 X-NEWS: spcvxb junk: 20860P Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.1B4+SPC1 6/9/92 VAX/VMS V5.5-1; site spcvxb.spc.eduf Path: spcvxb!rutgers!rochester!cantaloupe.srv.cs.cmu.edu!crabapple.srv.cs.cmu.edu!andrew.cmu.edu!fj05+ Newsgroups: alt.discordia I Subject: How I found the goddess, and what I did to her when I found her: / Message-ID: <Yenjkoe00VAtE=Ycpg@andrew.cmu.edu> 1 From: fj05+@andrew.cmu.edu (Faisal Nameer Jawdat)  Date: 4 Oct 92 14:14:12 GMT A Organization: Sophomore, Physics, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA  Lines: 3095      			     PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA  				   *  or  *  			     How I Found Goddess  			    And What I Did To Her 			       When I Found Her  . 		 THE MAGNUM OPIATE OF MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER   			     Wherein Is Explained* 		     Absolutely Everything Worth Knowing 			  About Absolutely Anything     				 Published By: 			     LOOMPANICS UNLIMITED 				 PO BOX 1197 			   Port Townsend, WA 98368  				 $5.00(cheap)  				Catalogs:$2.00  G Transcribed to 1's and 0's by Druel the Chaotic, WPI Discordian Society  						 Cabal of the Unemployed   			      mpython@wpi.wpi.edu! 			      mpython@*.gnu.ai.mit.edu    {calendar entered by /AHM/THX }   N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   				 INTRODUCTION   A 	You hold in your hands one the Great Books of our century fnord.  	 D 	Some Great Books are recognized at once with a fusilade of criticalK huzzahs and gonfolons, like Joyce's ULYSSES. Others appear almost furtively H and are only discovered 50 years later, like MOBY DICK or Mendel's greatK essay on genetics. The PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA entered our space-time continuum D almost as unobtrusively as a cat-burglar creeping over a windowsill.  ? 	In 1968, virtually nobody had heard of this wonderful book. In K 1970,hundreds of people coast to coast were talking about it and asking the G identity of the mysterious author, Malaclypse the Younger. Rumors swept G across the continent, from New York to Los Angeles, from Seattle to St. J Joe. Malaclypse was actually Alan Watts, one heard. No,said another legendG -- the PRINCIPIA was actually the work of the Sufi Order. A third, very I intriguing myth held that Malaclypse was a pen-name for Richard M. Nixon, J who had allegedly composed the PRINCIPIA during a few moments of lucidity.H I enjoyed each of these yarns and did my part to help spread them. I wasJ also careful never to contradict the occasional rumors that I had actually3 written the whole thing myself during an acid trip.   D 	The legendry, the mystery, the cult grew slowly. By the mid-1970's,E thousands of people, some as far off as Hong Kong and Australia, were G talking about the PRINCIPIA, and since the original was out of print by > then, xerox copies were beginning to circulate here and there.  A 	When the ILLUMINATUS trilogy appeared in 1975, my co-author, Bob J Shea, and I both received hundreds of letters from people intrigued by theJ quotes from the PRINCIPIA with which we had decorated the heads of severalF chapters. Many, who had already heard of the PRINCIPIA or seen copies,I asked if Shea and I had written it, or if we had copies available. Others G wrote to ask if it were real, or just something we had invented the way F H.P. Lovecraft invented the NECRONOMICON. We answered according to ourI moods, sometimes telling the truth, sometimes spreading the most Godawful % lies and myths we could devise fnord.   > 	Why not? We felt that this book was a true Classic (literatus= immortalis) and, since the alleged intelligentsia had not yet E discovered it, the best way to keep its legend alive was to encourage F the mythology and the controversy about it. Increasingly, people wroteD to ask  me if Timothy Leary had written it, and I almost always toldF them he had, except on Fridays whem I am more whimsical, in which case> I told them it had been transmitted by a canine intellgence --7 vast,cool,and unsympathic -- from the Dog Star, Sirius. % 	Now, at last, the truth can be told. 9 	Actually, the PRINCIPIA is the work of a time-travelling F anthropologist from the 23rd Century. He is currently passing among usB as a computer specialist, bon vivant and philosopher named Gregory? Hill. He has also translated several volumes of Etruscan erotic ? poetry, under another pen-name, and in the 18th Century was the C mysterious Man in Black who gave Jefferson the design for the Great  Seal of the United States.7 	I have it on good authority that he is one of the most D accomplished time-travelers in the galaxy and has visited Earth many? times in the past,using such cover-identities as Zeno of Elias, ? Emperor Norton, Count Cagliostro, Guilliame of Aquaitaine, etc. F Whenever I question him about this, he grows very evasive and attemptsE to persuade me that he is actually just another 20th Century Earthman C and that all my ideas about his extraterrrestrial and extratemporal F origin and delusions. Hah! I am not that easily deceived. After all, aD time-travelling anthropologist would say just that, so that he could5 observe us without his presense causing cultureshock. < 	I understand that he has consented to write an Afterward toE this edition. He'll probably contradict everything I've told you, but A don't believe a word he says fnord. He is a master of the deadpan D put-on, the plausible satire, the philosophical leg-pull and all the branches of guerilla ontology.: 	For full benefit to the Head, this book should be read in; conjunction with THE ILLUMINOIDS by Neal Wilgus (Sun Press, F Albuquerque, NM) and ZEN WITHOUT ZEN MASTERS by Camden Benares (And/OrE Press, Berkeley, California). "We are operating on many levels here",  as Ken Kesey used to say. < 	In conclusion, there is no conclusion. Things go on as they* always have, getting weirder all the time.& 	Hail Eris. All hail Discordia. Fnord?   	-Robert Anton Wilson $ 	International Arms and Hashish Inc. 	Darra Bazar, Kohat   O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    A jug of wine,
 A leg of lamb 	 And thou! 
 Beside me,
 Whistling in  
 the darkness.     ) Be Ye Not Lost Among Precepts of Order...    - The Book of Uterus 1;5  L ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~B Some excerpts from an interview with Malaclypse the Younger by THEN GREATER METROPOLITAN YORBA LINDA HERALD-NEWS-SUN-TRIBUNE-JOURNAL-DISPATCH-POSTN AND SAN FRANCISCO DISCORDIAN SOCIETY CABAL BULLETIN AND INTERGALACTIC REPORT &
 POPE POOP.  , GREATER POOP:Are you really serious or what?E MAL-2: Sometimes I take humor seriously. Sometimes I take seriousness ( humorously. Either way it is irrelevant.   GP: Maybe you are just crazy. M M2: Indeed! But do not reject these teaching as false because I am crazy. The 0 reason that I am crazy is because they are true.   GP: Is Eris true?  M2: Everything is true.  GP: Even false things? M2: Even false things are true.  GP: How can that be?% M2: I don't know man, I didn't do it.   + GP: Why do you deal with so many negatives?  M2: To dissolve them.   GP: Will you develop that point? M2: No.   . GP: Is there an essential meaning behind POEE?J M2: There is a Zen Story about a student who asked a Master to explain theC meaning of Buddhism. The Master's reply was "Three pounds of flax." & GP: Is that the answer to my question?M M2: No, of course not. That is just illustrative. The answer to your question  is FIVE TONS OF FLAX!        			    SUSPENDED ANNIHILATION   N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~G                                                 ODD# II/2,xii;68Chs3136    			 Principia Discordia  				  or/ 	       How I Found Goddess & What I Did To Her  			   When I found Her 				    % 		  being a Beginning Introduction to  			The Erisian Mysterees 				    ! 		      Which is Most Interesting  				    	 				 -><-  				      		       as Divinely Revealed to2 	    My High Reverence MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, KSC3 	    Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold  			  and HIGH PRIEST of 7 	THE PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF ERIS ESOTERIC (POEE)  				     				    5 	  HAIL ERIS! -><- KALLISTI -><-  ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!V 				    $ 		    Dedicated to The Prettiest One 				   s% 		   The Upstart of one hand clappingc  N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  		       - JOSHUA NORTON CABAL -B    Surrealists, Harlequinists, Absurdists and Zonked Artists Melee   POEE is one manifestation ofu THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY about whicha you will learn more  and understand less   We are a triben of philosophers, theologians,M magicians, scientists, artists, clowns, and similar maniacsC who are intriguedr with ERIS GODDESS OF CONFUSION and with Hera Doings  M ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~G I Tell You: One must s still have chaos in onet  to give birth to aK  dancing star! t
 -Nietzsche  ' 		THE FIVE COMMANDMENTS (THE PENTABARF)O  M The PENTABARF was discovered by the hermit Apostle Zarathud in the Fifth YearcN of The Caterpillar. He found them carved in gilded stone, while building a sunG deck for his cave, but their import was lost for they were written in anN mysterious cypher. However, after 10 weeks & 11 hours of intensive scrutiny heL discerned that the message could be read by standing on his head and viewing it upside down.I    			 KNOW YE THIS O MAN OF FAITH!  H I - There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is noM Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement. And'> every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm.  M II - A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document NumberingC System.O  N III - A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone &D Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive Ceremony toM Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of Catholic ChristendombM (no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meateJ of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns).  N IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of; Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.   : V - A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing What he reads.  ? IT IS SO WRITTEN! SO BE IT. HAIL DISCORDIA! PROSECUTORS WILL BEA TRANSGRESSICUTED.   J Test Question from Topanga Cabal The Twelve Famous Buddha Minds School: If2 they are our brothers, how come we can't eat them?  N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   A ZEN STORYl  $ by Camden Benares, The Count of Five Headmaster, Camp Meeker Cabald  N A serious young man found the conflicts of mid 20th Century America confusing.M He went to many people seeking a way of resolving within himself the discords , that troubled him, but he remained troubled.( 					     One night in a coffee house, aM self-ordained Zen Master said to him, "go to the dilapidated mansion you will M find at this address which I have written down for you. Do not speak to thosedN who live there; you must remain silent until the moon rises tomorrow night. GoM to the large room on the right of the main hallway, sit in the lotus position M on top of the rubble in the northeast corner, face the corner, and meditate.".= 	He did just as the Zen Master instructed. His meditation wasoL frequently interrupted by worries. He worried whether or not the resr of theM plumbing fixtures would fall from the second floor bathroom to join the pipessM and other trash he was sitting on. He worried how would he know when the moonaK rose on the next night. He worried about what the people who walked throughr the room said about him.L                          His worrying and meditation were disturbed when, asN if in a test of his faith, ordure fell from the second floor onto him. At thatL time two people walked into the room. The first asked the second who the manL was sitting there was. The second replied "Some say he is a holy man. Others say he is a shithead."/ 		       Hearing this, the man was enlightened.   O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~a   Western Union Telegram   To: Jehova Yahwehi" Care: Celestial Hotel (Suite #666) Presidential Tier, Paradises  	 Dear God;sE This is to inform you that your current position as diety is herewitheJ terminated due to gross incompetence STOP  Your check will be mailed STOP $ Please do not use me for a reference   	Respectfully,2 		Malaclypse the Younger/Omnibenevolent Polyfather 		POEE High Priest  N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  G 10. The Earth quakes and the heavens rattle; the beasts of nature flockaJ together and the nations of men flock apart; volcanoes usher up heat whileL elsewhere water becomes ice and melts; and then on other days it just rains.' 11. Indeed do many things come to pass.r' 	HBT; The Book of Predictions, Chap. 19d  + 		   -  THE BIRTH OF THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT -f THE REVELATION  C 	Just prior to the decade of the nineteen-sixties, when Sputnik wasvL alone and new, and about the time that Ken Kesey took his first acid trip asK a medical volunteer; before underground newspapers, Viet Nam, and talk of ar@ second American Revolution; in the comparative quiet of the lateI nineteen-fifties, just before the idea of RENAISSANCE became relevant....a  ; 	Two young Californians, known later as Omar Ravenhurst andlJ Malaclypse the Younger, were indulging in their habit of sipping coffee atJ an allnight bowling alley and generally solving the world's problems. ThisK particular evening the main subject of discussion was discord and they weretF complaining to each other of the personal confusion they felt in theirJ respective lives. "Solve the problem of discord," said one, "and all otherJ problems will vanish." "Indeed," said the other, "chaos and strife are the roots of all confusion."     			 FIRST I MUST SPRINKLE YOU  			      WITH FAIRY DUST  J Suddenly the place became devoid of light. Then an utter silence envelopedK them, and a great stillness was felt. Then came a blinding flash of intenseeH light, as though their very psyches had gone nova. Then vision returned.  