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-                                     Introduction
+                                     Introduction
0               Not the Rensselaer Handbook is intended to be  a  source  of
+               Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
           invaluable  knowledge  concerning  the  activities of students at
           RPI. It is written to be used as a reference guide  to  not  only
           surviving  at RPI, but for surviving with style. You could almost
+                                                    style 
           call Not the Handbook  the  "Passer-by's  Guide  to  Rensselaer".
+               Not the Handbook 
           However, we won't. Not the Handbook is not intended to be used as
+                             Not the Handbook 
           a collector's item,  a  scholastic  aid,  or  a  measure  of  the
           literary  skill of the students involved, but rather as a tool to
           aid current, past and future students of RPI, in  their  attempts
           to live at and work with the school.
0               The staff of Not the Handbook would like to thank  the  many
+                            Not the Handbook 
           hours  of  help  it  received  from:  the Association of Computer
           Machinery for the  funds  to  digitally  prepare  the  text;  the
           Archives  Department of the Folsom Library, whose staff were most
           helpful in preparing the history section of  the  text,  and  for
           other  random  items  of  information;  and  the  Information and
           Personal Assistance Center for their cooperation with our Chapter
           of  Lists  investigations.  Finally,  we  would like to thank the
           entire school for being the crazy institution it is, for how else
           could this thing be created?
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           Not  the  Rensselaer  Handbook  is  the  views,   opinions,   and
+          Not  the  Rensselaer  Handbook 
           experiences  of  the  staff of Not the Rensselaer Handbook. It is
+                                         Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
           not intended to reflect, and does not  necessarily  inflect,  the
           views  of  the  faculty,  staff,  or administration of Rensselaer
           Polytechnic Institute, any group of  students  of  the  Institute
           other  than  the  above-named  Not the Handbook staff, or anybody
+                                         Not the Handbook 
           else.
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-                                A Short History Course
+                                A Short History Course
0               For a school a mere one hundred and sixty years old, RPI  is
           soundly  buried  in historical events that seem uniquely peculiar
           to an engineering school. Those oddities obscured by time, error,
           or  deliberate  cover-up  were the events sought after by Not the
+                                                                    Not the
           Handbook's staff of researchers. We wish to thank the  Rensselaer
+          Handbook 
           Library's   Archives  Department  for  their  assistance  in  our
           efforts. Their collection is, to no  one's  surprise,  second  to
           none on this subject.
0          Amos Eaton
0               Amos  Eaton  was  a  major figure in the early part of RPI's
           growth as an Engineering School. The man, however,  came  into  a
           good  bit  of trouble in his later years when he became connected
           with the corrupt land deals concerning the building of  the  Erie
           Canal.
0               Amos Eaton Hall  was  started  as  a  project  by  president
           Ricketts  in 1928 to build an auditorium large enough to hold the
           student body which was then around 1500. The actual costs of  the
           building  are  unknown,  as Ricketts contracted it along with the
           Caldwell dorms in the Quadrangle, but it has  been  estimated  at
           $300,000.
0          Russell Sage
0               Another   notable  character  in  Rensselaer's  history  was
           Russell Sage. Russell Sage's  name  appears  on  almost  as  many
           buildings   as   does   Jonsson's.  There  is  the  Russell  Sage
           Laboratory, the  Russell  Sage  Dining  Hall,  and  Russell  Sage
           College  in  downtown Troy. As a matter of fact, most colleges in
           New York have at least one building named after him. However, the
           story  behind  these  institutions is far more bizarre than meets
           the eye.
0               Russell  Sage  was never a student at RPI, and his influence
           and contributions toward the school while he was alive were small
           in  scale  when  compared  to what his second wife made. Sage was
           born the seventh child of a poor farming family from Connecticut.
           He  first  moved  to  Troy  at the age of 13 to work at his older
           brother's grocery store. He soon became a little Horatio Alger in
           small  trade and later in paper money options. By the time he was
           24, he was a member of the Troy City Council,  a  bank  director,
           and  a  money  lender.  He  then  married  a  pretty young woman,
           Maria-Henrie Winne, who was the daughter of a local lumber baron.
           They  moved  into a posh Washington Park home that Maria's father
           gave them. Russell became very interested  in  politics,  and  in
           1844  became  the  city  treasurer. From 1844 to 1849 he kept the
           city in the black with his judicious use of city funds.  He  then
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-          ran  for  Congress  in 1850, but was defeated. This did not deter
           him, and in 1852 he was elected to the  representative  seat  for
           Troy  under the Whig party. It was at this point in his political
           career that his economic rise was to begin.
0               Sage's  first  big  deal  was  over  a railroad project that
           involved Erasmus Corning and other local  political  figures.  He
           pushed  through a project that involved the City of Troy buying a
           railroad from Sage for $700,000. This same railroad had  recently
           been  purchased  by  Sage  for a mere $200,000. Sage quite openly
           bragged about his five hundred thousand dollar profit, justifying
           it  by  pointing out how much money Troy would save by owning the
           railroad. The scheme backfired, however, when Corning and  others
           worked the railroad away from Troy.
0               After the deal in Troy, Sage went on to bigger things. He is
           responsible  for  most  of  the  major  railroad  development  in
           Minnesota from 1852 to the end of the nineteenth century. He  was
           noted  for being careful, and yet taking risks and profiting very
           well from them. It was at this period in his life that  he  moved
           from Troy to New York City and began to speculate on Wall Street.
0               On 7 May 1867, Sage's wife died of stomach cancer. After the
           funeral, Sage was a very solemn and depressed man. He devoted the
           rest of his life to the accumulation of money.
0               In  1869,  Sage was involved, and later convicted, in a case
           concerning the Usury Laws in New York state. He was  fined  $500,
           but  his jail sentence was suspended. He was accused of being the
           gang leader in a usury group. Later that year, Sage  married  his
           second wife, Olivia Slocum.
0               Olivia Slocum was  a  school  teacher  from  Troy,  who  had
           attended  the  Troy  Female  Seminary,  now known as Emma Willard
           School. She was forty-one when Sage married her, he was  53.  The
           marriage  was  not  out  of love; Sage needed someone to call his
           wife so that he would not be the prey  of  "seduction  lawsuits".
           There  is no indication that Olivia and Russell ever really cared
           for each other, and it seems even less likely that they were ever
           intimate.  Sage  continued  to  have  affairs  with beautiful and
           exotic women until his later years, after which he  settled  down
           to doing his serious profiteering.
0               Sage was elected onto the Institute's board of  Trustees  on
           24  June  1896.  His  only  relative to attend RPI was a newphew,
           Russell Sage, Jr., who graduated in 1859.
0               Sage  died  in  1906,  during  a  vacation  that  his doctor
           requested he take to get away from the business.  Apparently  the
           withdrawal  killed  him. His wife Olivia found herself with a $70
           million estate almost overnight. She immediately established  the
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-          Sage  Foundation  to  aid  in  promoting  social  and educational
           causes. It was in this way that this school  teacher  from  Troy,
           who was at the time the wealthiest woman in the US, began to make
           contributions to education. In particular, she fought for  better
           women's education.
0               Olivia Slocum Sage made two large contributions to RPI.  The
           first  was funds for the building of the Russell Sage Laboratory,
           which was to house the new Mechanical and Electrical  Engineering
           departments.  At  the  time RPI was primarily a Civil Engineering
           school. When Palmer Ricketts, then President of RPI, sent  her  a
           letter  suggesting  the  building  of  these  departments, Olivia
           replied with a letter which said, in effect, 'Good idea.' To lend
           some  weight  to  her  letter,  she  also  enclosed  a  check for
           $100,000. Eventually, the total  sum  donated  for  that  purpose
           reached one million dollars.
0               The other major contribution came  in  the  wake  of  a  new
           addition  to  the  Quadrangle  dorms. During the planning for the
           White dorm extensions, Olivia  Slocum  wrote  President  Ricketts
           stating  that  she would offer $100,000 for the construction of a
           dining hall. This hall was to be named after her nephew,  Russell
           Sage, Jr.
0          Eric and Margaret Jonsson
0               Eric Jonsson, a dedicated Rensselaer alumnus of the class of
           1922, and his wife  Margaret,  have  done  much  to  improve  the
           appearance  and facilities of RPI. Their first major contribution
           came in 1961 when they gave the school a gift which  led  to  the
           construction  of  the  Science  Center, on a 20 acre site of land
           that the school had just purchased from the Catholic Seminary  in
           1958.
0               The next major gift to Rensselaer was $2,600,000 toward  the
           construction  of  a  new  engineering  center.  The  initial cost
           estimate for the  building,  as  given  to  the  New  York  State
           Dormitory  Fund  on  4  March  1975,  was  $11,808,100. While the
           Dormitory Fund did cover some of it, a 30 year bond was taken  to
           cover most of the cost of the building. RPI intended to cover the
           bond with gifts, despite the annual payments of $202,000.
0               The  actual  groundbreaking  was to be initiated by Margaret
           Jonsson; however, she was in Dallas, Texas at the time.  A  small
           charge  was  set  up  to  be  detonated by a phone call that Mrs.
           Jonsson made . . . thus the term "dial-a-bomb"  came  to  be  the
           description of the event on 15 April 1975, at 11AM. The '86 Field
           became the "'43 Field", as construction equipment and much of the
           fill  that  was  excavated  for  the basement of the Center (4000
           cubic yards) was placed on the playing surface, cutting the field
           almost  precisely  in  half  down  the long axis. The half of the
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-          field which was buried with fill became known as  Mount  Fogarty;
           it was two stories tall. The Jonsson Engineering Center opened in
           August 1977, and became a center piece of the  "Rensselaer  2000"
           plan.
0          Alan Voorhees
0               The  Chapel became the school's second computer center, with
           the donations of  Alan  Voorhees  and  the  insistence  of  RPI's
           students.  In  1977 a study was completed detailing options for a
           new computer center, to replace the Amos Eaton facility and house
           the 'brand-new' IBM 3033 (see Myron in Tute Speak). The study was
+                                                 Tute Speak 
           to choose among three plans. The first two  proposals  sought  to
           build  the  center on top of or below the Armory Parking Lot. The
           third plan suggested renovating the Seminary  Chapel,  which  was
           empty as of the opening of the Folsom Library. The Chapel was not
           favored by either the architecture group doing the study, nor  by
           the  Trustees,  but a student referendum overwhelmingly chose the
           old church building as  the  site,  remarking  on  the  aesthetic
           beauty  of  the  Chapel  versus  yet another "high-tech" edifice.
           According  to  students  who  were  present  at  the  time  these
           decisions  were being made, the student referendum did not really
           amount to a hill of beans; the item which tipped  the  scales  in
           the  favour  of  the  Chapel  as  a  computer center was that the
           estimated cost of  the  Armory  computer  center  nearly  doubled
           between  the  initial cost estimates and the final decision. With
           Alan Voorhees' $3.4 million gift (the largest single donation  in
           RPI's   history)   the   Voorhees  Computing  Center  went  under
           construction. The center opened on 9 Oct 1979.
0               The   center   is  unique  in  that  a  small  building  was
           constructed inside the old chapel. To save energy costs, the heat
+                      inside 
           generated  by  the computer within keeps the building warm in the
           winter. The new IBM 3081D computer now resides in the basement of
           the VCC. Unfortunately, the new machine does not produce the heat
           that the 3033 did, and people were worried about the  possibility
           that  they  would  have  to  install a real heating system in the
           computer center; however, it turned out that  the  IBX  telephone
           system generates more heat on its own than the 3033 ever did. And
           since the IBX is housed in the VCC, heat is suddenly no  problem.
           Of  course,  the  air  conditioning systems have had to be beefed
           up . . .
0          Libraries
0               Libraries at RPI have always taken a back burner to the more
           pressing  needs  of  the  research and education departments. The
           first Rensselaer Library was in the  Main  Building  in  downtown
           Troy, which was instituted in 1864. When the Main Building burned
           down in 1893, the library was moved to the Alumni Building. After
           the  Pittsburgh  Building  was finished in 1912, it was chosen as
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-          the location of the new library. There the library remained until
           President  Ricketts  finished  Amos  Eaton  Hall,  in 1928, which
           became the Institute's fourth site for a library.
0               The  Amos  Eaton Hall served as a library until around 1961,
           when the Chapel and University Building were  purchased  by  RPI.
           The Chapel was 'renovated', and in the place of pews went library
           shelves. By 1965, the Chapel was the main library. The Amos Eaton
           building  became  the  Mathematics building, and housed the first
           real computing center at RPI. Here Fat Albert, Godot, Myron,  and
           other,  smaller, unnamed computers would later reside. The Chapel
           was a problem as a library, however,  as  its  useful  space  was
           quickly filled with shelving.
0               By the early 1970's, a referendum was under way to  increase
           library  space  on campus, as part of a national library drive on
           college campuses. It was during this turbulent  period  that  the
           question  of  expanding  the  Chapel  or  building a new library,
           probably on the site of the University  Building,  came  up.  The
           Institute's  president,  Richard  Folsom,  was quoted in the Troy
           Record on *.* as having said, "the last thing this  school  needs
           is  a  new  library . . ."  Despite  this,  a  new  building  was
           commissioned in the early 1970s.
0               The  Richard  Gilman  Folsom library was dedicated on 15 May
           1976. It cost $6,900,000, holds 500,000 volumes, is  composed  of
           10,000  cubic  yards  of  concrete,  and  seats  a maximum of 900
           students. The library is named after  the  twelfth  president  of
           RPI;  according to legend, it was so named as a final spit in the
           eye, since Folsom had kept the 'Tute from having a library for so
           long.  The  ground  breaking  ceremony  was held in the spring of
           1973. It is a fine library for a school  that  has  traditionally
           shunned vaults for its texts.
0                            A History of Computing at RPI
+                            A History of Computing at RPI
-                                 Buildings which Move
+                                 Buildings which Move
0               Since you have been on this campus for  a  while,  you  have
           doubtless  heard of the existance of several buildings which are,
           to quote the vernacular, "sliding down the hill  into  Troy".  If
           you  are  like  the  average  Tute  student,  however, you do not
           believe these stories at all. There are such buildings,  however;
           what  follows  is  a list of them, how they were discovered to be
           moving, and what, if anything, is being done about it.
0          Walker Labs
0               Contrary to its name, Walker Lab is  the  only  building  on
           campus  which  is absolutely, positively, not moving. It is built
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-          on the only outcropping of bedrock which appeared on  the  entire
           lower  campus,  and  is  generally  used  as  the reference point
           against which all other building movement is measured.
0          West Hall
0               West Hall is built on a section of the  hill  which  is,  in
           fact,  unstable.  This  was discovered many years ago, when Civil
           Engineers actually had lab classes in the use of the transit  and
           other  surveying instruments. Every two years, a class of juniors
           and seniors would go out and survey the campus. One year, a  Civ.
           E.  professor  downgraded  an  entire  section  because  they had
           measured West Hall as being six inches further down the hill than
           it  had  been  two  years before. The section protested, claiming
           that their measurements were accurate,  and  insisting  that  the
           professor  check  them  for  himself. The professor did this, and
           discovered that, in fact, West Hall was seven inches further down
           the  hill  than  it  had  been two years earlier. Going back over
           earlier surveys, he also found that this represented a trend.
0               The  professor  did not, of course, change the grade that he
           gave the section.  After  all,  they  had  still  put  the  wrong
           position down on the map.
0               There is an engineering solution to every problem, and  this
           one  was  no  exception.  The  problem  was,  the  land under the
           building was shifting, and there was not (and  still  isn't)  any
           way to stop the earth from moving. So, long steel cables were run
           underground through tunnels and tied to the  foundations  of  the
           Sage  boiler  room. Legend has it that there were originally four
           cables, and that only three remain, one of them having  been  cut
           through long ago by student dissidents.
0          The Folsom Library
0               There  were  two  blunders  made when the Folsom Library was
           built. First, the  building  was  originally  designed  with  the
           floors  bowed  upwards,  with  the  intent that the weight of the
           books would bow the floors back to level, and slightly stress the
           walls.  The idea was that this would make the building as a whole
           more durable. Of course the construction crew  didn't  understand
           this concept, and the building was built with level floors, which
           are now bowed slightly downward with the weight of the books.
0               Next,  another  architect  calculated the necessary capacity
           for the foundation without realizing  that  the  building  was  a
           library. Because of this, no allowance was made for the weight of
           the books within the building. Books, as you probably  know  from
           carrying  them to and from class, are heavy, with the result that
           the entire building is on its way into Troy. The  land  formation
           which  the library was built on, however, is much more solid than
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-          the soil under West Hall, and it has  been  calculated  that  the
           library  will  be  about due for replacement by the time that the
           subsidence starts causing trouble  with  awkward  slopes  on  the
           plaza  between  it  and  the  VCC. However, the one inch per year
           subsidence rate may cause the library elevator to become  useless
           by 1986, due to the shaft going out of true.
0          The Communications Center
0               The  Communications  Center  was built on two different land
           masses. The 15th Street end is solidly on bed rock,  and  is  not
           about  to  go  anywhere; the end nearest the JEC is resting on an
           old river bed, and is slowly sinking into the mud.  This  is  not
           instantly  apparent,  unless  one looks in the tunnel between the
           JEC and the CC (which is available to anybody who  knows  how  to
           get  down to the first floor of either building). In this tunnel,
           there is an expansion joint, which was level when the tunnel  was
           built. Needless to say, it is no longer level.
0               Again, the subsidence rate is minimal, and it will  be  many
           many  years before the walkway to the JEC falls down. A much more
           worrisome problem to those of us in the CC is that  the  building
           may break in half, due to the uneven settling. Cracks are already
           appearing in the  building,  which  will  be  aggravated  by  the
           construction  of  the  CII;  and  doors  in the CC have had to be
           rehung because of the doorframes changing shape.
0               As if the CC's cup of woe did not already run over, the 15th
           Street end of the building was built on  top  of  an  underground
           stream.  This  stream  was  not  completely  blocked off when the
           building was constructed, and still tries to flow into the  place
           where  the  building  is. This becomes evident in the air handler
           building just uphill from the CC, where the stream  runs  in  and
           enters  the air system, and on the first floor of the CC directly
           under the loading dock,  which  floods  regularly  every  spring,
           despite the best (?) efforts of Physical Facilities.
0          The 15th St. Lounge (the Playhouse)
0               The  Playhouse  was originally purchased from the U.S. Army,
           for the sum of one dollar. (Or so tradition  has  it.)  The  Army
           then  moved  it,  at  their  own  expense,  by  truck, from North
           Carolina, to put it in its present location. Since that time,  it
           has  not  moved  much;  it  has  been renovated, but that did not
           entail moving it at all.
0          The Hirsch Observatory
0               The Hirsch Observatory originally  housed  one  medium-sized
           telescope which was used by the Astronomy Club for practice using
           the sort of equipment which  existed  in  the  real  world  (i.e.
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-          outside  of  RPI). When Generous Electric donated another, better
           telescope in 1982, a second dome was built to house it, since  it
           was  felt  that  the  process of replacing the original telescope
           with the new one would cost  more  than  simply  building  a  new
           mounting system and putting the new telescope onto it.
0               The observatory  immediately  became  known  as  the  "Dolly
           Parton  Observatory"  for  rather obvious reasons. As a matter of
           fact, as a prank, a group of students painted the  tops  of  both
           domes  red,  added red plastic buckets to the structure, and then
           covered the entire thing with  a  "brassiere"  made  out  of  bed
           sheets.
0               The Observatory was on the site which was destined to become
           the  New  York State Center for Industrial Innovation (NYSCII, or
           just CII to us illiterate types), and so it had to be  moved.  Of
           course,  this  would  jar  the  rather delicate mechanisms of the
           telescopes. So, it was decided to move only the  dome  containing
           the  more  recent  of  the two telescopes, the one donated by GE.
           This dome now lives on top of the Science Center.
0          Most Other Campus Buildings
0               Most of the buildings on campus are, in fact,  sinking  into
           the mud. For instance, something went wrong with the footings for
           the Jonsson Engineering Center; a test footing was dug up  during
           construction,  and was found to have bulged out in all directions
           instead of continuing on down to bedrock  as  it  had  originally
           been  intended  to  do.  Because of this, there are twice as many
           footings as had originally been planned, which is the main reason
           why  there  are  so  many  pillars  in inconvenient places in the
           building. While it doesn't seem to  have  affected  the  building
           much,  there  are  many who would say that a building the size of
           the JEC with the foundation which it seems  to  have  would  fall
           down  in  ten  years.  The building was built less than ten years
           ago; perhaps this prediction will turn out  to  be  true.  It  is
           perhaps  worthy  of  note  that only 3/4 of the building ever got
           finished,  and  that  architects  called  in  to  determine   the
           feasibility of adding the missing 1/4 claimed that it couldn't be
           done.
0               Cogswell Labs are built on a normal, for RPI, land mass, and
           so will probably fall down at some time in the far future.  There
           is  gradual subsidence, and the walls are cracking; no structural
           damage has been done yet, but that says nothing for the future.
0               The  Materials  Research  Center  was built on two different
           land masses which are subsiding at different  rates.  The  entire
           building  was  built with an expansion joint in the middle of it,
           and of course, the expansion joint has expanded. What more  needs
           be  said?  The  only  thing  which  is  keeping  the buiding from
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-          breaking in half is that the architect designed  it  so  that  it
           would bend rather than breaking. Another story is that there is a
           law which states that a single building cannot be built from  two
           different  sources  of  federal funds, and the expansion joint is
           part of  what  makes  the  building  into  two  legally  separate
           buildings.  Each  half of the building does have a plaque stating
           that the building to which it is attached was provided through  a
           different  source.  However,  it is still true that the expansion
           joint has expanded.
0               The  most stable buildings on campus are: the Quad, which is
           very small and light as buildings go, and is also  built  on  bed
           rock;  the  Armory  (or the Alumni Sports and Recreation Center),
           which was built by the Army, and so is ten  or  twelve  times  as
           strong  as  it  needs  to be; the Field House, which has no walls
           except the outside four, and so tends to not weigh down the earth
           very  much;  and  the  Freshman  Dorms, Hall, Cary, Crockett, and
           Bray, which were  built  as  ten-year  temporary  buildings  some
           thirty years ago. Curiously enough, Nason and Warren Halls, which
           were built to the same pattern as  15  year  temporary  buildings
           sone  20  years  ago,  are  beginning  to fall apart; and Nugent,
           Davison, and Sharp Halls have been plagued with various  troubles
           ever  since  they  were built. These three dorms were, of course,
           built as permanent residence facilities.
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                            Student Rights, Lefts and Others
+                           Student Rights, Lefts and Others
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+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
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+                            Not the Student Bill of Rights
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0                                       Security
+                                       Security
0               One   of   the   least   understood   departments   in   the
           Administration is that of Campus Security. Located in the Visitor
           Information Center, Security holds a location central to most  of
           the campus.
0               Security is basically hired security officers,  employed  by
           the Institute, with no more legal rights to enforce laws than any
           citizen. They are not allowed to carry weapons, and have not  got
           the  legal  power that police do. However, the Institute has been
           actively trying to upgrade their power and authority for  several
           years. Most of the actions have been blocked by Troy residents as
           well as the students at RPI, for fear of stronger control of  the
           legal process by the school in regards to students.
0               Security does provide some useful services to students, such
           as  help  with recovery of stolen property and damage to personal
           belongings. They are constantly trying to make the  campus  aware
           of  crime prevention techniques, and are actively working to make
           the campus safer to traverse at night, still a major problem  for
           the women at RPI. Their response time, however, is a little weak,
           taking around ten minutes to respond to  an  on-campus  call  for
           assistance. Still, they are a little more friendly than the local
           police force, mostly because they are Tute employees.
0                          Computer Morals and Ethics at RPI
+                          Computer Morals and Ethics at RPI
0               It is the  policy  of  RPI  to  provide  the  best  possible
           computing  facility to the administration (and others too). It is
           also RPI policy to restrict the user. In order for these policies
           to  be  successful  it  is  essential  that  the users themselves
           observe reasonable standards of behavior  in  the  use  of  these
           facilities, as in any other aspect of their lives.
0               Computing at RPI has become a part of almost every student's
           academic  life.  This  has resulted in a set of "Computer Ethics"
           which are more  accurately  termed  "computer  morals."  Not  the
+                                                                   Not  the
           Handbook  has  thoughtfully  rewritten  them so that the biblical
+          Handbook 
           signifigance may be better felt by the computer user.
0          The Ten Commandments of ITS
0          1.   Sybil  is  the computer thy mainframe and thou shalt have no
                computers before her.
           2.   Thou shalt not take the name of Sybil  in  vain,  for  Sybil
                shall  remember,  and  shall  not submit the projects of him
                that has.
           3.   Remember minimum priority,  to  keep  it  holy.  For  normal
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+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-               priority  is  the  sabbath of the administration, in it thou
                shalt do no work.
           4.   Thou shalt not read nor use the  private  files  of  others,
                neither change nor delete them.
           5.   Thou  shalt  not use an account for purposes other than that
                for which its funds are allocated.
           6.   There is no number six.
           7.   Thou shalt not violate property  rights  nor  copyrights  in
                data nor computer programs.
           8.   Thou  shalt  not  modify  software  components nor operating
                systems, nor compilers, nor utility routines, nor etc.
           9.   Thou shalt not attempt  to  modify  computer  equipment  nor
                peripherals.
           10.  Thou  shalt not covet thy neighbour's account, neither shalt
                thou covet his password, nor his disk pages, nor  his  files
                nor his access, nor anything that is thy neighbour's.
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+                                Student Bureaucracies
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   17
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-               This chapter will touch on the organizations, or offices  in
           the  lingo of the Administration, that concern student activities
           outside of the classroom.
0                            Office of the Dean of Students
+                            Office of the Dean of Students
0               A Dean's Notice is one of the few pieces of mail  that  will
           put  the  fear  of transferring to another school into a student.
           The  Dean's  office   is   well   known   as   the   "Office   of
           Procrastination",  and many people who have dealt with it suggest
           that you meet their challenge by waiting them out, perhaps beyond
           graduation.
0               The Office of Minority Students has  been  absorbed  by  the
           Dean's  Office,  as  well  as  the  Women's  Affairs  Office. All
           academic or social problems that concern more  than  one  student
           are usually delt with by the Office of the Dean of Students.
0                                   Learning Center
+                                   Learning Center
0               The  Learning  Center  was  originated  as  a service by the
           Office of Minority Students, but after the OMS  was  absorbed  by
           the  Dean of Students Office the service became availible for any
           undergraduate student. In some ways the fact that this  was  done
           shortly  after  the  Center was discovered to be working seems to
           indicate that the Dean of Students Office  didn't  expect  it  to
           succeed.  None  of  the  above,  however, tells you all that much
           about the Learning Center. The Learning  Center  exists  to  help
           people  improve their grades by giving them assistance and advice
           concerning  studying,  classwork,  etc.  This  generally  implies
           tutors, which are paid for by RPI, although advice on how to best
           get one's work done is useful as well.
0                                  Counselling Center
+                                  Counselling Center
0               The Counselling Center is located on the second floor of the
           Union,  and  is  staffed  by a very competent and caring group of
           people under the direction of Dr. Joe Albert. The center tries to
           assist  students  in  overcoming  emotional  crises: depressions,
           suicide attempts,  and  other  shattering  mental  problems.  The
           Counselling  Center  is  responsible for the mental health of the
           students at RPI, as opposed to the Infirmary,  which  deals  more
           with the physical aspects of various illnesses.
0               Among the problems which Doc Albert is called upon  to  cure
           are  one  very  common  in the outside world, namely: Why can't I
+                                                                Why can't I
           ever get a date?, and one which is peculiar  to  institutes  like
+          ever get a date? 
           RPI, MIT, and Cal Tech, namely: How can I stop being a hacker and
+                                          How can I stop being a hacker and
           start talking to people again?
+          start talking to people again?
0
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9          18    00:42:32 18 September
-               The  center  is  also  in many ways home for certain awkward
           social groups on campus, such as the Women's  Concern  group  and
           the  Lambda  Alliance  at RPI. These groups of people meet in the
           center regularly to discuss aspects of their  lifestyles  in  the
           attempt  to  bring  them  closer  to  the stability that they all
           desire. The Women's Group  deals  with  the  issues  of  being  a
           feminist  in  a  mostly  male  dominated  world,  while  the LAAR
           concerns itself with gay lifestyles in  a  heterosexual  society.
           The center offers these groups anonymity from other students that
           might deal harshly (or violently) with the attitudes of the group
           members.
0                                         NEAR
+                                         NEAR
0               NEAR  deals  more  with  immediate  crisis  calls  than with
           ongoing problems. Located within the IPAC camp, NEAR handles  any
           troubled  students by talking to them and helping them to resolve
           conflicts in their minds. NEAR's slogan  encourages  students  to
           give  them  a  call if they are upset about a breakup, bad grade,
           problem at home, anything at all. And, if you  can  remember  the
           name,  you also know the phone number. If you need them, they are
           irreplaceable.
0                                         IPAC
+                                         IPAC
0               The Information and Personal Assistance Center  used  to  be
           the  best  source of obscure information on campus. However, more
           recently it has centered on personal aid for  distressed  people,
           and thus the "trivia source" it once was has diminished to almost
           a whimper. Still, they can usually tell you when and  where  your
           test  will  be, and how many steps there are on the Approach, but
           don't expect them to know what the Modern Classroom Facility is.
0               In  case  you're wondering, the Modern Classroom Facility is
           the official name of the Communications Center.
0                                  Chaplain's Office
+                                  Chaplain's Office
0               Father Gary is probably the most liberal Catholic  known  to
           the  Church. He had almost completed his training as a Rabbi when
           he "saw the light", as he would rather  we  didn't  put  it,  and
           entered  training  for  the  priesthood.  As a result, perhaps of
           this, he doesn't take his  own  religion  as  seriously  as  most
           priests do; and he can easily understand that, perhaps, your view
           of how the universe is held  together  does  not  exactly  follow
           accepted dogma.
0               To give you some idea of Father Gary's views  on  the  world
           would  probably  take  a  book  the  size  of  Not the Rensselaer
+                                                         Not the Rensselaer
           Handbook. However, just to give you the very bare  bones  of  his
+          Handbook 
           outlook, Father Gary is reigning Meanest Man On Campus; he ran as
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   19
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-          Pope Obnoxious the First, and claimed responsibility for the  two
           snowstorms which destroyed GM week during his campaign.
0                                   Health Services
+                                   Health Services
0               The   Gallagher  Memorial  Infirmary  is  one  of  the  most
           terrifying places to spend a few days known to man. Not that  the
           medical  services  are poor, or the staff excessively unfriendly,
           it is just that the place can give you the creeps.
0               The  first  thing  that most students will see when entering
           the Infirmary (during "Sick Call") is  a  waiting  room  full  of
           people  with various ailments, all with thermometers sticking out
           of their mouths. This  is  because  the  long-standing  Infirmary
           policy  has  been  that  everyone,  but everyone, who goes to the
           infirmary should have their temperature taken; this even includes
           salesmen  who want to see the doctor. While people are waiting to
           be looked at seems  to  be  the  most  convenient  time  for  all
           involved.  Signing  in  is  the  most  important thing to do upon
           entering the Infirmary for treatment, for until this is done,  no
           help  will  be offered (except in dire emergencies, in which case
           the student will be sent  to  Samaritan  Hospital  by  Rensselaer
           Rescue anyway). Then a number must be taken, and a long wait will
           then begin. The reason for this is simple: a minimal staff.
0               If  the dreaded happens, and one of the doctors decides that
           you must stay overnight, then the nightmare begins. You must wear
           a smock, and spend your night in the hideous Infirmary Beds which
           are designed to keep you in a prone  position.  The  night  nurse
           will  all most certainly wake you up, just after you finally fall
           asleep, to  give  you  some  medication;  if  you  are  extremely
           fortunate,  it  will  not  be a sleeping pill. You will, however,
           have your temperature taken every four hours, all night long.  If
           you are not restricted to bed, then you can spend your daytime in
           the lounge, watching TV (commercial, ack!) or  puttering  around.
           Only  the  truly  clever  bring homework, and most everyone falls
           behind, after even a  few  days.  Of  course,  contact  with  the
           outside  world  is minimal, at best. Visiting hours are slim, and
           for patients with mono, almost nil.
+                            ____ 
0               The  most common ailments that put students in overnight are
           overdrinking and  mononucleosis.  Alcohol  poisoning  is  a  very
           popular sport at RPI, and during the first couple of weeks, it is
           very common among freshmen. Apparently,  in  past  years  it  has
           quite  often  happened  that  freshmen  thinking  about  pledging
           fraternities have been  "over-entertained"  by  over-enthusiastic
           houses. The result is usually some poor freshman being pulled out
           of the gutter and into the hospital. Opinions  are  mixed  as  to
           which of the two places is more dangerous. Since the drinking age
           in New York has been raised to 21, this  problem  seems  to  have
           been  somewhat  alleviated.  Mono  seems  to hit twenty or thirty
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9          Student Bureaucracies
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9          20    00:42:32 18 September
-          people a week, mostly around test  time.  The  average  student's
           immunities  start  failing  around the time of greatest pressure,
           and mono is easily picked up  in  the  cramped  quarters  of  the
           dorms,  again,  especially  amongst  freshmen. Mono is almost the
           death sentence to a student's GPA, for the average  stay  in  the
           Infirmary is four weeks.
0                                    Financial Aid
+                                    Financial Aid
0               The  Financial  Aid  Office  is  a  perfect  example  of  an
           organization which follows the rules of diminishing returns. Your
           aid,  that  is.  In  effect, the Financial Aid Office decides the
           fate of students more soundly and with less mercy than any  other
           part  of  the  student bureaucracies at RPI. The common ground at
           RPI, supposedly, is academic standing,  but  in  reality,  it  is
           economic standing.
0               There are  several  tricks  that  the  Aid  Office  uses  to
           encourage  incoming  enrollment.  Most  of  these  are  gifts and
           grants, which the entering student  believes  will  be  available
           throughout  his  stay.  Little  does the prospective student know
           that these are  only  for  incoming  freshmen . . .  each  year's
           incoming  freshmen.  In reality, aid does decrease yearly, and as
           one approaches graduation, it becomes harder  to  get  and  keep,
           even if one's academic standing is excellent.
0               More students are running out of money these days  than  are
           flunking  out. The most common pattern seems to be that a student
           enters thinking that he  will  be  able  to  get  enough  aid  to
           survive.  He  then  totally exhausts the family fortunes, driving
           his entire family into bankruptcy by the  end  of  his  sophomore
           year,  or  the  middle  of  his junior year. The poor kid then is
           dragged home, and his parents can never again afford a university
           eduction for him anywhere.
0               Impoverished students seem to have  the  misconception  that
           they  will  be able to work their way through college. If you are
           one of these, our only advice to  you  is  to  forget  it.  There
           aren't  enough  jobs  here in Troy for the resident Trojans; what
           makes you think they're going to hire you? You're just a  knurdy,
           snot-nosed  college  kid. The best job you can expect is at about
           the level of dishwasher at Holmes and Watson. Since Tute  demands
           that  you finish up in ten years, and since it will take you four
           years of work there to accumulate enough money for  one  semester
           at RPI, you might as well give up now and not waste time that you
           could spend at home, collecting Welfare.
0                                    Writing Center
+                                    Writing Center
0               The Writing Center is probably one of the  least  used,  yet
           most   helpful   student   services  on  campus.  Most  of  RPI's
9
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   21
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-          illustrious undergraduates are reasonably competent with literary
           skills,  Not  the Handbook aside, but still they leave much to be
+                   Not  the Handbook 
           desired when compared  to  liberal  arts  colleges.  The  center,
           located  in  Sage  5308,  will help students with resumes, report
           layouts, thesis preparation,  and  will  point  students  in  the
           direction  of  writing  aids  suitable  for  the assignment being
           pursued by the bewildered writer. They also will give  consulting
           on  using digital text processors, such as *FORMAT & *TEXTFORM on
           MTS. However, technical problems concerning these programs should
           be addressed to OCS Consulting, in the VCC.
0                                 Student Orientation
+                                 Student Orientation
0               Student  Orientation  exists  largely to give its organizers
           the first crack at  meeting  and  dating  the  incoming  freshmen
           women.  This may seem overly cynical, but it is difficult to find
           other reasons for the participation of many of its male advisors.
           On  the  other  hand,  it  does  quite effectively teach accepted
           students many important things, such as the  fact  that  it  will
           take  significant  effort to learn the organization of the campus
           (this is merely an example).
0               SO,  which  was once known as Freshman Orientation until the
           acronym (FO) became too much of a joke, is a good idea in theory,
           but rather limited in practice. SO Counsellers are not allowed to
           express themselves, unless they carry the same attitudes  as  the
           Administration. This results in a lot of holes in the information
           that can be provided by SO advisors. SO does attempt,  with  some
           success, to integrate the incoming freshmen into what should be a
           studious and ambitious lifestyle at RPI. They try to  get  people
           to  learn to deal with the roommate(s), the ratio, and classwork,
           but over the space of a few days, the enormity of the task can be
           considerably  more  than  the  average freshman can endure. After
           all, they all want to just play during SO.
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+                                  Academic Protocol
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   23
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-          Everything you wanted to know about the Administration
+          Everything you wanted to know about the Administration
                               ...but were afraid to ask
+                              ...but were afraid to ask
0               It  is a fact that every RPI student, in his or her academic
           career, will have  to  travel  several  times  up  and  down  the
           dangerous  steps  that  lead  to  the  entrance  of  "The Pitts".
           Learning how to deal with this bureaucratic ordeal can be one  of
           the  most  important  steps  one  can  take towards achieving the
           penultimate goal, that is, getting a diploma. This  chapter  will
           deal  with  the problems and realities of registration, attending
           classes and exams, recovering from receiving  your  report  card,
           and  how  to keep on one's academic feet. Admittedly, not an easy
           task.
0                                     Registration
+                                     Registration
0               Registration is the act of telling the school, in as  simple
           terms  as  is  possible,  exactly which courses you, the student,
           wish to take during a semester. "But," says the registrar,  "THAT
           would  be  too  much  like  work  for  my office!" In fact, it is
           interesting to note  that  at  RPI,  so  few  majors  even  offer
           alternate,  or elective courses, as they are more commonly known,
+                         elective 
           that  the  act  of  registration  is  often  simply  an  show  of
           submission,  indicating to the school that the student once again
           has given over to the Administration all vestiges of free will in
           matters  of his life. Of course, at that point, the student finds
           the registration process little more than a tiring  paper-pushing
           exercise,  and  no  fun at all. This has become decidedly more so
           since the new "fill-in-the-dots"  registration  form  arrived  in
           Spring 1984.
0               Any documents which the Registrar would  be  interested  in,
           such  as registration forms and Add/Drop cards, must be signed by
           your advisor. So, without a  doubt,  one  of  the  highlights  of
           registration is finding out who one's advisor is. After that, the
           processes of actually determining if that person is still  alive,
           and  if so, then where and when he might be approached are merely
           trivial exercises. Many frantic  students  can  be  seen  rushing
           about  with  add/drop forms dangling from their mouths, wild-eyed
           in anticipation of catching  the  intrepid  advisor  in  an  idle
           moment.  The  actual  sighting of advisors can bring a student to
           tears,  and  some  students,  in  their  excitement,  have   even
           masticated the all-important add/drop form, much to their horror!
           Needless to say, there can be obstacles to getting  forms  signed
           even  if  one  finds one's advisor. The advisor may, if diligent,
           insist on taking full records of your planned  course  load.  And
           heaven forbid you interrupt a coffee break.
0                              Class Attendance and Exams
+                              Class Attendance and Exams
0
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9          24    00:42:32 18 September
-               So little is really known about how to attend classes that a
           large amount of research could be carried out on  the  topic.  It
           could  cover  a  detailed discussion on how to sleep in, skip out
           and in general, ignore classes, but this really of little use  to
           RPI  students,  as  they almost instinctively know how to do this
           without any help at all. Besides, nearly  everyone  has  his  own
           individual  method. If you are looking for a quick excuse to skip
           classes, please skip ahead to the Chapter of Lists, which  has  a
           fine  set  of both reasons to punt classes and excuses to give to
           your TA.
0               Actually,  why  should  a  student attend class? Well, for a
           start, a large part of a student's tuition goes toward paying the
           professor  to  show  up  and  mutter  into a microphone about the
           motion of an  object  through  N  dimensions,  usually  in  words
           directly  out of the text. Besides, if you absolutely cannot read
           anything in print, then a lecture might actually get the gist  of
           the  class  subject across  . . . assuming that the instructor in
           fact speaks intelligible American English.
0               This  philosophy  is  even  more evident when applied to the
           subject of attending exams, for very obvious reasons.  It  should
           be  noted that at RPI, one does not have to take "tests"; rather,
           one is subjected to "quizzes", which almost always  require  more
           time to finish (and on rare occasions  . . . to simply read) than
           is allowed. On top of  this  hardship  is  the  timing  of  these
           measurements   of  academic  ability.  It  is  not  uncommon  for
           upperclassmen to be taking two or three tests  in  one  day.  The
           helpless  freshmen must rise before the sun on F-Test days to get
           to their "quizzes."  It  seems  like  a  lot  of  work  for  some
           pitifully small numbers, but these values sum up to the value the
           "real world" (i.e. parents, potential employers, even peers) uses
           to rate your existence.
0               Since exams are a hefty percentage of everyone's QPA at RPI,
           a  description  of what to take to an exam is a very useful piece
           of information that many students are very unfamiliar with. A few
           sensible  items  include  pens,  pencils,  erasers,  paper  and a
           calculator. Clearly, these elements of test taking are  the  most
           critical,  so  don't  buy  cheap.  Carry  backups,  just like the
           astronauts do, because taking an exam is  a  lot  like  being  in
           space; you must survive this dark vacuum by your wits alone, with
           assistance only from whatever tools you have brought in with you.
           Mechanical  pencils are the best bet at RPI, because every pencil
           sharpener at the Tute is somebody's private property and will  be
           on the wrong side of a locked door when you most need it.
0               As for calculators, well, everyone wishes he had an HP-41CX,
           but  life is full of hardships. You might just have to settle for
           a TI-30, but in most cases, that  will  do.  It  certainly  won't
           matter  what  kind of calculator you have if it runs out of power
9
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   25
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-          in the middle of the test. Calculator Death is one  of  the  most
           common reasons Tute students fail tests . . . when their "plastic
           pals who are fun to  be  with"  fail  them,  their  minds  become
           catatonic.  So,  carry  extra  batteries or a wall plug or even a
           portable generator. This is your grade, hockey puck!
+                                           _____ 
0               The  aforementioned  tools  are,  of  course,  essential  to
           succeeding on tests. However, there  are  other  items  that  one
           could  bring  that might provide that extra edge to help overcome
           test anxiety, or at least amuse yourself while  waiting  for  the
           test  time  to  end.  First on Not the Handbook's list is food. A
+                                         Not the Handbook 
           wide category, we admit, but there are right  foods  to  take  to
           tests,  and  there  are wrong foods. Beware anything that becomes
           inedible after sitting on the table for more than an  hour.  Junk
           food  is  the  most  popular  stuff found at tests, for it cannot
           spoil, and it usually has  certain  stimulating  effects  on  the
           mind,  as  well  as  stimulating cancer in the stomach. Twinkies,
           Ding Dongs, hetohs and Doritos lead  the  pack.  Sodas,  such  as
           Coke,   Pepsi  (the  commonest  outpouring  of  the  campus  soda
           machines), Mountain Dew (the campus king of caffeine)  and  Hires
           can  cut  through  the  driest test throat. If you are in need of
           serious stimulation, or are so totally beyond help that being  at
           the test is not going to make a significant impact on your grade,
           then drinks like beer, vodka or even Jack  Daniels  might  be  in
           order.  Beware,  some  test proctors are not going to like seeing
           you drunk, unless you are willing to share.
0               There is a second category of items to take to tests that is
           almost an art. This is the category of items whose  sole  purpose
           is  to  either  soothe  the  test-taker's  fears,  or  to totally
           bewilder the teaching assistants. Our personal favorite  item  is
           the  stuffed  animal,  be  it  a  teddy bear, a tribble or even a
           leather penguin. These little critters will provide something  to
           hold  onto,  even  during  the  worst tests. They provide a great
           buffer from test shock.
0               A  third  appeal  to insanity is to bring a photo of a great
           scientist or mathematician to the test, setting the photo on your
           table  or  placing  it in your shirt pocket with the image facing
           out, and telling the  TA  that  you  now  have  an  authoritative
           intellectual  "looking  over your test". You can't go wrong, some
           people swear by this.
0               Another popular idea is dressing in a way which demonstrates
           your lack of fear,  or  of  common  sense  when  taking  a  test.
           Bathrobes,  dark sunglasses, suits of armor and the like are very
           effective. Remember, the main idea here is to confuse your  peers
           and  the  TA's  in the hopes of altering the probabilities on the
           curve.
0
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9          Academic Protocol
;
9
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9          26    00:42:32 18 September
-               As  sort of a final word on test taking, Not the Staff feels
+                                                        Not the Staff 
           that the best item to take to a test is still Some Idea of How to
+                                                        Some Idea of How to
           Answer  the  Questions. This seems to work the best, but we still
+          Answer  the  Questions 
           don't know why.
0               When  taking  tests,  people  leaving early are always a bad
           sign. If you are sitting in a three-hour exam, for instance,  and
           somebody  gets  up  after  half  an  hour, hands his test in, and
           leaves, this generally means one of two  things.  Either  he  has
           realised  that  the  test  is trivial, which means that you don't
+                                                                  you 
           know what you're doing; or else, that the test is impossible, and
           he  has  quit  while he is ahead. In either case, he is obviously
           smarter than you are.
0                                     The C Vortex
+                                     The C Vortex
0               A word or two is in order concerning  the  nature  of  these
           things known as grades. Few numbers at RPI will be more arbitrary
           than these. It will seem that the values placed on  test  scores,
           computer   projects   and   even  class  attendance  are  totally
           ridiculous.  They  will  only  become  clear  if  you  understand
           something very basic about grading at Rensselaer.
0               The Curve, or as we like to think of it, the "C" Vortex,  is
+                                                            ___ ______ 
           the  root  fault.  In large classes, for example, the instructors
           will be attempting, whenever they make a test up, to insure  that
           the  grades  achieved  will fit nicely into a curve like this: 5%
           with F's, 10% with D's, 70% with C's, 10% with B's  and  5%  with
           A's.  If  this  doesn't  work  out, then our friend the arbitrary
           constant will be added to the grades to bring them in  line  with
           these goals. In Math classes, there may also be multiplication by
           a different arbitrary constant,  just  to  prove  that  the  Math
           department can do arithmetic better than anybody else.
0               Many of you might be thinking to yourselves, "Hey,  this  is
           bogus!"  Think  again.  Look  over  your old physics course work;
           compare it with what the rest of your  class  did.  Examine  your
           efforts in relation to others while you take Engineering Courses.
           Think on this: Are you really doing anything all that much better
           than  anybody else? Eventually you will see a pattern that spells
           "2.0" for your QPA.  Keep  this  in  mind  when  explaining  your
           performance to the P & M. It is the curse of the curve.
0                   What happens if you do fall out of the C Vortex?
+                   What happens if you do fall out of the C Vortex?
0               Most  RPI  student  quickly  discover  a basic fact of life,
           getting good grades is not as easy at  RPI  as  it  was  in  high
           school.  In  fact,  you may already have become aware of Academic
           Probation, either through being on it yourself, or through having
           a  friend  on it. You already know how to get on probation, or if
           you don't, you at least know where to look it up.
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   27
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-               If  you  do  get  put  on  probation, it isn't the end. Many
           people have led full and useful academic lives after being put on
           probation.  Probation  has no permanent effect on you, and should
           not substantially change your daily lifestyle. What it  primarily
           means  is that you should think about going and getting some help
           with your studies. The Learning Center is a good choice.  If  you
           are  pledging  a  fraternity,  perhaps you should talk to some of
           your brothers. Most of them will  have  taken  the  same  courses
           which  are  giving  you  such problems. Some may even have passed
           them. If you are in a club, slack off a bit more.
0               If  you  are a freshman, probation is a warning that perhaps
           RPI is not the school for you. If you persist in your  folly  and
           remain  on  probation  for  your  second semester, you are almost
           guaranteed a puntogram. The options listed above are  still  open
+                       _________ 
           to you, if you feel that you really can make a place for yourself
           at the Tute. Don't be shy about  asking  people  for  help,  they
           remember how it was.
0               If, however, you are a senior, or if you have  other  things
           going  for  you  (like,  for  instance,  a parent on the Board of
           Trustees, or rich parents who can afford to put you  through  RPI
           without  the  benefit  of financial aid), you may get a reprieve.
           This is a letter which says that you can come back  to  RPI  next
           semester,  with  the understanding that you will be on probation,
           and if you are unable to get off probation at  the  end  of  that
           semester, you really will get the great big boot.
0               This time, they really are serious.
0               Most  of the letters you get about being put on or taken off
           probation will be from the Department  of  Academic  Begging  and
           Pleading,  also  known as Academic Advising. This is a department
           which is almost entirely concerned  with  finding  out  the  real
           reason   why   you   are   doing   so  poorly,  and  unlike  most
           bureaucracies, is actually open to reason. The primary reason for
           its  open-mindedness is that it is virtually owned by one man. It
           could even be said that the Committee on Academic Standing  lives
           in  his pocket. If you genuinely think you can do better, or that
           you have been shafted by the administration, you really should go
           talk  to  this  man,  because  not  only  can he help, he is even
           willing to try for you.
0                                     Flunking In
+                                     Flunking In
0               One of the phrases that  is  common  with  RPI  students  is
           flunking  in.  What this means is that your grades are too low to
+          ________  __ 
           transfer to another school of similar caliber to RPI. Admittedly,
           you  will  always  be  able  to  use  your grades to get into the
           smaller community colleges, but this may not meet  with  approval
           from  P  &  M. This happens to lots of people, perhaps as many as
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9          28    00:42:32 18 September
-          seventy percent of Tute students. It is just one of the realities
           of  attending  Rensselaer.  Your  grades  are posted on a sliding
           scale which rewards only a select few at the top.
0               There is very little that you can do about flunking in. This
           is a trap which you have been caught in thanks to way RPI chooses
           to  grade  you.  In  attempting  to  avoid  grade inflation, many
           professors will deliberately curtail the number of  grades  above
           'C'  level  which  are given out. However, other schools to which
           you would like to transfer do not take into account the fact that
           a 'C' from RPI is at least as difficult as an 'A' from many other
           universities.
0               There  is  little  that  students  can  do to overcome the C
+                                                                          _
           Vortex, save for the J-Board case in the Spring of 1985, where  a
+          ______ 
           student had a ruling which called for a grade change. Needless to
           say, there was and still  is  a  considerable  uproar  over  this
           poitical  avenue for grade enhancement. Realistically, RPI is not
           going to get any easier.
0                                Not the Grading System
+                                Not the Grading System
-              A   - fictional grade.
0              B   - Dean's  List  minimum. Keeps the financial aid just out
                     of reach for most students . . .
0              C   - Engineering average, otherwise known as the "C" Vortex.
                     The typical grade of 70% of most students. Keeps you in
                     through 8 semesters.
0              CD  - Calculator Died during final.
0              D   - Passing. As the old adage says, "D equals P."
0              F   - Foom. Your tuition money, that is.
0              FA  - Faulty  Administrators. Your grade is missing, probably
                     because you were missing from your class all  semester,
                     so  they  give you this grade instead of admitting that
                     they lost the drop card.
0              FO  - Failed  due to oversleeping on day of final (note: this
                     isn't Final Overslept; it's short for Fool).
0              HP  - Hockey  Player  - automatic passing grade given only to
                     Management majors.
0              HV  - Retired to Happy Valley Country Club for semester.
 
