! X-NEWS: spcvxb news.groups: 19059 I Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0 13.10.90 VAX/VMS V5.4; site spcvxb.spc.edu  Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!rutgers!usc!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!cis.ohio-state.edu!pacific.mps.ohio-state.edu!linac!att!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes Newsgroups: news.groups / Subject: Usenet Olympics: The Undesired Country 1 Message-ID: <1991Aug29.234637.4083@cbfsb.att.com> 2 From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (michael.s.forbes) Date: 29 Aug 91 23:46:37 GMT Sender: news@cbfsb.att.com$ Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories? Keywords: 1991 Usenet Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN! $ Summary: The spectacular conclusion!
 Lines: 260   Mail: : >This is great!  Could you send me the Opening Ceremonies?   Scott:
 >...please...    Mail: * >Is there a "Day 1" to match this "Day 2"?   Scott: >...I've got to rest...    Mail: ? >"Son of" is hysterical!  Where can I ftp the other four parts?    Scott: >[thud]    Mailer Daemon: >you have new mail.  >you have new mail.  >you have new mail.        .        .        .   D The complete set of seven (!) Usenet Olympics posts are now on theirB way to rec.humor.funny, where I *deeply* hope they will be posted.B If not I'll begin trying to mail them out, but that job will take = weeks to complete.  If I can, I'll find an FTP home for them.   E Thanks to all those who wrote in with praise, suggestions for events, H recommending people to include in the Games, etc.  You will be receivingF discount passes to future Usenet Olympic events, and a free membership+ in the Usenet Olympics Booster Club...  ;-)       O    ====      Scott Forbes                          AT&T Network Software Center O  =---====    forbes@toolserv.att.com                    #include <disclaimer.h> 
 =-----====O ==---=====   "In these days of dreadfully inadequate scientific knowledge among M  ========    the general public, we do not need you to compound the problem." O    ====                                 -- from a letter to the Chicago Tribune       1 The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents a:   1                    .    .   .__   .____.  .     .   1                    |    |  |      |    |  | \   | 1                    |    |   '-.   |----'  |  \  | 1                    |    |      |  |       |   \ | 1                    '____'  ___/   |       |    \|   7                  //              //              //     7                 \\\\            \\\\            \\\\    7                //////          //////          //////   7               (______)   //   (______)   //   (______)  7                \    /   \\\\   \    /   \\\\   \    /   7                 \  /   //////   \  /   //////   \  /    7                  ||   (______)   ||   (______)   ||     7                  ||    \    /    ||    \    /    ||     -                         \  /            \  /  +                          ||              || +                          ||              ||     7               S  P  E  C  I  A  L      R  E  P  O  R  T    Jane Pauley:B >We're here at the site of the Usenet Olympic Village, or I shouldC >say the *former* site of the village, because it's no longer here. @ >In its place is a single building, apparently named "net.kent".  9 Kent [in a booming voice that echoes across the village]:  >It's mine! 
 >All mine! >Bow, scum!  >Hahahahaha!   Jane: B >All of the athletes here at the Olympic Village have been changed@ >into mindless zombies, worshipping Kent as a net.god.  We can't3 >begin to measure the extent of the damage, Bryant.    Bryant: C >With us now in the studio is Douglas Adams, science fiction writer B >and author of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy."  Mr. Adams,= >Kent used your fictional invention to destroy all of Usenet; B >doesn't that make you something of an accessory to this disaster?   Douglas:C >Well, er um, I wouldn't exactly put it that way, Bryant.  That is, , >I, er, don't think the damage is permanent.   Bryant:  >What do you mean?   Douglas:B >Well, the Guardian of Forever is a peculiar sort of time machine,? >not the well-behaved sort that most authors make up.  Whatever A >changes are made in the past don't affect Star Trek crew members 6 >who happen to be standing in the Guardian's vicinity.   Bryant: 8 >Our listeners are laymen, Mr. Adams.  Get to the point.   Douglas:> >Well, if the rec.arts.startrek team goes back and kills off a; >certain 14th century leper, everything will change back to . >exactly the way it was before all this began.   Bryant: ? >What!?  What does a 14th century leper have to do with Usenet?    Douglas:? >Look, I didn't write it.  Talk to those '60s screenplay hacks.    Jane: 8 >Bryant, he may be right:  Something's happening here...   Kent:  >Noooooooo!   B [With an excess of bad '60s TV special effects, the Usenet OlympicC Village returns to its place.  Kent turns into a bowl of petunias.]    Kent:  >Oh no,  >not again!    Bryant: A >What a relief.  Well, that about wraps it up for the 1991 Usenet C >Olympic Games.  From all us here at USPN, thanks for watching, and * >tune in next February for the 1992 Games!  &     \\              \\              \\'    ////            ////            //// (   \\\\\\          \\\\\\          \\\\\\)  ////////        ////////        //////// < (________)      (________)      (________)          The 1991)  \      /   \\   \      /   \\   \      / J   \    /   ////   \    /   ////   \    /       Usenet Olympic Games       '    \  /   \\\\\\   \  /   \\\\\\   \  / &     ||   ////////   ||   ////////   ||&     ||  (________)  ||  (________)  ||&     ||   \      /   ||   \      /   ||&     ||    \    /    ||    \    /    ||            \  /            \  /              ||              ||             ||              ||             ||              ||             ||              ||   have been brought to you by:   Scott Forbes  6 and the following good sports from various newsgroups:   Mike "Vidiot" Brown    Peter da Silva   Jim Griffith   Tim Lynch    Ryan Mathews
   "mathew"
   Jay Maynard    Roger Noe    Leanne Phillips    Gym Z. Quirk   Eric S. Raymond    Subrata Sircar	   Dean Yu      Kent: 
 >You think >you can	 >get away  >with this?    Peter da Silva: - >Don't worry, Kent, it makes good fertilizer.      With apologies to:   Bryant Gumbel    Wolf Blitzer   Don Pardo    DuPont (Dow made napalm)   the works of Anne McCaffrey    Peter Arnett   Chris Berman+   anyone remotely associated with Star Trek 
   Marv Albert    Bernard Shaw   The Usenet Oracle    Bob Eucher
   Emil Jacobs 	   the PLO    Willard Scott 
   Arthur Kent 
   Cliff Stoll    George Lucas   Brent Musberger 1   Warner Brothers (the "diving into a glass" bit)    Subrata Sircar (not "Sincar")    Vin Scully   Sugar Ray Leonard 
   Jane Pauley    Douglas Adams      Gene Spafford    Chuq von Ruspach   Richard Stallman   Guy Steele   Bill Gates     Atlanta, Georgia   ESPN   CNN    Kuwait  A   ...and an obscure cartoon from my childhood called "Zoolympics"      The author wishes to thank:    AT&T1 for continuing to employ him in spite of all this     # The Usenet Olympics will return in:   (   Usenet Olympics II:  The Wrath of Kent        or   .   CFV: rec.arts.sf-lovers grand reorganization    ! Filmed on location in news.groups     C This is a work of parody.  Any similarity between people and events ? in real life is deliberate, intentional, and meant to be funny.    Matthew Broderick: >  >  >  >You're still posting? >    >  >  >The vote's over!  >  >  > 	 >Go home! 