D 	The two were dazed and neither moved nor spoke for several minutes.I They looked around and saw that the bowlers were frozen like statues in aAL variety of comic positions, and that a bowling ball was steadfastly anchoredL to the floor only inches from the pins that it had been sent to scatter. TheK two looked at each other, totally unable to account for the phenomenon. TheIL condition was one of suspension, and one noticed that the clock had stopped.    J There walked into the room a chimpanzee, shaggy and grey about the muzzle,F yet upright to his full five feet, and poised with natural majesty. He- carried a scroll and walked to the young men.e  K "Gentlemen," he said, "why does Pickering's Moon go about in reverse orbit? H Gentlemen, there are nipples on your chests; do you give milk? And what,G pray tell, Gentlemen, is to be done about Heisenberg's Law?" He paused.i1 "SOMEBODY HAD TO PUT ALL OF THIS CONFUSION HERE!"e  L And with that he revealed his scroll. It was a diagram, like a yin-yang withJ a pentagon on one side and an apple on the other. And then he exploded and the two lost consciousness.   , ERIS - GODDESS OF CHAOS, DISCORD & CONFUSION  B 	They awoke to the sound of pins clattering, and found the bowlersF engaged in their game and the waitress busy with making coffee. It was0 apparant that their experience had been private. 	~E 	They discussed their strange encounter and reconstructed from memory/L the chimpanzee's diagram. Over the next five days they searched libraries toB find the significance of it, but were disappointed to uncover onlyH references to Taoism, the Korean flag, and Technocracy. It was not untilK they traced the Greek writing on the apple that they discovered the ancientiL Goddess known to the Greeks as ERIS and to the Romans as DISCORDIA. This wasL on the fifth night, and when they slept that night each had a vivid dream ofK a splendid woman whose eyes were as soft as feather and as deep as eternityHH itself, and whose body was the spectacular dance of atoms and universes.L Pyrotechnics of pure energy formed her flowing hair, and rainbows manifested6 and dissolved as she spoke in a warm and gentle voice:  J I have come to tell you that you are free. Many ages ago, My consciousnessJ left man, that he might develop himself. I return to find this developmentE approaching completion, but hindered by fear and by misunderstanding.n  L You have built for yourselves psychic suits of armor, and clad in them, yourI vision is restricted, your movements are clumsy and painful, your skin ish/ bruised, and your spirit is broiled in the sun.n  K I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build~K rhythms. I am the spirit with which your children and clowns laugh in happy B anarchy. I am chaos. I am alive, and I tell you that you are free.  E 	During the next months they studied philosophies and theologies, andeL learned that ERIS or DISCORDIA was primarily feared by the ancients as beingB disruptive. Indeed, the very concept of chaos was still consideredI equivalent to strife and treated as a negative. "No wonder things are all I screwed up," they concluded, "they have got it all backwards." They foundiC that the principle of disorder was every much as significant as theN principle of order.r  ? 	With this in mind, they studied the strange yin-yang. During ar/ meditation one afternoon, a voice came to them:   K It is called THE SACRED CHAO. I appoint you Keepers of It. Therein you willoG find anything you like. Speak of Me as DISCORD, to show contrast to theDG pentagon. Tell constricted mankind that there are no rules, unless they J choose to invent rules. Keep close the words of Syadasti: 'TIS AN ILL WINDJ THAT BLOWS NO MINDS. And remember that there is no tyranny in the State of> Confusion. For further information, consult your pineal gland.  C 	"What is this?" mumbled one to the other, "A religion based on Thes+ Goddess of Confusion? It is utter madness!"o  E 	And with those words, each looked at the other in absolute awe. OmaroL began to giggle. Mal began to laugh. Omar began to jump up and down. Mal wasJ hooting and hollering to beat all hell. And amid squeals of mirth and withL tears on their cheeks, each appointed the other to be high priest of his ownL madness, and together they declared themselves to be a society of Discordia,& for what ever that may turn out to be.    E "There are trivial truths & there are great truths. The opposite of a~L trivial truth is plainly false. The opposite of a great truth is also true." 					-Neils Bohr  K "Did you know that there is a million bucks hidden in the house next door?"m" "But there is no house next door." "No? Then let's go build one!"
 					-MARX  N Fnords ->Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord,M  Fnord, Fnord,  Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnordd  0 Momomoto, Famous Japanese, can swallow his nose.  N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 			    St. Trinian's! 		      SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL POLICEl 			    Sewing Circle        & 		  THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE ERISTOCRACY#                			     by Lord Omars   VERSE 5 Mine brain has meditated on the spinning of The Chao;e? It is hovering o'er the table where the Chiefs of Staff are nowb3 Gathered in discussion of the dropping of The Bomb;  Her Apple Corps is strong!   CHORUS Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!  Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!t Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!k Her Apple Corps is strong!   VERSEn? She was not invited to the party that they held on Limbo Peak;*o; So She threw a Golden Apple, 'sted of turn'd t'other cheek! < O it cracked the Holy Punchbowl and it made the nectar leak; Her Apple Corps is strong!    F * "Limbo Peak" refers to Old Limbo Peak, commonly called by the Greeks "Ol' Limb' Peak."t    2 If a quixotic socrates studied zen under Zorba...?  ? "The tide is turning... the enemy is suffering terrible losses"i 					-Gen. Geo. A. Custert  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  N                                             People in a Position to Know, Inc.  	 ON PRAYERs  K Mal-2 was once asked by one of his Disciples if he often prayed to Eris. He  replied with these words:t  G No, we Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous. Charles Fort hasOI listed many factual incidences of ignorant people confronted with, say, aeJ drought, and then praying fervently -- and then getting the entire village  wiped out in a torrential flood.    K "Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm mad but not ill"a( 			(Werewolf Bridge, Robert Anton Wison)  N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  H 14. Wipe thine ass with what is written and grin like a ninny at what isK Spoken. Take thine refuge with thine wine in the Nothing behind Everything,T as you hurry along the Path. 	THE PURPLE SAGE' 	HBT; The Book of Predictions, Chap. 19-     Heaven is down. Hell is up.  This is proven by the fact h that the planets and stars c are orderly in their# movements,					IGNOTUM PER IGNOTIUSe4 while down on earth			The meaning of this is unknown we come close to the q
 primal chaos.e There are four other proofs,  but I forget them.   	-Josh the Dill. 	 King Kong KabalC  - 				IT IS MY FIRM BELIEF THAT IT IS A MISTAKE  				TO HOLD FIRM BELIEFS.e    O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~lC The Classical Greeks were not influenced by the Classical Greeks.  j    f 							DO NOT CIRCULATE!    * 		     What We Know About ERIS  (not much)  N The Romans left a likeness of Her for posterity-- She was shown as a grotesqueJ woman with a pale and ghastly look, Her eyes afire, Her garment ripped andN torn, and women look pale and ghastly when concealing a chilly dagger in their bosoms.O  L Her geneology is from the Greeks and is utterly confused. Either She was theJ twin of Ares and the daughter of Zeus and Hera; or She was the daughter ofN Nyx, goddess of night (who was either the daughter or wife of Chaos, or both),N and Nyx's brother, Erebus, and whose brothers and sisters include Death, Doom,K Mockery, and Friendship. And that She begat Forgetfullness, Quarrels, Lies,s, and a bunch of gods and goddesses like that.  N One day Mal-2 consulted his Pineal Gland* and asked Eris if She really createdL all of those terrible things. She told him that She had always liked the OldK Greeks, but that they cannot be trusted with historic matters. "They were,"d. She added, "victims of indigestion, you know."  C Suffice it to say that Eris is not hateful or malicious. But She is,3 mischievous, and does get a little bitchy at times.n  L *THE PINEAL GLAND is where each and every one of us can talk to Eris. If youL have trouble activating your Pineal, then try the appendix which does almostJ as well. Reference: DOGMA I, METAPHYSICS #3, "The Indoctrine of the Pineal Gland"      - 				DIRUIT AEDIFICAT MUTAT QUADRATA ROTUNDUS   							-HoraceL ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 			      THE INSIDE STORY!          The Law of Fives   F 	the Law of Fives is one of the oldest Erisian Mysterees. It was firstM revealed to Good Lord Omar and is one of the great contributions to come fromt% The Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus.tB 	POEE subscribes to the Law of Fives of Omar's sect. And POEE alsoM recognizes the holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by Episkopos Dr. MordecaicK Malignatus, KNS, into his Discordian sect, The Ancient Illuminated Seers ofs	 Bavaria. vD 	The Law of Fives states simply that: ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, ORE ARE DIVISIBLE BY OR ARE MULTIPLES OF FIVE, OR ARE SOMEHOW DIRECTLY ORh INDIRECTLY APPROPRIATE TO 5.! 	The Law of Fives is never wrong. G 	In the Erisian Archives is an old memo from Omar to Mal-2: "I find thew= Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder I look."s     						Please do not use this 						document as toilet tissuei  * 	The Nagas of Upper Burma say that the sun) 	shines by day because, being a woman, it # 	is afraid to venture out at night.cL ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~J "You will find that the State is the kind of ORGANIZATION which, though it4 does big things badly, does small things badly too." 					- John Kenneth Galbraitho    ( 		      THE MYTH OF THE APPLE OF DISCORDB 	It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus andE Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as ae trouble maker.*fC 	This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned an apple of pure gold**aI and inscribed upon it KALLISTI ("To The Prettiest One") and on the day ofnJ the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to be alone and joyously partake of a hot dog.E 	Now, three of the invited goddesses,*** Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite,IL each immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the inscription.G And they started fighting, and they started throwing punch all over ther place and everything.yE 	Finally Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator mustoL be selected, which was a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed. He sent themL to a shepherd of Troy, whose name was Paris because his mother had had a lotK of gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each of the sneaky goddesses triedgB to outwit the others by going early and offering a bribe to Paris.@ 	Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him GreatL Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him the Most Beautiful Woman on Earth. Being aK healthy young Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite's bribe and shes! got the apple and he got screwed.lE 	As she had promised, she maneuvered earthly happenings so that ParisnJ could have Helen (The Helen) then living with her husband Menelaus,King ofG Sparta. Anyway, everyone knows that the Trojan War followed when Sparta.I demanded their Queen back and that the Trojan War is said to be The Firstm War among men.C 	And so we suffer because of the Original Snub. And so a Discordiana! is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns.e 	Do you believe that? % -------------------------------------.2 * This is called THE DOCTRINE OF THE ORIGINAL SNUBF ** There is historic disagreement concerning whether this apple was of metalic gold or acapulco.rK *** Actually there were five goddesses, but the Greeks did not know the Lawt	 of Fives.y       				 REMEMBER:	 				 KINGe  				  KONGi
 				 DIED FORe 				 YOUR SINS     							Ho Chi Zena 							   is 							King Cong  H 5. An Age of Confusion, or an Ancient Age, is one in which History As WeI Know It begins to unfold, in which Whatever Is Coming emerges in CorporaleE Form, more or less, and such times are Ages of Balanced Unbalance, oro Unbalanced Balance.NL 6. An Age of Bureaucracy is an Imperial Age in which Things Mature, in whichA Confusion becomes entrenched and during which Balanced Balance,or, Stagnation, is attained.L 7. An Age of Disorder or an Aftermath is an Apocalyptic Period of TransitionH back to Chaos through the Screen of Oblivion into which the Age passeth,0 finally. These are Ages of Unbalanced Unbalance." 		HBT; The Book of Uterus, Chap. 3  N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Do You Remember?M 1. Polite children will always remember that a church is the ______ of _____.    An Erisian Hymn ( 	by Rev. Dr. Mungojerry Grindlebone, KOB, 	     Episkopos, THE RAYVILLE APPLE PANTHERS   Onwards Christian Soldiers,r Onwards Buddhist Priests.a Onward, Fruits of Islam, Fight till you're deceased.O Fight your little battles. Join in thickest fray; For the Greater Glory, of Dis-cord-i-a. Yah, yah, yah, Yah, yah, yah, yah.w Blfffffffffffft!  d  ? Mr. Momomoto, famous Japanese who can swallow his nose,has beenmL exposed. It was recently revealed that it was Mr. Momomoto's brother who has$ been doing all this nose swallowing.   				 					Heute Die Welt  					Morgens das Sonnensystem!   			Abbey of the Barbarous Relic O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~t2 Official Proclamation -- ODD# III(b)/4,i;18Aft31352 --------------------------------------------------    			POEE DISORGANIZATIONAL MATRIX   V) The House of Apostle of ERISA)    For the Eristocracy and the CabalabliaD      A. The Five Apostles of ERIS."    B. The Golden Apple Corps (KSC)+    C. Episkoposes of The Discordian Societya    D. POEE Cabal Priests2    E. Saints, Erisian Avatars, and Like Personages  ! IV) The House of the Rising Podged"     for the Disciples of Discordia  1    A. Office of My High Reverence, The Polyfather     B. Council of POEE Priestsy#    C. The LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORDm    D. Eristic Avatars(    E. Aneristic Avatarsn  " III) The House of the Rising Hodge      For the Bureaucracy  $    A. the Bureau of Erisian ArchivesC    B. the Bureau of The POEE Epistolary, and The Division of Dogmask:    C. The Bureau of Symbols,Emblems, Certificates and SuchM    D. The Bureau of Eristic Affairs, and The Administry for The Unenlightened  	Eristic HordeK    E. The Bureau of Aneristic Affairs, and the Administry for the Orders oft
