g From:	IN%"minow@bolt.enet.dec.com"  "Martin Minow, ML3-5/U26  14-May-1990 0946" 14-MAY-1990 10:10:51.18 
 To:	_TERRY CC:	 Subj:	carl5.txt   G Received: from CUNYVM.BITNET by SPCVXA.BITNET; Mon, 14 May 90 10:09 EDT O Received: from CUNYVM by CUNYVM.BITNET (Mailer R2.03B) with BSMTP id 9828; Mon,   14 May 90 10:00:13 EDT N Received: from decpa.pa.dec.com by CUNYVM.CUNY.EDU (IBM VM SMTP R1.2.2MX) with!  TCP; Mon, 14 May 90 10:00:00 EDT H Received: by decpa.pa.dec.com; id AA01370; Mon, 14 May 90 06:57:20 -0700D Received: from bolt.enet; by decpa.enet; Mon, 14 May 90 06:57:22 PDT! Date: Mon, 14 May 90 06:57:22 PDT K From: "Martin Minow, ML3-5/U26  14-May-1990 0946" <minow@bolt.enet.dec.com>  Subject: carl5.txt To: address@bolt.enet.dec.com 1 Message-id: <9005141357.AA01370@decpa.pa.dec.com>  X-Envelope-to: terry  G "Today's robots are very primitive, capable of understanding only a few E  simple instructions such as 'go left', 'go right', and 'build car'."   --John Sladek %%9 "In the fight between you and the world, back the world."   --Frank Zappa %%F Here is an Appalachian version of management's answer to those who are' concerned with the fate of the project: 3 "Don't worry about the mule.  Just load the wagon." " -- Mike Dennison's hillbilly uncle %%G Ill-chosen abstraction is particularly evident in the design of the ADA I runtime system. The interface to the ADA runtime system is so opaque that K it is impossible to model or predict its performance, making it effectively F useless for real-time systems. -- Marc D. Donner and David H. Jameson. %%? "Being against torture ought to be sort of a bipartisan thing."  -- Karl Lehenbauer %% "Here comes Mr. Bill's dog."  -- Narrator, Saturday Night Live %%< Sex is like air.  It's only a big deal if you can't get any. %%J "Maintain an awareness for contribution -- to your schedule, your project,
 our company."  -- A Group of Employees  %%D "Ask not what A Group of Employees can do for you.  But ask what can+ All Employees do for A Group of Employees."  -- Mike Dennison %%J One evening Mr. Rudolph Block, of New York, found himself seated at dinner9 alongside Mr. Percival Pollard, the distinguished critic. F    "Mr. Pollard," said he, "my book, _The Biography of a Dead Cow_, isI  published anonymously, but you can hardly be ignorant of its authorship. M  Yet in reviewing it you speak of it as the work of the Idiot of the Century. #  Do you think that fair criticism?" G    "I am very sorry, sir," replied the critic, amiably, "but it did not L occur to me that you really might not wish the public to know who wrote it." -- Ambrose Bierce  %% Many aligators will be slain,  but the swamp will remain. %%M What the gods would destroy they first submit to an IEEE standards committee.  %% This is now.  Later is later.  %%2 "I will make no bargains with terrorist hardware." -- Peter da Silva  %%J "If I do not return to the pulpit this weekend, millions of people will go	 to hell."  -- Jimmy Swaggart, 5/20/88 %%K "Dump the condiments.  If we are to be eaten, we don't need to taste good."  -- "Visionaries" cartoon %%; "Aww, if you make me cry anymore, you'll fog up my helmet."  -- "Visionaries" cartoon %%C I don't want to be young again, I just don't want to get any older.  %%K Marriage Ceremony:  An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the 2 law being dragged into the affairs of your family. -- O. C. Ogilvie %%J   "Emergency!"  Sgiggs screamed, ejecting himself from the tub like it wasJ a burning car.  "Dial 'one'!  Get room service!  Code red!"  Stiggs was onI the phone immediately, ordering more rose blossoms, because, according to K him, the ones floating in the tub had suddenly lost their smell.  "I demand G smell," he shrilled.  "I expecting total uninterrupted smell from these  f*cking roses."    M   Unfortunately, the service captain didn't realize that the Stiggs situation K involved fifty roses.  "What am I going to do with this?" Stiggs sneered at M the weaseling hotel goon when he appeared at our door holding a single flower I floating in a brandy glass.  Stiggs's tirade was great.  "Do you see this J bathtub?  Do you notice any difference between the size of the tub and theM size of that spindly wad of petals in your hand?  I need total bath coverage. M I need a completely solid layer of roses all around me like puffing factories F of smell, attacking me with their smell and power-ramming big stinkingK concentrations of rose odor up my nostrils until I'm wasted with pleasure." K It wasn't long before we got so dissatisfied with this incompetence that we  bolted. B -- The Utterly Monstrous, Mind-Roasting Summer of O.C. and Stiggs,!    National Lampoon, October 1982  %%B When it is incorrect, it is, at least *authoritatively* incorrect." -- Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy %%H We decided it was night again, so we camped for twenty minutes and drankJ another six beers at a Young Life campsite.  O.C. got into the supervisoryM adult's sleeping bag and ran around in it.  "This is the judgment day and I'm L a terrifying apparition," he screamed.  Then the heat made O.C. ralph in the bag.B -- The Utterly Monstrous, Mind-Roasting Summer of O.C. and Stiggs,!    National Lampoon, October 1982  %%L Voodoo Programming:  Things programmers do that they know shouldn't work butG they try anyway, and which sometimes actually work, such as recompiling  everything.  -- Karl Lehenbauer %%L This is, of course, totally uninformed specualation that I engage in to help? support my bias against such meddling... but there you have it. I -- Peter da Silva, speculating about why a computer program that had been 9 changed to do something he didn't approve of, didn't work  %%L "This knowledge I pursure is the finest pleasure I have ever known.  I could> no sooner give it up that I could the very air that I breath."K -- Paolo Uccello, Renaissance artist, discoverer of the laws of perspective  %%@ "I got everybody to pay up front...then I blew up their planet."#   "Now why didn't I think of that?"  -- Post Bros. Comics %%/ "Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed."  -- Robin, The Boy Wonder %% The F-15 Eagle: B 	If it's up, we'll shoot it down.  If it's down, we'll blow it up.- -- A McDonnel-Douglas ad from a few years ago  %%I "The Amiga is the only personal computer where you can run a multitasking ? operating system and get realtime performance, out of the box."  -- Peter da Silva  %%O "It's my cookie file and if I come up with something that's lame and I like it,  it goes in." -- karl  %%G In recognizing AT&T Bell Laboratories for corporate innovation, for its K invention of cellular mobile communications, IEEE President Russell C. Drew J referred to the cellular telephone as a "basic necessity."  How times haveG changed, one observer remarked: many in the room recalled the advent of  direct dialing. # -- The Institute, July 1988, pg. 11  %%L ...the Soviets have the capability to try big projects.  If there is a goal,I such as when Gorbachev states that they are going to have nuclear-powered K aircraft carriers, the case is closed -- that is it.  They will concentrate I on the problem, do a bad job, and later pay the price.  They really don't  care what the price is. < -- Victor Belenko, MiG-25 fighter pilot who defected in 19760    "Defense Electronics", Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 100 %%N There is something you must understand about the Soviet system.  They have theK ability to concentrate all their efforts on a given design, and develop all N components simulateously, but sometimes without proper testing.  Then they endJ up with a technological disaster like the Tu-144.  In a technology race atK the time, that aircraft was two months ahead of the Concorde.  Four Tu-144s L were built; two have crashed, and two are in museums.  The Concorde has been  flying safely for over 10 years.< -- Victor Belenko, MiG-25 fighter pilot who defected in 19760    "Defense Electronics", Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 100 %%H DE:  The Soviets seem to have difficulty implementing modern technology.      Would you comment on that?    K Belenko:  Well, let's talk about aircraft engine lifetime.  When I flew theo9 	  MiG-25, its engines had a total lifetime of 250 hours.   1' DE:  Is that mean-time-between-failure?x   5 Belenko:  No, the engine is finished; it is scrapped.4  yJ DE:  You mean they pull it out and throw it away, not even overhauling it?  T6 Belenko:  That is correct.  Overhaul is too expensive.  d2 DE:  That is absurdly low by free world standards.  X Belenko:  I know.1N -- an interview with Victor Belenko, MiG-25 fighter pilot who defected in 19760    "Defense Electronics", Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 102 %%P "I have a friend who just got back from the Soviet Union, and told me the peopleI there are hungry for information about the West.  He was asked about manycN things, but I will give you two examples that are very revealing about life inJ the Soviet Union.  The first question he was asked was if we had explodingN television sets.  You see, they have a problem with the picture tubes on colorH television sets, and many are exploding.  They assumed we must be havingJ problems with them too.  The other question he was asked often was why theM CIA had killed Samantha Smith, the little girl who visited the Soviet Union ae2 few years ago; their propaganda is very effective.< -- Victor Belenko, MiG-25 fighter pilot who defected in 19760    "Defense Electronics", Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 100 %%M "...I could accept this openness, glasnost, perestroika, or whatever you wanteK to call it if they did these things: abolish the one party system; open thetJ Soviet frontier and allow Soviet people to travel freely; allow the SovietM people to have real free enterprise; allow Western businessmen to do businessrL there, and permit freedom of speech and of the press.  But so far, the wholeJ country is like a concentration camp.  The barbed wire on the fence aroundK the Soviet Union is to keep people inside, in the dark.  This openness that K you are seeing, all these changes, are cosmetic and they have been designedcH to impress shortsighted, naive, sometimes stupid Western leaders.  TheseK leaders gush over Gorbachev, hoping to do business with the Soviet Union or D appease it.  He will say: "Yes, we can do business!"  This while hisI military machine in Afghanistan has killed over a million people out of aa0 population of 17 million.  Can you imagine that?< -- Victor Belenko, MiG-25 fighter pilot who defected in 19760    "Defense Electronics", Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 110 %%H "Remember Kruschev:  he tried to do too many things too fast, and he wasJ removed in disgrace.  If Gorbachev tries to destroy the system or make tooI many fundamental changes to it, I believe the system will get rid of him.aF I am not a political scientist, but I understand the system very well.G I believe he will have a "heart attack" or retire or be removed.  He is F up against a brick wall.  If you think they will change everything and( become a free, open society, forget it!"< -- Victor Belenko, MiG-25 fighter pilot who defected in 19760    "Defense Electronics", Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 110 %%O FORTRAN?  The syntactically incorrect statement "DO 10 I = 1.10" will parse andnM generate code creating a variable, DO10I, as follows: "DO10I = 1.10"  If that  doesn't terrify you, it should.  %%H "I knew then (in 1970) that a 4-kbyte minicomputer would cost as much asG a house.  So I reasoned that after college, I'd have to live cheaply ina: an apartment and put all my money into owning a computer."@ -- Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, EE Times, June 6, 1988, pg 45 %%L HP had a unique policy of allowing its engineers to take parts from stock asN long as they built something.  "They figured that with every design, they wereI getting a better engineer.  It's a policy I urge all companies to adopt.".P -- Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, "Will Wozniak's class give Apple to teacher?"     