9
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   29
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-              I   - I really tried to finish the project but...but...I just
                     didn't  have  time  because  I  had  to  study  for the
                     final...which I failed because I was trying  to  finish
                     the project...oh please, please don't fail me, etc.
0              IP  - In Progress.  Yes,  we  know  you  think  you're  still
                     working  on  this  course,  but you better show us some
                     results. Soon.
0              KD  - (For  knurds  only):  got  above  a  4.000  average  by
                     correcting  professors,  memorizing  the  CRC  Chemical
                     Handbook,   completing  several  600-level  courses  in
                     Freshman year, rewriting MTS, etc.
0              NA  - Never attended.
0              O   - Failed due to oversleeping every class. (Only given for
                     8AM lectures).
0              P   - Punted course.
0              S   - Satisfactory.  This  isn't  worth  any points; it means
                     that you put the course  on  Pass-Punt,  and  then  you
                     passed  it; or that it wasn't worth any points to start
                     with.
0              SC  - System Crash. Equivalent to F on CompSci courses.
0              TS  - Tute-Screwed -- when  everything  imaginable  and  then
                     some  goes  wrong and you have a -15 average in many of
                     your classes and your roommate did  nothing  but  annoy
                     you  all  semester  and life in general sucked for four
                     months. A frightfully common RPI dilemma.
0              U   - Unsatisfactory. See 'P' and 'S'.
0              WD  - Walkman Died. Given only on computer projects.  Sitting
                     in front of computer terminals without any contact with
                     reality has been proven harmful to your health  by  the
                     Surgeon General (of Albania).
0              $   - Grade delayed pending unpaid bills to Institute.
0              *   - We  didn't  know  what to give you, we'll tell you next
                     semester.
-
-
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9          30    00:42:32 18 September
-
-
-
-
-
-
0
                                    Not Living Here
+                                   Not Living Here
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
0
;
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   31
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-                                     RPI Housing
+                                     RPI Housing
0               RPI provides  all  kinds  of  "housing"  for  all  kinds  of
           students.  Apparently,  in  the  interests  of  the lowest common
           denominator, this housing takes the form  of  civilian  dwellings
           not unlike those of Berlin or Paris during World War II. RPI does
           not discriminate housing to any student, save for sex, class, and
           your  lottery number, and does its best to maintain a standard in
           ill repair,  disinterest  and  in  general,  a  lack  of  capital
           investment.  Be  especially  wary if your dorm room is on "future
           development" land.
0                                Residence Life at RPI
+                                Residence Life at RPI
0               It is in the best interests  of  the  school  that  as  much
           responsibility  as  possible be removed from the students, and to
           this end a set of rules has been created for the dorm  residents.
           You  did  not know these rules when you arrived here, despite the
           fact that you were required to sign  a  paper  stating  that  you
           would  abide  by  them before you knew what they were. You had to
           sign a contract, one of the terms of which  was  that  you  would
           follow  the  rules laid out in the Rensselaer Handbook concerning
           rooms. This is morally equivalent to being  required  to  sign  a
           two-hundred page contract without ever seeing more than page one.
0               In the interests of enlightening you who have  not  had  the
           chance  to read the Rensselaer Handbook, we present a list of the
           responsibilities of  the  Dorm  Resident  as  it  is  most  often
           interpreted.
0          Responsibilities of Dorm Residents:
0               o    Respect  for  other's  property,  except  for  stereos,
                     liquor and sexual partners.
0               o    Respect  for and abidance by Institute rules, otherwise
                     known as the "Knees Upon the Ground" clause.
0               o    Undisturbed hours for  study,  sleep,  sex  and  random
                     behavior.
0               o    Maintenance  of  the residence hall, and in particular,
                     the Resident Assistant, one's door  painting  and  most
                     important, the porcelain urinals!
-          Distribution of Housing
0               Housing  is  distributed  at  RPI in a manner not unlike the
           system used in most state prisons. If you are  a  Freshman,  then
           the  choice  is  simple.  Mainly,  you  don't have one. The women
9
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9          32    00:42:32 18 September
-          reside in either BARH or one of the all-women  dorm  floors.  For
           the  men  the  housing solution is much more simple. Build shabby
           and relatively cheap buildings and pack the whole male population
           into  them,  without  regard  for  personal tastes, space or even
           cleanliness. Soon the guys will be slinging their own trash  down
           the  halls, but who cares? It can be hosed down before the spring
           tours are on campus.
0               Once  the freshman year is over, every student has the right
           to choose the place of residence that he or she would like.  Most
           of  these  students  then immediately panic and run to the school
           for housing, out of fear of taking responsibility for  their  own
           lives.   They   have   been   conditioned   to   depend   on  the
           Administration. In reality,  there  are  four  types  of  housing
           available  to  (almost)  any  upperclassman: On-campus, Institute
           Apartments, Fraternity or Off-campus. These  are  very  different
           types  of  living  and  one  should  consider  the  benefits  and
           detriments of each very carefully before embarking on  living  in
           Troy.
0                                  On-Campus Housing
+                                  On-Campus Housing
0               On-campus housing is not the best standard of living for RPI
           upperclassmen. RPI is one of  the  most  expensive  landlords  in
           Troy,  and the school demands payment up front. A breakage fee is
           charged to each student in  order  to  provide  the  school  with
           insurance  money so that it can cover the costs of damage done by
           random vandals, at everyone's expense. On-campus housing requires
           one  to  use  the IBX Phone system, which is RPI's own version of
           AT&T, and  which  is  slightly  more  expensive,  too;  the  only
           alternative  is  no phone service at all. Dorm kitchen facilities
           are reasonable, but none of the expendables involved in running a
           kitchen    are    provided    (e.g.   paper   towels,   cleanser,
           sponges . . . ). Most of the bathrooms are public in some fashion
           or  another, as are the lounges, kitchens and basements. Security
           regularly warns residents of crime hazards which  are  still  too
           numerous  to be effectively controlled, especially during student
           vacations. Break-ins are fairly common. The front doors  to  most
           dorms  are  left  unlocked, so almost anyone who wants to enter a
           dorm can. Campus Security can enter any room on campus and search
           if  they  have  'reasonable  cause',  which is far more than Troy
           Police can do to Troy residents. Finally, the amount of  personal
           space,  that  is, the room one individual has to himself, is very
           limited with on campus housing. The gist of this is that  RPI  is
           probably  the most expensive and impersonal landlord in Troy, for
           when a student  lives  on  campus,  RPI  not  only  controls  his
           academic life, but his home life as well.
0               The method of aquiring  on-campus  housing  is  the  housing
           lottery.  The  concept  behind the lottery is simple. The student
           who enters the lottery is betting $100 that the Office of Housing
9
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9          Not Living Here
;
9
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   33
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-          is  going  to give them a good room to live in. This may not seem
           so strange to some, but it becomes clear just how  far  the  odds
           are  against the student when one realizes that most of the 'good
           rooms' are being squatted in, and thus are not going to be on the
           lottery  board  anyway!  The  lottery  becomes  even  more  of  a
           political battle when various minority factions claim  exemptions
           to   the   rules,   for  reasons  ranging  from  realistic  (e.g.
           handicapped students) to simply selfish.
0                                 Institute Apartments
+                                 Institute Apartments
0               The Institute very generously provides  apartments  for  its
           students  in a similar manner to most other landlords in Troy. As
           mentioned earlier, it does expect full rent in advance, which  is
           not a very nice thing for any landlord to do, and in addition, it
           does not provide nearly the quality  of  housing  that  even  the
           merest slug would expect.
0               There  are  three  main  housing  complexes  open  to   Tute
           students:  the  Colonie  apartments, the RAHP apartments, and the
           various mumble-wyck apartments. We shall deal with each  of  them
           in turn.
0          Colonie Apartments
0               The Colonie apartments are a great place to live if you love
           your neighbors, because you are going to be hearing lots and lots
           from them. The walls are made of cardboard; so are the roofs, and
           the rainwater has a fine time playing in your kitchenette. A room
           holds  two  people,  and  is  not  very much larger than the tiny
           little thing you lived in  all  Freshman  year;  to  justify  the
           higher  price,  they  install  a  "room divider" which is made of
           highest quality burlap, give you a joke of a  little  kitchen  to
           play  around  with,  and part shares in a bathroom. The place was
           built on the cheap many years ago, and later sold to RPI when  it
           couldn't  make a profit on its own, as a residential hotel. There
           are some fifty rooms in each building, and you will  probably  be
           able to hear what is going on in most of them. There are actually
           four buildings, and there isn't enough parking space for  any  of
           them.
0               The  other  main  problem  with  Colonie   is   the   insect
           infestation.  The  actual  residents  of  the  buildings  are the
           cockroaches, of which there are very many; the human  beings  are
           there  on  sufferance.  The  Tute  is  aware  of the problem, and
           continually sends pest control crews around, usually about once a
           week  during  the early fall and spring months. This has had only
           one  noticeable  effect,  however;  the  breed   of   cockroaches
           currently  in  residence  in  Colonie  is  immune  to  all  known
           insecticides.
 