 	Discordia  $ II) The House of the Rising CollapseL    For the Encouragement of Liberation of Freedom, and/or the Discouragement$ of the Immanentizing of the Eschaton  6    A. The Breeze of Wisdom	and/or	The Wind of Insanity;    B. The Breeze of Integrity 	and/or	The Wind of ArroganceR6    C. The Breeze of Beauty	and/or	The Wind of Outrages3    D. The Breeze of Love	and/or	The Wind of Bombast~8    E. The Breeze of Laughter	and/or	The Wind of Bullshit   I) The Out House    For what is left over      A. Miscellaneous Avatars!    B. The Fifth Column    C. POEE =POPES= everywhere      D. Drawer "O" for OUT OF FILE)    E. Lost Documents and Forgotten Truthso   			-><-  OFFICIAL - POEE# 			      Head Temple, San Franciscop" 			      HOUSE OF THE RISING PODGE& 			      Bureau of The POEE Epistolary  M ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ) 		     = THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS =u  G The official symbol of POEE is here illustrated. It may be this, or anywH similar device to represent TWO OPPOSING ARROWS CONVERGING INTO A COMMONM POINT. It may be vertical, horizontal, or else such, and it may be elaboratedn or simplified as desired.o  M The esoteric name for this symbol is THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS, commonlyn shortened to THE HAND.                              \  / 			-----><-----d                              /  \  G NOTE: In the lore of western magic, the \/ is taken to symbolize horns,bJ especially the horns of Satan or of diabolical beasties. The Five FingeredF Hand of Eris, however, is not intended to be taken as satanic, for theI "horns" are supported by another set, of inverted "horns". Or maybe it is 9 walrus tusks. I don't know what it is, to tell the truth.k    9 	"Surrealism aims at the total transformation of the mind   	and all that resembles it"
 						-BretonrM ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~	 			       -><- POEE -><-  L POEE (pronounced "POEE") is an acronym for The PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF> ERIS ESOTERIC. The first part can be taken to mean "equivalentL deity,reversity beyond-mystique." We are not really esoteric, it's just that! nobody pays much attention to us.d  L MY HIGH REVERENCE MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, AB, DD, KSC, is the High Priest ofL POEE, and POEE is grounded in his episkopotic revelations of The Goddess. He? is called [The Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold].   J The POEE HEAD TEMPLE is the Joshua Norton Cabal of The Discordian Society,K which is located in Mal-2's pineal gland and can be found by temporally and % spacially locating the rest of Mal-2.I  L POEE has no treasury, no by-laws, no articles, no guides save Mal-2's pinealE gland, and has only one scruple-- which Mal-2 keeps on his key chain.v  L POEE has not registered,incorporated, or otherwise chartered with the State,K and so the State does not recognize POEE or POEE Ordinations, which is onlyo0 fair, because POEE does not recognize the State.   POEE has 5 DEGREES:s0 	There is the neophyte, or LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLE., 	The LEGIONNAIRE DEACON, who is catching on.0 	An Ordained POEE PRIEST/PRIESTESS or a CHAPLIN.! 	The HIGH PRIEST, the Polyfather.  	And POEE =POPE=.f  J POEE LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLES are authorized to initiate others as DiscordianG Society Legionnaires. PRIESTS appoint their own DEACONS. The POLYFATHER 0 ordains priests. I don't know about the =POPES=.  G " This book is a mirror. When a monkey looks in, no apostle looks out."e 					-Lichtenberga  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~e  " 		      Application For Membership4 	   In the Erisian movement of the DISCORDIA SOCIETY  # 1. Today's date				Yesterday's Datea  N 2. Purpose of this application: --membership in : a. Legion of Dynamic DiscordL    b. POEE  c. Bavarian Illuminati d. All of the Above  e. None of the Above    f. Other-- BE SPECIFIC!  < 3. Name_________________________		Holy Name________________     hG    Address_____________________________________________________________tN          (If temporary, also give an address from which mail can be forwarded)  < 4. Description: Born: []Yes []No   Eyes:[]2 []other 	Height:  8    ..... fl. oz.   Last time you had a haircut:		Reason:  G    Race: []horse []human      I.Q.: 150-200  200-250  250-300  over 300e  D 5. History: Education - highest grade completed 1 2 3 4 5 6 over 6thN    Professional: On another ream of paper list every job since 1937 from whichK    you have been fired. Medical: On a separate sheet labeled "confidential" K    list all major psychic psychotic episodes experienced within the last 24     hours   r  4 6. Sneaky Questions to establish personality traits G    I would rather a. live in an outhouse b. play in a rock group c. eat ;    caterpillars.  I wear obscene tattoos because .......... H    I have ceased raping little children []yes []no -- reason ..........    7. Self Portrait          
 Rev. Mungo' For Office Use Only -- acc. rej. burnedf   						LICK HERE!!! 					D 						    *s   						(You may be one  						 of the lucky 25)h    N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   -><-   POEE & It's Priestsr  J If you like Erisianism as it is presented according to Mal-2, then you mayN wish to from your own POEE CABAL as a POEE PRIEST and you can go do a bunch ofE POEE Priestly Things. A "POEE Cabal" is exactly what you think it is.   M The High Priest makes no demands on his Priests, though he does rather expect.L good will of them. The Office of The Polyfather is point, not to teach. Once in a while, he even listens.  M Should you find that your own revelations of The Goddess become substantiallyeK different that the revelations of Mal-2, then perhaps the Goddess has plansiK for you as an Episkopos, and you might consider creating your own sect fromhL scratch, unhindered. Episkoposes are not competing with each other, and theyI are all POEE priests anyway (as soon as I locate them). The point is that N Episkoposes are developing separate paths to the Erisian mountain top. See the section "Discordian Society"   ORDINATION AS A POEE PRIEST,  L There are no particular qualifications for Ordination because if you want toK be a POEE Priest then you must undoubtedly qualify. Who could possibly knowc6 better than you whether or not you should be Ordained?  D An ORDAINED POEE PRIEST or PRIESTESS is defined as "one who holds an: Ordination Certificate from the Office of the Polyfather."    + 	Seek into the Chao if thou wouldst be wisey+ 	And find ye delight in Her Great Surprise! + 	Look into the Chao if thou wantest to know,& 	What's in a Chao and why it ain't so!! 	  (HBT; The Book of Advise, 1:1)   N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* 		      World Council of Churches Boutique   Note to POEE Priests:e  L The Polyfather wishes to remind all Erisians the POEE was conceived not as aH commercial enterprise, and that you are requested to keep your cool whenL seeking funds for POEE Cabals or when spreading the POEE Word via the market place.     The Hidden stone ripens fast,- then laid bare like a turnip can easily be cut out at lastN$ but even then the danger isn't past. That man lives best who's fain to live half mad, half sane. 	-Flemish Poet Jan Van f 	 Stijevoort, 1524.d     			   The Erisian Affirmationo  K BEFORE THE GODDESS ERIS, I (name or holyname), do herewith declare myself a . POEE BROTHER of THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD.E HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!o  . the presiding POEE Official (if any) responds:    ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!    ) find the goddess Eris				To Diverse Gods  ? Within your Pineal Gland                        Do Mortals bow;g       POEE					Holy Cow, and 						Wholly Chaoe 						-Rev. Dr. Grindlebone  						 Monroe CabalE  8 "common sense is what tells you that the world is flat."    N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~K This is St. Gulik. He is the Messenger of the Goddess. A different age fromrK ours called him Hermes. Many people called him by many names. He is a Roacho    O _______________________________________________________________________________  			  Legion of Dynamic Discord  
 				     HARKs  F        RECOGNIZE that the -- DISCORDIAN SOCIETY -- doth hereby certify     			       As a Legionnaire     					r" 						Glory to We Children of ERIS 						$ 						  Presented under the auspices$ 						  of our Lady of Discord, ERIS$ 						  by the House of the Apostles 						  of ERIS.   							-><-HO _______________________________________________________________________________oO ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~t 			  HOW TO START A POEE CABAL. 		  WITHOUT MESSING AROUND WITH THE POLYFATHER  M If you can't find the Polyfather, or having found him, don't want anything toEH do with him, you are still authorized to form your own POEE CABAL and doM Priestly Things, using the Principia Discordia as a guide. Your Official RanklL will be POEE CHAPLIN for the LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD, which is exactly theK same as a POEE PRIEST except that you don't have an Ordination Certificate.r2 The words you are now reading are your ordination.   HOW TO BECOME A POEE CHAPLIN  0 1. Write the ERISIAN AFFIRMATION in five copies.! 2. Sign and nose-print each copy.h2 3. Send one to the President of the United States. 4. Send one to5 	The California State Bureau of Furniture and Beddingl% 	1021 'D' Street, Sacramento CA 94814o> 5. Nail one to a telephone pole. Hide one. And burn the other. Then consult your pineal gland.a    + General License was Sgt. Pepper's Commandera     			    ~~ OLD POEE SLOGAN ~~ 			   When in Doubt, Fuck it.r* 		      When not in Doubt... get in Doubt!  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~a Trip 5!o   			 = The POEE Baptismal Rite =mM  This Mysteree Rite is not required for initiation, but it is offered by many~8 POEE Priests to proselytes who desire a formal ceremony.  M 1) The Priests and four Brothers are arranged in a pentagon with the InitiateOL in the center facing the Priests. If possible, the Brothers on the immediateL right and left of the Priest should be Deacons. The Initiate must be totallyN naked, to demonstrate that he is truly a human being and not something else in% disguise like a cabbage or something.d  M 2) All persons in the audience and the pentagon, excepting the Priest, assume M a squatting position and return to a standing position. This is repeated four B more times. This dance is symbolic of the humility of we Erisians.   3) The Priest begins:yK    I, (complete Holy Name, with Mystical Titles, and degrees, designations,uI offices, &tc.), Ordained Priest of the Paratheo-anametamystikhood of ErisoL Esoteric, with the Authority invested at me by the High Priest of It, OfficeF of the Polyfather, The House of the Rising Podge, POEE Head Temple; Do herewith Require of Ye:E  E 	1) ARE YE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CABBAGE OR SOMETHING? The Initiatez answers YES.F 	2) THAT'S TOO BAD. DO YE WISH TO BETTER THYSELF? The Initiate answers YES.E 	3) HOW STUPID. ARE YE WILLING TO BECOME PHILOSOPHICALLY ILLUMINIZED?S He answers YES..F 	4) VERY FUNNY. WILL YE DEDICATE YESELF TO THE HOLEY ERISIAN MOVEMENT? The Initiate answers PROBABLY.) 	5) THEN SWEAR YE THE FOLLOWING AFTER ME:iM (The Priest here leads the Initiate in a recital of THE ERISIAN AFFIRMATION.)IF The Priest continues: THEN I DO HERE PROCLAIM YE POEE DISCIPLE (name),M LEGIONNAIRE OF THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD. HAIL ERIS! HAIL HAIL! HAIL YES!~  M 4) All present rejoice grandly. The new Brother opens a large jug of wine and ! offers it to all who are present.m  & 5) The Ceremony generally degenerates.    9 Mord says that Omar says that we are all unicorns anyway.n  & 		       				DO NOT PULL ON YELLOW TIP  J 3. And though Omar did bid of the Collector of Garbage, in words that wereK both sweet and bitter, to surrender back the cigar box containing the cardsNM designated by the Angel as The Honest Book of Truth, the Collector was to him_J as one who might be smitten deaf, saying only: 'Gainst the rules, y' know.& 	HBT; The Book of Explanations, Chap 2       						     Answers:: 						1. Harry Houdini 						2. Swing Music 						3. Pretzelsi 						4. 8 months  						5. Testy Culbert 						6. It protrudes. 						7. No vocal cords   M ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o* 			    THE POEE MYSTEREE OATH        G3400
 							    50m? The Initiate swears the following:                         DMTSl>                                                             19 	FLYING BABY SHIT!!!!!  F (Brothers of the Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria sect may wish to substitute the German: 	FLIEGENDE KINDERSCHEISSE!