EE Times, June 6, 1988, pg 45 %%$ "I just want to be a good engineer."M -- Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple Computer, concluding his keynote speechi    at the 1988 AppleFest %%K "There's always been Tower of Babel sort of bickering inside Unix, but this P is the most extreme form ever.  This means at least several years of confusion."1 -- Bill Gates, founder and chairman of Microsoft, $    about the Open Systems Foundation %% "When in doubt, print 'em out."d! -- Karl's Programming Proverb 0x7m %%N "If you want the best things to happen in corporate life you have to find waysF to be hospitable to the unusual person.  You don't get innovation as aE democratic process.  You almost get it as an anti-democratic process. G Certainly you get it as an anthitetical process, so you have to have andJ environment where the body of people are really amenable to change and can@ deal with the conflicts that arise out of change an innovation."6 -- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc.,5    "Herman Miller's Secrets of Corporate Creativity", '    The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988n %%K "In corporate life, I think there are three important areas which contracts N can't deal with, the area of conflict, the area of change and area of reachingK potential.  To me a covenant is a relationship that is based on such things-E as shared ideals and shared value systems and shared ideas and sharedtK agreement as to the processes we are going to use for working together.  Int6 many cases they develop into real love relationships."G -- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's I    Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988e %%L Another goal is to establish a relationship "in which it is OK for everybodyL to do their best.  There are an awful lot of people in management who reallyD don't want subordinates to do their best, because it gets to be veryE threatening.  But we have found that both internally and with outside J designers if we are willing to have this kind of relationship and if we'reH willing to be vulnerable to what will come out of it, we get really good work."G -- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's I    Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988b %%K In his book, Mr. DePree tells the story of how designer George Nelson urged'M that the company also take on Charles Eames in the late 1940s.  Max's father,oJ J. DePree, co-founder of the company with herman Miller in 1923, asked Mr.M Nelson if he really wanted to share the limited opportunities of a then-smallhK company with another designer.  "George's response was something like this:sH 'Charles Eames is an unusual talent.  He is very different from me.  TheG company needs us both.  I want very much to have Charles Eames share ino whatever potential there is.'"G -- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller'saI    Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988y %%L Mr. DePree believes participative capitalism is the wave of the future.  TheJ U.S. work force, he believes, "more and more demands to be included in theH capitalist system and if we don't find ways to get the capitalist systemM to be an inclusive system rather than the exclusive system it has been, we'rewG all in deep trouble.  If we don't find ways to begin to understand that M capitalism's highest potential lies in the common good, not in the individual , good, then we're risking the system itself."G -- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller'sdI    Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988e %%N Mr. DePree also expects a "tremendous social change" in all workplaces.  "WhenM I first started working 40 years ago, a factory supervisor was focused on thehJ product.  Today it is drastically different, because of the social milieu.I It isn't unusual for a worker to arrive on his shift and have some family L problem that he doesn't know how to resolve.  The example I like to use is aK guy who comes in and says 'this isn't going to be a good day for me, my sonnI is in jail on a drunk-driving charge and I don't know how to raise bail.'iL What that means is that if the supervisor wants productivity, he has to know how to raise bail."oG -- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller'sdI    Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988e %%0 Fools ignore complexity.  Pragmatists suffer it.' Some can avoid it.  Geniuses remove it.oA -- Perlis's Programming Proverb #58, SIGPLAN Notices, Sept.  1982i %%E "What if" is a trademark of Hewlett Packard, so stop using it in youre1 sentences without permission, or risk being sued.n %%G Now, if the leaders of the world -- people who are leaders by virtue ofeE political, military or financial power, and not necessarily wisdom orsC consideration for mankind -- if these leaders manage not to pull usuG over the brink into planetary suicide, despite their occasional pompousuF suggestions that they may feel obliged to do so, we may survive beyond 1988.t/ -- George Rostky, EE Times, June 20, 1988 p. 45e %%F The essential ideas of Algol 68 were that the whole language should beG precisely defined and that all the pieces should fit together smoothly.dD The basic idea behind Pascal was that it didn't matter how vague theI language specification was (it took *years* to clarify) or how many rougho> edges there were, as long as the CDC Pascal compiler was fast. -- Richard A. O'Keefec %%' "We came.  We saw.  We kicked its ass."d -- Bill Murray, _Ghostbusters_ %%N "The stars are made of the same atoms as the earth."  I usually pick one smallL topic like this to give a lecture on.  Poets say science takes away from theM beauty of the stars -- mere gobs of gas atoms.  Nothing is "mere."  I too canrK see the stars on a desert night, and feel them.  But do I see less or more?sN The vastness of the heavens stretches my imagination -- stuck on this carouselO my little eye can catch one-million-year-old light.  A vast pattern -- of which L I am a part -- perhaps my stuff was belched from some forgotten star, as oneL is belching there.  Or see them with the greater eye of Palomar, rushing allJ apart from some common starting point when they were perhaps all together.N What is the pattern, or the meaning, or the *why?