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9          34    00:42:32 18 September
-          RAHP
0               The RAHP apartments all cluster around Colvin Circle, a road
           which is apparently owned by the Tute. They are not really a part
           of the RPI campus; the U. S. Snail delivers to them directly, and
           until  recently,  they  did  not  even  get  to use the RPI phone
           system. Now there is the IBX, and everyone has to use  that,  and
           so  it  costs  more  than  AT&T  ever  did, but, that's progress.
           However, back to our story.
0               A RAHP apartment is very much a group experience. There will
           be a group of four of you there, all year, unless you want to pay
           lots and lots of money for a storage room. Or two. As a matter of
           fact, it is almost worth it, because there is very little storage
           space  in  a RAHP apartment. In any event, unless you sign up for
           it as a group, there will be three  other  people  who  you  have
           never  seen  before,  in  this  one  apartment,  sharing the same
           kitchen, living space, and bathroom.
0               Again, the walls are not made of very thick stuff. There are
           four units in a building, making sixteen people,  who  will  hear
           almost  your  every  word.  However,  the insect infestations are
           pretty much under control.
0          The mumble-wycks
0               There are many wycks to choose from, all of which have their
           advantages  and  disadvantages. Stackwyck shares many of the same
           faults with the RAHP apartments; there are four of you,  who  may
           even have known each other once, if you're lucky, sharing the one
           apartment. The apartment is smaller, of course, so you  pay  more
           per  square foot; and there are many more units in a building, so
           the amount of noise goes up. According to  the  people  who  have
           lived  both here and in RAHP, however, Stackwyck is somewhat of a
           better place to live, because  of  the  availability  of  storage
           space,  and  also  because  a better class of people seem to live
           there.
0               Rensselaerwyck (how do they think up these names?), which is
           located up behind the field house, is made of even cheaper  stuff
           than  any other building on the campus. It, too, is infested with
           cockroaches. It is intended  primarily  as  housing  for  married
           couples with children; we seriously don't know how children could
           be expected to live in such a place.
0               Most  of  the  people  who  live here seem to be Asiatic. It
           seems that many Asiatic families are formed right here  in  Troy,
           and these people seem to think that the advantages of living near
           the Tute outweigh the disadvantages of living in Tute housing.
0
9
9
9          Not Living Here
;
9
9
9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   35
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-               Bryckwyck,  between  Rensselaerwyck  and  Sunset Terrace, is
           actually the best of a  BAD  lot.  It  is  intended  for  married
           couples with no children, and seems to fit that task rather well.
           There are some eight units per building, and the walls are fairly
           thick:  there  are actually stairwells between the apartments, in
           most cases. Room is a little bit on the skimpy  side,  but  there
           are  supposed  to  be  only  two people living there, anyway; the
           amount of privacy is rather high, which is nice.
0                                   Fraternity Life
+                                   Fraternity Life
0               Living  in  a  fraternity  is  obviously   a   very   social
           experience.  Choosing to live in one of these places requires the
           consent of a large group of  people.  All  of  these  people  are
           officially your "brothers" (or "sisters"), whether or not you can
           stand their personal habits; even if you can't,  you  must  still
           put up with your house mates. What is more, you have to make sure
           that they can put up with you. In addition,  a  large  amount  of
           your  free  time  will be spent in maintaining the residence. The
           building you live in will be owned by  a  proverbial  "fraternity
           corporation",  rather  than by any individual person, and so will
           need more work  to  keep  it  liveable,  and  will  still  appear
           generally  shabbiery,  than a comparable private home. The reason
           for this is simple: you take care of your own stuff  better  than
           you  take  care  of  anybody  else's,  and  stuff that belongs to
           everybody is taken care of by nobody.
0               The  fraternity  experience  is  not  for  everyone,  but  a
           surprisingly large number of students (around  40%)  choose  that
           route. It is not a choice that is easily changed, either.
0                         Off-campus, or "Taking your chances"
+                         Off-campus, or "Taking your chances"
0               Off-campus housing is definitely the best choice for the RPI
           student. With off-campus housing, the choice of where to live  is
           made  by  the  student,  not  by  housing or the 'brothers in the
           house'. With off-campus housing, the responsibility of where  and
           how  to  live rests only with the student, whether it be monthly,
           or by a lease. The reality of off-campus  housing  is  that  most
           people  are  going  to move into living arrangements of their own
           devising after they graduate, and the experience of doing  it  on
           your  own can be very helpful in keeping the "post-college blues"
           from affecting you too much.
0                         The Organic Waste Products Services
+                         The Organic Waste Products Services
0               The RPI Food Services are the butt of almost half the  jokes
           you  might  hear  while  walking  around  campus  at any time. Of
           course, almost any college food service is going to be some  kind
           of cross between Burger Master and Wyatt's Cafeteria, and DAKA is
           no different.
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-                                  Not Parking at RPI
+                                  Not Parking at RPI
0               Parking is a four letter word on this campus, just  ask  any
           automobile  owner you see trudging around campus in search of his
           car. In its rampant growth over the last  ten  years,  Rensselaer
           has  built  over  many  of  its  parking  lots, and increased its
           parking population as well by hiring more faculty and staff,  and
           admitting  more  students.  Security seems to be overly concerned
           with the problems of automobile parking  at  RPI  as  well,  they
           administer  around  2500 tickets each semester (that's about 27 a
           day). What's really the sad part about parking at  RPI  is  this:
           it's only going to get worse.
0               The  Rensselaer  Department  of  Transportation  (RDOT)   is
           responsible  for the rules of parking (and other aspects of motor
           vehicle use on campus). In an attempt to provide more parking for
           faculty, RDOT has adopted a "points" system for faculty and staff
           parking  permits,  which  give  points  for  salary  levels   and
           seniority, the net result being that the guy with the most points
           parks closest to his office. This has one major effect on student
           parking: there is none directly on campus.
+                            ____ 
0               Strictly speaking, there are only two student  parking  lots
           to  be  found.  The largest is North Lot, which is also shared by
           the faculty and staff who didn't get slots in  the  "inner  core"
           lots. The other lot(s) are located around the student dorms, with
           the highest concentration of spaces  found  around  the  freshman
           dorms.  The Armory lot was open to students, but with the closing
+                                 was 
           of the Communications Center Upper Lot, for the  construction  of
           the  CII,  RDOT decided to cut this off from students. Of course,
           any student can park in any open spot along Sage Avenue  or  15th
           Street,  but  these  spots are in general hard to find during the
           day, and are often snowed under when the snow plow passes them.
0               To  add  to  the  aggravation,  RDOT  requires  students  to
           register their cars with Security, and pay a  $10  fee  (tax)  to
           park on the legal student lots. The only reason they require this
           is to be able to trace a particular car to a particular  student,
           in order that the inevitable parking ticket can be charged to the
           student's  account  with  the  Bursar.  The  fee  for  a  parking
           infraction, (e.g. parking without a sticker, parking in a faculty
           spot) is $10, if you pay in cash at  Security.  If  you  let  the
           ticket sit, at the end of the semester RDOT takes $15 out of your
           breakage fee (tax) for each ticket. Tickets can  be  appealed  by
           students  through  a  board that is chaired by students, however,
           fewer than ten percent of all tickets are revoked.
0                               The Art of Doing Laundry
+                               The Art of Doing Laundry
0               There are basically three ways to do your laundry at RPI. If
           you   live   off-campus,  you  can  use  one  of  the  commercial
9
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;
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+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-          laundromats. If you live in a dorm, then you also have the option
           of  using the dorm facilities. And, if where you live has its own
           machines, then you can do it at home.  A  much  less  often  used
           option  is to take your laundry home (to your real home, that is)
           when you visit there every month or so. Few people  at  RPI  live
           close enough to the Tute to make this a viable alternative. It is
           very much easier than doing your laundry yourself, though.
0               Of  the three, doing your wash at home is the best idea, for
           you don't have to  cart  your  clothes  across  campus  or  town,
           exposing  them  to  the elements and prying eyes, and endangering
           them to strange machines and theft. Also, the cost of  doing  the
           wash  is  undoubtably  less  when done at home. However, very few
           apartments off-campus have these facilities, so most students are
           left  with  one  of the first two options. Many fraternities will
           either have laundry rooms or some form of laundry  service;  this
           may  tend to make fraternities a bit more popular than off-campus
           housing.
0               Going  to  a  commercial  laudromat  is  your next best bet,
           whether you live on campus or  not.  if  you  have  a  car,  then
           several  places are available to you, the best being A-1 Wash, on
           15th Street, beside the Copper Mug and Arrow  Cash  Market.  They
           charge  85¢  for  a  wash  and 25¢ for each 12 minutes in a large
           dryer. A typical load will cost $1.35 to wash. They also  have  a
           drop off service, for a little more, where one of their employees
           will wash your clothes for  you,  and  have  them  ready  by  the
           evening.  The  advantages  of  these places are only obvious when
           compared with on-campus facilities.
0               As  for  on-campus  washing, Not the Handbook can only offer
+                                            Not the Handbook 
           you some advice and our best wishes.  The  biggest  problem  with
           on-campus  laundry facilities is that they are poorly maintained.
           When machines break, it usually takes weeks  for  the  Office  of
           Housing  to fix them. This is partially due to the paperwork, and
           partially because few students report problems  quickly,  because
           no  way  to  report  problems  has  been  made available to them.
           Although both the campus and the professional  machines  take  20
           minutes  for  a  load, the professional machines generally can do
           more  laundry  with  less  detergent.  If  these  aren't   enough
           aggravation,  the  driers don't. Most of the time they are filled
           with lint, and the heating elements are near failure. However, by
           far  the  most  aggravating thing about on-campus washing is that
           when a machine eats one of the silly plastic tickets they use for
           money, you have to go to the Housing Office to get a refund, amid
           lots of paperwork. If you are out of tickets, "you go hungry"  as
           the saying goes.
-
 