 or perhaps 	WIECZNY KWIAT WTADZA!!!!!& which is Ewige Blumenkraft in Polish.)    N THE RECENT EXPOSE THAT MR. MOMOMOTO, FAMOUS JAPANESE WHO CAN SWALLOW HIS NOSE,H CANNOT SWALLOW HIS NOSE BUT HIS BROTHER CAN, HAS BEEN EXPOSED! IT IS MR.L MOMOMOTO WHO CAN SWALLOW HIS NOSE. HE SWALLOWED HIS BROTHER IN THE SUMMER OF '44. 	  N Corrections to last week's copy: Johnny Sample is offensive cornerback for theK New York Jets, not fullback as stated. Bobby Tolan's name is not Randy, butm7 mud. All power to the people, and ban the fucking bomb.h     						"This statement is false"E 						   (courtesy of POEE)uO ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  			 NO TWO EQUALS ARE THE SAME!o   			    THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETYh  ) The Discordian Society has no definition.T  H I sometimes think of it as a disorganization of Eris Freaks. It has beenN called a guerrilla mind theatre. Episkopos Randomfactor, Director of Purges ofH Our People's Underworld Movement sect in Larchmont, prefers "The World'sN Greatest Association of What-ever-it-is-that-we-are." Lady Mal thinks of it asM a RENAISSANCE THINK TANK. Fang the Unwashed, WKC, won't say. You can think of  it any way you like.  & AN EPISKOPOS OF THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETYM is one who prefers total autonomy, and creates his own Discordian sect as TheoK Goddess directs him. He speaks for himself and for those that say that theyh like what he says.   THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD:I A Discordian Society Legionnaire is one who prefers not to create his ownh sect.   L If you want in on the Discordian Society then declare yourself what you wish= do what you like and tell us about it or if you prefer don't.   8 There are no rules anywhere.            Some Episkoposes- The Goddess Prevails.			have a one-man cabal.y 					Some work together. 					Some never do explain.n    - When I get to the bottom I go back to the topC- of the slide where I stop and I turn and I goA. for a ride, then I get to the bottom and I see you again! Helter Skelter! 			-John Lennon~  C "Everybody I know who is right always agrees with ME" -Rev Lady Mal   O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~m THE GOLDEN APPLE CORPS  M The Golden Apple Corps* is an honorary position for the Keepers of The Sacrede3 Chao, so that they can put "KSC" after their names.    It says little,p
 does less, meansi nothing.  H * Not to be confused with The Apple Corps Ltd. of those four singers. We thought of it first.     			    - The Numeral V sign -aJ Used by Old Roman Discordians, Illuminatus Churchill, and innocent Hippies everywhere.o  N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~8 PERPETUAL DATE CONVERTER FROM GREGORIAN TO POEE CALENDAR   Seasons &    1) Chaos - Patron Apostle Hung Mung/    2) Discord - Patron Apostle Dr. Van Van Mojo)-    3) Confusion - Patron Apostle Sri Syadastie+    4) Bureaucracy - Patron Apostle Zarathudu9    5) The Aftermath - Patron Apostle The Elder Malaclypse   8 Days of the Week*                 * The DAYS OF THE WEEK;    1) Sweetmorn			  are named from the five Basic Elements: <    2) Boomtime			  SWEET, BOOM, PUNGENT, PRICKLE, and ORANGE    3) Pungenday~    4) Prickle-Prickle~    5) Setting Orange   HOLYDAYS  ) A) APOSTLE HOLYDAYS				B) SEASON HOLYDAYSe     1) Mungday					   1) Chaoflux!    2) Mojoday					   2) Discofluxn     3) Syaday					   3) Confuflux     4) Zaraday					   4) Bureflux    5) Maladay					   5) Afflux8 Each occurs on the 5th			        Each occurs on the 50th' day of the Season				day of each Season   D C) ST. TIB'S DAY - occurs once every 4 years (1+4=5) and is inserted5 between the 59th and 60th days of the Season of Chaos     J                     SM BT PD PP SO                          SM BT PD PP SOJ                     -- -- -- -- --                          -- -- -- -- --N Jan  1  2  3  4  5   1  2  3  4  5 Chs  Jul  5  6  7  8  9  40 41 42 43 44 CfnN      6  7  8  9 10   6  7  8  9 10          10 11 12 13 14  45 46 47 48 49    N     11 12 13 14 15  11 12 13 14 15          15 16 17 18 19  50 51 52 53 54    N     16 17 18 19 20  16 17 18 19 20          20 21 22 23 24  55 56 57 58 59    N     21 22 23 24 25  21 22 23 24 25          25 26 27 28 29  60 61 62 63 64    N     26 27 28 29 30  26 27 28 29 30          30 31  1  2  3  65 66 67 68 69    N     31  1  2  3  4  31 32 33 34 35      Aug  4  5  6  7  8  70 71 72 73  1 BcyN Feb  5  6  7  8  9  36 37 38 39 40           9 10 11 12 13   2  3  4  5  6    N     10 11 12 13 14  41 42 43 44 45          14 15 16 17 18   7  8  9 10 11    N     15 16 17 18 19  46 47 48 49 50          19 20 21 22 23  12 13 14 15 16    N     20 21 22 23 24  51 52 53 54 55          24 25 26 27 28  17 18 19 20 21    N     25 26 27 28* 1  56 57 58 59 60          29 30 31  1  2  22 23 24 25 26    N Mar  2  3  4  5  6  61 62 63 64 65      Sep  3  4  5  6  7  27 28 29 30 31    N      7  8  9 10 11  66 67 68 69 70           8  9 10 11 12  32 33 34 35 36    N     12 13 14 15 16  71 72 73  1  2 Dsc      13 14 15 16 17  37 38 39 40 41    N     17 18 19 20 21   3  4  5  6  7          18 19 20 21 22  42 43 44 45 46    N     22 23 24 25 26   8  9 10 11 12          23 24 25 26 27  47 48 49 50 51    N     27 28 29 30 31  13 14 15 16 17          28 29 30  1  2  52 53 54 55 56    N Apr  1  2  3  4  5  18 19 20 21 22      Oct  3  4  5  6  7  57 58 59 60 61    N      6  7  8  9 10  23 24 25 26 27           8  9 10 11 12  62 63 64 65 66    N     11 12 13 14 15  28 29 30 31 32          13 14 15 16 17  67 68 69 70 71    N     16 17 18 19 20  33 34 35 36 37          18 19 20 21 22  72 73  1  2  3 AfmN     21 22 23 24 25  38 39 40 41 42          23 24 25 26 27   4  5  6  7  8    N     26 27 28 29 30  43 44 45 46 47          28 29 30 31  1   9 10 11 12 13    N May  1  2  3  4  5  48 49 50 51 52      Nov  2  3  4  5  6  14 15 16 17 18    N      6  7  8  9 10  53 54 55 56 57           7  8  9 10 11  19 20 21 22 23    N     11 12 13 14 15  58 59 60 61 62          12 13 14 15 16  24 25 26 27 28    N     16 17 18 19 20  63 64 65 66 67          17 18 19 20 21  29 30 31 32 33    N     21 22 23 24 25  68 69 70 71 72          22 23 24 25 26  34 35 36 37 38    N     26 27 28 29 30  73  1  2  3  4 Cfn      27 28 29 30  1  39 40 41 42 43    N     31  1  2  3  4   5  6  7  8  9      Dec  2  3  4  5  6  44 45 46 47 48    N Jun  5  6  7  8  9  10 11 12 13 14           7  8  9 10 11  49 50 51 52 53    N     10 11 12 13 14  15 16 17 18 19          12 13 14 15 16  54 55 56 57 58    N     15 16 17 18 19  20 21 22 23 24          17 18 19 20 21  59 60 61 62 63    N     20 21 22 23 24  25 26 27 28 29          22 23 24 25 26  64 65 66 67 68    N     25 26 27 28 29  30 31 32 33 34          27 28 29 30 31  69 70 71 72 73    O     30  1  2  3  4  35 36 37 38 39     [1991 = 3157][Next St. Tibs Day in 3158]E      O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  			      HOLY NAMESp  @ Discordians have a tradition of assuming HOLY NAMES. This is notD unique to Erisianism, of course. I suppose that Pope Paul is the son of Mr. and Mrs. VI?s      F Will whoever stole Brother Reverend Magoun's pornography please return it.   L ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    		       THE BEARER OF THIS CARD" 		     IS A GENUINE AND AUTHORIZED 			       ~ POPE ~! 		      So please Treat Him Righto 			     GOOD FOREVER  >        Genuine and authorized by The House of Apostles of ERISN ------------------------------------------------------------------------------I Every man, woman and child on this Earth is a genuine and authorized PopezL Reproduce and distribute these cards freely- POEE Head Temple, San Francisco    F A =POPE= is someone who is not under the authority of the authorities.  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~5 For Your Enlightenment  ! 			 THE PARABLE OF THE BITTER TEA  				      by) 		       Rev. Dr. Hypocrates Magoun, P.P.  			  POEE PRIEST, Okinawa Cabal!  E 	When Hypoc was through meditating with St. Gulik, he went there into G the kitchen where he busied himself with preparing the feast and in hisZN endeavor, he found that there was some old tea in a pan left standing from theM night before, when he had in his weakness forgot about its making and had letWF it sit steeping for 24 hours. It was dark and murky and it was Hypoc'sI intention to use this old tea by diluting it with water. And again in his K weakness, chose without further consideration and plunged into the physicaleN labor of the preparations. It was then when deeply immersed in the pleasure ofL that trip, he had a sudden loud clear voice in his head saying "it is bitterI tea that involves you so." Hypoc heard the voice, but the struggle inside~O intensified, and the pattern, previously established with the physical laboringAN and the muscle messages coordinated and unified or perhaps coded, continued toK exert their influence and Hypoc succummed to the pressure and he denied thee voice. dH 	And again he plunged into the physical orgy and completed the task, and2 Lo as the voice had predicted, the tea was bitter.  + 				"The Five Laws have root in awareness."h& 					--Che Fung (Ezra Pound, Canto 85)  L The Hell Law says that Hell is reserved exclusively for them that believe inO it. Further, the lowest Rung in Hell is reserved for them that believe in it ono4 the supposition that they'll go there if they don't.+      HBT; The Gospel According to Fred, 3:1   O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I A SERMON ON ETHICS AND LOVEc  E 	One day Mal-2 asked the messenger spirit Saint Gulik to approach thetN Goddess and request Her presence for some desperate advice. Shortly afterwardsC the radio came on by itself, and an ethereal female Voice said YES?   F 	"O! Eris! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of Chaos! Daughter of Discord!O Concubine of Confusion! O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You to lift a heavy burdena from my heart!"g  - 	WHAT BOTHERS YOU, MAL? YOU DON'T SOUND WELL.i  D 	"I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of pain.E Everywhere people are hurting one another, the planet is rampant withyG injustices, whole societies plunder groups of their own people, mothers~; imprison sons, children perish while brothers war. O, woe."~  < 	WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THAT, IF IT IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?  + 	"But nobody Wants it! Everybody hates it."e   	OH. WELL, THEN STOP.p  G 	At which moment She turned herself into an aspirin commercial and leftn/ The Polyfather stranded alone with his species.t    ( SINISTER DEXTER HAS A BROKEN SPIROMETER.  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~s 			    CHAPTER 5: THE PIONEERS. 		  =THE FIVE APOSTLES OF ERIS & WHO THEY BE =   1. HUNG MUNGI A Sage of Ancient China and Official Discordian Missionary to the HeathenOJ Chinee. He who originally devised THE SACRED CHAO. Patron of the Season of Chaos. Holyday: Jan 5.   2. DR. VAN VAN MOJO N A Head Doctor of Deep Africa and Maker of Fine Dolls. D.H.V., Doctor of HoodooM and Vexes, from The Greater Metropolitan Yorba Linda Jesus Will Save Your BodhN Home Study Bible School; and F.I.H.G.W.P., Fellow of the Intergalactic HaitianM Guerrillas for World Peace. Patron of The Season of Discord. Holyday: Mar 19. L [NOTE: Erisians of The Laughing Christ sect are of the silly contention thatH Dr. Mojo is an imposter and that PATAMUNZO LINGANANDA is the True SecondN Apostle. Lord Omar claims that Dr. Mojo heaps hatred upon Patamunzo, who sendsN only Love Vibrations in return. But we of the POEE sect know that Patamunzo isN the Real Imposter, and that those vibrations of his are actually an attempt toO subvert Dr. Mojo's rightful apostilic authority by shaking him out of his wits.d  G 3. SRI SYADASTI SYADAVAKTAVYA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADASTI CAVAKTAVYASCA O SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADAVATAVYASCA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADAVAKTAVYASCA commonly  called just SRI SYADASTIO His name is Sanskrit, and means: All affirmations are true in some sense, false7L in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, trueL and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true( and false and meaningless in some sense.J He is an Indian Pundit and Prince, born of the Peyotl Tribe, son of GentleJ Chief Sun Flower Seed and the squaw Merry Jane. Patron to psychedelic typeJ Discordians. Patron of the Season of Confusion. Holyday: May 31. NOTE: SriM Syadasti should not be confused with BLESSED ST. GULIK THE STONED, who is noty( the same person but is the same Apostle.  