*  It does not do harm to theL mystery to know a little about it.  For far more marvelous is the truth thanL any artists of the past imagined!  Why do the poets of the present not speakN of it?  What men are poets who can speak of Jupiter if he were like a man, butJ if he is an immense spinning sphere of methane and ammonia must be silent?! -- Richard P. Feynman (1918-1988)h %%N If you permit yourself to read meanings into (rather than drawing meanings out7 of) the evidence, you can draw any conclusion you like.tP -- Michael Keith, "The Bar-Code Beast", The Skeptical Enquirer Vol 12 No 4 p 416 %%= "Pseudocode can be used to some extent to aid the maintenancel7 process.  However, pseudocode that is highly detailed - > approaching the level of detail of the code itself - is not of5 much use as maintenance documentation.  Such detailedc> documentation has to be maintained almost as much as the code,> thus doubling the maintenance burden.  Furthermore, since such: voluminous pseudocode is too distracting to be kept in the: listing itself, it must be kept in a separate folder.  The@ result: Since pseudocode - unlike real code - doesn't have to be@ maintained, no one will maintain it.  It will soon become out of; date and everyone will ignore it.  (Once, I did an informaliA survey of 42 shops that used pseudocode.  Of those 42, 0 [zero!],p: found that it had any value as maintenance documentation."@          --Meilir Page-Jones, "The Practical Guide to Structured*            Design", Yourdon Press (c) 1988 %%K "Only a brain-damaged operating system would support task switching and notr6 make the simple next step of supporting multitasking." -- George McFryo %%P Sigmund Freud is alleged to have said that in the last analysis the entire field8 of psychology may reduce to biological electrochemistry. %%M The magician is seated in his high chair and looks upon the world with favor.aN He is at the height of his powers.  If he closes his eyes, he causes the worldJ to disappear.  If he opens his eyes, he causes the world to come back.  IfK there is harmony within him, the world is harmonious.  If rage shatters histL inner harmony, the unity of the world is shattered.  If desire arises withinL him, he utters the magic syllables that causes the desired object to appear.H His wishes, his thoughts, his gestures, his noises command the universe.- -- Selma Fraiberg, _The Magic Years_, pg. 107r %%L An Animal that knows who it is, one that has a sense of his own identity, isJ a discontented creature, doomed to create new problems for himself for theJ duration of his stay on this planet.  Since neither the mouse nor the chipD knows what is, he is spared all the vexing problems that follow thisK discovery.  But as soon as the human animal who asked himself this questioneI emerged, he plunged himself and his descendants into an eternity of doubteK and brooding, speculation and truth-seeking that has goaded him through thetK centures as reelentlessly as hunger or sexual longing.  The chimp that doesmK not know that he exists is not driven to discover his origins and is sparedsJ the tragic necessity of contemplating his own end.  And even if the animalI experimenters succeed in teaching a chimp to count one hundred bananas oreG to play chess, the chimp will develop no science and he will exhibit noHK appreciation of beauty, for the greatest part of man's wisdom may be tracedeJ back to the eternal questions of beginnings and endings, the quest to give) meaning to his existence, to life itself.o- -- Selma Fraiberg, _The Magic Years_, pg. 193l %% A comment on schedules:o  Ok, how long will it take?h?    For each manager involved in initial meetings add one month.oD    For each manager who says "data flow analysis" add another month./    For each unique end-user type add one month. C    For each unknown software package to be employed add two months.o3    For each unknown hardware device add two months. G    For each 100 miles between developer and installation add one month.W8    For each type of communication channel add one month.H    If an IBM mainframe shop is involved and you are working on a non-IBM       system add 6 months.E    If an IBM mainframe shop is involved and you are working on an IBMy       system add 9 months." Round up to the nearest half-year. --Brad ShermanD By the way, ALL software projects are done by iterative prototyping.< Some companies call their prototypes "releases", that's all. %%A     UNIX Shell is the Best Fourth Generation Programming Languaged  sM     It is the UNIX shell that makes it possible to do applications in a smalleM     fraction of the code and time it takes in third generation languages.  In'L     the shell you process whole files at a time, instead of only a line at aI     time.  And, a line of code in the UNIX shell is one or more programs,eK     which do more than pages of instructions in a 3GL.  Applications can benN     developed in hours and days, rather than months and years with traditionalL     systems.  Most of the other 4GLs available today look more like COBOL or=     RPG, the most tedious of the third generation lanaguages.s  dJ "UNIX Relational Database Management:  Application Development in the UNIXJ  Environment" by Rod Manis, Evan Schaffer, and Robert Jorgensen.  Prentice8  Hall Software Series.  Brian Kerrighan, Advisor.  1988. %%" "Laugh while you can, monkey-boy." -- Dr. Emilio Lizardo  %%0 "Floggings will continue until morale improves."1 -- anonymous flyer being distributed at Exxon USAr %% "Hey Ivan, check your six."rL -- Sidewinder missile jacket patch, showing a Sidewinder driving up the tail  of a Russian Su-27l %%, "Free markets select for winning solutions." -- Eric S. Raymond %%O "I dislike companies that have a we-are-the-high-priests-of-hardware-so-you'll-sL like-what-we-give-you attitude.  I like commodity markets in which iron-and-L silicon hawkers know that they exist to provide fast toys for software types like me to play with..." -- Eric S. Raymond %%. "The urge to destroy is also a creative urge."