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-
-
-
-
-
-
0
                                  Survival at the Tute
+                                 Survival at the Tute
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
0
;
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   39
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-                               Birth and Death Control
+                               Birth and Death Control
0               At  RPI,  the problems of life and death are very central to
           every student's mental condition. He or she has to deal with  the
           constant fear of either creating life that is undesired, by human
           conception (the act of sex) or by incubating a Daka meal next  to
           the  heater coils in his room, or on the other hand, of having to
           end life, whether it be his own, or again, that of his  meal.  Of
           course  the Institute, in its never-ending effort to take all the
           student's personal problems into its own hands, has  much  to  do
           with these terribly vital issues.
+                              vital 
0          Birth Control at Rensselaer
0               Birth  control  at  RPI  is  very much in effect, but is not
           appreciated in its simplest form by the students who practice it,
           for  some very obvious reasons. Basically, they don't like it. In
           its simplest form, RPI birth control is implemented by what  most
           students  call the 'Rensselaer Ratio'. Its logic runs along these
           lines:
0                    If you don't have sex, you can't have babies.
+                    If you don't have sex, you can't have babies.
-          Of course this has several different  variations  in  real  life.
           Some  people  simply  abstain from sexual activity. Others become
           gay to stay sane. Most of the others go on  to  greener  pastures
           and take what risks that there may be of contracting anthrax.
0               Rensselaer has a fairly serious problem  when  it  comes  to
           sexual  equality.  With  a ratio of men to women of 5:1, it seems
           clear  that  the  women  are   seriously,   almost   dangerously,
           outnumbered.  This  is  in  fact  the  case. RPI men seem, on the
           outset, to be rather shy and unsure of themselves when  it  comes
           to  dealing  with  the opposite sex, but the young women who come
           here have (again, for the most part) considerably less experience
           with  the  opposite sex. The men who arrive at RPI have generally
           had bad experiences with dating; they may have been rejected  due
           to their excessively high grades in high school, or they may have
           given up all hope of ever meeting a girl  with  whom  they  could
           have an intelligent conversation. In any event, they have not yet
           entered the race for dates when they get here. As a result,  they
           are  invariably sexually immature. This condition generally heals
           with time, as they are finally exposed to girls  who  can  accept
           their  awkwardness,  and  who have some of their own. However, at
           the outset, there is a certain amount of trouble.
0               Possessiveness is a mania at Rensselaer. The men dearly hang
           on to relationships for fear of being left out in the cold, while
           the  women fight constantly for breathing space. Your typical RPI
           guy suspects everyone is trying to pry "his girlfriend" away from
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9          40    00:42:32 18 September
-          him,  and  often  because of this, he drives the poor girl insane
           with his jealousy. Often this jealousy is founded merely  on  the
           fact  that  the fellow is totally outnumbered by his girlfriend's
           other "platonic" male friends. This is just the way  life  is  at
           RPI,  and  the  sooner  the  men adjust to it, the smoother their
           relations go.
0               RPI   women,  with  very  few  exceptions,  find  themselves
           inundated with young men, all  of  whom  want  great  amounts  of
           attention  and  intimacy  from the few women that there are. This
           feast among the  women  often  leads  to  some  very  unfortunate
           results.
0               Most RPI women have just graduated from a high school  where
           the  ratio  more  closely  approached  1:1,  and  where they were
           considered to be "greasy grinds" because of  their  high  grades.
           Because of these two factors, they were rarely asked out on dates
           and few have had boyfriends during high school. Upon arriving  at
           RPI, they suddenly change from being passed over on Friday nights
           to being asked out quite a lot. The sudden arrival of a veritable
           flock  of  admirers, while it is no doubt what the woman has been
           dreaming of all during high school, becomes a very  severe  drain
           on  her  energy  and often lead to a mental state very similar to
           burnout. This is no fun for  anybody,  least  of  all  the  young
           woman,  who  feels that if she sees another earnest, caring, male
           face, she will scream, or start  killing  people,  or  some  such
           insanity.
0               The syndrome is known as "puppy-dog-ism", because of all the
           male  puppy dogs wagging their tails, sniffing up the poor girl's
           skirts, and  wanting  miscellaneous  attentions.  Puppy-dogs  are
           notorious  for  doing  homework,  hanging  around the dorm at all
           hours, and for staring at the object of their  puppy-dog-ism  for
           hours.
0               Another more  difficult  problem  is  unwanted  pregnancies.
           These are also a spinoff of social immaturity, resulting from not
           being aware of birth control or just  taking  risks.  Pregnancies
           among  freshmen  women  are rather high at RPI, peaking around 10
           percent of the freshman women within  the  first  two  months  of
           their freshman year.
0          The Unabridged Purity Test
+          ___ __________ ______ ____
0               Answer  each  question with a "yes" or a "no". You score one
           point for each "no".  The  higher  the  score,  the  greater  the
           personal purity rating.
0          Section 1:
0          for  this section, SOMEONE is to be interpreted as someone of the
9
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   41
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-          opposite sex. Have you ever:
0          1.      been sexually aroused?
           2.      had an arousing dream?
           3.      had an orgasm?
           4.      kissed someone?
           5.      french kissed someone?
           6.      kissed someone other than on the lips?
           7.      slept with someone(just slept)?
           8.      had a date past 1 a.m. ?
           9.      had a date Friday,  Saturday,  and  Sunday  of  the  same
                   weekend?
           10.     kissed someone while you were in the horizontal position?
           11.     kissed someone on the first date?
           12.     ear  frenched  someone,  or  been ear frenched by someone
                   else?
           13.     necked continuously for more that 15 minutes?
           14.     necked continuously for more than two hours?
           15.     gotten entangled while necking?
           16.     petted below the shoulders?
           17.     slow danced (those wandering hands!) ?
           18.     had you or your partner had an orgasm while petting?
           19.     exaggerated about your sexual experience?
           20.     gone out with only one person for a while?
           21.     gone swimming with someone in the nude?
           22.     bathed or showered with someone(got  real  clean,  didn't
                   you)?
           23.     stuffed a bra or pants?
           24.     picked someone up,or let someone pick you up?
-          Section 2: have you been on either end of:
0          25.     fondling a woman's covered breast(not your mothers)?
           26.     fondling a woman's bare breast(same restriction applies)?
           27.     fondling the bare breast of a woman who was picked up?
           28.     sucking a woman's nipple(subsequent to your weaning)?
           29.     fondled someone's covered genitals?
           30.     fondled someone's bare genitals?
           31.     fondled someone's covered genitals on the first date?
           32.     fondled someone's bare genitals on the first date?
           33.     pinching or patting the  buttocks  of  a  member  of  the
                   opposite sex?
-          Section 3: Continue normally:
0          34.     gone through the  motions  of  sexual  intercourse  while
                   fully clothed?
           35.     done #34 on the first date?
           36.     seen someone completely nude?
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-          37.     been seen completely nude by someone?
           38.     been with someone while both of you were completely nude?
           39.     told someone you loved them when you did not?
           40.     had  two  dates  with  two  different  people on the same
                   night?
           41.     gone steady with two different people at the same time?
           42.     done #41 without either of them knowing?
           43.     done #41 WITH one or both of them knowing?
           44.     told or listened to dirty jokes in mixed company?
           45.     read pornographic literature?
           46.     bought pornographic literature?
           47.     bought sexual objects?
           48.     seen a pornographic movie?
           49.     seen a burlesque show (Rocky Horror counts)?
           50.     exposed yourself in public?
           51.     played strip poker(or any other such activity)?
           52.     masturbated?
           53.     done #52 with a foreign object?
           54.     done #52 where you could have been discovered?
           55.     done #52 while someone was watching?
           56.     done #52 at least once a week for more than 3 months?
           57.     done #52 at least once a day for more than 1 month?
           58.     discussed #52 ?
           59.     done #58 in mixed company?
-          Section 4: drugs, etc:
0          60.     been arrested?
           61.     been convicted of a felony?
           62.     smoked a cigarette, cigar, or pipe(tobacco only)?
           63.     smoked or eaten marijuana?
           64.     had an alcoholic drink?
           65.     been intoxicated?
           66.     vomited due to excessive consumption of alcohol?
           67.     passed out due to excessive consumption of alcohol?
           68.     completely forgotten what happened while you were drunk?
           69.     bought any illegal drugs?
           70.     sold any illegal drugs?
           71.     taken stimulants?
           72.     taken depressants or pain killers?
           73.     inhaled nitrous oxide?
           74.     sniffed glue, magic markers, or anything containing butyl
                   nitrate?
           75.     taken any opiate in any form?
           76.     used cocaine?
           77.     injected any drug into your veins?
           78.     taken pcp?
           79.     done any of the above 4 more than once?
           80.     tripped(taken lsd or psilocybin or peyote)?
           81.     tripped more than once?
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   43
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-          82.     tripped more than 5 times?
           83.     tripped more than 10 times?
           84.     had sex while tripping?
-          Section 5: serious sex:
0          85.     been propositioned by someone?
           86.     propositioned someone?
           87.     given a backrub with ulterior motives?
           88.     fondled someone who was asleep?
           89.     fondled someone while you were asleep?
           90.     lied to someone in order to seduce them?
           91.     received mononucleosis (kissers disease)?
           92.     performed oral sex on someone?
           93.     had oral sex performed on you?
           94.     sixty-nine(#92 & #93 simultaneously)?
           95.     performed mutual masturbation?
           96.     maneuvered someone into bed somewhat against their will?
           97.     had  someone  maneuver you into bed somewhat against your
                   will?
           98.     successfully used any drug to lower their inhibitions?
           99.     had #98 attempted on you?
           100.    had sexual intercourse?
           101.    done #100 without birth control?
           102.    had sex with a virgin(not yourself)?
           103.    had sex with more than one virgin?
           104.    had sex in a room other than a bedroom?
           105.    had sex on the floor?
           106.    had sex in a car?
           107.    had sex dog fashion (from behind)?
           108.    had sex on both top and bottom?
           109.    had sex sitting up?
           110.    had sex Greek fashion (anal)?
           111.    had sex in any position other than those mentioned above?
           112.    read "The Joy Of Sex" (or other similar material)?
           113.    had sex on the first date?
           114.    had sex with more than one person?
           115.    had sex with more than 5 people?
           116.    had sex with more than 10 people?
           117.    had sex more than 10 times with the same person? (no time
                   limit)
           118.    had sex more than once in the same 24 hour period?
           119.    had sex more than 5 times in the same 24 hour period?
           120.    had sex more than 10 times in the same 24 hour period?
           121.    had sex with someone of a different race?
           122.    had sex with more than one person in 24 hours?
           123.    had sex while someone was watching?
           124.    had sex out of doors?
           125.    had sex in a place where you could be discovered?
           126.    been discovered?
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9          44    00:42:32 18 September
-          127.    had sex for money, or paid for sex yourself?
           128.    had sex for some favor, or given some favor for sex?
           129.    had  sex  with someone more than 5 years older or younger
                   than you?
           130.    done #129 with more than a 10 year difference?
           131.    been in a menage-a-trois (two on one)?
           132.    been  on  either  end  of  ejaculation  before  impending
                   entry(messy,aren't we)?
           133.    thought you might be or caused someone to be pregnant?
           134.    been or caused someone to be pregnant?
           135.    had (or still have) venereal disease?
           136.    transmitted #135 ?
           137.    participated in a gang bang?
           138.    been  involved in committing statutory rape(i.e. lived in
                   Massachusetts)?
           139.    willingly committed incest?
           140.    been involved in the committing of adultery?
-          Section 6: homosexual:
0          Everything  in  this   section   is   to   be   interpreted   for
           homosexuality.  In  this section, SOMEONE is to be interpreted as
           someone of the same sex.
0          141.    held hands, or otherwise displayed affection in public?
           142.    kissed someone?
           143.    french kissed someone?
           144.    kissed someone other than on the lips?
           145.    fondled someone's covered genitals?
           146.    fondled someone's bare genitals?
           147.    had your covered genitals fondled?
           148.    had your bare genitals fondled?
           149.    been propositioned?
           150.    propositioned someone?
           151.    fondled someone who was asleep?
           152.    attempted to seduce someone?
           153.    lied to someone in order to seduce them?
           154.    received mononucleosis (kissers disease)?
           155.    have you or your partner had an orgasm while petting?
           156.    had oral sex performed on you?
           157.    performed oral sex on someone yourself?
           158.    done both simultaneously( 69 )?
           159.    maneuvered someone into bed somewhat against their will?
           160.    had someone manuever you into bed somewhat  against  your
                   will?
           161.    successfully used any drug to lower someone's inhibition?
           162.    imitated the motions of sexual intercourse while clothed?
-          Continuing section 6 homosexual:
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   45
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-          For the remainder of the homosexual section, SEX means any of the
           following:
0          Oral sex (either way)
           mutual masturbation
           anal intercourse
           crotch-to-crotch grinding
           tongue-bathing
0          163.    had sex with more than one person?
           164.    had sex with more than five people?
           165.    had sex with more than ten people?
           166.    had sex more than ten times with one person?
           167.    had sex more than once in the same 24 hour period?
           168.    had sex more than 5 times in the same 24 hour period?
           169.    had sex more than 10 times in the same 24 hour period?
           170.    had sex with both sexes within 24 hours?
           171.    been decidedly bisexual for a period of time?
           172.    considered never being heterosexual again?
           173.    had sex with someone of a different race?
           174.    had sex with more than one person within 24 hours?
           175.    had sex while someone was watching?
           176.    had sex out of doors?
           177.    had sex in a place where you could have been discovered?
           178.    had sex for money or paid for sex yourself?
           179.    had sex for some other favor or given some favor for sex?
           180.    had  sex  with  someone  more  than  five  years older or
                   younger than you?
           181.    had sex with someone more than ten years older or younger
                   than you?
           182.    picked someone up or let someone pick you up?
           183.    been in a menage-a-trois?
-          End of homosexual section.
0          Section 7: seriously kinky things:
0          184.    used food for masturbating with?
           185.    eaten it afterwards?
           186.    used a feather?
           187.    used a nylon stocking or something like it?
           188.    used a basket?
           189.    worn a grope suit?
           190.    used tacks and/or salt?
           191.    used  ropes,  chains, cuffs, or any other type of bondage
                   device?
           192.    used a whip or something similar for pain?
           193.    fist-fucked?
           194.    used bowling pin or similar object?
           195.    performed oral sex after intercourse (without washing)?
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9          46    00:42:32 18 September
-          196.    inflicted pain or had pain inflicted during sex?
           197.    drawn blood or had blood drawn by biting?
           198.    been involved in cunnilingus during a woman's period?
           199.    licked someone's anus?
           200.    licked someone's anus while they were defecating?
           201.    swallowed your partner's orgasmic secretions?
           202.    drank someone's urine (including your own)?
           203.    drank human blood?
           204.    drank someone else's nasal mucous?
           205.    kissed your partner after oral sex?
           206.    put your hand in your mouth after masturbating?
           207.    had oral sex in a moving car?
           208.    gotten oral sex from someone with braces?
           209.    done #207 and #208 simultaneously?
           210.    had intercourse in a moving car?
           211.    had intercourse while driving?
           212.    licked your partner's feet or had your feet licked?
           213.    tongue bathed someone or been tongue bathed?
           214.    been  involved   in   oxygen   deprivation   for   sexual
                   enhancement?
           215.    put  any  kind  of  food  on your partner's body and then
                   eaten it?
           216.    had sex with an animal?
           217.    had sex with an animal more than once?
           218.    had sex with more than one kind of animal?
           219.    performed oral sex on an animal?
           220.    had oral sex performed on you by an animal?
           221.    had sex with a small animal (dog, cat, chicken, duck, lab
                   rat, etc.)?
           222.    played  an  instrument,  hacked,  watched  tv, etc. while
                   having sex?
           223.    made tapes (audio or video) of yourself having sex?
           224.    been involved in nude picture-taking?
           225.    had (or should i say STILL HAVE) genital herpes?
           226.    transmitted herpes?
           227.    been involved in group sex (four or more)?
           228.    been involved in bisexual group sex?
           229.    made intimate contact with two or more people at the same
                   time?
           230.    been in a group of more than ten people having sex?
           231.    had  sex  with  both  a  girl and her mother at different
                   times?
           232.    had sex with both a girl and her mother at the same time?
           233.    been in a two IN one?
           234.    had sex in a church or other place of religion?
           235.    been in a 69 circle?
           236.    been in a buttfuck circle?
           237.    had sex in/under water (including shower or bath)?
           238.    masturbated while making or receiving  an  obscene  phone
                   call?
           239.    had sex non-stop for over 30 minutes?
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-          240.    had sex non-stop for over an hour?
           241.    had sex non-stop for over three hours?
           242.    had family pet walk all over you during sex?
           243.    had more than one orgasm during sex?
           244.    had more than three?
           245.    #243 for your partner?
           246.    #244 for your partner?
           247.    disturb any other person by making noise during sex?
           248.    used ben-wa balls?
           249.    committed any felony not previously mentioned?
-          Death Control at Rensselaer
0               RPI  is  indeed  a difficult school, demanding, for the most
           part, considerable amounts of effort on the part of its students.
           Quite  often,  the pressure can drive people right to the edge of
           despair. This is not helped by the fact that there are many other
           sorts  of  pressure, most of which will come to bear at the exact
           same time. (This is a practical  application  of  Murphy's  Law.)
           Grades, financial aid cuts, and relations with parental units and
           girlfriends or boyfriends can all come to a head  at  once.  When
           this happens, and when the light of the sun is blotted out by all
           these concerns, then suicide can become very tempting as a way to
           stop all the problems at once.
0               RPI is rather mute on the subject of suicide, preferring for
           the  most  part  to ignore it, and when it occurs, to cover it up
           and hide the evidence. The reality is that students  at  RPI,  as
           well  as  at other major schools, do on occasion kill themselves.
           More than likely, the causes of suicide are not avoidable, in  so
           much as RPI is not going to be getting any easier on its students
           and neither are the expectations of parents going to  become  any
           less demanding. However, suicide is not a sensible, reasonable or
           even simple solution to life's dilemmas.
0               The  most  important  thing  to  remember  is  that  killing
           yourself is final. There is no turning  back  on  this  decision.
           What's  more,  there  is  life  after failing out of RPI. Too few
+                         there  is  life  after failing out of RPI. 
           students who are doing terribly want to realize this, for the act
           of failing seems to be a statement by the school that you are not
           worthy of being in the same school as your friends. Well,  to  be
           accepted  at  RPI is quite a step, but on occasion the school and
           the student are not compatible. It  is  not  worth  dying  for  a
           mistake like choosing the wrong school.
0               The best thing to do if one is feeling suicidal is not to go
           on a drinking spree, or to visit the local drug store for valium,
           but to get in touch with someone who can help you  work  out  the
           depression.  The  organizations  such  as NEAR and the Counseling
           Center are a good place to begin. Talk to friends, too, and  tell
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-          them  how  you feel. If they can cushion you from your pain, then
           being with them will help. It is most important that your parents
           give  you  support instead of anguish, so if they are going to be
           angry, don't talk to them directly about what troubles  you.  Few
           students  have such support from their family, so the feelings of
           being cut off are common.
0                        Entertainment in the Capital District
+                        Entertainment in the Capital District
0               One of the saddest things about Rensselaer students is  that
           many of them fail to discover the interesting things to do in the
           Capital  District.  Inside   of   the   three   cities   (Albany,
           Schenectady,  and  Troy)  are  a multitude of clubs, restaurants,
           novelty stores, night spots, theaters, and parks to be enjoyed by
           the  college  age  crowd.  Most of these establishments encourage
           student business by offering discounts, promoting  their  college
           crowd,  and  in  general,  offering  the  kinds of activities and
           services that students look for. Don't sell the Capital  District
           short,  especially  if you are from a large city, for most of the
           things that you may have favored in the bigger city can be  found
           here, admittedly in smaller numbers.
0          Public Transportation
0               The  biggest  drawback to being in Troy, it seems, is having
           to own a car to get away from RPI.  For  students  without  cars,
           there  are  basically  three  choices  to  transportation: find a
           friend with a car, ride  a  taxi,  or  ride  the  bus.  The  taxi
           services  located  in Troy are overpriced, callous and dangerous.
           Black and White cab is the undisputed leader in  Troy,  and  they
           drive  like they own the road. In general, it is best not to take
           a  taxi  anywhere,  especially  while  alone.  The  fare  can  be
           astonishing (e.g. from Troy to Albany; $15).
0               The Capital District Transportation Authority (CDTA) runs  a
           good  bus  service  to  the  major shopping areas in the tri-city
           area. Bus 22 runs to Albany from in front  of  the  Atrium  every
           half-hour.  Bus  70  runs  from downtown Albany to Colonie Center
           equally frequently, and the fare is around 70 cents. Bus 14  goes
           to  Rensselaer,  which  is  a good way to get to the Third Street
           Theater.
0          Movie Theaters
0               There  are  several  movie  theater  chains  in  the   area,
           including  the  national  ones  such  as  United Artists, General
           Cinema, and RKO Fox, as well as  some  local  repertory  theaters
           that show more obscure works.
0               The most important thing to know about the local theaters is
           whether  or  not  they have student discounts. United Artists and
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-          Hellman theaters have  student  discounts.  The  Crossgates  Mall
           Cinema  also  offers  a  student discount ($3.50) for its evening
           shows. The Colonie (Northway) Cine 1..8 theater offers no student
           discount, and isn't a very appealing theater for doing so.
0               Three theaters in the area are not your typical show  house.
           Specializing  in  "sleeper",  "artistic", or just off beat films,
           the Spectrum Theater, 3rd Street Theater, and Images Cinema are a
           real  delight  for  the avant-garde film fan. Of the three, Third
           Street is the smallest theater,  which  can  be  a  problem  when
           arriving  late for a show. Arrive early to get seats together, if
           at all. The Spectrum is run by the Third Street  management,  but
           concentrates  on  more  "major"  films  than its counterpart, and
           shows  these  films  for  longer  runs.  Images,  which   is   in
           Williamstown,  Mass,  shows  an  occasional big seller film along
           with more avant-garde fare. All of  the  theaters  offer  natural
           foods  instead  of  the  usual  junk  food  one  finds  in  movie
           concession stands. Of course, the concessions aren't any cheaper.
0               Most   of   the   theaters   in  the  Capital  District  are
           concentrated in or near Albany. In  the  downtown  area  are  the
           Spectrum  (just up Delaware Street; take the Madison Ave. exit on
           787 south and turn left at Lark Street, onto Delaware.)  and  the
           Madison  (keep going up Madison Ave. past Lark Street for several
           blocks). Across the river in Rensselaer is the 3rd Street Theater
           (take  I-90 east toward Boston, exit on Washington Street, follow
           signs to Amtrak station, turn left at the  gas  station  a  block
           before the bottom of the hill).
0               In Colonie there is the Crossgates Mall (south on I-87  from
           the  I-90  intersection,  has it's own exit...) the Northway Cine
           (Route 5 exit on I-87 going toward Albany, or Fuller Road exit on
           I-90  away  from  SUNYA),  and the UA Colonie (behind the Colonie
           Centre Mall off of Wolf Road). Also in Colonie,  because  of  the
           amoeba-like geography of Colonie, is the UA Towne (Route 9, north
           of where it intersects Route 7 in Latham). Someday this  will  be
           at the intersection of Extension Route 7 and Route 9.
0               Schenectady has  two  notable  theaters,  the  Mowhawk  Mall
           Cinema  (take  Route  7  all  the  way out to Schenectady...) and
           Proctor's Theater, which also  features  live  theater  (downtown
           Schenectady, find it yourself!).
0               Troy has only two real theaters, the Uncle Sam Atrocity, and
           the  Cinema  (Skinema) Arts Theater. Both are rather slimy and no
           further mention will be made of them here.
0          Restaurants
0               The Capital District is well  represented  by  various  food
           merchants,  and  boasts a fine collection of resturants that most
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-          students can afford. The following listings  are  categorized  by
           atmosphere, and within those categories by price.
0               Sandwich Bars
 