C 4. ZARATHUD THE INCORRIGIBLE, sometimes called ZARATHUD THE STAUNCH H A hard nosed Hermit of Medieval Europe and Chaosphe Bible Banger. DubbedO "Offender of The Faith." Discovered the Five Commandments. Patron of the Season3  of Bureaucracy. Holyday: Aug. 12   5. THE ELDER MALACLYPSE N A wandering Wiseman of Ancient Mediterrania ("Med-Terra" or middle earth), whoH followed a 5-pointed Star through the alleys of Rome, Damascus, Baghdad,O Jerusalem, Mecca and Cairo, bearing a sign that seemed to read "DOOM". (This is2K a misunderstanding. The sign actually read "DUMB". Mal-1 is a Non-Prophet.) M Patron and namesake of Mal-2. Patron on The Season of The Aftermath. Holyday:  Oct 24.2  O All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some1N sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, falseI and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some M sense. A public service clarification by the Sri Syadasti School of Spiritual1 Wisdom, Wilmette.   I The teachings of the Sri Syadasti School of Spiritual School of Spiritual N Wisdom are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense,K true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and4L meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense.? Patamunzo Lingananda School of Higher Spiritual Wisdom, Skokie.   N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I Hey Man...Great! I feel goofy, the way my old man looks when he's drunk. 8     			  THE HONEST BOOK OF TRUTH1* 		   being a BIBLE of The Erisian Movement   			 and How it was Revealed to: 	  Episkopos LORD OMAR KHAYYAM RAVENHURST, KSC; Bull Goose7 	of Limbo; and Master Pastor of the Church Invisible of 7 	the Laughing Christ, Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus,4% 		  Laughing Buddha Jesus [LBJ] Ranch0    # 		    From the Honest Book of Truth5& 		 THE BOOK OF EXPLANATIONS, Chapter 1  D 1. There came one day to Lord Omar, Bull Goose of Limbo, a Messenger@ of Our Lady who told him of a Sacred Mound wherein was buried an Honest Book.  B 2. And the Angel of Eris bade of the Lord: Go ye hence and dig theB Truth, that ye may come to know it and, knowing it, spread it and,E spreading it, wallow in it and, wallowing in it, lie in it and ,lyingsD in the Truth, become a Poet of the Word and a Sayer of Sayings -- an0 Inspiration to all men and a Scribe to the Gods.  C 3. So Omar went forth to the Sacred Mound, which was to the East oftE Mullah, and thereupon he worked digging in the sand for five days and  five nights, but found no book.w  F 4. At the end of five days and five nights of digging, it came to passD that Omar was exhausted. So he put his shovel to one side and beddedA himself down on the sand, using as a pillow a Golden Chest he had ) uncovered on the first day of his labors.p   5. Omar slept.  F 6. On the fifth day of his sleeping, Lord Omar fell into a Trance, andE there came to him in the Trance a Dream, and there came to him in the-D Dream a Messenger of Our Lady who told him of a Sacred Grove wherein was hidden a Golden Chest.  C 7. And the Angel of Eris bade of the Lord: Go ye hence and lift then? Stash, that ye may come to own it and, owning it, share it and,yF sharing it, love in it and, loving in it, dwell in it and, dwelling in@ the Stash, become a Poet of the Word and a Sayer of Sayings - an0 Inspiration to all men and a Scribe to the Gods.  C 8. But Omar lamented, saying unto the Angel: What is this shit,man? E What care I for the Word and Sayings? What care I for the Inspiration C of all men? Wherein does it profit a man to be a Scribe to the Gods C when the Scribes of the Governments do nothing, yet are paid bettera wages?  I 9. And, lo, the Angel waxed in anger and Omar was stricken to the Ground  E by an Invisible Hand and did not arise for five days and five nights.s  F 10. And it came to pass that on the fifth night he dreampt, and in his? Dream he had a Vision, and in this Vision there came unto him an@ Messenger of Our Lady who entrusted to him a Rigoletto cigar boxE containing many filing cards, some of them in packs with rubber bandslF around, and upon these cards were sometimes written verses, while upon others nothing was written.   F 11. Thereupon the Angel Commanded to Lord: Take ye this Honest Book ofE Truth to thine bosom and cherish it. Carry it forth into The Land andeE Lay it before Kings of Nations and Collectors of Garbage. Preach frommD it unto the Righteous, that they may renounce their ways and repent.  L ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 			  CONVENTIONAL CHAOS    GREYFACE  ? In the year 1166 B.C., a malcontented hunchbrain by the name ofnD Greyface, got it into his head that the universe was as humorless asF he, and he began to teach that play was sinful because it contradictedA the ways of Serious Order. "Look at all the order around you," hefF said. And from that, he deluded honest men to believe that reality wasF a straightjacket affair and not the happy romance as men had known it.  ? It is not presently understood why men were so gullible at thatsA particular time, for absolutely no one thought to observe all thee@ disorder around them and conclude just the opposite. But anyway,@ Greyface and his followers took the game of playing at life moreC seriously than they took life itself and were known even to destroy ? other living beings whose ways of life differed from their own.r  = The unfortunate result of this is that mankind has since been H suffering from a psychological and spiritual imbalance. Imbalance causesL frustration, and frustration causes fear. And fear makes for a bad trip. Man+ has been on a bad trip for a long time now.   # It is called THE CURSE OF GREYFACE.n          						Bullshit makes the flowers 						grow & that's beautiful.  N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~( Climb into the Chao with a friend or two" And follow the Way it carries you,# Adrift like a Lunatic Lifeboat Crewy" Over the Waves in whatever you do. 	(HBT; The Book of Advise, 1:3)R    7 [graphic deleted... if you wanna see it, READ THE BOOK]~  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~V' Meanwhile, at the Chinese laundromat...H  ( 		DOGMA I - METAPHYSICS #2, "COSMOLOGY"*   			  THE BOOK OF UTERUS # 		    from the Honest Book of Truthl 			revealed to Lord Omar  M 1. Before the beginning was the Nonexistent Chao, balanced in Oblivion by theD3 Perfect Counterpushpull of the Hodge and the Podge.   E 2. Whereupon, by an Act of Happenstance, the Hodge began gradually tos? overpower the Podge -- and the Primal Chaos thereby came to be.,  M 3. So in the beginning was the Primal Chaos, balanced on the Edge of Oblivione: by the Perfect Counterpullpush of the Podge and the Hodge.  B 4. Whereupon, by the Law of Negative Reversal,** the Podge swiftly2 underpowered the Hodge and Everything broke loose.  L 5. And therein emerged the Active Force of Discord, the Subtle ManifestationL of the Nonexistent Chao, to guide Everything along the Path back to OblivionH - that it might not become lost among Precepts of Order in the Region of Thud.p  H 6. Forasmuch as it was Active, the Force of Discord entered the State ofJ Confusion, wherein It copulated with the Queen and begat ERIS, Our Lady of8 Discord and Gross Manifestation of the Nonexistent Chao.  D 7. And under Eris Confusion became established, and was hence calledJ Bureaucracy; while over Bureaucracy Eris became established, and was hence called Discordia.e  K 8. By the by it came to pass that the Establishment of Bureaucracy perishede in a paper shortage.  / 9. Thus it was, in accord with the Law of Laws.l  I 10. During and after the Fall of the Establishment of Bureaucracy was thebE Aftermath, an Age of Disorder in which calculation, computations, andnB reckonings were put away by the Children of Eris in Acceptance andL Preparation for the Return to Oblivion to be followed by a Repetition of theI Universal Absurdity. Moreover, of Itself the Coming of Aftermath waseth a 5 Resurrection of the Freedom-flowing Chaos. HAIL ERIS!   M 11. Herein was set into motion the Eristic Pattern, which would Repeat ItselfuF Five Times Over Seventy-three Times, after which nothing would happen. ____________________________M * This doctrine should not be confused with DOGMA III - HISTORY #6, "HISTORICMK CYCLES," which states that social progress occurs in five cycles, the firstoK three ("The Tricycle") of which are THESIS, ANTITHESIS and PARENTHESIS; andnM the last two ("the Bicycle") of which are CONSTERNATION and MORAL WARPTITUDE.t  M ** The LAW OF NEGATIVE REVERSAL states that if something does not happen thennM the exact opposite will happen, only in exactly the opposite manner from that  in which it did not happen.s     Dull but Sincere FillereO ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ M "And, behold, thusly was the Law formulated: Imposition of Order = escalationA
 of Disorder!" -  [H.B.T. ; The Gospel According to Fred, 1:6]r  % THE FIVE ORDERS OF DISCORDIA ("THEM")g Gen. Pandaemonium, Commanding   L The seeds of the ORDERS OF DISCORDIA were planted by Greyface into his earlyG disciples. They form the skeleton of the Aneristic Movement, which overaF emphasizes the Principle of Order and is antagonistic to the necessaryM compliment, the Principle of Disorder. The Orders are composed of persons all I hung up on authority, security and control; i.e., they are blinded by the~M Aneristic Illusion. They do not know that they belong to Orders of Discordia.  But we know.  N 1. The Military Order of THE KNIGHTS OF THE FIVE SIDED TEMPLE. This is for all* the soldiers and bureaucrats of the world.  I 2. The Political Order of THE PARTY FOR WAR ON EVIL. This is reserved ford! lawmakers, censors, and like ilk.b  N 3. The Academic Order of THE HEMLOCK FELLOWSHIP. They commonly inhabit schools, and universities, and dominate many of them.  M 4. The Social Order of THE CITIZENS COMMITTEE FOR CONCERNED CITIZENS. This isaJ mostly a grass-roots version of the more professional military, political, academic and sacred Orders.b  O 5. The Sacred Order of THE DEFAMATION LEAGUE. Not much is known about the D.L.,dN but they are very ancient and quite possibly were founded by Greyface himself.N It is known that they now have absolute domination over all organized churchesL in the world. It is also believed that they have been costuming cabbages and! passing them off as human beings..  L A person belonging to one or more Order is just as likely to carry a flag ofO the counter-establishment as the flag of the establishment-- just as long as itd