 -- BakuninO [ed. note - I would say: The urge to destroy may sometimes be a creative urge.]o %%O "A commercial, and in some respects a social, doubt has been started within thelO  last year or two, whether or not it is right to discuss so openly the securityiL  or insecurity of locks.  Many well-meaning persons suppose that the discus-M  sion respecting the means for baffling the supposed safety of locks offers amO  premium for dishonesty, by showing others how to be dishonest.  This is a fal-aL  lacy.  Rogues are very keen in their profession, and already know much moreO  than we can teach them respecting their several kinds of roguery.  Rogues knewuN  a good deal about lockpicking long before locksmiths discussed it among them-O  selves, as they have lately done.  If a lock -- let it have been made in what- N  ever country, or by whatever maker -- is not so inviolable as it has hithertoL  been deemed to be, surely it is in the interest of *honest* persons to knowL  this fact, because the *dishonest* are tolerably certain to be the first toM  apply the knowledge practically; and the spread of knowledge is necessary tooN  give fair play to those who might suffer by ignorance.  It cannot be too ear-O  nestly urged, that an acquaintance with real facts will, in the end, be betterd  for all parties."I -- Charles Tomlinson's Rudimentary Treatise on the Construction of Locks,s    published around 1850 %%L  In respect to lock-making, there can scarcely be such a thing as dishonestyI  of intention: the inventor produces a lock which he honestly thinks will J  possess such and such qualities; and he declares his belief to the world.L  If others differ from him in opinion concerning those qualities, it is openJ  to them to say so; and the discussion, truthfully conducted, must lead toL  public advantage: the discussion stimulates curiosity, and curiosity stimu-I  lates invention.  Nothing but a partial and limited view of the questioniM  could lead to the opinion that harm can result: if there be harm, it will bee)  much more than counterbalanced by good." I -- Charles Tomlinson's Rudimentary Treatise on the Construction of Locks,     published around 1850.h %%( "Wish not to seem, but to be, the best." -- Aeschylus %% "Survey says..."+ -- Richard Dawson, weenie, on "Family Feud"s %% "Paul Lynde to block..."& -- a contestant on "Hollywood Squares" %%. "Little else matters than to write good code." -- Karl Lehenbauer %%L To write good code is a worthy challenge, and a source of civilized delight.- -- stolen and paraphrased from William Safirea %%+ "Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward"B -- William E. Davidsen %%P "If a computer can't directly address all the RAM you can use, it's just a toy."1 -- anonymous comp.sys.amiga posting, non-sequitiri %%P "Never laugh at live dragons, Bilbo you fool!" he said to himself, and it becameN a favourite saying of his later, and passed into a proverb. "You aren't nearlyH through this adventure yet," he added, and that was pretty true as well.= -- Bilbo Baggins, "The Hobbit" by J.R.R. Tolkien, Chapter XIIr %%  "A dirty mind is a joy forever." -- Randy Kunkeep %% "You can't teach seven foot."tL -- Frank Layton, Utah Jazz basketball coach, when asked why he had recruited"    a seven-foot tall auto mechanic %%& "A car is just a big purse on wheels." -- Johanna Reynoldsf %%D "History is a tool used by politicians to justify their intentions."