           Justin McNeil's
                -    304  Lark  Street,  across from "Club 288". Noisy, busy
                     bar front with a classy jazz dining room in  the  back.
                     Good  selection  of sandwiches that are filling and all
                     under five dollars. Catch the jazz music after 10 PM on
                     weekend nights.
 
           Italia Resturant
                -    4th Street, Troy. Within walking distance of West Hall,
                     this  is  another  jazz  bar  that  happens  to sport a
                     resturant  with  slow  service  but  fine  food  at   a
                     student's  price.  Nick Brigniola and his Quartet often
                     play this joint.
 
           Margarita's
                -    284   Lark   Street,   Albany.  Mexican  food  at  very
                     affordable prices.  Go  upstairs  for  quiet  meal,  or
                     outside, weather permitting (After September and before
                     May, forget it!).
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0
           Pasta Express
                -    290  Lark Street, Albany. Incredibly good pasta in huge
                     quantities with garlic bread  and  other  Italian  side
                     dishes,  for under five dollars a plate. They are fast,
                     too, so if you are in a hurry, try them out. The  staff
                     is  fun  and  friendly, and can help out if the diverse
                     range of pasta is at first overwhelming.
0                         Coffeehouses
0          8th Step Coffeehouse
                -    Willet Street, Albany. One of the more popular and well
                     represented  coffee  houses  in Albany. Just one street
                     over from Lark St.
0                         Dessert Shops
0          Ben and Jerry's
                -    Vermont's Finest Ice  Cream  retailer.  There  are  two
                     outlets  in  Albany, one on New Scotland Ave. just past
                     the Albany  Medical  Center  (hey,  they  can  take  my
                     tonsils out anytime..!) and the other in the Crossgates
                     Mall. Makes a good excuse for a mall  roadtrip.  Beware
                     the  Vermonster , it makes the RPI Colossus look like a
+                         Vermonster 
                     dish for a wimp.
0                         Classy Joints
0          Cocos
                -    Tops the NtRH list. This place is fun, fun, fun, but oh
+                             NtRH 
                     so Expensive, Expensive, EXPENSIVE. Plan on blowing $20
                     a head, easy. Mega drinks in fish bowl cups and a salad
                     bar  that's a meal in itself are the main features of a
                     great  place  to  take  a  friend  to  for  a  birthday
                     celebration.
0          TGI Fridays
                -    A popular place for the Yuppie crowd  in  Albany,  this
                     restaurant  claims  to  have started the Singles Decade
                     (that's 1970-present, for those not in the know).  Wide
                     selection  on the menu, silly and trite knick-knacks on
                     the wall, funny hats  on  the  waitresses,  and  not  a
                     terribly inexpensive place.
0                    Bookstores
0          Boulevard Bookstore
                -    12  Northern  Street, Albany. This store specializes in
                     social and science texts, and sports one of the  finest
                     Women's  Concerns  sections  in  the area. Also carries
                     music and artworks.
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0
           FantaCo
                -    21  Central  Avenue, Albany. One of the strongest comic
                     and science fiction bookstores in the Capital District.
                     They  also  sponsor a local comic book convention under
                     the name of LastCon.
 
           Nelsons
                -    Central  Ave.,  Albany.  A  classic usedbook store, the
                     owner is personable and  knows  where  almost  all  his
                     books are.
 
           Colsons
                -    State at Pearl, Albany. Largest collection of magazines
                     and newspapers in area. Sleazy crowd after hours.
 
           Earthworld Comics
                -    327 Central Avenue, Albany. Lower grade  collection  of
                     comics than FantaCo, but has lots of older copies.
 
           Electric City Comics
                -    Schenectady. Wide and diverse selection of new and  old
                     comics,  "SciFi"  books,  and  back  issues  of Playboy
+                                                                    Playboy
                     magazines. Find one for the year you were born, it's  a
                     riot!
0                    Malls
 
           Crossgates Mall
                -    The  undisputed  king  of  area  malls,  and  source of
                     predictions that other area malls  would  go  under  by
                     stealing   their  business.  Crossgates  sports  twelve
                     theaters,  a  huge  selection  of  fast  food  vendors,
                     including Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream, and several anchor
                     stores such as J. C. Penney,  Jordan  Marsh,  Filene's,
                     and  even  Caldor.  Altogther the Total Mall Experience
                     (TME).
 
           Colonie Mall
                -    The  previous  champion  of the area malls, Colonie was
                     the only bi-level mall until Crossgates. There is  less
                     at Colonie in the way of shoe shops, but it does have a
                     newly refurbished Sears, Roebuck Co. store and  also  a
                     Macy's,  the  classiest  store in any area mall. The UA
                     Towne Central, RKO Fox, and the Cine 1..8 theaters  are
                     located within a few hundred meters of this mall.
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0
           Latham Circle Mall
                -    This 'mall' started life as an outdoor shopping center,
                     which  was  later  enclosed  to accomodate the new mall
                     concept. While claiming  nothing  special,  the  Circle
                     does have a Boston Store and two video arcades, side by
                     side, which in the past have had price wars.  The  most
                     redeming  feature  of  the  Circle  is  that  it is the
                     closest mall in the area to Troy, excepting  the  Uncle
                     Sam Atrium.
 
           Mohawk Mall
                -    Schenectady's own mall, this thing is long and  twisty.
                     Way  the hell out on Route 7, unless you happen to live
                     in Schenectady.
 
           Uncle Sam Atrium
                -    Troy's  own  attempt  at  suburban commercialdom, and a
                     total failure because of its location. Actually has the
                     best  video  tape rental place in the Capital District,
                     but very few venture this way to use it. Has  excellent
                     parking garage, but the parking fees are annoying.
 
           Troy Plaza
                -    While not exactly a mall, it is Troy's idea of the next
                     best  thing.  Ames, Price Gouger and One Hour Photo are
                     just some of the commercial delights to be found here.
 
           Stuyvesant Plaza
                -    While  not  technically  a  mall,  this shopping center
                     contains some of the very best stores in Albany. One of
                     the  best  bookstores, record shoppes, computer stores,
                     art galleries, and bagelry's resides here.
0                         A  note  about  most of the malls mentioned above.
                     Almost all have  a  Radio  Shack,  a  Waldenbooks,  and
                     enough  shoe  stores  to  terrify even the strongest of
                     stomach.
-          Parks
0               Troy has two main parks, Prospect Park and the Hudson  River
           Front Park. Prospect Park is the large fenced off park just south
           of Congress street, starting at 13th street and running  down  to
           8th.  It  contains  a  public  pool,  some  small outdoor cooking
           facilities, and an incredible view of downtown Troy at  night.  A
           great  place  to  go  "park",  but the density of Troy residents,
           mostly high schoolers, is alarming.
0          Areas of Special Interest
 