 is a flag.    ( Don't let THEM immanentize the Eschaton.   HIP-2-3-4, HIP-2-3-4 Go To Your Left-Right.....  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~p) THE FOLLOWING IS QUOTED FROM BERGAN EVANSt$ ON NORBERT WEINER, NUCLEAR PHYSICIST  ? 	The second concept Wiener has to establish is that of entropy.oL Probability is a mathematical concept, coming from statistics. Entropy comesN from physics. It is the assertion-- established logically and experimentally--M that the universe, by its nature, is "running down", moving toward a state ofhF inert uniformity devoid of form, matter, hierarchy or differentiation.  C 	That is, in any given situation, less organization, more chaos, is,E overwhelmingly more probable than tighter organization or more order.g  F 	The tendency for entropy to increase in isolated systems is expressedM in the second law of thermodynamics-- perhaps the most pessimistic and amorald! formulation in all human thought.n  @ 	It applies however, to a closed system, to something that is anN isolated whole, not just a part. Within such systems there may be parts, whichN draw their energy from the whole, that are moving at least temporarily, in theI opposite direction; in them order is increasing and chaos is diminishing.h  E 	The whirlpools that swirl in a direction opposed to the main currentnO are called "enclaves". And one of them is life, especially human life, which in I a universe moving inexorably towards chaos moves towards increased order.i    + IF THE TELEPHONE RINGS TODAY..... WATER IT!l 	-Rev. Thomas, Gnostic 	 N.Y.C. Cabal     				   Personal H PLANETARY Pi, which I discovered, is 61. It's a Time-Energy relationshipL existing between sun and inner plants and I use it in arriving at many factsD unknown to science. For example, multiply nude earth's circumferenceM 24,902.20656 by 61 and you get the distance of moon's orbit around the earth.uF This is slightly less than the actual distance because we have not yetD considered earth's atmosphere. So be it. Christopher Garth, Evanston     "I should have been a plumber."t 	--Albert EinsteinO ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~s3 "Grasshopper always wrong in argument with chicken"u' 		-Book of Chan compiled by O.P.U. sectr      			 = ZARATHUD'S ENLIGHTENMENT =  G 	Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took greatwC delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers.n  F 	One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he= confronted The Sacred Chao while She was contentedly grazing.h  H 	"Tell me, you dumb beast." demanded the Priest in his commanding voice,N "why don't you do something worthwhile. What is your Purpose in Life, anyway?"  9 	Munching the tasty grass, The Sacred Chao replied "MU".*g  H 	Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened. Primarily because  nobody could understand Chinese.  + * "MU" is the Chinese ideogram for NO-THINGi    F TAO FA TSU-DAN                                      FIND PEACE WITH A  						    CONTENTED CHAO  N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 			   THE SACRED CHAO   L THE SACRED CHAO is the key to illumination. Devised by the Apostle Hung MungG in ancient China, it was modified and popularized by the Taoists and is I sometimes called the YIN-YANG. The Sacred Chao is not the Yin-Yang of theiL Taoists. It is the HODGE-PODGE of the Erisians. And, instead of a Podge spotC on the Hodge side, it has a PENTAGON which symbolizes the ANERISTIC,H PRINCIPLE, and instead of a Hodge spot on the Podge side, it depicts the= GOLDEN APPLE OF DISCORDIA to symbolize the ERISTIC PRINCIPLE.t  L The Sacred Chao symbolizes absolutely everything anyone need ever know aboutF absolutely anything, and more! It even symbolizes everything not worthA knowing, depicted by the empty space surrounding the Hodge-Podge.h  % HERE FOLLOWS SOME PSYCHO-METAPHYSICS.a8 If you are not hot for philosophy, best just to skip it.  ? 	The Aneristic Principle is that of APPARENT ORDER; the EristicaL Principle is that of APPARENT DISORDER. Both order and disorder are man madeL concepts and are artificial divisions of PURE CHAOS, which is a level deeper( that is the level of distinction making.  C 	With our concept making apparatus called "mind" we look at realityE? through the ideas-about-reality which our cultures give us. The F ideas-about-reality are mistakenly labeled "reality" and unenlightenedL people are forever perplexed by the fact that other people, especially otherG cultures, see "reality" differently. It is only the ideas-about-realityAI which differ. Real (capital-T True) reality is a level deeper that is theu level of concept.n  D 	We look at the world through windows on which have been drawn gridsL (concepts). Different philosophies use different grids. A culture is a groupH of people with rather similar grids. Through a window we view chaos, andL relate it to the points on our grid, and thereby understand it. The ORDER is- in the GRID. That is the Aneristic Principle.o  C 	Western philosophy is traditionally concerned with contrasting onegL grid with another grid, and amending grids in hopes of finding a perfect oneE that will account for all reality and will, hence, (say unenlightenedwF westerners) be True. This is illusory; it is what we Erisians call theH ANERISTIC ILLUSION. Some grids can be more useful than others, some moreL beautiful than others, some more pleasant than others, etc., but none can be more True than any other..  = 	DISORDER is simply unrelated information viewed through somenK particular grid. But, like "relation", no-relation is a concept. Male, likehB female, is an idea about sex. To say that male-ness is "absence ofI female-ness", or vice versa, is a matter of definition and metaphysicallywJ arbitrary. The artificial concept of no-relation is the ERISTIC PRINCIPLE.  A 	The belief that "order is true" and disorder is false or somehow E wrong, is the Aneristic Illusion. To say the same of disorder, is theI ERISTIC ILLUSION.W  = 	The point is that (little-t) truth is a matter of definitioneE relative to the grid one is using at the moment, and that (capital-T) J Truth, metaphysical reality, is irrelevant to grids entirely. Pick a grid,K and through it some chaos appears ordered and some appears disordered. Pick D another grid, and the same chaos will appear differently ordered and disordered.  	r# 	Reality is the original Rorschach.n   Verily! So much for all that.R  . The words of the Foolish and those of the Wise% Are not far apart in Discordian Eyes.S (HBT; The Book of Advise, 2:1)  L The PODGE of the Sacred Chao is symbolized as The Golden Apple of Discordia,F which represents the Eristic Principle of Disorder. The writing on it,N "KALLISTI" is Greek for "TO THE PRETTIEST ONE" and refers to an old myth aboutM The Goddess. But the Greeks had only a limited understanding of Disorder, and & thought it to be a negative principle.  K The Pentagon represents the Aneristic Principle of Order and symbolizes therH HODGE. The Pentagon has several references; for one,, it can be taken toH represent geometry, one of the earliest studies of formal order to reachL elaborate development;* for another, it specifically accords with THE LAW OF FIVES. i  4 THE TRUTH IS FIVE BUT MEN HAVE ONLY ONE NAME FOR IT. 				-Patamunzo Lingananda   M It is also the shape of the United States Military Headquarters, the PentagonOL Building, a most pregnant manifestation of straightjacket order resting on aL firm foundation of chaos and constantly erupting into dazzling disorder; andN this building is one of our more cherished Erisian Shrines. Also it so happensH that in times of medieval magic, the pentagon was the generic symbol forL werewolves, but this reference is not particularly intended and it should beN noted that the Erisian Movement does not discriminate against werewolves-- ourG membership roster is open to persons of all races, national origins and  hobbies.  $ ____________________________________I * The Greek geometrician PYTHAGORAS, however, was not a typical aneristic M personality. He was what we call an EXPLODED ANERISTIC and an AVATAR. We callL him Archangle Pythagoras.~  3 [diagram of HODGE/PODGE TRANSFORMER deleted... DtC]~  N 5. Hung Mung slapped his buttocks, hopped about, and shook his head, saying "I do not know! I do not know!"  	HBT; The Book of Gooks, Chap. 1O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~. 			       BRUNSWICK SHRINE  M In the Los Angeles suburb of Whittier there lives a bowling alley, and withineO this very place, in the Year of Our Lady of Discord 3125 (1959*), Eris revealedy5 Herself to The Golden Apple Corps for the first time.   L In honor of this Incredible Event, this Holy Place is revered as a Shrine byN all Erisians. Once every five years, the Golden Apple Corps plans a PilgrimageO to Brunswick Shrine as an act of Devotion, and therein to partake of No Hot Doge& Buns, and ruminate a bit about It All.  O It is written that when The Corps returns to The Shrine for the fifth time fives0 times over, than shall the world come to an end:   				IMPENDING DOOM 				  HAS ARRIVEDe; 	And Five Days Prior to This Occasion The Apostle The Eldert= 	Malaclypse Shall Walk the Streets of Whittier Bearing a Signn; 	for All Literates to Read thereof: "DOOM", as a Warning ofw< 	Forthcoming Doom to All Men Impending. And He Shall Signal A 	This Event by Seeking the Poor and Distributing to Them Preciousn> 	MAO BUTTONS and Whittier Shall be Known as The Region of Thud 	for These Five Days.d  L As a public service to all mankind and civilization in general, and to us inE particular, the Golden Apple Corps has concluded that planning such a O Pilgrimage is sufficient and that it is prudent to never get around to actually  going.# ___________________________________o! * Or maybe it was 1958, I forget.e  N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  STARBUCK'S PEBBLES					Whichl 							  Ish 							Real?     				*c   			*               *     			     *      *  A Do these 5 pebbles [note: they were pebbles,originally..try doing + ASCII pebbles -DtC] REALLY form a pentagon?~5 Those biased by the Aneristic Illusion would say yes.~M Those biased by the Eristic Illusion would say no. Criss-cross them and it isC a star.l  M An Illuminated Mind can see all of these, yet he does not insist that any oneeF is really true, or that none at all is true. Stars, and pentagons, andL disorder are all his creations and he may do with them as he wishes. Indeed,  even so the concept of number 5.  M The real reality is there, but everything you KNOW about "it" is in your mindeK and yours to do with as you like. Conceptualization is art, and YOU ARE THEn ARTIST.    Convictions cause convicts.o   					e 					 Can you chart the COURSE' 					to Captain Valentine's SWEETHEART?"  ! Hemlock? I never touch the stuff!e    + 				When I was 8 or 9 years old, I acquiredo, 				a split beaver magazine. You can imagine+ 				my disappointment when,upon examinationU, 				of the photos with a microscope, I found" 				that all I could see was dots.    B 7. Never write in pencil unless you are on a train or sick in bed.  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~n  ERIS CONTEMPLATES FOR 3125 YEARSO -------------------------------------------Pun-jab is Sikh, Sikh, Sikh!--------i  6 THE PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF ERIS ESOTERIC (POEE)) A Non-prophet Irreligious Disorganizationo   			 MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, KSCo0 		Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold 				 HIGH PRIEST  7 THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT				      HOUSE OF APOSTLES OF ERISoF (X) Official Business		( )Surreptitious Business     page 1 of 1 pages8 Official Discordian Document Number (if applicable): n/a> ( ) the Golden Apple Corps  (X)House of Disciples of Discordia' 				The Bureaucracy, Bureau of:  DOGMASwH ( ) Council of Episkoposes: Office of High Priesthood, Sect of the POEE  ( ) Drawer oN ______________________________________________________________________________? Today's DATE: day of the Carrot 		yesterday's DATE: Yes    -><-r6 Originating Cabal: Joshua Norton Cabal - San Francisco? TO: REV. RAMPANT PANCREAS, tRRoCR(a)pttM; Colorado Encrustationn   Brother Ram,  N Your acute observation that ERIS spelled backwards is SIRE, and your inferenceJ to the effect that there is sexual symbolism here, have brought me to some observations of my own,u  I ERIS spelled fore-part-aft-wards is RISE. And spelled inside out is REIS,dJ which is a unit of money, albeit Portugese-Brazilian and no longer in use.M From this it may be concluded that Eris has usurped Eros (god of erotic love)uM in the eyes of those who read backwards; which obviously made Eros sorE. TheniM She apparently embezzeled the Olympian Treasury and went to Brazil; whereuponvL She opened a chain of whorehouses (which certainly would get a rise from theN male population). I figure it to be this in particular because MADAM reads theH same forwards and backwards. And further, it is a term of great respect, similar to SIRE.  L And so thank you for your insight, it may well be the clue to the mystery of1 just where Eris has been fucking around for 3125.n   				FIVE TONS OF FLAX! 				-><-	Mal-2   Not for Circulation!          1 	  KALLISTI        HAIL ERIS 		ALL HAIL DISCORDIAi  7 safeguard this letter, it may be an important document    * 				Form No.: O.D.D. IIb/ii.1-37D.VVM:3134O _______________________________________________________________________________eO ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~R* 		     DOGMA III - HISTORY #2, "COSMOGONY"O which is not the same as DOGMA I - METAPHYSICS #2, "COSMOLOGY" (Book of Uterus)l  A 	In the beginning there was VOID, who had two daughters; one (theeN smaller) was that of BEING, named ERIS, and one (the larger) was of NON-BEING,N named ANERIS. (To this day, the fundamental truth that Aneris is the larger isM apparent to all who compare the great number of things that do not exist with 8 the comparatively small number of things that do exist.)  