$ X-NEWS: spcvxb rec.humor.funny: 2568P Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.1B4+SPC1 6/9/92 VAX/VMS V5.5-2; site spcvxb.spc.edu Path: spcvxb!rutgers!att-out!pacbell.com!decwrl!concert!gatech!swrinde!cs.utexas.edu!uunet!uunet.ca!xenitec!looking!funny-request  Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny 6 Subject: If architects had to work like programmers...% Message-ID: <S4e8.4e85@looking.on.ca> 3 From: osiris@halcyon.halcyon.com (J.David Ruggiero)  Date: 24 Jan 93 09:30:10 GMT Keywords: funny, computers Approved: funny@clarinet.com	 Lines: 89   H {A recent discussion in comp.programming brought this old gem to mind. II  have done some minor editing; the original source and author are unknown >  to me.                                      - David Ruggiero}    6             If architects had to work like programmersH ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Mr. Architect:   J Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion.   H My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sureD the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted.F When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision ofH what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so  that I can arbitrarily pick one.  G Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the F one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct allH the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchenF vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).  G As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance J costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-costF features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose notE to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)   J Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials areI used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the K most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should L be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.  H To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family,L make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. MyJ mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should beL designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weighJ all of thses options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however,7 retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.   C Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to K develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, J for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet.. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.  J Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build theB house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans andG specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the ' house to be under roof within 48 hours.   I While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that K sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should J have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure beforeH you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my0 area that they like the features this house has.  J I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house he constructed lastK year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like F in our new home, particularily the 75-foot swimming pool. With carefulJ engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.   H Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at thisI time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction D bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for anyC increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.   H You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this!J To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given suchJ freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact: me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.  A PS:  My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the I      instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your J      responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the pastF      and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this;      responsibility, I will have to find another architect.   L PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please7      advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.      --O Selected by Maddi Hausmann.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com. J Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  A Daemon will auto-reply.  H Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes.  You think I have* time to hand-correct everybody's postings?