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-               There are a few areas of special  interest  in  the  Capital
           District,  if  only  for their peculiar nature or interest to the
           enlightened college student.
0               Foremost  among these places is the central area of Downtown
           Albany. This area encompasses the Empire  State  Plaza,  Robinson
           Square,  Lark  Street,  and State Street. The Empire Plaza is the
           five large skyscrapers (the big one with the four children)  that
           can  be  clearly  seen from I-787, Rensselaer, and even RPI (on a
           clear  day).  The  Plaza,  also  known  as  "Rockefeller's   Last
           Erection",  has  a  huge  park  built  on the top of it. There is
           another Rickey sculpture there, "Two  Lines  Oblique",  which  is
           also  known  as  the  "Needletoid".  The  New  York State Museum,
           Capitol  Building,  and  other  government  offices  are  located
           nearby.  Behind  the  Plaza  is  Robinson Square, a collection of
           small artistic shops that  sell  novelty  items  centered  around
           major themes. Up the street is Lark Street, another collection of
           boutiques and art shops, which is home to a  large  new-wave/punk
           culture   in   Albany.  288  Lark  Street  is  the  most  popular
           new-wave/punk nightclub in  the  area,  and  features  local  and
           national bands regularly.
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0
                                  Classroom Facilities
+                                 Classroom Facilities
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-          Classroom Facilities
0               Those  of  you  who  have  actually attended classes at RPI,
           whoever you might be, have actually seen the inside of several of
           the  more  famous buildings mentioned earlier. For the benefit of
           those of you who never made it  to  class,  or  who  are  eagerly
           awaiting  your  first class at RPI, here is a description of most
           of the classroom facilities available to you as students. We will
           start  at  the  bottom  of the campus, and work our way up to the
           start of the Ho Chi Minh Trail, as you  will  probably  do  after
           your first class in West Hall.
0                                      West Hall
+                                      West Hall
0               West  Hall  consists of two pieces, the old building and the
           new wing. Both of these  have  been  heavily  modified  over  the
           years.  There  are  two  entrances to the building. The one which
           looks like a loading dock off  the  parking  lot  actually  is  a
           loading  dock;  it  enters  the  new wing on the (you guessed it)
           third floor. The entrance closer to the Pittsburgh building  ends
           up  at  a point midway between the second and third floors of the
           old building.
0               Most of the classes which you will take in West Hall will be
           humanities. Languages, literature, and  communications  all  have
           their  homes  in this building, and most classes in these courses
           occur in the small rooms on the fourth floor. Note that  the  new
           wing does not have a fourth floor; all these rooms are in the old
           building. Some literature classes are held in the  classrooms  on
           the second floor, but not many of them.
0               All of these classrooms have one thing in common: the desks.
           You  will be required to sit in silly little desks with very hard
           seats and miniscule note-taking surfaces, usually for an hour and
           a  half  at a stretch. The desks will have grafitti all over them
           just before each long vacation, which will vanish  again  by  the
           time  classes re-convene. This is because the writing surfaces of
           these desks are made of the least  markable  compounds  known  to
           man: RPI hyperplastic. This strange yellow substance can be found
           nowhere else in the known universe.
0               If you are a geologist, you will discover the rock rooms, on
           the  first  floor,  down  under  the  auditorium.   The   Geology
           Department  lives  down  here,  and  has  offices,  a museum, and
           work-study jobs down in these sub-terranean burrows.
0               The only other classroom in West Hall that you will ever see
           as an undergraduate  is  the  auditorium.  This  room,  which  is
           designed  to  seat 800, is most commonly used for tests, and very
           large classes (such as Physics) when CC 308 and Sage Lecture Hall
           are already in use. Due to the extreme age and decrepitude of the
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-          room, however, only about 650 seats are still useable. There  are
           two  different types of seating in the Auditorium (or WHAud as it
           will appear on your schedule). The center section at the fromt of
           the  room  has been rebuilt in the last four years, and has black
           vinyl seats which make your bottom very sweaty in the summer, and
           tiny little writing desks which fold out from the chair arms. The
           rest of the auditorium is furnished with green vinyl seats  which
           are  a  little  easier to sit on in the summer, and writing desks
           with a fair amount of surface area which fold out from  the  seat
           back  in front. These desks are much better than the new ones for
           taking tests, since there is a large amount of surface  area  for
           calculators,  crib  sheets,  spare  pencils  or  (if  you  are  a
           masochist) pens, erasers, and  munchies.  Unfortunately,  all  of
           these  seats  were  installed  N  years  ago,  and  have not been
           overhauled since. Many of the desks  are  broken,  so  get  there
           early  and  get  one of the working ones, when you take a test in
           that room.
0                                The Carnegie Building
+                                The Carnegie Building
0               The Carnegie Building is another of the favorite  haunts  of
           the various Humanities and Social Science schools; the Psychology
           Department lives there, as does  the  Economics  Department,  and
           sundry  others.  Classrooms exist on the first and second floors,
           and there are a few animal experimentation labs in the  basement.
           The science and engineering departments have pretty much reserved
           the best rooms, down on the first floor, and Psychology and other
           social  sciences  pretty  well have to live with the rooms on the
           second floor. Of course, these rooms are a long climb  above  the
           level  where  the  doors  are, which (surprisingly enough) is the
           first floor. The major characteristics of all the  rooms  in  the
           building are: blackboards completely surrounding the room, creaky
           and splintery wooden floors, and standard issue Tute  desks  with
           hyperplastic writing surfaces.
0               The  basement,  where  some  psychology   courses   (notably
           Sensation  and  Perception) have lab classes, are very different.
           The tables are covered with metal, and have little  ridges  along
           the  edges;  this  is  intended  to  make  them  more  useful for
           experiments involving dissection. The main thing that this  means
           to the student is that there will be no place where it is safe to
           rest his arms during class, and no real  way  to  take  notes  or
           tests.  The  basement  is  also  pretty  well equipped with Roach
           Motels; we will let you draw whatever conclusions you  like  from
           that.
0               One  of  the  most  interesting  features  of  the  Carnegie
           Building  is  that it has no rest rooms. Yes, they are there, all
           of the campus buildings have them, but in Carnegie, they are  all
           locked,  available only to the people who work in the offices. If
           you suddenly 'feel the urge', as it is sometimes called, and  you
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-          are in Carnegie, you lose.
0                                   The Walker Labs
+                                   The Walker Labs
0               The  Walker  Labs  are  used  primarily  as  a place to give
           freshman their first exposure to the perils of the Chem Lab.  The
           entire  first floor of the building is a large lab area, which is
           set up to allow all the Chem  I  and  II  students  to  do  their
           experiments  at  the  same time. (Well, actually, you take turns,
           but you all seem to be there at once, anyway.) There is more  lab
           space in the basement, but you will never see that unless you are
           a chemist.
0               Up  above  the  lab  area,  at  the  end  of a twisty little
           staircase, there is a set of three classrooms separated by rather
           flimsy dividers. These classrooms are used to teach Chem students
           what they are supposed to be doing in the  labs  which  they  are
           busy  messing  up  on  the  floor  below.  These  rooms are fully
           equipped  with  hyperplastic  desks,  and  even   have   overhead
           projectors,  sometimes.  They  are  occasionally used as overflow
           classrooms, when everything else is full. Officially, these three
           classrooms are now listed as a single classroom, which is just as
           well, since they were originally intended to be  just  one  room;
           this  room  is  known  as  WA 303. This is very good room to have
           classes in, if you can deal with the stairs; when it rains (which
           is  almost  all the time, in Troy), not only is the sound of rain
           on the copper roof just over your head  very  soothing,  it  also
           completely drowns out the lecturer.
0               These small classrooms are officially listed as being on the
           third  floor;  on  the  second  floor,  there  is a room which is
           designed to be a lab,  but  which  now  serves  as  an  auxiliary
           classroom.  This  room has been taken off the Registrar's list of
           classrooms, which is lucky for you because it isn't  really  very
           much  of a classroom. You will see it only once, probably, during
           the second half of Chem I, when you will be required to  work  on
           the mathematical section of your last lab.
0               The stairs all through the building are  small  and  twisty.
           There  is  an  elevator hidden in the back of the building, which
           the Administration does not want anybody to use. The staff of Not
+                                                                        Not
           the  Rensselaer  Handbook  fully agree with the administration on
+          the  Rensselaer  Handbook 
           this point; this elevator is so old as to be actively unsafe. The
           support  ropes  have  not  been  inspected  in years. Yes, that's
           ropes. Not cables. This elevator is one of the  first  Otis  ever
           built.
0                                      Amos Eaton
+                                      Amos Eaton
0               The  Amos  Eaton  building is one of the oldest buildings on
           campus. It has served as a library, and as a computer center;  it
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   59
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-          currently  serves  as  the  home  of  most  of  the miscellaneous
           administrative services  of  the  Tute,  the  Math  and  Computer
           Science departments, the ACM, and the Minicomputer Lab.
0               Let us look at two typical classrooms in Amos Eaton: AM  214
           and AM 215. Logically enough, these are both on the second floor.
           Both of these rooms feature grey polyethylene  chairs  which  are
           reasonable  to sit on, but cause excessive sweating after an hour
           or so. AM 214 can be entered from the stairwell, or from the  far
           hall;  it  contains a set of separate chairs with large, swing-up
           desks. These desks are again, ideal for taking  tests;  there  is
           lots  of  room  there for anything you care to bring with you. AM
           215 can be entered only from the hall, and has long  tables  with
           free-floating  chairs  behind  them.  Both rooms are light on the
           audio-visual equipment.
0               On occasion, you will have to go and see a professor who has
           offices in the building. Generally, his offices will  be  on  the
           fourth floor. If you look at Amos Eaton from the outside, you can
           see that it has only three stories. However, once you are inside,
           you  can  actually  find  large  numbers of offices on the fourth
           floor, and they really exist, and they even  have  windows,  just
           like  the offices on the first, second, and third floors. This is
           one of the great mysteries of life here at the Tute:  Where  does
           the  4th  floor  of Amos Eaton really exist? The staff of Not the
+                                         really                     Not the
           Rensselaer Handbook feel that the  answer  to  this  question  is
+          Rensselaer Handbook 
           either Oz, Boston, or a small planet orbiting Betelgeuse.
0               Anyway. The main reason that Amos Eaton is so well populated
           is  that  it  has  a very large number of terminals for accessing
           Sybil. On the first and second floors, there are  terminal  rooms
           which  are  filled with random people talking to Sybil and hating
           every minute of it. These terminal rooms are good,  because  they
           are  very  heavy on the 3270-type terminals, and very bad because
           (a) everybody and their brothers knows about them,  so  that  you
           will  have to wait a long time for a terminal, and (b) the chairs
           are very plastic-like and non-porous, so  that  you  sweat  there
           both summer and winter.
0                                  Russell Sage Labs
+                                  Russell Sage Labs
0               The  Russell  Sage Labs have just been rebuilt, because they
           were pretty much falling apart  inside.  Now,  the  inside  is  a
           mixture   of   Modern  Hideous  and  Archaic  Leftover,  somewhat
           indiscriminately mixed together. If you have any  artistic  sense
           at all, you will probably be apalled at the mess called "interior
           design" in this building. One of the more hideous creations fills
           a  certain amount of empty space on the fourth floor; it consists
           of an entire model house, including windows and doors.
0
9
9
9          Classroom Facilities
;
9
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9          60    00:42:32 18 September
-               The  Lecture  Hall  has  been renovated; it is now very much
           heavier on the audio-visual equipment than it  ever  was  before,
           and  it  also  now has real seats. The desks are still miniscule,
           making this not a very good room to take tests in; and  the  roof
           leaks  in  places,  making  rainy day classes very much a game of
           Aqua Roulette.
0               The lecture hall at the end of the hall to your right as you
           enter the building has also been renovated. This  room  has  some
           long  official number, like SA 3510 (and yes, the ground floor of
           the Sage Building is the third floor). This room has  comfortable
           seats  and moderately sized swing-up desks. The front of the room
           is on the third floor of Sage Labs, and the back of the  room  is
           just  above  the  third  floor  of  the Sage Annex. This causes a
           certain amount of problems with the numbering of rooms, but  this
           doesn't  bother  the Administration. So, why should it bother the
           students? Also, this creates a certain  amount  of  trouble  when
           people  decide  that  the  quickest  way  from their class in the
           Lecture Hall to their class in Sage Annex is through  this  room,
           and  class  is  still  being held. (But at least it breaks up the
           monotony.)
0                                 The Greene Building
+                                 The Greene Building
0               Although the Greene building  is  primarily  an  architect's
           hangout,  there  are  a  few  classrooms  here  which the average
           engineer can occasionally get into. These are generally used  for
           engineering   classes  and  the  occasional  humanity  or  social
           science. The method used  to  number  the  doors  of  the  Greene
           Building  seems to bear no relation to life in the universe as we
           know it. As a good first approximation, find the floor  the  room
           is supposed to be on, and then turn right. Most of the classrooms
           seem to be to the right of the main  entrance,  which  is  midway
           between the first and second floors.
0               Again, the main thing which you will  find  here  are  desks
           made  of  hyperplastic.  The floors are splintery and unfinished;
           the walls are severely in need of paint; ceilings  are  high  and
           tend to cause echoes.
0                                  The Troy Building
+                                  The Troy Building
0               Conditions  in  the  Troy  building vary widely from room to
           room. In general, rooms on the first floor are designed with your
           comfort  in mind, where rooms on the second floor are designed to
           keep you awake in  class,  and  those  on  the  third  floor  are
           designed  to  give  the class a bit of comic relief when you fall
           off your stool and onto the floor. Let us look at a typical  room
           on each floor.
0
9
9
9          Classroom Facilities
;
9
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   61
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-               Troy 101 is a fairly large hall,  seating  about  115.  This
           room has soft seats, and small desks which hinge up from the seat
           arms. There are a couple of overheads  in  this  room,  and  very
           little  else. There are two windows in the back of the room which
           shed very little light into the room, and have not been opened in
           living memory.
0               Troy 203 has a  very  interesting  alternative  to  seating.
           Imagine,  if  you  will, a park bench with a desktop bolted to it
           every two feet. This is what you will be sitting on if you attend
           classes on the second floor of the Troy building. The gap between
           the desks is only just wide enough to allow you to sit down,  and
           the desk itself is smaller than any other desk in the Tute. Also,
           since the chair is made of slats, the longer the class, the  more
           agony  you  are  in from the things cutting into your back. As if
           this weren't enough, since the seats are all joined together, any
           time  anyone  on  this  bench  twitches, you feel it. The room is
           equipped with  the  bare  minimum  of  audiovisual  equipment,  a
           blackboard.  Life in this room will be very tiresome after only a
           very few classes.
0               Troy  301  is  a set of high lab benches, equipped with very
           high stools and very little else. This room is usually  used  for
           recitations,  rather  than  for  actual classes; most of what you
           will be doing here will be brain work. I had always thought  that
           the way to get the brain working was to make the body comfortable
           so that the brain didn't have to pay it any attention, but  these
           rooms  were  not  designed with that philosophy in mind. You will
           find that you will spend rather a lot of time  on  your  feet  in
           this  classroom,  trying  to  stretch out the kinks in your back.
           This condition is helped by the fact that the desks  are  all  at
           the wrong height for the stools, or is that the other way around?
           Anyway, this is a very uncomfortable place to work.
0               One important fact to note about the Troy Building: like the
           Carnegie Building, all of the rest rooms are  locked  away  where
           you can't get at them, and are reserved for the use of the people
           who work in the offices there.
0                            The Jonsson Engineering Center
+                            The Jonsson Engineering Center
-                                The Ricketts Building
+                                The Ricketts Building
0               The  Ricketts building is one of the few buildings on campus
           which could be called split-level. There are no  real  floors  as
           such;  instead,  there are half-floors. For most of the building,
           the area to the left of the central stairwell, and to the  right,
           are  at  different  levels. The front door opens on the so-called
           first floor; however, this seems to bear very little relationship
           to  the  room  numbering scheme. The only way to find your way to
9
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9          Classroom Facilities
;
9
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9          62    00:42:32 18 September
-          your classroom is by trial and error.
0               Some  of the building has been modernised; most has not. The
           park benches with desks bolted onto them appear  here  and  there
           throughout  the  building,  primarily  in the larger rooms. These
           seating arrangements are no better than  the  ones  in  the  Troy
           building.  Other  rooms  are  rebuilt, and have reasonable desks,
           usually covered with white  Formica,  which  are  very  nice  for
           taking tests.
0                              The Communications Center
+                              The Communications Center
0               The  Communications  Center was originally called the Modern
           Classroom Facility. It  was  designed  to  be  a  model  of  what
           classrooms  should be like, and still almost fits the bill. There
           are three types of classrooms in the building: large, small,  and
           bizarre.
0               The large classrooms are CC 308, 318, 324,  and  330.  These
           are  all  outfitted with lots of very bright lights, fairly large
           stage areas for  demonstrations,  a  railing  at  the  bottom  to
           protect the lecturer, and huge amounts of audio-visual equipment.
           Or rather, they were supposed to be outfitted with  huge  amounts
           of  audio-visual gear, but they weren't. The story behind that is
           as follows: Clay P.  Bedford,  after  whom  CC308  is  officially
           named,  donated  enough  money  to equip CC308 with A/V gear. The
           Tute said, "Thank you very much", and started looking around  for
           more  donors  to  outfit  the  rest of the CC. However, none were
           forthcoming. So, half of the A/V  gear  which  had  already  been
           installed  in CC308 was ripped out, and spread around the rest of
           the CC. This provided barely enough equipment for all  the  rooms
           other  than CC308. The Administration does not want to remove any
           more equipment from 308, because it is their showcase classroom.
0               The  desks are all bright yellow plastic bucket seats, which
           are individually bolted to the floor,  and  have  large  swing-up
           desk  surfaces.  There  are  projection booths at the back of the
           rooms to allow films, slides, and anything else to  be  shown  to
           the gathered populace. There are, of course, no windows.
0               The small classrooms are down on  the  second  floor.  These
           rooms  all  started  out having desks that were modeled after the
           ones in the large classrooms, with  comfortable  (albeit  sweaty)
           seats  and  large  writing surfaces. However, these did not last,
           and have been largely replaced by the standard-issue  Tute  desk,
           which  has  a much smaller writing surface. These rooms are small
           enough to be useful, and so are not very highly regarded  by  the
           Administration;  they  are outfitted with the bare minimum of A/V
           gear. Every pair of these rooms shares a single projection  booth
           which  has  in many cases been set aside and converted to offices
           or laboratories for our less-distinguished professors.
9
9
9          Classroom Facilities
;
9
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   63
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-               There is only one of the bizarre classrooms in the building:
           CC 337, or the "case study room", as the building plans call  it.
           This room is set up as a large number of chairs gathered around a
           semi-circular stage, and arrayed so that up to 116  students  can
           peer  down at whoever or whatever is displayed on the stage. This
           tends to make professors nervous. In any event, this room is  one
           of  the  better  ones  to have classes in. The chairs are arrayed
           behind long tables, thus allowing simply  incredible  amounts  of
           desktop  space  for  each student. The chairs recline and swivel,
           giving the student something to do  to  take  his  mind  off  the
           bletchfulness  of  the  class. (Don't laugh, you'll find yourself
           doing it, too.) The chairs are very comfortable: it  seems  that,
           since  they  recline, they had to be made stronger than the other
           chairs in the CC. The material these chairs are made out of seems
           to  be  much  more  porous  than  any  other chairs on the entire
           campus.
0               What  this  all boils down to is that, generally, the CC is,
           as it was designed to be, the best place to have classes  on  the
           entire  campus.  And  CC 337 is better than any other room in the
           CC.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
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9          64    00:42:32 18 September
-
-
-
-
-
-
0
                              Extra-Ridiculous Activities
+                             Extra-Ridiculous Activities
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
0
;
9
9
9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   65
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-                             Extra-Ridiculous Activities
0               Why  are  we  calling  extra-curricular  activities  at  RPI
           ridiculous?  Because  in  general, they do nothing but hurt one's
           academic standing! Their only purpose in  life  is  to  take  the
           student's  mind off of the incredible work load he has, by giving
           him even more work in the form of a club! Only at Rensselaer!
0                                  Student Government
+                                  Student Government
-          The Grand Marshal and Senate
0               In  the  past, there have been only three GM's with peculiar
           initials in regard to the office at hand. In 1870, the  first  GM
           whose  initials  were  GM was George C. MacGregor. The second and
           only other to date was Gordon Michaels, who was GM from  1975  to
           1976. GM Mary Garrity (1983-1984) was the only GM ever to have it
           backwards, so to speak, as well as being the first woman GM.
0          The President of the Union and the Executive Board
0               In the past, there has been only one PU whose initials  were
           PU.  This  illustrious  character was Philip Ulrich who was PU in
           1978. One student in the history of the offices of the GM and  PU
           has  held  BOTH  offices at sometime in his stay at RPI. This was
           Henry B. Voorhees, who held the post of GM  in  1895-6,  and  the
           post of PU in 1894-5.
0          The Class Councils
0          The IC and the IFC
0          The J-Board
0          The Rules and Elections Committee
0          The Grand Marshal Week Committee
0               This  group of undergraduate and graduate students, which is
           formed in the early part of every spring semester,  organize  the
           activities  of  Grand  Marshal  Week  for  that  year.  They  are
           responsible for the structure, budgeting and even the  atmosphere
           of  GM  Week.  They  are not, however, responsible to the student
           body in matters concerning the weather,  which  always  seems  to
           dictate snow or rain on day with outdoors events.
0                                     Publications
+                                     Publications
-          The Polytechnic
+          The Polytechnic
9
9
9          Extra-Ridiculous Activities
;
9
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9          66    00:42:32 18 September
-               The  Polytechnic  is  RPI's  campus  newspaper,   which   is
+                    Polytechnic 
           published  weekly  by  the  Polytechnic  staff,  a  group of hard
           working students. The Poly details events of  major  interest  on
+                                Poly 
           campus,  recalls  the  latest  sports  facts, presents reviews of
           local  entertainment,  publishes  classified  and  (usually  very
           silly) unclassified ads, and has lots of filler. Well, nothing is
           perfect. The editorial point of view is usually  centered  around
           some major organization in the Union. One semester it will be the
           E-Board, another, the APO point of view. It fluctuates  depending
           upon what club has the greatest membership in the Poly staff.
+                                                            Poly 
0          The Gorgon
+          The Gorgon
0               The  Gorgon  is RPI's one attempt at a literary publication.
+                    Gorgon 
           It is filled (not very heavily, mind you) with works  of  poetry,
           short  stories,  and sketches created by Rensselaer students. The
           input to the Gorgon is never too heavy, as the arts are a  poorly
+                       Gorgon 
           favored subject with most students.
0          The Unicorn
+          The Unicorn
0               In it's heyday, the Unicorn was one of the funniest and most
+                                   Unicorn 
           daring RPI publication to be funded  by  the  Union.  It  is  the
           great-grandson   of   The   Pup,  which  was  RPI's  first  humor
+                                The   Pup 
           publication. The Unicorn's biggest problem was that  it  couldn't
+                           Unicorn 
           resist  taking  jabs  at  real  live  people  in  the  Rensselaer
           community. It was  finally  disbanded  in  Spring  1983  after  a
           J-Board  case  which concerned some offensive material printed in
           it.
0          The Polemic
+          The Polemic
0               The Pole is a non-Union funded publication that was  started
+                   Pole 
           by  several  students  living in the E-Dorms in the Fall of 1980.
           The originators, two 15-year-old freshmen, calling themselves the
           "Wiltsie  Boatworks,"  had just finished winning the Hudson River
           Celebration Boat Contest, and decided to start a lampoon  of  the
           Polytechnic.  Using  clippings  of  Poly  stories,  they reworded
+          Polytechnic                         Poly 
           stories in humorous and (usually) non-scathing ways. The Pole has
+                                                                   Pole 
           steadfastly  resisted  Union  monies,  noting  that the editorial
           control the E-Board  would  have  would  destroy  their  humorous
           impact.
0               The freshmen both failed out after one semester.
0          The Engineer
+          The Engineer
0               The Engineer is RPI's foremost publication on  research  and
+                   Engineer 
           development  at  RPI. The articles within are usually of a fairly
           technical nature, and tend to display Rensselaer's research  work
           as the most important work done on the campus. The issues tend to
9
9
9          Extra-Ridiculous Activities
;
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   67
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-          center on a  general  theme,  and  present  articles  written  by
           graduate  students  and faculty. Lots of expensive ads from major
           research contractors can be found as filler, too.
0          The Transit
+          The Transit
0          The Rensselaer Handbook
+          The Rensselaer Handbook
0               The  Rensselaer  Handbook is the Administration's attempt to
+               The  Rensselaer  Handbook 
           prepair  incoming  students  for  life  at  RPI.   Primarily   an
           adminstrative  rulebook,  the  student  handbook  does  have some
           useful sections on adult life for  the  incoming  freshmen-types.
           Unfortunately, the information about life external to RPI is very
           lacking, when not utterly inaccurate.
0          Not the Rensselaer Handbook
+          Not the Rensselaer Handbook
0               Not the Rensselaer  Handbook,  a  student  publication  with
+               Not the Rensselaer  Handbook 
           uncertain   staff  and  even  more  uncertain  publishing  goals,
           attempts to fill in the  gaps  that  the  adminstrative  handbook
           cannot  reach.  It does this with no small measure of satire, not
           unlike the Pole.
+                     Pole 
0                                 The Performing Arts
+                                 The Performing Arts
-          The RPI Players
0               The  Players  are  one of the oldest and largest student run
           clubs on campus. Their newly renovated 15th Street  Playhouse  is
           one  of  the  landmarks  of Rensselaer. The Players produce three
           shows in a typical scholastic year, two being large musicals, and
           one  being  a  drama.  Membership  is  open to all members of the
           Rensselaer Union, and the  club  is  funded  mostly  through  the
           Union, although a reasonable income is made by selling tickets to
           shows.
0          wE the Free Theatre
0               An offshoot of The RPI Players, wE the Free Theater works on
+                              The RPI Players  wE the Free Theater 
           plays  that  are  of  small  casts and of bizzare topics. At this
           time, the actual existance  of  this  organization  is  seriously
           tenuous.
0                             Radio, Music, and Television
+                             Radio, Music, and Television
-          WRPI 91.5 FM Radio Rensselaer
0               Probably  the  most  misunderstood  club  on  campus,  Radio
+                                                                      Radio
           Rensselaer  is the student organization which is in charge of the
+          Rensselaer 
9
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9          68    00:42:32 18 September
-          radio station, WRPI. As  part  of  it's  operating  budget,  WRPI
           receives  Union  funding,  but most of the people who actually do
           radio are not students.
0               The  reasons  for  this  are  simple.  First,  WRPI is a ten
           thousand watt FM radio station, which has a  vested  interest  in
           serving  the  entire Albany, Troy, and Schenectady areas, and not
+                                                                        not
           just a college radio station. Thus, WRPI must  stay  on  the  air
           during  times  when  students  are not around. These times can be
           summarized as Vacation and Summer. It is during those times  that
           the  non-student  members  of  the  station  are so critical. The
           second reason that non-students are critical to the operation  of
           WRPI  is that very, very few RPI students are willing to make the
           kind of time commitment that working at WRPI involves.  In  other
           words, they can't get enough students to save their lives.
0               Another area of WRPI that is grossly  misunderstood  is  its
           airsound.  Students  at  RPI  do not understand why 'their' radio
           station doesn't  play  the  same  Top  40  music  that  they  are
           accustomed to hearing. The reason, again, is two fold. First, the
           local commercial stations already do this, and would quickly lose
           their  business  (advertising)  if  WRPI  started  tearing  their
           audience away from  them.  Second,  WRPI  is  pledged  to  be  an
           'educational'  station. The goal of WRPI's airsound is simple: to
           play new and progressive music. This usually means music which is
           not commerically pushed as it is on other stations. The education
           comes in learning about music that one would normally  never  get
           to hear on commercial radio.
0               There are lots of things to do at WRPI besides doing a show.
           All  of  the  electronic  equipment  in  the  studio  and  at the
           transmitter must be maintained by the members of WRPI. This is  a
           great  opportunity for aspiring EE's to get some real experience.
           The News Deparment is always looking for people to help with news
           announcing,  and to work on a campus news show. There are lots of
           administrative  tasks  which  have  to  be  done,  from  checking
           opertions  logs  to  sifting through Public Service Announcements
           for airplay.  There  is  a  production  studio  with  multi-track
           recording  capabilities being installed (again, by students) that
           will be used to record local bands. Remotes are a great way to go
           public  and  'spin  tunes'.  Serious Troy Music Hall fans can get
           involved with WRPI sponsored concert recordings, using  state  of
           the art digital equipment.
0                                      Athletics
+                                      Athletics
-                     The Union Programs and Activities Committee
+                     The Union Programs and Activities Committee
-                                Special Interest Clubs
+                                Special Interest Clubs
9
9
9          Extra-Ridiculous Activities
;
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   69
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-          The Science Fiction Club
0          The Science Fiction Games Club
0          The Model Railroad Club
0          The Rensselaer Sports Car Association
0          The Society for Creative Anachronism
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
9
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9          Extra-Ridiculous Activities
;
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9          70    00:42:32 18 September
-
-
-
-
-
-
0
                                  The Chapter of Lists
+                                 The Chapter of Lists
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
0
;
9
9
9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   71
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-                                 The Chapter of Lists
0               How  could  this  silliness  be  summarized better than by a
           chapter devoted to the most useful form of data organization, the
           list? These pages that follow contain the most obscure yet useful
           information  available  on  RPI  in  a  compact  form  that   any
           non-Computer  Science  major  can  deal with (CompSci-types, just
           think in terms of LISP and things will work out).
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
 