C 	Eris had been born pregnant, and after 55 years (Goddesses have aneL unusually long gestation period-- longer even than elephants), Her pregnancyL bore the fruits of many things. These things were composed of the Five BasicN Elements, SWEET, BOOM, PUNGENT, PRICKLE, and ORANGE. Aneris, however, had beenN created sterile. When she saw Eris enjoying Herself so greatly with all of theL existent things She had borne, Aneris became jealous and finally one day sheH stole some existent things and changed them into non-existent things andJ claimed them as her own children. This deeply hurt Eris, who felt that HerN sister was unjust (being so much larger anyway) to deny Her her small joy. AndJ so She made herself swell again to bear more things. And She swore that noN matter how many of her begotten that Aneris would steal, She would beget more.I And, in return, Aneris swore that no matter how many existent things ErisaM brought forth, she would eventually find them and turn them into non-existentrN things for her own. (And to this day, things appear and disappear in this very	 manner.)    D 	At first, the things brought forth by Eris were in a state of chaosJ and went in every which way, but by the by She began playing with them andL ordered some of them just to see what would happen. Some pretty things aroseH from this play and for the next five zillion years She amused Herself byJ creating order. And so She grouped some things with others and some groupsN with others, and big groups with little groups, and all combinations until She+ had many grand schemes which delighted Her.   F 	Engrossed in establishing order, She finally one day noticed disorderL (previously not apparent because everything was chaos). There were many ways= in which chaos was ordered and many ways in which it was not.e  0 	"Hah," She thought, "Here shall be a new game."  E 	And She taught order and disorder to play with each other in contest K games, and to take turns amusing each other. She named the side of disorder_J after Herself, "ERISTIC" because Being is anarchic. And then, in a mood ofJ sympathy for Her lonely sister, She named the other side "ANERISTIC" whichK flattered Aneris and smoothed the friction a little that was between them. e  G 	Now all of this time, Void was somewhat disturbed. He felt unsatisfiedsN for he had created only physical existence and physical non-existence, and hadN neglected the spiritual. As he contemplated this, a great Quiet was caused andN he went into a state of Deep Sleep which lasted for 5 eras. At the end of thisL ordeal, he begat a brother to Eris and Aneris, that of SPIRITUALITY, who had no name at all.9  C 	When the sisters heard this, they both confronted Void and pleadedeB that he not forget them, his First Born. And so Void decreed thus:  @ 	That this brother, having no form, was to reside with Aneris inI Non-Being and then to leave her and, so that he might play with order andtL disorder, reside with Eris in Being. But Eris became filled with sorrow when& She heard this and then began to weep.  E 	"Why are you despondent?" demanded Void, "Your new brother will havecN his share with you." "But Father, Aneris and I have been arguing, and she willC take him from me when she discovers him, and cause him to return tor? Non-Being." "I see,"replied Void, "Then I decree the following:e  F 	"When your brother leaves the residence of Being, he shall not resideJ again in Non-Being, but shall return to Me, Void, from whence he came. YouJ girls may bicker as you wish, but My son is your Brother and We are all of	 Myself." v  N And so it is that we, as men, do not exist until we do; and then it is that weN play with our world of existent things, and order and disorder them, and so itF shall be that non-existence shall take us back from existence and thatJ nameless spirituality shall return to Void, like a tired child home from a very wild circus.~    B 	"Everything is true - Everything is permissible!"            -><- 						-Hassan i Sabbah  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~	 There is serenity in Chaos.p! Seek ye the Eye of the Hurricane.g    7 	       A POEE MYSTEREE RITE - THE SRI SYADASTIAN CHANTn) 		       Written, in some sense, by Mal-2w  K Unlike a song, chants are not sung but chanted. This particular one is muchtE enhanced by the use of a Leader to chant the Sanskrit alone, with alleN participants chanting the English. it also behooves one to be in a quiet frameN of mind and to be sitting in a still position, perhaps The Buttercup Position.; It also helps if one is absolutely zonked out of his gourd.   
 RUB-A-DUB-DUBi$ O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Hung Mung.	 SYA-DASTI   O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Mo-jo. SYA-DAVAK-TAVYAp$ O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Zara-thud. SYA-DASTI SYA-NASTIn$ O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Elder Mal. SYA-DASTI KAVAK-TAV-YASKA	! O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Gu-lik.") SYA-DASTI, SYA-NASTI, SYA-DAVAK-TAV-YASKA # O! Hail Eris. All Hail Dis-cord-ia.q
 RUB-A-DUB-DUBp  L It is then repeated indefinitely, or for the first two thousand miles, which ever comes first.o  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~e The Classification of Saints   1. SAINT SECOND CLASS   N To be reserved for all human beings deserving of Sainthood. Example: St.NortonJ the First, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico (his grave/ near San Francisco is an official POEE shrine.)A  N THE FOLLOWING FOUR CATAGORIES ARE RESERVED FOR FICTIONAL BEINGS WHO, NOT BEING' ACTUAL, ARE MORE CAPABLE OF PERFECTION.S   2. LANCE SAINT  - Good Saint material and definitely inspiring.E) Example: St. Yossarian (Catch 22, Heller)F   3. LIEUTENANT SAINT   " Excellent Goddess-Saturated Saint.- Example: St. Quixote (Don Quixote, Cervantes)a   4. BRIGADIER SAINT  E Comparable to Lt/Saint but has an established following (fictional ors7 factual). Example: St. Bokonon (Cat's Cradle, Vonnegut)n   5. FIVE STAR SAINT   The Five Apostles of Eris.  I Note: It is an Old Erisian Tradition to never agree with each other about_ Saints._    G Everybody understands Mickey Mouse. Few understand Herman Hesse. Only a K hand full understood Albert Einstein. And nobody understood Emperor Norton.A! 			-Slogan of NORTON CABAL - S.F.o  N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~, TESTS BY DOCTORS PROVE IT POSSIBLE TO SHRINK   				=ON OCCULTISM=  H Magicians, especially since the Gnostic and the Quabala influences, haveI sought higher consciousness through assimilation and control of universalsJ opposites-- good/evil, positive/negative, male/female, etc. But due to theJ steadfast pomposity of ritualism inherited from the ancient methods of theN shaman, occultists have been blinded to what is perhaps the two most important> pairs of apparent or earth-plane opposites: ORDER/DISORDER and SERIOUS/HUMOROUS.n  M Magicians, and progeny the scientists, have always taken themselves and theirtI subject in an orderly and sober manner, thereby disregarding an essentialrF metaphysical balance. when magicians learn to approach philosophy as aH malleable art instead of an immutable Truth, and learn to appreciate theN absurdity of man's endeavours, then they will be able to pursue their art withN a lighter heart, and perhaps gain a clearer understanding of it, and therefore+ gain more effective magic. CHAOS IS ENERGY.u  J This is an essential challenge to the basic concepts of all western occultF thought, and POEE is humbly pleased to offer the first breakthrough in occultism since Solomon.    , "Study Demonology with an Enemy This Sunday" 			sez Thom,Gnos  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  POEE ASTROLOGICAL SYSTEM  M 1) Om your next birthday, return to the place of your birth and, at precisely K midnight, noting your birth time and date of observation, count all visibler stars.  J 2) When you have done this, write to me and I'll tell you what to do next.    H The Eminent 16th Century Mathemetician Cardan so detested Luther that he@ altered Luther's birthdate to give him an unfavorable horoscope.      K The theorem to be proved is that if any even number of people take seats at J random around a circular table bearing place cards with their names, it isJ always possible to rotate the table until at least two people are oppositeN their cards. Assume the contrary. Let N be the even number of persons, and letN their names be replaced by the integers 0 to N-1 "in such a way that the placeK cards are numbered in sequence around the table. If a delegate D originallysM sits down to a place card P, then the table must be rotated R steps before helH is correctly seated, where R=P-D, unless this is negative, in which caseN R=P-D+N. The collection of values of D (and of P) for all delegates is clearlyN the integers 0 to N-1,each taken once, but so also is the collection of valuesG of R, or else two delegates would be correctly seated at the same time..L Summing the above equations, one for each delegate, gives S-S+NK, where K isL an integer and S=N(N-1)/2, the sum of the integers from 0 to N-1. It followsF that N=2K+1, an odd number." This contradicts the original assumption.F 	"I actually solved this problem some years ago," Rybicki writes, "forF a different but completely equivalent problem, a generalization of theF nonattacking 'eight queens' problem for a cylindrical chessboard whereJ diagonal attack is restricted to diagonals slanting in one direction only.O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   			THE CURSE OF GREYFACE AND THE 			  INTRODUCTION OF NEGATIVISMu  F 	To choose order over disorder, or disorder over order, is to accept aI trip composed of both the creative and the destructive. But to choose theoL creative over the destructive is an all-creative trip composed of both orderN and disorder. To accomplish this, one need only accept creative disorder alongJ with, and equal to, creative order, and also willing to reject destructive6 order as an undesirable equal to destructive disorder.  9 	The Curse of Greyface included the division of life into F order/disorder as the essential positive/negative polarity, instead ofE building a game foundation with creative/destructive as the essential"N positive/negative. He has thereby caused man to endure the destructive aspectsM of order and has prevented man from effectively participating in the creativesB uses of disorder. Civilization reflects this unfortunate division.  B 	POEE proclaims that the other division is preferable, and we workF toward the proposition that creative disorder, like creative order, isD possible and desirable; and that destructive order, like destructive) disorder, is unnecessary and undesirable.n  D 	Seek the Sacred Chao - therein you will find the foolishness of all" ORDER/DISORDER. They are the same!  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ , 		   ERISIAN MAGIC RITUAL - THE TURKEY CURSE  J Revealed by the Apostle Dr. Van Van Mojo as a specific counter to the evilL Curse of Greyface, THE TURKEY CURSE is here passed on to Erisians everywhere for their just protection.  K The Turkey Curse works. It is firmly grounded on the fact that Greyface andiL his followers absolutely require an aneristic setting to function and that aK timely introduction of eristic vibrations will neutralize their foundation.eN The Turkey Curse is designed solely to counteract negative aneristic vibes andG if introduced into a neutral or positive aneristic setting (like a poeteE working out word rhythms) it will prove harmless, or at worst, simplyhM annoying. It is not designed for use against negative eristic vibes, although G it can be used as an eristic vehicle to introduce positive vibes into auN misguided eristic setting. In this instance, it would be the responsibility ofM the Erisian Magician to manufacture the positive vibrations if results are totN be achieved. CAUTION- all magic is powerful and requires courage and integrityL on the part of the magician. This ritual, if misused, can backfire. Positive, motivation is essential for self-protection.   TO PERFORM THE TURKEY CURSE:  L Take a foot stance as if you were John L. Sullivan preparing for fisticuffs.G Face the particular greyfaced you wish to short-circuit, or towards the J direction of the negative aneristic vibration that you wish to neutralize.O Begin waving your arms in any elaborate manner and make motions with your handstI as though you were Mandrake feeling up a sexy giantess. Chant, loudly andb clearly:, 		   GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE!' The results will be instantly apparent.t  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~U  / 		A PRIMER FOR ERISIAN EVANGELISTS by Lord Omar   > 	The SOCRATIC APPROACH is most successful when confronting theJ ignorant. The "socratic approach" is what you call starting an argument byM asking questions. You approach the innocent and simply ask "Did you know thatkN God's name is ERIS, and that He is a girl?" If he should answer "Yes." then heL probably is a fellow Erisian and so you can forget it. If he says "No." then quickly proceed to:hA 	THE BLIND ASSERTION and say "Well, He Is a girl, and His name is~N ERIS!" Shrewedly observe if the subject is convinced. If he is, swear him intoH the Legion of Dynamic Discord before he changes his mind. If he does not" appear convinced, then proceed to:F 	THE FAITH BIT: "But you must have Faith! All is lost without Faith! I? sure feel sorry for you if you don't have Faith." And then add:GC 	THE ARGUMENT BY FEAR and in an ominous voice ask "Do you know whatOK happens to those who deny Goddess?" If he hesitates, don't tell him that heiK will surely be reincarnated as a precious Mao Button and distributed to the K poor in the Region of Thud (which would be a mean thing to say), just shaket> your head sadly and, while wiping a tear from your eye, go to:B 	THE FIRST CLAUSE PLOY wherein you point to all of the discord andM confusion in the world and exclaim "Well who the hell do you think did all of K this, wise guy?" If he says, "Nobody, just impersonal forces." then quicklye