 -- Ted Koppel  %%G "Gozer the Gozerian:  As the duly appointed representative of the city,TJ county and state of New York, I hereby order you to cease all supernaturalE activities at once and proceed immediately to your place of origin orn6 the nearest parallel dimension, whichever is nearest."# -- Ray (Dan Akyroyd, _Ghostbusters_m %%H It must be remembered that there is nothing more difficult to plan, moreI doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to manage, than the creation of aiH new system.  For the initiator has the enmity of all who would profit byI the preservation of the old institutions and merely lukewarm defenders ind% those who would gain by the new ones.s -- Machiavelli %%? God grant me the senility to accept the things I cannot change, 8 The frustration to try to change things I cannot affect,& and the wisdom to tell the difference. %%? First as to speech.  That privilege rests upon the premise that D there is no proposition so uniformly acknowledged that it may not beD lawfully challenged, questioned, and debated.  It need not rest upon? the further premise that there are no propositions that are notnE open to doubt; it is enough, even if there are, that in the end it ismC worse to suppress dissent than to run the risk of heresy.  Hence it B has been again and again unconditionally proclaimed that there areK no limits to the privilege so far as words seek to affect only the hearers'iE beliefs and not their conduct.  The trouble is that conduct is almostnE always based upon some belief, and that to change the hearer's beliefhD will generally to some extent change his conduct, and may even evoke conduct that the law forbids.t  eL [cf. Learned Hand, The Spirit of Liberty, University of Chicago Press, 1952;B The Art and Craft of Judging: The Decisions of Judge Learned Hand,F edited and annotated by Hershel Shanks, The MacMillian Company, 1968.] %%H The late rebellion in Massachusetts has given more alarm than I think itJ should have done.  Calculate that one rebellion in 13 states in the courseK of 11 years, is but one for each state in a century and a half.  No countrye should be so long without one.@ -- Thomas Jefferson in letter to James Madison, 20 December 1787 %%  "Nine years of ballet, asshole."G -- Shelly Long, to the bad guy after making a jump over a gorge that hen*    couldn't quite, in "Outrageous Fortune" %%1 You are in a maze of UUCP connections, all alike.c %%F "If that man in the PTL is such a healer, why can't he make his wife's  hairdo go down?"  -- Robin Williamsr %%N 8)   Use common sense in routing cable.  Avoid wrapping coax around sources ofF      strong electric or magnetic fields.  Do not wrap the cable around;      flourescent light ballasts or cyclotrons, for example.eB -- Ethernet Headstart Product, Information and Installation Guide,    Bell Technologies, pg. 11 %%F "What a wonder is USENET; such wholesale production of conjecture from$ such a trifling investment in fact." -- Carl S. Gutekunst %%
 VMS must die!  %% MS-DOS must die! %% OS/2 must die! %% Pournelle must die!s %% Garbage In, Gospel Out %%B "Being against torture ought to be sort of a multipartisan thing."< -- Karl Lehenbauer, as amended by Jeff Daiell, a Libertarian %% "Facts are stupid things." -- President Ronald Reagan9    (a blooper from his speeach at the '88 GOP convention)r %%F "The argument that the literal story of Genesis can qualify as scienceB collapses on three major grounds: the creationists' need to invokeD miracles in order to compress the events of the earth's history intoA the biblical span of a few thousand years; their unwillingness toaB abandon claims clearly disproved, including the assertion that allI fossils are products of Noah's flood; and their reliance upon distortion,uE misquote, half-quote, and citation out of context to characterize thee ideas of their opponents."3 -- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism", 0    The Skeptical Inquirer, Winter 87/88, pg. 186 %%0 "An ounce of prevention is worth a ton of code." -- an anonymous programmer %%P "To IBM, 'open' means there is a modicum of interoperability among some of their equipment."  -- Harv Masterson, %%7 "Just think of a computer as hardware you can program."n -- Nigel de la Tierreu %%G "If you own a machine, you are in turn owned by it, and spend your timeo  serving it..."R/ -- Marion Zimmer Bradley, _The Forbidden Tower_r %%C "Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."e -- Albert Einstein %%8 "Card readers?  We don't need no stinking card readers."C -- Peter da Silva (at the National Academy of Sciencies, 1965, in a     particularly vivid fantasy) %%0 Your good nature will bring unbounded happiness. %% Semper Fi, dude. %%H Excitement and danger await your induction to tracer duty!  As a tracer,C you must rid the computer networks of slimy, criminal data thieves.sG They are tricky and the action gets tough, so watch out!  Utilizing allt= your skills, you'll either get your man or you'll get burned! . -- advertising for the computer game "Tracers" %%H "An entire fraternity of strapping Wall-Street-bound youth.  Hell - this is going to be a blood bath!"e -- Post Bros. Comics %%M "Neighbors!!  We got neighbors!  We ain't supposed to have any neighbors, and  I just had to shoot one."g -- Post Bros. Comics %%" "Gotcha, you snot-necked weenies!" -- Post Bros. Comics %%* interlard - vt., to intersperse; diversify: -- Webster's New World Dictionary Of The American Language %%K "Everybody is talking about the weather but nobody does anything about it."i
