! X-NEWS: spcvxb news.groups: 18900 I Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0 13.10.90 VAX/VMS V5.4; site spcvxb.spc.edu s Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!rutgers!noao!ncar!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!usc!rpi!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes S Newsgroups: news.groups,rec.arts.sf-lovers,rec.arts.startrek,talk.bizarre,alt.flame , Subject: Son of the Usenet Olympics Coverage2 Message-ID: <1991Aug28.023919.27907@cbfsb.att.com>2 From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (michael.s.forbes) Date: 28 Aug 91 02:39:19 GMT Sender: news@cbfsb.att.com$ Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories? Keywords: The 1991 Usenet Olympic Games -- exclusively on USPN! 5 Summary: Medal ceremonies and the Flame Diving finals 
 Lines: 190r Xref: spcvxb news.groups:18900 rec.arts.sf-lovers:32738 rec.arts.startrek:45712 talk.bizarre:32337 alt.flame:22102   Author's note:  F I think the "distribution" on part 4, "More Usenet Olympics Coverage",F may have been stripped or mangled.  If you didn't see a post about theG Flameball championships and the "Asbestos Man" triathlon, please e-mail  and let me know.  ' For the collector, the complete set is: +   The Usenet Olympics -- Opening Ceremonies #   Usenet Olympics Coverage -- Day 1 #   Usenet Olympics Coverage -- Day 2    More Usenet Olympics Coverage %   Son of the Usenet Olympics Coverage    #6   #7  5 (Parts 6 and 7 have yet to be posted...  Stay tuned!)       O    ====      Scott Forbes                          AT&T Network Software Center O  =---====    forbes@toolserv.att.com                    #include <disclaimer.h> 
 =-----====O ==---=====   "In these days of dreadfully inadequate scientific knowledge among M  ========    the general public, we do not need you to compound the problem." O    ====                                 -- from a letter to the Chicago Tribune   O ---------------- And now, back to our regularly scheduled parody --------------   / The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents:                  |-__-''.               |  /\  |    |-__-''.   | (  ) |    |  /\  |   |-__-'' =    | (  ) |   |         |-__-''.             Medal Ceremonies      |-__-''              |//////|9    |         . U .      |//////|                 from the     |          -*-       |-__-'' B    |           |        |                1991 Usenet Olympic Games      U        / \       |      -*-   ._________.       |    |         |    o     / \   |    1    |   -*-  ._________'         |    | |                   |   / \  |    2              '_________.  |                             |  |                        3    |  |                             |  -------------------------------   < Brought to you by Exxon.  We like to see you wasting energy.  ? [Fade to Arthur Kent (no relation to KPD) at Spafford Stadium.]    Arthur: = >Welcome back to USPN's exclusive coverage of the 1991 Usenet C >Olympic Games, where we're about to witness the Controversial Post @ >medal presentation.  Making the presentation is Clifford Stoll, >author of "The Cuckoo's Egg":  A [Cliff is standing in front of several microphones, and his words   echo loudly across the stadium.]   Cliff:? >Our bronze medal winner in the Controversial Post is Kent Paul < >Dolan, for his admission of guilt in the e-mail canvassing.  9 [The crowd cheers and boos.  Kent sticks out his tongue.]        Cliff:B >Our silver medal winner is Jim Griffith, for the "urgent appeal".  ? [Jim accepts the medal in stoic silence.  Half the crowd cheers A wildly, waving little flags with the Federation logo on them; the  other half boos soundly.]        Cliff:B >And our gold medal goes to Roger Noe, for the "additional appeal" >with a premarked 16-N ballot.  ? [Roger jumps up and down as the crowd reacts, inadvertently (?)  kicking Kent in the head.]   Kent:  >You did >that on	 >purpose!    Roger:! >Shut up.  I'm accepting a medal.    Kent: 
 >We'll see >about that!  C [Three flags are slowly raised on the flagpoles behind the winners: B Two with the Federation logo, the third with a salamander on a redB background.  The stadium PA system begins playing theme music from# "Star Trek:  The Next Generation."]    Kent: 
 >You think >you can >trifle with >ME, armadillo >breath?  @ [Kent lunges for Roger, knocking them both off the platform.  As< they struggle on the field, fistfights erupt in the stands.]   Arthur: 5 >Not again!  We've got a developing situation here...   = [The Death Star and V'ger materialize above the stadium, both @ warming up for a planet-destroying blast.  Jim Griffith is still$ standing on the #2 spot, oblivious.]   Arthur:  >BRYANT!   Bryant: < >Sorry to interrupt, Arthur, but we're taking you now to theC >Ma Bell Memorial Natatorium, where the Flame Diving competition is 
 >in progress:   / The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents:     ______________   \|/   | =   |                                        Exclusive Coverage    |               \ / 7   |                |                             of the    |               -+- >   |                O                       Flame Diving Finals   |    |    |    |    |    |    | C --|----------------------------------------------------------------   /|\               U                     ? Brought to you by First Alert smoke and fire detection systems.    Brent Musberger:> >We're here with Leanne Phillips, one of the finalists in this> >flame diving competition.  Leanne, you've been able to almostB >completely avoid being flamed, in spite of the firestorm going on@ >all around you in news.groups.  How have you accomplished this?   Leanne: = >Well, Brent, it's mainly a question of knowing which posters C >not to respond to during a debate.  There are some people who will C >read your post with an open mind, and consider what you're saying, > >and then there are others who'll just flame away at anything.   Brent:@ >Thank you, Leanne, and good luck.  Now approaching the platform1 >is Subrata Sincar, another one of our finalists:    Subrata: >Post to groups:  news.groups 2 >Subject:         Recalling the rec.arts.sf.* vote >(entering vi mode) > >I think the whole thing should be shelved for six months, and@ >everyone given some time to cool down and come to their senses.   Brent:> >Oooh!  The judges are pulling out blowtorches, flamethrowers,A >even a cannon!  It looks like Sincar will settle for the bronze.  > $ >Back to you in the studios, Bryant.   Bryant: C >Stay tuned for more coverage as the 1991 Usenet Olympics continue.   
 Don Pardo:7 >Coming up:  The Guidelines Interpretation semi-finals!    [stay tuned...] 