! X-NEWS: spcvxb news.groups: 18974 I Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0 13.10.90 VAX/VMS V5.4; site spcvxb.spc.edu  Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!rutgers!ub!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!cis.ohio-state.edu!pacific.mps.ohio-state.edu!linac!att!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes S Newsgroups: news.groups,rec.arts.sf-lovers,rec.arts.startrek,talk.bizarre,alt.flame + Subject: The Usenet Olympics: Judgement Day 2 Message-ID: <1991Aug29.012923.28507@cbfsb.att.com>2 From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (michael.s.forbes) Date: 29 Aug 91 01:29:23 GMT Sender: news@cbfsb.att.com$ Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories? Keywords: The 1991 Usenet Olympic Games -- exclusively on USPN! P Summary: You were expecting "Bride of the Usenet Olympics Coverage", weren't you
 Lines: 167r Xref: spcvxb news.groups:18974 rec.arts.sf-lovers:32832 rec.arts.startrek:45817 talk.bizarre:32465 alt.flame:22188  / The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents:       C              *    @     @                                         * C              |___ |  O  | ________________________________________| C             /|___ '--+--' _______________________________________/| C            //|_____  |  ________________________________________/_| C           ///        |                                         ///| A          ///        / \             ___.  @-_                 /// @         ///        /   \                -----+-o             ///?        ///                          ---'   /                /// >       ///                                 @                ///=      ///        Exclusive Coverage                        /// <     ///                                                  ///;    ///                of the                            /// :   ///                                                  ///9 *///      Heavyweight Flaming Championships          */// 8 |_/__________________________________________________|//7 |____________________________________________________|/ 6 |____________________________________________________|6 |                                                    |  3 Brought to you by the Second Law of Thermodynamics.    Vin Scully: ? >Hello and welcome once again to the 1991 Usenet Olympic Games. @ >We're here at the Bill Gates Taj Mahal Plaza, preparing for the8 >final afternoon in the Heavyweight Flaming competition.   Sugar Ray Leonard:? >It's been a punishing afternoon here in the qualifying rounds, B >with several posters hospitalized for severe burns.  The surpriseA >upset of the day was the rec.sport.hockey tag team, finished off  >in one round by rec.guns.   Vin:B >Yes, we're down to the best of the best here in the final rounds,B >and there's no telling which one of these athletes is going to be >our champion.  
 Sugar Ray:@ >Here come the finalists.  Wearing the red trunks is "mathew" ofC >alt.flame, with an incredible 8-0 record in the preliminary bouts. A >mathew's got a great ability to duck issues and dodge facts, and , >he's one of the best on the alt.flame team.   Vin:? >In the dark blue trunks is Gym Z. Quirk, of rec.arts.startrek. @ >Quirk was a late entry in this competition, but racked up a 5-0# >record to advance into the finals.   
 Sugar Ray:) >And the first round is about to begin...    mathew: 
 >Your stupid!    Gym Z.:  >You're acting like a child.   mathew: 	 >Shut up!    Gym Z.: 6 >Isn't there a rule against freshmen getting accounts?   Vin:B >Wow!  These fighters aren't pulling any punches here in the early5 >rounds.  Can they keep this up for the entire fight?   
 Sugar Ray:A >I don't see how they can, Vin.  They're both in prime condition, = >but there's no way that can maintain this level of ferocity.    mathew:  >Eat sh*t and die!   Gym Z.: - >I'm going to have a word with your sysadmin.    Vin:C >And there's the bell to end the first round!  I don't know how the / >judges are going to score this see-saw battle.   
 Sugar Ray:B >Vin, I wouldn't be surprised if these two kept going until one ofA >them was disconnected or dead.  They don't care about the score.    Vin:< >You may be right.  There's the bell for the second round...   We interrupt this program for a   1                    .    .   .__   .____.  .     .   1                    |    |  |      |    |  | \   | 1                    |    |   '-.   |----'  |  \  | 1                    |    |      |  |       |   \ | 1                    '____'  ___/   |       |    \|   7                  //              //              //     7                 \\\\            \\\\            \\\\    7                //////          //////          //////   7               (______)   //   (______)   //   (______)  7                \    /   \\\\   \    /   \\\\   \    /   7                 \  /   //////   \  /   //////   \  /    7                  ||   (______)   ||   (______)   ||     7                  ||    \    /    ||    \    /    ||     -                         \  /            \  /  +                          ||              || +                          ||              ||     7               S  P  E  C  I  A  L      R  E  P  O  R  T   
 Don Pardo:C >We take you now live to Bryant Gumbel at USPN Olympic Headquarters  >in Atlanta.   Bryant: B >We're breaking in on our regular coverage to give you this update) >from the Usenet Olympic Village.  Peter?   = [A graphic of Usenet Olympic Village appears, with a photo of C Peter Arnett at the top right.  The caption at bottom of the screen   reads:  "Voice of Peter Arnett"]  1 Peter:  [with machine gun fire in the background] > >Bryant, fighting has broken out once again here at the Usenet> >Olympic Village.  Details as to the cause of the fighting areA >sketchy at this time, but it appears to have been a minor breach / >of etiquette by one of the misc.test athletes.    Bryant: 7 >Peter, your own safety comes first.  Get out of there.    Peter:? >It's too dangerous to move around, Bryant.  There's no telling C >what might happen if we went out on the streets, and it also might ' >cost us several points in the ratings.    Bryant: , >True.  What can you see from where you are?   Peter:B >Both rec.arts.startrek and rec.arts.sf-lovers appear to be tryingB >to travel into the past, in an attempt to destroy the other groupB >before it comes into existence.  Flickering images of the TARDIS,@ >the Guardian of Forever and an Infinite Improbability Drive areA >appearing and disappearing around the village, as several of the ? >buildings and landmarks either change shape or cease to exist.  > 
 >Bryant, we--      Bryant: 3 >Peter?  Peter, can you hear us?  What's happening?      Kent:  >Hahahahaha! >I'm a	 >net.god!      [Stay tuned...] 