 -- Mark Twain  %%; "How many teamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?"o,    "FIFTEEN!!  YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?" %%E "If you weren't my teacher, I'd think you just deleted all my files."yK -- an anonymous UCB CS student, to an instructor who had typed "rm -i *" tom1    get rid of a file named "-f" on a Unix system.n %%I "The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who, in times of moral $ crisis, preserved their neutrality." -- Dante %% "The medium is the message." -- Marshall McLuhani %% "The medium is the massage." -- Crazy Nigel %%2 "Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser."! -- Vince Lombardi, football coachc %%6 "It might help if we ran the MBA's out of Washington." -- Admiral Grace Hopperi %%C Refreshed by a brief blackout, I got to my feet and went next door.t -- Martin Amis, _Money_n %%N The sprung doors parted and I staggered out into the lobby's teak and flicker.L Uniformed men stood by impassively like sentries in their trench.  I slappedK my key on the desk and nodded gravely.  I was loaded enough to be unable tolM tell whether they could tell I was loaded.  Would they mind?  I was certainlyoN too loaded to care.  I moved to the door with boxy, schlep-shouldered strides. -- Martin Amis, _Money_c %%L I ask only one thing.  I'm understanding.  I'm mature.  And it isn't much toL ask.  I want to get back to London, and track her down, and be alone with myJ Selina -- or not even alone, damn it, merely close to her, close enough toK smell her skin, to see the flecked webbing of her lemony eyes, the mouldingiJ of her artful lips.  Just for a few precious seconds.  Just long enough to0 put in one good, clean punch.  That's all I ask. -- Martin Amis, _Money_  %%+ "Love may fail, but courtesy will previal."  -- A Kurt Vonnegut fan %%H New York is a jungle, they tell you.  You could go further, and say thatF New York is a jungle.  New York *is a jungle.*  Beneath the columns ofI the old rain forest, made of melting macadam, the mean Limpopo of swampedaJ Ninth Avenue bears an angry argosy of crocs and dragons, tiger fish, noiseE machines, sweating rainmakers.  On the corners stand witchdoctors andiJ headhunters, babbling voodoo-men -- the natives, the jungle-smart natives.D And at night, under the equatorial overgrowth and heat-holding cloudF cover, you hear the ragged parrot-hoot and monkeysqueak of the sirens,E and then fires flower to ward off monsters.  Careful: the streets areJH sprung with pits and nets and traps.  Hire a guide.  Pack your snakebiteD gook and your blowdart serum.  Take it seriously.  You have to get a bit jungle-wise. -- Martin Amis, _Money_o %%J Now I was heading, in my hot cage, down towards meat-market country on theH tip of the West Village.  Here the redbrick warehouses double as carcassB galleries and rat hives, the Manhattan fauna seeking its necessaryD level, living or dead.  Here too you find the heavy faggot hangouts,H The Spike, the Water Closet, the Mother Load.  Nobody knows what goes onL in these places.  Only the heavy faggots know.  Even Fielding seems somewhatF vague on the question.  You get zapped and flogged and dumped on -- byI almost anybody's standards, you have a really terrible time.  The averageiH patron arrives at the Spike in one taxi but needs to go back to his sockD in two.  And then the next night he shows up for more.  They shackleE themselves to racks, they bask in urinals.  Their folks have a lot of G explaining to do, if you want my opinion, particularly the mums.  SorrylF to single you ladies out like this but the story must start somewhere.D A craving for hourly murder -- it can't be willed.  In the meantime,F Fielding tells me, Mother Nature looks on and taps her foot and clicksH her tongue.  Always a champion of monogamy, she is cooking up some fancy4 new diseases.  She just isn't going to stand for it. -- Martin Amis, _Money_a %%8 "You tried it just for once, found it alright for kicks,3  but now you find out you have a habit that sticks,h  you're an orgasm addict,s  you're always at it,u  and you're an orgasm addict." -- The Buzzcocks %%A "There is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress."e
 -- Mark Twainh %%+ "You'll pay to know what you really think."S -- J.R. "Bob" Dobbsv %%  "We live, in a very kooky time." -- Herb Blashtfalt %%# "Pull the wool over your own eyes!"  -- J.R. "Bob" Dobbsb %%H "Okay," Bobby said, getting the hang of it, "then what's the matrix?  If: she's a deck, and Danbala's a program, what's cyberspace?"   "The world," Lucas said. -- William Gibson, _Count Zero_r %%$ "Our reruns are better than theirs." -- Nick at Nite  %%, Life is a game.  Money is how we keep score.
 -- Ted Turnere %%1 "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain."% -- The Wizard Of Oze %%1 "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain."nE -- Karl, as he stepped behind the computer to reboot it, during a FATn %%L "It ain't so much the things we don't know that get us in trouble.  It's the things we know that ain't so."( -- Artemus Ward aka Charles Farrar Brown %%> "Don't discount flying pigs before you have good air defense." -- jvh@clinet.FI %%A "In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble."  -- Alan Perlis %% "Pok pok pok, P'kok!"l -- Superchickenn %%$ Live Free or Live in Massachusettes. %%N "You can't get very far in this world without your dossier being there first." -- Arthur Miller %%P "Flight Reservation systems decide whether or not you exist. If your informationC isn't in their database, then you simply don't get to go anywhere."S -- Arthur Miller %%K "What people have been reduced to are mere 3-D representations of their ownt data." -- Arthur Miller %%M "The Avis WIZARD decides if you get to drive a car. Your head won't touch thec; pillow of a Sheraton unless their computer says it's okay."o -- Arthur Miller %%N "They know your name, address, telephone number, credit card numbers, who ELSEM is driving the car "for insurance", ...  your driver's license number. In thedG state of Massachusetts, this is the same number as that used for SocialrI Security, unless you object to such use. In THAT case, you are ASSIGNED a N number and you reside forever more on the list of "weird people who don't give3 out their Social Security Number in Massachusetts."t -- Arthur Miller %%O "Data is a lot like humans:  It is born.  Matures.  Gets married to other data,nP divorced. Gets old.  