9
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9          The Chapter of Lists
;
9
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9          72    00:42:32 18 September
-
0                               What to take to an Exam
+                               What to take to an Exam
           1.   A  writing  instrument.  Try pencils, pens, crayons, or even
+               A  writing  instrument. 
                spray paint cans, but avoid anything which can't  be  erased
                quickly. Ignore this condition if you are a crosser-outer.
           2.   A  calculating  machine.  A  simple four function (yes, they
+               A  calculating  machine. 
                still make them) device  is  fine,  although  nothing  feels
                quite as good as an HP-41CX in the palm. Maybe bring two.
           3.   Back-up  power for the calculator. Items like spare Duracels
+               Back-up  power for the calculator. 
                or even portable electric generators work well.
           4.   Crib Sheet. This can be loosely identified as notes  for  an
+               Crib Sheet. 
                "open book" test, but we advise against carrying into a test
                any textbook unless the course is Assembler, in  which  case
                the  description  of  the  entire IBM 360/70 instruction set
                might be slightly useful. If it's for a course like  Physics
                I,  bring  a  magnifying  glass  so  you  can  read what you
                microprinted the night before.
           5.   A Picture of an  Authoritative  Intellectual.  Our  personal
+               A Picture of an  Authoritative  Intellectual. 
                favorite  is  one  of Albert Einstein, but a good profile of
                Max Planck will do wonders to confuse the  TA's  minds.  The
                photo  is  basically  a simple method to ensure that a great
                mind is overlooking your exam.
           6.   Stuffed Animal. Nothing soothes the savage test-taker like a
+               Stuffed Animal. 
                warm  fuzzie.  Your  friendly  bear, penguin or tribble will
                work well.
           7.   Nourishment. Brain food aside, a cold soda and munchies help
+               Nourishment. 
                take  your  mind  off  of test-death. Long-lasting lollipops
                work very well and don't disturb your fellow sufferers.
           8.   Small Portable TA. This works best on tests  that  are  open
+               Small Portable TA. 
                book,  and  the  instructor  has foolishly acknowledged that
                "anything you can carry into the test, you can use." A  real
                fight starter. After all, your peers will all want to borrow
                your TA.
           9.   Drugs. While NtRH doesn't advocate these,  if  you  went  to
+               Drugs.       NtRH 
                every  lecture  and  recitation drunk or stoned, and did the
                homework and readings in the same state, it follows that you
                cannot  perform  on  the exams unless you are in your common
                state of mind for the course.
           10.  Some Idea of How to Answer the  Questions.  This  one  seems
+               Some Idea of How to Answer the  Questions. 
                almost  too obvious, but it is often overlooked as being too
+                       too 
                difficult, since it requires going to class, studying, doing
                the  homework,  etc.  And  ALWAYS make sure you know exactly
                what course the exam  is  for  --  studying  Physics  for  a
                Calculus  test renders much of the knowledge you accumulated
                the night before useless.
-                                Reasons to Skip Class
+                                Reasons to Skip Class
           1.   The class is before noon.
           2.   Can't solve differential equations in my head.
9
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;
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+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-          3.   Didn't  do  the  class  assignment  and don't like to attend
                class unprepared.
           4.   The instructor knows no American English.
           5.   The class is in West Hall.
           6.   There is two feet of snow on the ground and you assume  that
                class will be cancelled anyway...
           7.   GM Week.
           8.   Your girl/boyfriend is in town for the day...
           9.   You just took a test (or had one anytime that day).
           10.  The textbook weighs more than your refrigerator.
-                            The Silliest Artwork on Campus
+                            The Silliest Artwork on Campus
           1.   The Plastic Blocks on Rope. In the 2nd and 3rd floors of the
                JEC,  this winner takes the biscuit. A few years ago, it was
                joined by an old clothes washer on a cable.
           2.   Tank Treads. By the Folsom Library, on Hill St. Helen's, you
                can't  miss  them. They used to be right on top of the steam
                vent, but they got moved because they were getting rusty.
           3.   Brick Fountain. Just off the JEC west  ramp,  this  circular
                pyramid was designed to be a fountain, but funds ran out and
                so did the water . . .
           4.   Cowbells. On the cliff overlooking the Walker Lab.
           5.   The New Playhouse. Even the Players don't like the new  look
                of their art-deco "barn."
           6.   Hudson  River  Fountain.  On  the  third floor of the Folsom
                Library, this huge set of cylinders was donated by Eric  and
                Margaret  Jonsson.  When it is actually running, it's rather
                amusing to watch, but annoying if you are trying to study.
           7.   The Sage Laboratory Renovations. Talk about clash!
-                                    Centers at RPI
+                                    Centers at RPI
           1.   Communications Center (CC).
           2.   The Center for Integrated Computer Graphics (CICG).
           3.   Center   for   Manufacturing   Productivity  and  Technology
                Transfer.
           4.   Graduate and Married Student Center.
           5.   The Writing Center.
           6.   Voorhees Computing Center (VCC).
           7.   Information and Personal Assistance Center (IPAC).
           8.   RPI Daycare Center.
           9.   Center for Industrial Innovation (CII).
           10.  Performing Arts Center (Playhouse).
           11.  Materials Research Center (MRC).
           12.  Jonsson Engineering Center (EC officially, JEC normally).
           13.  Science Center (SC).
           14.  Learning Center.
           15.  Visitor's Information Center (VIC).
           16.  Center for Integrated Electronics (CIE).
           17.  University Information Center.
9
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9          The Chapter of Lists
;
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9          74    00:42:32 18 September
-          18.  Chapel and Cultural Center (C & CC).
           19.  Ecological Modeling Center.
           20.  Human Dimensions and Technology Center.
           21.  Introductory Management Engineering Center.
           22.  Alumni Recreation and Sports Center (AR & SC).
           23.  Lally Management Center.
           24.  Urban and Environmental Studies Center.
           25.  Cancer Development Center.
           26.  Counselling Center.
           27.  Black Cultural Studies Center.
           28.  TIME Support Center.
           29.  Bearing Testing (and Torture) Center.
           30.  Center for Architectural Research.
           31.  Center for Electric Power Engineering.
           32.  Residence Life Community Center.
-                             The Ten Best Yerazunis Jokes
+                             The Ten Best Yerazunis Jokes
           1.   How many Yerazunises does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
                Two. One to operate the cherry-picker, and one  to  arc-weld
                the new bulb in place.
                No, three. One to drive the forklift, one to jackhammer  the
                old bulb out and one to arc-weld the new one in.
           2.   What kind of underwear does a Yerazunis wear?
                Sears Craftsman Best.
           3.   How does a Yerazunis cook a lobster?
                In a pot with an oxy-acetylene torch.
           4.   What does he do afterward?
                Weld the hole in the pot.
           5.   What does a Yerazunis use for a personal radio intercom?
                Westar VI. (Nobody else knows where it went.)
           6.   Why did the Yerazunis cross the road?
                He was welded to a chicken.
           7.   What keeps Yerazunis' waterbed warm?
                Heavy water?
                No, Three Mile Island.
           8.   Q: Is there any coconut in them?
                A: No, it's all solid state.
           9.   What instruments are on a Yerazunis dashboard?
                A speedometer, tachometer and of course a gyrocompass.
           10.  What does a Yerazunis use to toss the salad?
                An F-14 turbine engine.
-
-
-
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+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-
-
-
-
-
-
0
                                       Tute Speak
+                                      Tute Speak
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
0
;
9
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9          76    00:42:32 18 September
-                                      Tute Speak
0               What  part  of  the  student's life is not influenced by how
           that student communicates? Even the Institute has recognized  the
           need  for  its student body to be more literate. Therefore, it is
           to this end that the following glossary of the language  that  is
           spoken at RPI is provided to those holding this book.
0               One will note, however, that the words contained herein  are
           not  spoken  anywhere  else,  save  for the bowels of IBM or at a
           social gathering at MIT. Still, it is essential  to  be  able  to
           understand  your  fellow  man at lunch when he tells you that his
           HP-41CX has crashed and that his last APL project  has  de-rezed,
           in  the  hopes  that you will offer some sympathy. Be warned that
           many of the words contained are not of  a  delicate  nature,  and
           that  if  you  are  offended  by  phrases  such as "Wankel Rotary
           Engine", you shouldn't be reading this anyway.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
 
9
9
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;
9
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+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-
 
           Ack     - exp. Equivalent to "gag."
 
           ACM     - n. Assemblage of Computer Maniacs, a  group  of  wanted
                     criminals at the VCC.
 
           Alien Death Ray
                   - n. Solar Collector on top of the Science  Center.  Also
                     known as the Laser Cannon.
 
           All-nighter
                   - n. The act of staying up all  night  to  complete  some
                     project before the deadline.
 
           Apathy Field
                   - n. (RPI) A peculiar ethereal atmosphere  indigenous  to
                     RPI,  generated  by  the  individual  students' lack of
                     concern for the events of the Real World. It  works  in
                     inverse  proportion  to  distance away from Troy and in
                     direct proportion to the distance to Home,  i.e.,  when
                     you return to the nest you care once again. However, it
                     also has hysterical  properties  and  takes  a  certain
                     amount of time to wear off.
 
           Approach
                   - n. (RPI) The  decaying  ruins  of  the  old  Rensselaer
                     gateway from Troy.
 
           Arbitrary Constant
                   - n. Something that can be put anywhere  for  any  reason
                     and  not  harmfully  affect  the  outcome  of any given
                     event. See Fudge Factor.
 
           B-Vector
                   - n.  Bullshit. No, really. Symbolized by the "Right Hand
                     Rule,"  see  Halliday  and  Resnick  for   the   formal
                     definition.
 
           BARH    - n., acronym. (RPI) Burdett Avenue Resident Housing, the
                     only REAL co-ed dorm on campus with its own bad version
                     of DAKA. This place has a history of being a wild party
                     dorm,   thanks   to   the  non-homogeneous  population.
                     Originally called the Burdett Avenue Residence Facility
                     (BARF).
 
           Batch   - adv. In discrete lumps.
 
           Beer    - n. A main staple of the Rensselaer Diet.
0
9
9
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;
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9          78    00:42:32 18 September
0
           Blarm   - exp. (RPI) A more serious version of alarm, not  to  be
                     confused with "Be Like A Real Man".
 
           Blast   - v. To be forced off MTS by the operator, owing to  some
                     "fatal" computer error.
 
           Blech   - exp. A sound of disgust. - adj.  -  blecherous.  To  be
                     disgusting. Also spelled "Bletch", "Bletcherous".
 
           Blow Away
                   - v. To lose big, or fail miserably.
 
           Blow Off
                   - v. To disregard; see Punt.
 
           Brownian Motion
                   - n. A very random and unpredictable sort of motion. Best
                     typified  by,  say,  a  nice  hot cup of tea. (Also see
                     Halliday and Resnick.)
 
           B.S.    - n. Your first degree, assuming you finish.
 
           Building 102
                   - n. The Center for Industrial  Innovation,  or  CII,  as
                     translated by lovers of Roman numerals.
 
           Bulk    - v. To erase, eradicate or  otherwise  remove  from  the
                     face of the Earth.
 
           Capitaland
                   - n. (RPI) For those who don't listen to WPYX, and  still
                     don't  know  this  term, it means Albany and Rensselaer
                     Counties and the general surrounding area.
 
           Care Package
                   - n.   A  package  containing  munchies,  junk  food  and
                     probably   a   stuffed   animal,   intended   to   ease
                     homesickness.
 
           Chez Stavo
                   - n. The nerd-food restaurant in the Folsom Library.
 
           Chopper - n.  (RPI)  The  ubiquitous  supermarket  of the Capital
                     District and  all-time  favorite  food  store  for  RPI
                     students. Also called "Price Gouger" or "Price Hacker."
-
-
9
9
9          Tute Speak
;
9
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9           Not the Rensselaer Handbook                                   79
+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
0
           Chrinitoid
                   - n. (RPI) Two Rectangles Vertical Gyratory Up, a kinetic
                     metal  sculpture which was lent to the Institute by the
                     sculptor, George Rickey, a professor at RPI  from  1961
                     to  1966.  Often confused with meteorological equipment
                     on the Science Center. Although gone, it may be  coming
                     back.
 
           Clone   - n. A xerox, but more so. Did you know that clones never
                     use mirrors?
 
           Cosmic Wimpout
                   - n. A very peculiar game which defies  explanation,  you
                     just have to play it to understand it.
 
           Couch Potato
                   - n. Sedentary lifeform most prevalent on low slung sofas
                     and  lounges  around  the campus. Best sightings are in
                     the JEC Lounge, the second floor of the  Union  and  on
                     every floor of the Folsom Library.
 
           Crash   - v. The act of Sibyl going to sleep,  or  as  most  Comp
                     Sci's  put  it, "going down." - n. You'll know Him when
                     you meet Him.
 
           Critter - n.  Something  that is small, and usually alive (though
                     many critters fake it).
 
           Cume    - n. see QPA.
+                           QPA 
 
           C Vortex
                   - n. (RPI) The name for the phenomenon that results in so
                     many students receiving so many C's.
 
           DAKA    - n., acronym. (RPI) Dining And  Kitchen  Administration.
                     The  generic  food  company  vested  with  the  task of
                     creating food out of flup for the FDH, Union and BARH.
 
           De-rez  - v. To destroy, delete or eliminate.
 
           DUMP    - n., acronym.  Decelerated  Undergraduate  Matriculation
                     Program,  otherwise  known as the five year Bachelor of
                     Science degree.
 
           Endless Loop
                   - n. see Loop, Endless.
 
           Faulty  - adj. Incorrect to the point of humorous.
-
9
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9          Tute Speak
;
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9          80    00:42:32 18 September
0
           FCN     - n. F*cking Computer Nerd (one of the few cases in which
                     "nerd" is preferred to "knurd"  because  "FCK"  is  too
                     similar  to  a very favorite word of all RPI students).
                     Not uncommon for this type to  be  verbally  fluent  in
                     Fortran or Assembler.
 
           Feh     - exp. A word of disgust.
 
           Flame   - v. 1. to boast. 2. to complain, sometimes vehemently. -
                     n. Someone who flames.
 
           Flunking In
                   - v.  (RPI)  To  secure one's stay at RPI with grades too
                     low to transfer elsewhere. - adj. Flunked In.
 
           Flup    - n.  (Niven)  Sea-bottom  ooze;  very  fine, fertile mud
                     which is useful for gardens and green, growing  things.
                     (Like mold.) Also see: Daka.
+                                           Daka 
 
           FOAD    - n., acronym. "F*ck Off And Die."
 
           FOAD Letter
                   - n.  A  letter from a company which says, "We liked your
                     resume, and had a real good time laughing at it, and we
                     don't  want  to  hire  you  now,  but  (chuckle) please
                     (snort) try again (hee, hee) later. (Haw,  haw,  haw!)"
                     Usually  received  at  the end of your senior year, and
                     whenever you apply for a co-op or a  summer  job.  Most
                     RPI seniors receive five or six of them.
 
           Foo     - n. Generic pronoun. (Others are: Bar, Zot.)
+                                                     Bar, Zot. 
 
           Fortrash
                   - n. Fortran, to those who know it well.
 
           Free Body Diagram
                   - n. A cryptic chart  depicting  each  and  every  force,
                     accountable or otherwise, in a force system.
 
           FRITZ   - n., acronym. Factor Reality into the Situation.
 
           Fudge Factor
                   - n.  Amount  of discrepancy added to lab data to make it
                     agree with theoretical results.
 
           GDI     - n. God-Damned Independent, as opposed to a frat-rat.
-
0
9
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;
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+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
0
           GM Week - n. (RPI) A week long festival, cleverly chosen so as to
                     lie  three weeks before finals and still within winter,
                     during which students drink themselves into  a  stupor,
                     and   occasionally,   by  accident,  vote  for  student
                     officials.
 
           Gouger  - n. (RPI) Favorite nick-name of Price Chopper.
 
           GPA     - n. General Personal Aptitude, the rating by  which  the
                     rest  of the world values your existence. Though you'll
                     hear  of  these,  RPI  won't  give  you  one;  being  a
                     technical school, they have to complicate it. See QPA.
+                                                                      QPA 
 
           Gradual Student
                   - n. Another word for masochist, this type of student  is
                     notable  for  being  forced  to teach undergrads in his
                     second language, English.
 
           Greene Building
                   - n.  (RPI)  One  of  the  many  anomalies  at  RPI, this
                     structure houses the School of Architecture and is  not
                     at all green.
 
           Hacker  - n. A type of human that  can  directly  interface  with
                     Sibyl  with every means short of psychic communication,
                     and does so for a large percentage of its  non-sleeping
                     life.  Can  find  interfacing  with  other  humans  too
                     difficult to bother. Treatment is available  for  these
                     types; drag them over to the Counselling Center.
 
           Hell Week
                   - n.  An  annual  week  during  which  pledges   to   RPI
                     Fraternities  undergo  group  therapy,  which  includes
                     dressing oddly, indulging in silly walks, and the  most
                     suits  on  campus  at  any  time  other  than Placement
                     Interviews.
 
           Hill Saint Helens
                   - n.  (RPI)  The  source  of  steam  between the VCC, the
                     Folsom Library and the Amos Eaton building.
 
           Hockey Line
                   - n. (RPI) An annual sit-in, the biggest at RPI since the
                     takeover of the Pittsburgh Building in the early  70's,
                     where  intrepid students wait over a month (the current
                     record is 35 days, 20 hours by the Polemic  Staff)  for
                     the best tickets.
 
           HVCC    - n. (RPI) Happy Valley Country Club, where most of RPI's
                     Square Root Club members retire for a semester or two.
 
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0
           I-O     - n. Pertaining to input and output operations, like  sex
                     and eating.
 
