! X-NEWS: spcvxb news.groups: 18826 I Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0 13.10.90 VAX/VMS V5.4; site spcvxb.spc.edu ~ Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!rutgers!ub!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!pacific.mps.ohio-state.edu!linac!att!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbesS Newsgroups: news.groups,rec.arts.startrek,rec.arts.sf-lovers,talk.bizarre,alt.flame & Subject: More Usenet Olympics Coverage2 Message-ID: <1991Aug27.032046.27901@cbfsb.att.com>2 From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (michael.s.forbes) Date: 27 Aug 91 03:20:46 GMT Sender: news@cbfsb.att.com$ Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories? Keywords: 1991 Usenet Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN! B Summary: Medal count, Flameball, and the "Asbestos Man" triathlon!
 Lines: 183r Xref: spcvxb news.groups:18826 rec.arts.startrek:45598 rec.arts.sf-lovers:32667 talk.bizarre:32225 alt.flame:22008  / The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents:   &     \\              \\              \\'    ////            ////            //// (   \\\\\\          \\\\\\          \\\\\\)  ////////        ////////        //////// < (________)      (________)      (________)          The 1991)  \      /   \\   \      /   \\   \      / J   \    /   ////   \    /   ////   \    /       Usenet Olympic Games       '    \  /   \\\\\\   \  /   \\\\\\   \  / &     ||   ////////   ||   ////////   ||&     ||  (________)  ||  (________)  ||&     ||   \      /   ||   \      /   ||&     ||    \    /    ||    \    /    ||            \  /            \  /              ||              ||             ||              ||             ||              ||             ||              ||  B Brought to you by IBM, because we're sick of all this complacency.  8 [Fade to Bryant Gumbel, at Usenet Olympic Headquarters.]   Bryant: A >It's Day Three of the 1991 Usenet Olympic Games, and we've got a ? >medal count for the top five teams based on the events so far:  > 3 >                    TOTAL   Gold   Silver   Bronze  > 0 >news.groups          58      29      17      120 >rec.arts.startrek    55      32       9      140 >alt.flame            53      41      11       20 >rec.arts.sf-lovers   52      25      18       90 >alt.humor.oracle     43      42       0       1 > B >We also have an update on Bernard Shaw's condition, after he told= >The Usenet Oracle that he'd only won the bronze medal in the @ >Long Post.  Shaw was turned into a newt, but is getting better. > @ >Also remember that today is the Individual Flaming competition,< >which could mean a big jump in the standings for alt.flame.< >But first, we take you to Bob Eucher and Emil Jacobs at the >Flameball championships:   / The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents: %                          .__________. %                          |          | %                          |   ____   | %                          |  ^____^  | %                          '---\\//---' !                              \\// 6            "Did not!"                       "Did too!"  :       U       U       U                  O       O       O;      -+-  U  -+-  U  -+-                -+-  O  -+-  o  -+- :       |  -+-  |  -+-  |                  |  -+-  |  -+-  |;      / \  |  / \  |  / \                / \  |  / \  |  / \ 7          / \     / \                        / \     / \   *                         Exclusive Coverage  $                               of the  -                       Flameball Championships   B Brought to you by Stanford U.  We'll just put it under "Research."   [Cut to a basketball court.]   Bob Eucher: ? >Hey, sports fans, I love ya!  We're here at Stallman Gymnasium B >watching the matchup you've been waiting for:  rec.arts.sf-lovers: >against rec.arts.startrek in the Flameball championships!   Emil Jacobs:> >Bob, both teams have displayed the rough, physical style most? >common to this kind of competition, and they're really wearing > >each other down.  It's a question of which team exausts their> >energy first, but there's enough bitterness to keep them both >going for a long while yet.   Bob:> >Yeah, right now the referees look like they're about ready to= >throw in the towel.  Let's see if we can pick up some of the 4 >taunting that's going on underneath the backboards:     Jay Maynard:C >If it hadn't been for Jim Griffith's post, none of this would have  >ever happened!   
 Ryan Mathews: = >Look, your crazy convener started flaming away during a CFV!    Jay:@ >It's still your fault!  Griffith *forced* him to start flaming!   Ryan: + >What, by gluing his hands to the keyboard?    Jay: >Same difference!    Ryan: 
 >Up yours!     Bob:A >What rivalry!  Boy, I'm glad it wasn't ever like this when I was 
 >in the game.    Emil: @ >You were never really "in the game," Bob.  Over to you, Bryant.   Bob: >Hey, wait a minute--      Bryant: = >We're back at USPN Olympic Headquarters with another update: A >Tragedy struck the rec.nude bobsledding team this afternoon when A >all four members suffered a severe case of frostbite.  Also, the > >rec.arts.startrek rowing team appears to have gone off course@ >to make a rescue attempt on another vessel, the Kobyashi Canoe. > @ >Meanwhile, USPN live coverage continues with the "Asbestos Man"6 >Triathlon.  We're taking you now to Guy Steele Plaza:  / The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents:   !                                \\ "                               // /:                              \\\\\\  "EEEYYYAAAAAAAGGGHH!"$                             ////////%                            \\\\O\\\\\ .                  FLAMING  ////-+/-////  SADISM'                          \\\\\\|\\\\\\\ (                         / //////\///////)                        \\\\\\/\\\\\\\\ \\ *                       ////////////////////$                            MASOCHISM    *                         Exclusive Coverage  $                               of the  -                      "Asbestos Man" Triathlon     B Brought to you by the Yugoslavia Ministry of Tourism and Commerce.   Willard Scott:9 >Hoo, boy!  I just *love* toasted marshmallows.  Mmmm-mm! A >And with all these flames going around, all you need is a stick! A >It's going to be a hot one today, Bryant, without much relief in = >sight for as long as the "Asbestos Man" competition goes on.    Bryant: 7 >Yes, Willard, but what's happening in the competition?    Willard:A >Oh, yes!  Jim Griffith of rec.arts.startrek is still holding out B >in his effort to beat yesterday's performance by rec.arts.movies.D >Judges (from misc.legal) are still reviewing the official protests D >and have yet to rule whether the r.a.m entry, a liquid metal T1000 > >from "Terminator 2", is qualified to compete in the Olympics. > C >But Jim's putting in a great performance, and hasn't posted a word B >in spite of the best efforts of alt.flame and rec.arts.sf-lovers.A >It's as if he wasn't even reading the posts!  What an incredible   >display of intolerance to pain.   Bryant: @ >Thanks, Willard.  We'll be back with more exclusive coverage of+ >the 1991 Usenet Olympic Games in a moment.   
 Don Pardo:> >Stay tuned for live coverage of the Mental Gymnastics finals! >Exclusively on USPN.    [...] 