiot's one of the top athletes on the r.a.st team, and he almost 2 >walked away with this event at the Badwill Games.   Marv: < >Here it comes... An Esperanto version of the Program Guide!2 >It's a new world record!  The crowd's going wild! > ? >Well, that about wraps it up for the High Volume Post--  Wait! B >We've just recieved word that Name Withheld has been disqualified. >for failing the drug test prior to the event!   Bernie: < >Yes, it looks like Withheld's blood sample was flooded withB >testosterone.  A lucky break for the Usenet Oracle, who now moves) >into third place behind Eric S. Raymond.    Marv: A >Yes, it's been another exciting day here at the Usenet Olympics! 4 >We'll be back with more coverage, right after this.  
 Don Pardo:; >Coming up:  USPN exclusive coverage of the 100-Line Flame!  >Stay tuned!   [to be continued...]