           Intuitively Obvious
                   - exp. One small step for a TA, one giant  leap  for  the
                     student.
 
           Jump    - v. To branch, as in a program. To  travel,  usually  by
                     car.
 
           KISS    - n., acronym. Keep it Simple, Stupid.
 
           Kludge  - n.  Any  alteration or assemblage which takes advantage
                     of faulty rules or organization.  -  v.  To  fix  in  a
                     temporary way (note: long "u" as in "nUke").
 
           Knurd   - n. One who studies intensively, but only for  practical
                     reasons,  such as an exam tomorrow. Preferred to "nerd"
                     due to it's nature of  being  reversible  into  another
                     useful word.
 
           Lab Report
                   - n. A practical exercise in Finagle's Law.
 
           Latch   - v. to attach oneself onto.
 
           Lineac  - n. The Nuclear Department's linear  accelerator,  which
                     is aimed directly at Troy's main water tower, the Space
                     Invader. It is mainly used to project matter out of the
                     Known Universe.
 
           Loop, Endless
                   - n. See Endless Loop.
 
           Lounge  - n.  (RPI) The RPI Players main hideout, the 15th Street
                     Playhouse, as it is referred to by the Players.
 
           Love Canal
                   - n.  The  "temporary" pathway along the '86 Field, which
                     turns into some kind  of  toxic  sludge  whenever  Troy
                     rains  or snows (which is far too frequent). Don't slip
                     and fall into it.
 
           Metroland
                   - n.  The  free  newsprint magazine that gets distributed
                     every Thursday, available in the Union if you're quick.
                     Sometimes  called Metrobland because, while informative
                     on what's happening in the capital district, it  really
                     doesn't tell you much. Good reviews though.
0
9
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;
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+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
0
           MMOC    - n., acronym. (RPI) Meanest Man On Campus, a title  held
                     by  whoever  collects the most money during GM week for
                     an APO funds drive, has the silliest  name  and  throws
                     the least pies.
 
           MoneyMaybe Machines
                   - n. (RPI) Brownian electronic tellers on the  west  side
                     of the Union which randomly allocate funds.
 
           MTS     - n. (RPI) The familiar letters that greet all of Sibyl's
                     users, the Message Terminal System (for those of us who
                     use $MESSAGESYSTEM more than the operating system).
 
           Mumble  - n.  A  variable  word pertaining to any noun, object or
                     thing.
 
           MUNG    - v.,  acronym.  A recursive word, meaning "MUNG Until No
                     Good."
 
           Myron   - n.  (RPI) The old campus mainframe computer, rumored to
                     still be in the  basement  of  the  Voorhees  Computing
                     Center.
 
           N       - n. Meaning any number  of  items,  usually  tending  to
                     positive infinity.
 
           Nerd Feeder
                   - n. Any of  several  devices  that  vend  unnatural  and
                     artificially   flavored   food-stuff   for  late  night
                     feeders. The largest collections are in the JEC Lounge,
                     the Field House, and the Folsom Library.
 
           Ni      - exp. A greeting call for many on campus.
 
           Ni-Mo   - n.  (RPI)  Abbreviation  for  Niagara  Mohawk, the Troy
                     power company.
 
           No Op   - n.  Someone  or thing that does nothing useful. - v. To
                     waste time by "slugging off." To ignore something.
 
           Nuke    - n.  Referring  to  anything nuclear, including weapons,
                     power or radiation. - v. To eradicate or obliterate.
 
           Nukerowave
                   - n. The device resembling a terminal in any RPI-provided
                     kitchen, it is used to heat food and eradicate numerous
                     forms of matter in general.
 
           Opus    - n. The existential penguin in "Bloom County,"  a  comic
                     strip  that  can only be found in the Boston Globe, and
+                                                          Boston Globe 
                     occasionally in the Poly.
+                                        Poly 
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0
           Organic Waste Products
                   - n. The Hudson River, DAKA food, chem labs.
 
           P & M   - n. Parental units, Pa and Ma.
 
           Parental Maintenance
                   - v.  The  act of convincing your parents that the $15K a
                     year spent on your lifesupport  at  RPI  is  worth  the
                     expense, despite your grades.
 
           Party   - n. A social  gathering  with  a  goal  of  mixed  group
                     interrelating, drinking, etc. - v. To enjoy the company
                     of others and not be involved in studying. - adj. To be
                     desirable  to have at a party (e.g. "He's quite a party
                     guy").
 
           Pass-Punt
                   - n.  One  of  the options available to a Tute student. A
                     class on Pass-Punt does not count against  you  if  you
                     fail  or do poorly; it also does not help your GPA even
                     if you do incredibly well. Officially  called  "Pass-No
                     Credit."
 
           Perf    - n. The perforated strips of  paper  that  come  off  of
                     computer printouts. Makes great confetti...
 
           Players - n. (RPI) The avant-garde  actors'  troupe  on  the  RPI
                     campus  composed  of mostly students, which has been in
                     continuous production since 1927. They  are  housed  in
                     the 15th Street Playhouse.
 
           Polemic - n.   (RPI)   The   independent,    student    financed,
+          Polemic 
                     somewhat-bi-weekly  spoof of the Institute's newspaper,
                     the Polytechnic. Otherwise known as "Not the Poly."
+                        Polytechnic 
 
           Power Tool
                   - v. to INTENSIVELY study; see tool.
+                                                 tool 
 
           Puck    - n. 1. Hockey Player type. 2. Any crusty piece  of  food
                     served  by DAKA, often passed off as meat. They come in
                     three varieties: poultry-flavored,  fish-flavored,  and
                     other (which is usually the veal).
 
           Punt    - v. To drop, reject or ignore, as in classes.
 
           Puntogram
                   - n.   Rejection  letter.  Primarily  used  to  designate
                     rejection letters from the Tute. Rejection letters from
                     companies are usually referred to as FOAD letters.
+                                                         FOAD letters 
0
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+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
0
           Purity Test
                   - n. (RPI) Basically, a sexual experience test.
 
           QPA     - n.  A  complicated  version of the GPA, this stands for
                     Quality Person Average, your mean value of total  worth
                     in relation to Reality.
 
           Quad    - n.  (RPI)   The   three-sided   upperclassman   housing
                     structure across from the Union.
 
           Random  - adj. To be diverse in nature.
 
           RAHP    - n.,   acronym.   (RPI)   Rensselaer  Apartment  Housing
                     Project,  is  better  known  as  the  Alpha  Phi  Omega
                     fraternity "house."
 
           Real Time
                   - adv. Describing how an action occurs, meaning  that  it
                     is  happening  instantly.  -  n. Referring to actual or
                     current events as opposed to the past.
 
           Real World
                   - n. (RPI) The Known Universe, minus the RPI environment,
                     which is sheltered in an Apathy Field.
 
           Reality - n. The Known Universe.
 
           Reality Check
                   - n. The act of leaping up once to see if one will  still
                     fall  Earthward  under  the  influence of gravity. Also
                     known as "Gravity Check."
 
           Recursive
                   - adj. See recursive.
 
           Rez-up  - v. To create or originate.
 
           Road Trip
                   - n.  To  gather a group of friends together in a car and
                     get out of Troy.
 
           Sagie   - n.  (RPI)  A  student  of  Russell Sage College, who is
                     typified (by RPI men) as a  slightly  overweight  "MRS"
                     degree candidate.
 
           Scalar  - n.  Someone  who  is  either  climbing  a  tall  campus
                     building, or one who has just landed after a fall off a
                     tall campus building. (See Vector.)
+                                               Vector 
 
           Scarf   - v. To take repetitively until none is left.
 
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           Self Screw
                   - n.  (RPI)  A  particular  mutation  of  RPI's   regular
                     curriculum    in   which   students   are   given   the
                     responsibility  of  administering  the  Tute  Screw  to
                     themselves. Sometimes called "Self Abuse."
 
           Sibyl   - n. The  IBM  370/3081D  computer  which,  according  to
                     reliable sources, lives in the basement of the VCC, and
                     controls everything in the world,  from  the  faculty's
                     paychecks to your phone bills.
 
           Slug    - n. One who lies about ignoring the Universe at large. -
                     v. (-ing) To slug. See Couch Potato.
 
           Snail Mail
                   - n. The free intra-campus mail  system.  Not  noted  for
                     it's speed.
 
           Solvent - n. Beer, Whiskey, Vodka, Rum,... anything that will try
                     to  annihilate  your  digestive tract through alcoholic
                     reactions.
 
           Square Root Club
                   - n.  (RPI)  Elite group of students whose cumes are less
                     than the square root of their cumes.
 
           SPAC    - n., acronym. (RPI) The Saratoga Performing Arts Center,
                     yet another center which is the site of many concerts.
 
           Space Invader
                   - n.  (RPI) The large blue water tower that is behind the
                     RAHP and in the sights of the Lineac.
 
           Squid   - n. Naval ROTC type.
 
           *.*     - n.  Anything  and  everything  (pronounced   "star-dot-
                     star").
 
           Starting Salary
                   - n. A buzzword prevalent around the end  of  the  spring
                     semester,  it  is a common method of rating the "value"
                     of one's diploma.
 
           Stu-Gov - n. (RPI) One who actively (or obsessively) participates
                     in Student Government.
 
           SUNYA   - n.,  acronym.  (RPI)  State  University of Nubile Young
                     Airheads.
 
           TA      - n.  Unfortunate  gradual student who is forced to teach
                     undergrads who speak a foreign tongue, English.
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+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
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           Third Floor
                   - n. (RPI) For many campus buildings, the floor where the
                     main doors are.
 
           TME     - n.  The  Total  Mall  Experience.  Otherwise  known  as
                     shopping at Crossgates Mall, the ultimate suburban mall
                     in Upstate New York. Be there, aloha.
 
           Toad    - n. One who studies, and studies, and . . .
 
           Tool    - n.  One  who  studies  considerably.  v. -ing, to study
                     excessively.
 
           Tute    - n.  (RPI)  One  of many shorter versions of RPI's name,
                     devised to help students who  cannot  spell  the  whole
                     thing.
 
           Tute Screw
                   - n. (RPI) To quote the Rensselaer Student  Handbook,  "A
+                                          Rensselaer Student  Handbook 
                     peculiar  device . . .  whichever  way  you turn it, it
                     goes in."
 
           Twink   - n.  A  person  who  has had his common sense surgically
                     removed.
 
           Ultor   - n.  (RPI)  The  god of high voltage, whose servants are
                     known as Ni-Mo (q.v.) . To commune with Ultor,  poke  a
+                             Ni-Mo 
                     paper clip into the wall socket . . .
 
           User    - n. A computer programmer who  believes  everything  you
                     tell him.
 
           VCC     - n.  (RPI,  pronounced   "Vee-See-See")   The   Voorhees
                     Computing  Center,  often  confused with the Chapel and
                     Cultural Center as  the  seat  of  religious  power  on
                     campus.
 
           Vector  - n. (1.) In mathematics, a one dimensional matrix.  (2.)
                     Someone  who  is  falling  off a tall building. Derives
                     from the last cry of the falling body, "I'm a vector!"
 
           Whoosh  - n.   Any  vehicle  capable  of  traveling  faster  than
                     walking.
 
           WRPI    - n.  (RPI) The campus 10-kilowatt radio station that can
                     be  found  91.5  MHz  on  your  FM  radio  dial,  which
                     specializes  in  not  specializing in music. Pronounced
                     "Whirpee."
-
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           XA      - n.  A new version of MTS that became operational in the
                     Fall  84  semester.  Translated,  it  means   "Extended
                     Aggravation."
 
           Za      - n. Pizza. Another staple of the Rensselaer Diet.
 
           Zamboni - n.  The huge vehicle that clears the ice in the Houston
                     Field House. Not a good car for road trips.
 
           Zone    - n. Calzone, a folded-over za.
 
           Zoomie  - n. Air Force ROTC type.
 
           Zurn    - v.  To copy onto a reused piece of magnetic tape, e.g.,
                     cassette or video tape.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
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+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-                                        Index
+                                        Index
0          *.*, 86
           Ack, 77
           ACM, 77
           Alien Death Ray, 77
           All-nighter, 77
           Apathy Field, 77
           Approach, 77
           Arbitrary Constant, 77
           B.S., 78
           B-Vector, 77
           BARH, 77
           Batch, 77
           Beer, 77
           Ben and Jerry's, 50
           Blarm, 77
           Blast, 78
           Blech, 78
           Blow Away, 78
           Blow Off, 78
           Boulevard Bookstore, 51
           Brownian Motion, 78
           Building 102, 78
           Bulk, 78
           C Vortex, 79
           Capitaland, 78
           Care Package, 78
           Chez Stavo, 78
           Chopper, 78
           Chrinitoid, 78
           Clone, 79
           Cocos, 51
           Colonie Mall, 52
           Colsons , 52
           Cosmic Wimpout, 79
           Couch Potato, 79
           Crash, 79
           Critter, 79
           Crossgates Mall, 52
           Cume, 79
           DAKA, 79
           De-rez, 79
           DUMP, 79
           Earthworld Comics, 52
           Electric City Comics, 52
           Endless Loop, 79
           FantaCo, 52
           Faulty, 79
           FCN, 79
           Feh, 80
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-          Flame, 80
           Flunking In, 80
           Flup, 80
           FOAD, 80
           FOAD Letter, 80
           Foo, 80
           Fortrash, 80
           Free Body Diagram, 80
           FRITZ, 80
           Fudge Factor, 80
           GDI, 80
           GM Week, 80
           Gouger, 81
           GPA, 81
           Grades, $, 29
             *, 29
             A, 28
             B, 28
             C, 28
             CD, 28
             D, 28
             F, 28
             FA, 28
             FO, 28
             HP, 28
             HV, 28
             I, 29
             IP, 29
             KD, 29
             NA, 29
             O, 29
             P, 29
             S, 29
             SC, 29
             TS, 29
             U, 29
             WD, 29
           Gradual Student, 81
           Greene Building, 81
           Hacker, 81
           Hell Week, 81
           Hill Saint Helens, 81
           Hockey Line, 81
           HVCC, 81
           I-O, 82
           Intuitively Obvious, 82
           Italia Resturant, 50
           Jump, 82
           Justin McNeil's, 50
           KISS, 82
           Kludge, 82
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+           Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
-          Knurd, 82
           Lab Report, 82
           Latch, 82
           Latham Circle Mall, 52
           Lineac, 82
           Loop, Endless, 82
           Lounge, 82
           Love Canal, 82
           Margarita's, 50
           Metroland, 82
           MMOC, 82
           Mohawk Mall, 53
           MoneyMaybe Machines, 83
           MTS, 83
           Mumble, 83
           MUNG, 83
           Myron, 83
           N, 83
           Nelsons , 52
           Nerd Feeder, 83
           Ni, 83
           Ni-Mo, 83
           No Op, 83
           Nuke, 83
           Nukerowave, 83
           Opus, 83
           Organic Waste Products, 84
           P & M, 84
           Parental Maintenance, 84
           Party, 84
           Pass-Punt, 84
           Pasta Express, 50
           Perf, 84
           Players, 84
           Polemic, 84
+          Polemic 
           Power Tool, 84
           Puck, 84
           Punt, 84
           Puntogram, 84
           Purity Test, 85
           QPA, 85
           Quad, 85
           RAHP, 85
           Random, 85
           Real Time, 85
           Real World, 85
           Reality, 85
           Reality Check, 85
           Recursive, 85
           Rez-up, 85
           Road Trip, 85
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-          Sagie, 85
           Scalar, 85
           Scarf, 85
           Self Screw, 86
           Sibyl, 86
           Slug, 86
           Snail Mail, 86
           Solvent, 86
           SPAC, 86
           Space Invader, 86
           Square Root Club, 86
           Squid, 86
           Starting Salary, 86
           Stu-Gov, 86
           Stuyvesant Plaza, 53
           SUNYA, 86
           TA, 86
           TGI Fridays, 51
           Third Floor, 87
           TME, 87
           Toad, 87
           Tool, 87
           Troy Plaza, 53
           Tute, 87
           Tute Screw, 87
           Twink, 87
           Ultor, 87
           Uncle Sam Atrium, 53
           User, 87
           VCC, 87
           Vector, 87
           Whoosh, 87
           WRPI, 87
           XA, 87
           Za, 88
           Zamboni, 88
           Zone, 88
           Zoomie, 88
           Zurn, 88
           8th Step Coffeehouse, 50
-
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-                                  Table of Contents
+                                  Table of Contents
 
             Introduction .................................................1
           An Unofficial History of RPI ...................................
+                                                                          3
             A Short History Course .......................................3
               Amos Eaton .................................................3
               Russell Sage ...............................................3
               Eric and Margaret Jonsson ..................................5
               Alan Voorhees ..............................................6
               Libraries ..................................................6
             A History of Computing at RPI ................................7
             Buildings which Move .........................................7
               Walker Labs ................................................7
               West Hall ..................................................8
               The Folsom Library .........................................8
               The Communications Center ..................................9
               The 15th St. Lounge (the Playhouse) ........................9
               The Hirsch Observatory .....................................9
               Most Other Campus Buildings ...............................10
           Student Rights, Lefts and Others ..............................
+                                                                         13
             Not the Student Bill of Rights ..............................13
             Security ....................................................14
             Computer Morals and Ethics at RPI ...........................14
               The Ten Commandments of ITS ...............................14
           Student Bureaucracies .........................................
+                                                                         17
             Office of the Dean of Students ..............................17
             Learning Center .............................................17
             Counselling Center ..........................................17
             NEAR ........................................................18
             IPAC ........................................................18
             Chaplain's Office ...........................................18
             Health Services .............................................19
             Financial Aid ...............................................20
             Writing Center ..............................................20
             Student Orientation .........................................21
           Academic Protocol .............................................
+                                                                         23
             Everything you wanted to know about the Administration
               ...but were afraid to ask .................................23
             Registration ................................................23
             Class Attendance and Exams ..................................23
             The C Vortex ................................................26
             What happens if you do fall out of the C Vortex? ............26
             Flunking In .................................................27
             Not the Grading System ......................................28
           Not Living Here ...............................................
+                                                                         31
             RPI Housing .................................................31
             Residence Life at RPI .......................................31
               Responsibilities of Dorm Residents: .......................31
               Distribution of Housing ...................................31
             On-Campus Housing ...........................................32
             Institute Apartments ........................................33
               Colonie Apartments ........................................33
9              RAHP ......................................................34
9              The mumble-wycks ..........................................34
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             Fraternity Life .............................................35
             Off-campus, or "Taking your chances" ........................35
             The Organic Waste Products Services .........................35
             Not Parking at RPI ..........................................36
             The Art of Doing Laundry ....................................36
           Survival at the Tute ..........................................
+                                                                         39
             Birth and Death Control .....................................39
               Birth Control at Rensselaer ...............................39
               The Unabridged Purity Test ................................40
+              ___ __________ ______ ____ 
               Death Control at Rensselaer ...............................47
             Entertainment in the Capital District .......................48
               Public Transportation .....................................48
               Movie Theaters ............................................48
               Restaurants ...............................................49
               Bookstores ................................................51
               Malls .....................................................52
               Parks .....................................................53
               Areas of Special Interest .................................53
           Classroom Facilities ..........................................
+                                                                         56
             West Hall ...................................................56
             The Carnegie Building .......................................57
             The Walker Labs .............................................58
             Amos Eaton ..................................................58
             Russell Sage Labs ...........................................59
             The Greene Building .........................................60
             The Troy Building ...........................................60
             The Jonsson Engineering Center ..............................61
             The Ricketts Building .......................................61
             The Communications Center ...................................62
           Extra-Ridiculous Activities ...................................
+                                                                         65
             Student Government ..........................................65
               The Grand Marshal and Senate ..............................65
               The President of the Union and the Executive Board ........65
               The Class Councils ........................................65
               The IC and the IFC ........................................65
               The J-Board ...............................................65
               The Rules and Elections Committee .........................65
               The Grand Marshal Week Committee ..........................65
             Publications ................................................65
               The Polytechnic ...........................................65
+              The Polytechnic 
               The Gorgon ................................................66
+              The Gorgon 
               The Unicorn ...............................................66
+              The Unicorn 
               The Polemic ...............................................66
+              The Polemic 
               The Engineer ..............................................66
+              The Engineer 
               The Transit ...............................................67
+              The Transit 
               The Rensselaer Handbook ...................................67
+              The Rensselaer Handbook 
               Not the Rensselaer Handbook ...............................67
+              Not the Rensselaer Handbook 
             The Performing Arts .........................................67
               The RPI Players ...........................................67
               wE the Free Theatre .......................................67
             Radio, Music, and Television ................................67
               WRPI 91.5 FM Radio Rensselaer .............................67
9            Athletics ...................................................68
9            The Union Programs and Activities Committee .................68
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             Special Interest Clubs ......................................69
               The Science Fiction Club ..................................69
               The Science Fiction Games Club ............................69
               The Model Railroad Club ...................................69
               The Rensselaer Sports Car Association .....................69
               The Society for Creative Anachronism ......................69
           The Chapter of Lists ..........................................
+                                                                         71
             What to take to an Exam .....................................72
             Reasons to Skip Class .......................................72
             The Silliest Artwork on Campus ..............................73
             Centers at RPI ..............................................73
             The Ten Best Yerazunis Jokes ................................74
           Tute Speak ....................................................76
<
