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                        Introduction
0         Not the RPI Tour is an outgrowth of  Not  the
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     Rensselaer   Handbook,   which   is  a  guide  to,
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     logically enough, the "real" RPI,  as  opposed  to
     the    fictitious   (or   at   least   apocryphal)
     "Rensselaer Polytechnic  Institute"  which  looked
     like  such  a  nice place until you got here.  The
     standard Admissions  Office  tour  being  such  an
     integral part of the perpetuation of this myth, it
     seemed  appropriate  that  any group attempting to
     present  another  view  disseminate  its  opinions
     through its own version of the campus tour.  Or at
     least think about the possibility.
0         The  philosophy  behind  Not  the RPI Tour is
     much the same as that  behind  Not  the  Handbook,
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     i.e.   To present those parts of the truth of this
     place which are not presented by official sources.
     In  this  case  that  means  a   more   realistic,
     humourous,  sarcastic,  and even downright cynical
     "rap" than the ones provided to the official  tour
     guides.
-                    Arranging the Tour
0         As  of  the  current  date  nothing  has been
     arranged as far as thoughts of actually performing
     the tour.  This will be a very difficult thing  to
     deal  with  as  the  Administration  will  be very
     unhappy  with  anyone  scaring  away   prospective
     freshmen.   Perhaps  giving the tour to alumni and
     students is a reasonable alternative.
-                     Starting the Tour
0         Where to  start  the  tour  is  an  important
     question.   The most obvious place, being the most
     collegiate-looking, is of course that  picturesque
     place  just  up the hill from the Union.  But that
     has been done, so maybe we  should  try  somewhere
     else.   Practical  considerations for collecting a
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     group would predicate such a location as the Union
     or  the  Visitor's  Information   Center   (a.k.a.
     Security),  but  by that logic those would be good
     places to hold classes, so maybe we  should  start
     at West Hall.
-                         West  Hall   (can be inserted
     wherever, even if we decide not to start with West
     Hall)
0         West Hall is a typically ugly  RPI  building.
     It  has been around for as long as you would think
     from looking at it, and as you might notice if you
     were in front of it, it has not been  a  classroom
     building  for  all that time.  Yes, indeed, it did
     spend many years as Troy Hospital.
0         It was recently pressed into a renewed  surge
     of  class-type  use  when  the  Sage laboratories,
     visible up the hill (more  on  them  later),  were
     taken out of use for a year ('82-'83, in fact) for
     renovations.  The Institute then made a mistake by
     letting  in "too many" freshmen the following year
     and West Hall was still necessary for class space.
     So  it  continues  to  be  the  bane  of  the  RPI
     student's   existence,  particularly  since  one's
     earliest class tends to be here, unless of  course
     you  live  downtown,  which  of  course would make
     things too easy.
0         Another interesting story about West Hall  is
     that  it is not holding itself in place very well.
     While this very widely believed tale  is  in  fact
     apocryphal, there nevertheless is a tenacious will
     to   believe  it.   The  reason  West  Hall  isn't
     slipping faster is supposedly a number  of  chains
     connecting  it to the foundation of the Sage Labs.
     This story also may be apocryphal, but it,  again,
     is fairly widely held.
-                  The Pittsburgh Building
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          The  Pittsburgh  Building  is the location of
     most of the  Institute's  Administration  offices.
     This  is obvious (would be obvious in winter) from
     the fact that it is the  only  building  which  is
     quickly, efficiently, and dependably plowed out of
     a  snowstorm.  It is convenient from West Hall, as
     you can see, but the tough walk up the  stairs  to
     the rest of campus minimizes unnecessary business.
     Once  you  are  there,  the  Registrar's office is
     quite convenient,  and  the  Bursar's  is  in  the
     Basement.
-                        Walker Lab
0         Walker   is   the   home   of  the  Chemistry
     department.  While not the most  modern  facility,
     this    is    unimportant    since   even   mildly
     sophisticated  Chem  work   is   done   in   other
     buildings.   Walker  is  plenty  well equipped for
     Freshman labs and similar uses.
0         There are a few general classrooms in Walker,
     which can be nice places to have a  class  despite
     the huge climb up the stairs.  This is because the
     view  is  phenomenal, for Troy.  In the fall (also
     known as "foliage season"), this alone is  a  good
     reason to have a class there.  The disadvantage to
     these  classrooms,  especially  those  on  the top
     floor (having the best views) is that in any  rain
     or  hailstorm  the copper roof makes so much noise
     that the professor cannot be  heard.   Then  again
     maybe this is an advantage.
-                         Sage Labs
0         If you remember, I promised a while back that
     I'd  tell  you  more  about the Sage labs building
     "later."  Well, it's later.  Now you're in for it.
0         Sage has been called by an expert source  the
     "post-modern  architectural wonder of the campus."
     This is most likely a biased  comment,  you  might
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     say, but actually it's not.  Just sarcastic.  Sage
     was  recently  redesigned  (by  an RPI alumnus, no
     less) with very  questioned  decor.   One  of  the
     truly  amazing  details  is  a  "house"  filling a
     rather large open space on the top floor, complete
     with windows,  shutters,  house  door,  roof,  and
     more.   Rather cute in a different way is the fact
     that on the main floor one  must  pass  through  a
     lecture hall to get to another wing.
0         The  main  floor  is  an interesting thing in
     itself, being that it's actually the third  floor.
     It   shares   this   feature   with   the  Jonsson
     Engineering  Center.   In   both   buildings   one
     generally enters on the third floor.
-                    The Greene Building
0         Across this lovely new "garden" from the Sage
     labs  building  is the Greene Building.  If you're
     not sure which one it is, it's  the  red  building
     over by that hillside.
0         The  Greene Building is the only structure on
     campus to be open twenty-four hours a day, for the
     service of its patrons, the architecture students.
     As a result, you can often find  people  there  at
     any  hour  using  the  computer  terminals  in the
     basement.  Then again, the "archies," as they  are
     known, can often be found here at any hour working
     on their architecture projects.
-                    Official RPI Tours
0         Another   thing   students  get  used  to  at
     Rensselaer  is  groups  of  high  school   seniors
     dressed  in  good  clothes  wandering  with  their
     parents, following behind a  hapless  RPI  student
     who  has  been  stricken  by  work  study,  and is
     mindlessly babbling  about  the  wonderful  things
     available  on the RPI campus.  This is an official
     tour.   When  you  want  to  go  anywhere,  be  it
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     classes, the computer center, or back to your dorm
     to  blow  off classes, you will frequently have to
     allow yourself extra time to  avoid  these  tours.
     This  is  particularly  true  during the late fall
     when high school  seniors  realize  they  have  to
     decide  where to apply for college.  At this time,
     which  coincidentally   coincides   with   foliage
     season,  you can hear RPI students muttering about
     "that time of year" under their breath.
0         It is a commonly accepted  fact  that  it  is
     impossible  to  cross  the  campus  without  being
     caught behind an  official  tour.   On  the  other
     hand,  it's  not really true -- why, I did it just
     last semester.  Admissions frowns on  interrupting
     these  very  informative gatherings of prospective
     students   (and    their    prospective    parents
     prospective  wallets),  so  for  larger groups you
     will simply have to wait until the tour moves  on.
     If  you  have the good fortune to see the group in
     the distance, you may be able to find an alternate
     route to your destination.
0         It should also be noted that if a student has
     nothing to do, a favorite pastime on campus is  to
     actually  follow the tours and listen, having seen
     the campus first hand.   Better  comedy  can't  be
     found in the Capitol District.
