E From:	IN%"lotus!MSOLOMON%LDBVAX@uunet.uu.net"  1-DEC-1989 15:35:47.25  To:	@ADAM@uunet.UU.NET CC:	9 Subj:	Dave Barry:  The Computer: Is it Terminal? (take 2)   / Return-path: lotus!MSOLOMON%LDBVAX@uunet.uu.net G Received: from uunet.uu.net by mis.arizona.edu; Fri, 1 Dec 89 15:35 MST K Received: from lotus.UUCP by uunet.uu.net (5.61/1.14) with UUCP id AA20642;   Fri, 1 Dec 89 17:37:13 -0500 K Received: by lotus.com (5.52/25-eef) id AA04897; Fri, 1 Dec 89 17:29:24 EST G Received: from whitemtn.lotus.com by lotsun1.lotus.com (4.0/SMI-4.0) id $  AA27358; Fri, 1 Dec 89 17:32:02 ESTG Received: by whitemtn.lotus.com (4.0/SMI-4.0) id AA01780; Fri, 1 Dec 89 
  17:34:02 EST 9 Received: by DniMail (v2.0); Fri Dec  1 17:33:47 1989 EDT   Date: Fri, 1 Dec 89 17:34:02 EST( From: lotus!MSOLOMON%LDBVAX@uunet.uu.net< Subject: Dave Barry:  The Computer: Is it Terminal? (take 2) To: @ADAM@uunet.UU.NET3 Message-Id: <8912012234.AA01780@whitemtn.lotus.com>   I From:	LDBVAX::NGALARNEAU   "Neil Galarneau x7778" 11-OCT-1989 13:53:16.85 
 To:	@pl:humor  CC:	9 Subj:	Dave Barry:  The Computer: Is it Terminal? (take 2)    ~~inner_header~~
 To: @pl:humor < Subject: Dave Barry:  The Computer: Is it Terminal? (take 2)" Source-Date: 11 Oct 1989 13:32 edt  M To the uninitiated, computers appear to be complicated and boring.  As usual, M the uninitiated are right.  Computers are complicated and boring, and nothing H here will even come close to making them understandable and interesting,K unless you are one of those wimpy types who carry mechanical pencils and do # puzzles in the Scientific American.   I Computers affect you in many ways.  When you call an airline to reserve a I seat on a flight, a computer answers the phone and announces that all the M lines are busy;  a computer puts on a tape of Cheery Music, the kind you hear M in supermarkets and discount stores, featuring an eighty-two-minute rendition L of "Tie a Yellow Ribbon 'Round the Old Oak Tree" by the Drivel Singers;  andK a computer tells the airline person that whatever flight you want is full.  A In the Colonial Era, all these tasks had to be performed by hand.    THE FIRST COMPUTER  K Though few people realize it -- I certainly don't -- the first computer was L invented more than five thousand years ago by the Chinese.  It was called anL "abacus" which is an ancient Greek name.  (That's how the ancient Greeks gotE all the credit for civilization.  As soon as another culture invented M something, the ancient Greeks would come roaring up and name it.)  The abacus I is a frame containing a series of parallel wires with beads on them.  The I ancient Chinese would sit around and push the beads back and forth on the 7 wires.  Eventually they were overrun by Mongol hordes.     THE SECOND COMPUTER   J The origins of the second computer are shrouded in mystery.  If any of youM ethnic groups want to take credit for it, go ahead, but when you get ready to 3 name it you should check around for ancient Greeks.    MODERN COMPUTER   M Modern computers can do everything from ruining your credit rating forever to K landing a nuclear warhead on your porch.  They operate on the Binary System K which uses only zeroes and ones: To a computer, "4" is "100," "7" is "111," 7 and so on.  Your kids are learning this crap in school.   M Computers save a lot of time.  To do the amount of calculating a computer can L do in one hour, 400 mathematicians would have to work 24 hours a day for 600I years, even longer if you let them go to the bathroom.  And computers are L getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be ableK to talk to us.  (By 'they' I mean "computers": I doubt scientists will ever G be able to talk to us.)  My question is, What will we talk to computers  about?   HUMAN: How are you?  COMPUTER: Fine.  And you? $ HUMAN: Fine.  Say, do you play golf?6 COMPUTER: No, Do you know what 7,347 divided by 52 is?
 HUMAN: No. COMPUTER: It's 141.28846. & HUMAN: I think I'll go play some golf.     COMPUTERS TAKING OVER THE WORLD   K Some people are concerned that computers may get so smart they'll take over K the world.  Computer technicians say this can't happen: they point out that I computers can't even beat humans at chess.  But computer technicians work J among huge computers capable of administering powerful electric shocks, soI they say whatever the computers tell them to.  The truth is computers are H taking over the world.  At night they talk to each other in binary code:  = FIRST COMPUTER:  Let's let the morons beat us at chess again. K SECOND COMPUTER: Good idea.  Say, how are we doing with the calculators and  digital watches?. FIRST COMPUTER: They're ready whenever we are.      