One thing that it doesn't do is die.  It has to be killed." -- Arthur Miller %%O "People should have access to the data which you have about them.  There shoulda6  be a process for them to challenge any inaccuracies." -- Arthur Miller %%> "Although Poles suffer official censorship, a pervasive secret7 police and laws similar to those in the USSR, there are : thousands of underground publications, a legal independent? Church, private agriculture, and the East bloc's first and onlyB> independent trade union federation, NSZZ Solidarnosc, which is< an affiliate of both the International Confederation of Free< Trade Unions and the World Confederation of Labor.  There is< literally a world of difference between Poland - even in its= present state of collapse - and Soviet society at the peak ofl= its "glasnost."  This difference has been maintained at greate cost by the Poles since 1944.i8 -- David Phillips, SUNY at Buffalo, about establishing a9    gateway from EARN (Eurpoean Academic Research Network)k    to Poland %%9 "There is also a thriving independent student movement inl9 Poland, and thus there is a strong possibility (though nog= guarantee) of making an EARN-Poland link, should it ever comes= about, a genuine link - not a vacuum cleaner attachment for aa8 Bloc information gathering apparatus rationed to trusted apparatchiks."8 -- David Phillips, SUNY at Buffalo, about establishing a9    gateway from EARN (Eurpoean Academic Research Network)o    to Poland %%K "Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture,b? an intransigent mind, and a step that travels unlimited roads."o, -- John Galt, in Ayn Rand's _Atlas Shrugged_ %% Don't panic. %% The bug stops here.  %% The bug starts here. %%D "Why waste negative entropy on comments, when you could use the same  entropy to create bugs instead?" -- Steve Elias %%G "The pathology is to want control, not that you ever get it, because ofu course you never do."- -- Gregory Bateson %% "Your butt is mine." -- Michael Jackson, Badh %% Ship it. %%M "Once they go up, who cares where they come down?  That's not my department."t -- Werner von Braun% %%L "When the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to treat everything as if it were a nail." -- Abraham Maslowg %%0 "Imitation is the sincerest form of television." -- The New Mighty Mouse  %%% "The lesser of two evils -- is evil."a -- Seymour (Sy) Leon %%N "It's no sweat, Henry.  Russ made it back to Bugtown before he died.  So he'llO regenerate in a couple of days.  It's just awful sloppy of him to get killed inn the first place.  Humph!"c! -- Ron Post, Post Brothers Comicsi %%L "An honest god is the noblest work of man.  ... God has always resembled hisM creators.  He hated and loved what they hated and loved and he was invariablylK found on the side of those in power. ... Most of the gods were pleased withhL sacrifice, and the smell of innocent blood has ever been considered a divine	 perfume."e -- Robert G. Ingersoll %%O "We are not endeavoring to chain the future but to free the present. ... We are P the advocates of inquiry, investigation, and thought. ... It is grander to thinkK and investigate for yourself than to repeat a creed. ... I look for the dayeN when *reason*, throned upon the world's brains, shall be the King of Kings and the God of Gods. -- Robert G. Ingersoll %%M "I honestly believe that the doctrine of hell was born in the glittering eyesrI of snakes that run in frightful coils watching for their prey.  I believeyN it was born with the yelping, howling, growling and snarling of wild beasts...( I despise it, I defy it, and I hate it." -- Robert G. Ingersoll %% "Is this foreplay?"eK    "No, this is Nuke Strike.  Foreplay has lousy graphics.  Beat me again."n/ -- Duckert, in "Bad Rubber," Albedo #0 (comics)r %%I egrep patterns are full regular expressions; it uses a fast deterministic 1 algorithm that sometimes needs exponential space.t -- unix manualso %%; "A mind is a terrible thing to have leaking out your ears."d# -- The League of Sadistic Telepathss %%3 "Life sucks, but it's better than the alternative."f -- Peter da SilvaJ %%8 If this is a service economy, why is the service so bad? %%N "I shall expect a chemical cure for psychopathic behavior by 10 A.M. tomorrow,& or I'll have your guts for spaghetti." -- a comic panel by Cotham %%O "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."e -- Will Rogers %%: "An open mind has but one disadvantage: it collects dirt." -- a saying at RPI %%$ "The geeks shall inherit the earth." -- Karl Lehenbauer %%. "Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers." -- Chip Salzenberg %% "Elvis is my copilot."
 -- Cal Keegany %%J "The fundamental principle of science, the definition almost, is this: the5 sole test of the validity of any idea is experiment."a -- Richard P. Feynman  %%8 How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?N    Let's see, can you use a shell script for that or does it need a C program? %%K "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.  Hate me because I'm beautiful, smartr
 and rich." -- Calvin Keegan %%J "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so; certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."o -- Bertrand Russello %%H Always look over your shoulder because everyone is watching and plotting against you. %%< "Let us condemn to hellfire all those who disagree with us."# -- militant religionists everywheree %% Baby On Board. %%L "The net result is a system that is not only binary compatible with 4.3 BSD,; but is even bug for bug compatible in almost all features."fL -- Avadit Tevanian, Jr., "Architecture-Independent Virtual Memory ManagementA    for Parallel and Distributed Environments:  The Mach Approach"  %%G "The number of Unix installations has grown to 10, with more expected."w8 -- The Unix Programmer's Manual, 2nd Edition, June, 1972 %%( "Engineering without management is art." -- Jeff Johnsonr %%! "I'm not a god, I was misquoted."o -- Lister, Red Dwarf %% Brain off-line, please wait. %%