 X-NEWS: spcvxb alt.sex: 69996 P Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.1B4+SPC1 6/9/92 VAX/VMS V5.5-1; site spcvxb.spc.eduY Path: spcvxb!rutgers!sun-barr!cs.utexas.edu!natinst.com!news.dell.com!swrinde!sdd.hp.com! D  news.cs.indiana.edu!noose.ecn.purdue.edu!mentor.cc.purdue.edu!mshar- Newsgroups: alt.sex,alt.personals,alt.romance + Subject: Cucumbers, cucumbers, cucumbers... - Message-ID: <BvMpt7.HI1@mentor.cc.purdue.edu> - From: mshar@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (Mike Mshar)  Date: 5 Oct 92 03:31:52 GMT & Followup-To: alt.personals alt.romance Organization: Purdue University 7 Keywords: DON'T READ THIS IF YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR 
 Lines: 234@ Xref: spcvxb alt.sex:69996 alt.personals:36623 alt.romance:25160    G Here is a kind of funny list I got through work. This will kind of make  up for my top ten list.....   - But at least the top ten list wasn't fiction.    Anyway, here it goes...     :                 101 WAYS WHY WOMEN PREFER CUCUMBERS TO MEN    5 1.   The average cucumber is at least 6 inches long.    % 2.   Cucumbers stay hard for a week.    2 3.   Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.   & 4.   Cucumbers don't get too excited.   6 5.   Cucumbers never suffer from performance anxiety.   $ 6.   Cucumbers are easy to pick up.   O 7.   You can fondle a cucumber in a supermarket.... and you know how firm it is       before you take it home.   ) 8.   Cucumbers can get away any weekend.    H 9.   With a cucumber you can get a single room.... and you won't have to       check-in as Mrs. Cucumber.   8 10.  A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.   B 11.  You can go to a movie with a cucumber.... and see the movie.   O 12.  You can go to a drive-in with a cucumber.... and you can stay in the front       seat.    = 13.  With a cucumber you can always wait until you get home.    M 14.  A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn.... or send you out for Milk Duds.    > 15.  A cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film Festival.   . 16.  A cucumber won't ask: "Am I the first?".   1 17.  A cucumber doesn't care if you're a virgin.    ; 18.  Cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin.    > 19.  Cucumbers won't tell anyone you're not a virgin anymore.   C 20.  With a cucumber you don't have to be a virgin more than once.    % 21.  Cucumbers can handle rejection.    2 22.  Cucumbers won't pout if you have a headache.   8 23.  Cucumbers won't care what time of the month it is.   @ 24.  Cucumbers never want to get it on when your nails are wet.   * 25.  Cucumbers won't give it up for Lent. 9 26.  With a cucumber you never have to say you're sorry.    " 27.  Afterwards, a cucumber won't:1           ...want to shake hands and be friends.    ) 28.       ...say, "I'll call you a cab".    2 29.       ...tell you he's not the marrying kind.   / 30.       ...tell you he is the marrying kind.    , 31.       ...call his ex-wife or therapist.   % 32.       ...take you to confession.    6 33.  Cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month.   3 34.  Cucumbers won't make you go to the drugstore.    A 35.  Cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them.    - 36.  A cucumber a day keeps the OB-GYN away.    4 37.  A cucumber won't work your crossword with ink.   , 38.  A cucumber isn't allergic to your cat.   O 39.  With a cucumber you don't have to play Florence Nightingale during the Flu 
      season.    ; 40.  Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car.    B 41.  A cucumber won't eat all your food or drink all your liquor.   ; 42.  A cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library.    6 43.  A cucumber won't go through your medicine chest.   D 44.  A cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray.   B 45.  Cucumbers won't leave hair on the sink or a ring in the tub.   H 46.  Cucumbers won't write your name and number on the men's room wall.   ' 47.  Cucumbers don't have sex hangups.    M 48.  Cucumbers won't make you wear kinky clothes or go to bed with your boots 	      on.    J 49.  Cucumbers aren't into rope & leather, talking dirty, or swinging with      fruits & nuts.   7 50.  You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle.    2 51.  You can eat cucumbers when you feel like it. / 52.  Cucumbers never need a round of applause.    N 53.  Cucumbers won't ask: "Am I the best?  How was it?  Did you come? How many      times?"  K 54.  Cucumbers aren't jealous of your Gynecologist, Ski Instructor, or Hair       Dresser.   6 55.  A cucumber won't want to join your sports group.   2 56.  A cucumber never wants to improve your mind.   5 57.  Cucumbers aren't into meaningful conversations.    O 58.  Cucumbers won't ask about your Last Lover.... or speculate about your next 
      one.   P 59.  A cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the      refrigerator.    P 60.  A cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother is over.   E 61.  No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh cucumber.    P 62.  Cucumbers don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest, or drool on      the pillow.    ) 63.  A cucumber won't give you a hickey.    O 64.  Cucumbers can stay up ALL night.... and you won't have to sleep on the wet       spot.    6 65.  Cucumbers don't leave dirty shorts on the floor.   3 66.  A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet.    H 67.  A cucumber doesn't flush the toilet while you are taking a shower.   E 68.  With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.    3 69.  Cucumbers don't compare you to a center fold.    " 70.  Cucumbers don't count to 10.   D 71.  Cucumbers don't tell you they liked you better with long hair.   ) 72.  A cucumber will never leave you ...              ...for another woman.    73.       ...for another man.   # 74.       ...for another cucumber.    N 75.  A cucumber will never call and say "I have to work late, Honey", and then,      come home smelling like another woman. P 76.  A cucumber never snaps your bra, pinches your butt, or gives you a snuggy.   0 77.  You always know where a cucumber has been.   . 78.  A cucumber never has to call "the wife".   + 79.  Cucumbers never have mid-life crises.    @ 80.  A cucumber won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun.   A 81.  Cucumbers don't play the guitar and try to find themselves.    5 82.  You won't find out later that your cucumber ...             ...is married.     83.       ...is on penicillin.    1 84.       ...likes you - but loves your brother.    D 85.  A cucumber doesn't have softball practice on the day you move.   4 86.  Cucumbers never tell you what they did on R&R.   O 87.  A cucumber won't ask for a promotion just when you're up for a promotion.    ? 88.  Cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do.    I 89.  Cucumbers won't wear a leisure suit to your office Christmas party.    4 90.  A cucumber won't leave town on New Year's Eve.   J 91.  A cucumber won't take you to disco and dump you for a flashy outfit.   3 92.  Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom.    P 93.  A cucumber doesn't care if you always spent the holidays with your family.   8 94.  A cucumber won't ask to be put through Med School.   A 95.  A cucumber won't tell you he's outgrown you intellectually.    : 96.  Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.   B 97.  Cucumbers don't say "Let's keep trying until we have a boy".   L 98.  A cucumber won't insist the little cukes be raised Catholic, Jewish, or      Orthodox Vegetarian.   # 99.  It's easy to drop a cucumber.    N 100. A cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement, or      seek custody of anything.    H 101. No matter how you slice it, you can have your cuke and eat it too.    --  N |       Michael G. Mshar        | My Life-Long Goal: To keep common sense    |N |   mmshar@mn.ecn.purdue.edu    | alive and keep the idiots from taking over.|N |  mshar@mentor.cc.purdue.edu   |     \\President, Nice Guys Anonymous//     |N |____>>> United States Steel, Mechanical Engineer, Technical Services <<<____|