, X-NEWS: spcvxb alt.folklore.computers: 30676P Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.1B4+SPC1 6/9/92 VAX/VMS V5.5-1; site spcvxb.spc.edu[ Path: spcvxb!rutgers!uwm.edu!caen!sdd.hp.com!swrinde!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!news.larc.nasa.gov! A  ames!agate!stanford.edu!CSD-NewsHost.Stanford.EDU!dolores!daniel " Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers Subject: Alice in Unix Land.7 Message-ID: <DANIEL.92Oct16103430@dolores.Stanford.EDU> 0 From: daniel@dolores.Stanford.EDU (Daniel Weise) Date: 16 Oct 92 14:34:30 GMT& Sender: news@CSD-NewsHost.Stanford.EDU Distribution: alt > Organization: Computer Systems Laboratory, Stanford University
 Lines: 156  I Thanks for the help and feedback.  I found it by asking Archie.  A lot of E people are asking for a copy of it, and lot of people keep sending it F to me.  You can all stop now.  For those who wanted it passed on, here it is:    2                                 Alice in UNIX Land          I     Alice was reading the message on her monitor and beginning to suspect H     that everything was not as it should be.  "Program too big to fit in     memory," it read.   C            "Curiouser and curiouser," she said, "All I did was load J     fourteen TSRs before starting my word processor.  With four megabytes,'     I wish I could use more than 640K."   C            "At that moment, a small white consultant ( a very white H     consultant) ran across the room.  "Oh my coat and necktie," he said,H     "I'm going to be late for my appointment.  And at one fifty an hour,J     too."  Before Alice could say anything, he leaped into her monitor and,     disappeared behind her operating system.  K            Alice thought that she had never seen anyone leap into a monitor I     before; and certainly not go clean through the operating system.  But J     then, she had been told that DOS was very shallow.  Without hesitating&     a moment, she leaped in after him.  K            She found herself in a shiny corridor.  Not knowing what else to J     do, she began walking.  Turning a corner, she found herself facing twoK     fat little men, each with an arm round the other's neck.  One had "POS" -     embroidered on his collar, and the "NEG".   <            "I know," said Alice, "you two are a transistor."               "Yes," said Positive.  )            "Can you help me? asked Alice.               "No," said Negative.   E            "I'm looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the E     direction she had been walking.  "Did he go this way?" she asked.               "No," said Negative.   %            She pointed the other way.                "Yes," said Positive.  H            Soon Alice came upon a large brown table.  The Consultant wasF     there, as was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures thatG     Alice did not recognize.  In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. @     Over the table was a large sign that read "UNIX Conference."  K            Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which I     they were sampling what appeared to be custard.  "Wrong flavor," they H     all declared as they passed the cup the cup to the creature on theirI     right and graciously took the one being offered on their left.  Alice B     watched them repeat this ritual three or four times before she     approached and sat down.  J            Immediately, a large toad leaped into her lap and looked at her7     as if it wanted to be loved.  "Grep," it exclaimed.   J            "Don't mind him," explained the Mad Hacker.  "He's just looking     for some string."   #            "Nroff?" asked the Frog.   J            The Mad Hacker handed Alice a cup of custard-like substance and;     a spoon.  "Here," he said, "what do you think of this?"   C            "It looks lovely," said Alice, "very sweet." She tried a =     spoonful.  "Yuck!" she cried.  "It's awful.  What is it?"   E            "Oh just another graphic interface for UNIX," answered the      Hacker.   J            Alice pointed to the sleeping Dormouse.  "Who's he?" she asked.  K            "That's OS Too," explained the Hacker.  "We've pretty much given      up on waking him.   J            "Just then, a large, Blue Elephant sitting next to the DormouseF     stood up.  "Ladies and gentlemen," he trumpeted pompously, "as theH     largest creature here, I feel impelled to state that we must take an     Open Look at..."  F            A young Job Sparrow on the other side of the table stood up9     angrily.  The Elephant noticed and changed his speech .     accordingly."...what our NextStep will be.  D            "Half the creatures bowed in respect while the other halfH     snickered quietly to themselves.  Just then, OS Too fell over in hisK     sleep, crashing into the Elephant and taking him down with him.  No one      seemed a bit surprised.   K            "What we need," declared a Sun Bear as he lapped up custard with D     his long tongue," is a flavor that goes down like the Macintosh.  K            "Suddenly, the White Consultant began jumping up and down as his G     face got red.  "No, no, no! he screamed.  "No one pays one fifty an #     hour to Macintosh consultants!"                "Awk," said the Frog.  H            "Users," explained the Sun Bear, "want an easy interface that!     they will not have to learn."   H            "Users?" cried the Consultant in disbelief. "Users?! You mean;     secretaries, accountants, architects. Manual laborers!"   H            "Well," responded the Sun Bear, "we've got to do something to&     make them want to switch to UNIX."  G            "Do you think," said a Woodpecker who had been busy making a K     hole in the table, "that there might be a problem with the name `UNIX?' ;     I mean, it does sort of suggest being less than a man."   J            "Maybe we should try another name, " suggested the Job Sparrow,     "like Brut, or Rambo."  (            "Penix," suggested a Penguin.  +            "Mount," said the Frog, "spawn."   /            Alice slapped him. "Nice?" he asked.   F            "But then again," suggested the Woodpecker, "what about the     shrinkwrap issue?"  I            Suddenly, everyone leaped up and started dashing about, waving I     their hands in the air and screaming.  Just as suddenly, they all sat      down again.        I            "Now that that's settled," said the Woodpecker, "let's go back      to tasting flavors."  E            Everyone at the table sampled a new cup of custard. "Wrong H     flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup to the creature on=     their right and took the one being offered on their left.   F            Totally confused, Alice got up and left. After she had been8     walking away, she heard a familiar voice behind her.  #            "Rem," it said, "edlin."   F            Alice turned and saw the Frog. She smiled. "Those are queerD     sounding words," she said, "but at least I know what they mean."  #            "Chkdsk," said the Frog.   J     -----By Lincoln Spector     TEXAS COMPUTER CURRENTS     SEPTEMBER 1989     