 respond with:sD 	THE ARGUMENT BY SEMANTICAL GYMNASTICS and say that he is absolutelyM right, and that those impersonal forces are female and that Her name is ERIS. J If he, wonder of wonders, still remains obstinate, then finally resort to:E 	THE FIGURATIVE SYMBOLISM DODGE and confide that sophisticated peopleOH like himself recognize that Eris is a Figurative Symbol for an IneffableM Metaphysical Reality and that The Erisian Movement is really more like a poemhJ than like a science and that he is liable to be turned into a Precious MaoK Button and Distributed to The Poor in The Region of Thud if he does not getm' hip. Then put him on your mailing list.e  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~a SINK   A GAME  0 by Ala Hera, E.L., N.S.; RAYVILLE APPLE PANTHERS  5 SINK is played by Discordians and people of much ilk.v  2 PURPOSE: To sink object or an object or a thing...7 in water or mud or anything you; can sink something in.r  M RULES: Sinking is allowd in any manner. To date, ten pound chunks of mud werelM used to sink a tobacco can. It is preferable to have a pit of water or a holemL to drop things in. But rivers - bays - gulfs - I dare say even oceans can be used.   J TURNS are taken thusly: who somever gets the junk up and in the air first.  J DUTY: It shall be the duty of all persons playing "SINK" to help find more* objects to sink, once; one object is sunk.  H UPON SINKING: The sinked shall yell "I sank it!" or something equally as thoughtful.u  L NAMING OF OBJECTS is some times desirable. The object is named by the finderK of such object and whoever sinks it can say for instance, "I sunk Columbus,I Ohio!"      ) 	"In a way, we're a kind of Peace Corps."c3 	- Maj. A. Lincoln German, Training Director of they6 	  Green Beret Special Warfare School, Ft. Bragg, N.C.  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~n( A Joint Effort of the Discordian Society   POST OFFICE LIBERATION FRONT    					Export License Not Required   THIS IS A CHAIN LETTER.   L WITHIN THE NEXT FIFTY-FIVEDAYS YOU WILL RECEIVE THIRTY-ELEVEN HUNDRED POUNDS
 OF CHAINS!# In the meantime - plant your seeds.a  I If a lot of people who receive this letter plant a few seeds and a lot of A people receive this letter, then a lot of seeds will get planted.t Plant your seeds.e  F In parks. On lots. Public flower beds. In remote places. At City Hall.K Wherever. Whenever. Or start a plantation in your closet (but read up on ithN first for that). For casual planting, its best to soak them in water for a dayJ and plant in a bunch of about 5, about half an inch deep. Don't worry muchK about the weather, they know when the weather is wrong and will try to waitnK for nature. Don't soak them if its wintertime. Seeds are a very hearty lifebM form and strongly desire to grow and flourish. But some of them need people'sr& help to get started. Plant your seeds.  N Make a few copies of this letter (5 would be nice) and send them to friends ofL yours. Try to mail to different cities and states, even different countries.M If you would rather not, then please pass this copy on to someone and perhapse they would like to.e   THERE IS NO TRUTHtE to the legend that if you throw away a chain letter then all sorts ofoJ catastrophic, abominable, and outrageous disasters will happen. Except, of' course, from your seed's point of view.a  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~J Q. "How come a woodpecker doesn't bash its brains out?" A. Nobody has ever explained that.N  4 Mary Jane says "Plant Your Seeds. Keep Prices Down."  N "And God said, behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon6 the face of the earth... to you it shall be for meat." 				-Genesis 1:29i     [graphical stuff deleted -DtC]O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~q	 QuestionsaM Have a friendly class talk. Permit each child to tell any part of the unit onaH "Courtesy in the Corridors and on the Stairs" that he enjoyed. Name some% causes of disturbance in your school.s      ' Chapter 1, THE EPISTLE TO THE PARANOIDS  --Lord Omarm  G 1. Ye have locked yerselves up in cages of fear--and, behold, do ye now. complain that ye lack FREEDOM!  K 2. Ye have cast out yer brothers for devils and now complain ye, lamenting,a$ that ye've been left to fight alone.  K 3. All Chaos was once yer kingdom; verily, held ye dominion over the entirehI Pentaverse, but today ye was sore afraid in dark corners, nooks, and sinka holes.  N 4. O how the darknesses do crowd up, one against the other, in ye hearts! What) fear ye more that what ye have wroughten?c  aG 5. Verily, verily I say unto you, not all the Sinister Ministers of the N Bavarian Illuminati, working together in multitudes, could so entwine the land/ with tribulation as have yer baseless warnings.~    L DESPITE strong evidence to the contrary, persistant rumor has it that it wasG Mr. Momomoto's brother who swallowed Mr. Momomoto in the summer of '44.E  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
 AdvertisementrO _______________________________________________________________________________o   			     BAVARIAN ILLUMINATIt  > 	 Founded by Hassan i Sabbah, 1090 A.D. (5090 A.L., 4850 A.M.)> 	 Reformed by Adam Weishaupt, 1776 A.D. (5776 A.L., 5536 A.M.)  - 		   THE ANCIENT ILLUMINATED SEERS OF BAVARIAs 			      invite YOU to joinu  8 	      The World's Oldest and Most Successful Conspiracy    O Have you ever SECRETLY WONDERED WHY          IS there an ESOTERIC ALLEGORY con-iG The GREAT PYRAMID has FIVE sides	     cealed in the apparently innocent @ (counting the bottom)?			     legend of Snow White and The Seven 					     Dwarfs?     F WHAT IS the TRUE secret SINISTER	     WHY do scholarly anthropologistsC REALITY lying behind the ANCIENT	     TURN PALE with terror at the U@ Aztec Legend of QUETZLCOATL?		     very MENTION of the FORBIDDEN  		     			     name YOG-SOTHOTH?  6 WHO IS the MAN in ZURICH		     WHAT REALLY DID HAPPEN 0 that some SWEAR is LEE			     TO AMBROSE BIERCE? HARVEY OSWALD?    N If your I.Q. is over 150, and you have $3,125.00 (plus handling), you might beN eligible for a trial membership in the A.I.S.B.  If you think you qualify, putM the money in a cigar box and bury it in your backyard. One of our Underground   Agents will contact you shortly. 				 I DARE YOU!  M TELL NO ONE! ACCIDENTS HAVE A STRANGE WAY OF HAPPENING TO PEOPLE WHO TALK TOO * 		      MUCH ABOUT THE BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI  D May we warn you against imitations! Ours is the original and genuine    , "Nothing is true. Everything is Permissible" 			- Hassan i Sabbah   				     NIL 				 CARBORUNDUM 				  ILLEGITIMO  O _______________________________________________________________________________c" 						"Illuminate the Opposition!" 						   -- Adam Weishaupt,q  						  Grand Primus Illuminatus   Official Bavarian Illuminatia "Ewige Blumenkraft!"  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~E 							INTER-OFFICE WIRE SENT.  : THE ANCIENT ILLUMINATED SEERS OF BAVARIA - VIGILANCE LODGE9 Mad Malik, Hauptscheissmeister; Resident for Norton CabalS  < 	  DISCORDIAN SOCIETY SUPER SECRET CRYPTOGRAPHIC CYPHER CODE  N Of possible interest to all Discordians, this information is herewith releasedI from the vaults of A.I.S.B., under the auspices of Episkopos Dr. Mordecaih Malignatius, KNS.u   SAMPLE MESSAGE: ("HAIL ERIS")o  
 CONVERSATION:vC A B C D E F G H I J  K  L  M  N  O  P  Q  R  S  T  U  V  W  X  Y  ZcD 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26  K STEP 1. Write out the message (HAIL ERIS) and put all the vowels at the end  	(HLRSAIEI)   STEP 2. Reverse order (IEIASRLH)/ STEP 3. Convert to numbers (9-5-9-1-19-18-12-8)j5 STEP 4. Put into numerical order (1-5-8-9-9-12-18-19)o* STEP 5. Convert back to letters (AEHIILRS)  D This cryptographic cypher code is GUARANTEED TO BE 100% UNBREAKABLE.  , 		   BEWARE! THE PARANOIDS ARE WATCHING YOU!O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ( Here is  a letter from A.I.S.B. to POEE:O _______________________________________________________________________________e8 	      The World's Oldest And Most Successful Conspiracy   			     BAVARIAN ILLUMINATIt  > 	 Founded by Hassan i Sabbah, 1090 A.D. (5090 A.L., 4850 A.M.)> 	 Reformed by Adam Weishaupt, 1776 A.D. (5776 A.L., 5536 A.M.)  3 			( )Official Business  (X) Surreptitious Businessl  # From: MAD MALIK Hauptscheissmeisteri   	Dear Brother Mal-2,  E 	In response to your request for unclassified agitprop to be insertedsN in the new edition of PRINCIPIA, hope the following will be of use. And please. stop bothering us with your incessant letters!  D 	Episkopos Mordecai, Keeper of the Notary Sojac, informs me that youI are welcome to reveal that our oldest extant records show us to have beenSN fully established in Atlantis, circa 18,000 B.C., under Kull, the galley slaveN who ascended to the Throne of Valusia. Revived by Pelias of Koth, circa 10,000K B.C. Possibly it was he who taught the inner-teachings to Conan of CimmeriakM after Conan became King of Aquilonia. First brought to the western hemisphereaJ by Conan and taught to Mayan priesthood (Conan is Quetzlcoatl). That was 4M Ahua, 8 Cumhu, Mayan date. Revived by Abdul Alhazred in his infamous Al Azif,pM circa 800 A.D. (Al Azif translated into Latin by Olaus Wormius, 1132 A.D., asNF The Necronomicon.) In 1090 A.D. was the founding of The Ismaelian SectH (Hashishim) by Hassan i Sabbah, with secret teachings based on Alhazred,E Pelias and Kull. Founding of the Illuminated Ones of Bavaria, by AdammM Weishaupt, on May 1, 1776. He based it on the others. Weishaupt brought it tosD the United States during the period that he was impersonating GeorgeN Washington; and it was he who was the Man in Black who gave the design for TheK Great Seal to Jefferson in the garden that night. The Illuminated tradition~K is now, of course, in the hands of The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavariae4 (A.I.S.B.), headquartered here in the United States.  E 	Our teachings are not, need I remind you, available for publication.EI No harm, though, in admitting that some of them can be found disguised intN Joyce's Finnegan's Wake, Burroughs Nova Express, the King James translation ofJ the Holy Bible (though not the Latin or Hebrew), and The Blue Book. Not toH speak of Ben Franklin's private papers (!), but we are still suppressing those.  C 	Considering current developments--you know the ones I speak of--itnF has been decided to reveal a few more of our front organizations. YourM publication is timely, so mention that in addition to the old fronts like thetH Masons, the Rothchild Banks, and the Federal Reserve System, we now haveM significant control of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (since Hoover diednL last year, but that is still secret), the Students for a Democratic Society,L the Communist Party USA, the American Anarchist Assn., the Junior Chamber ofK Commerce, the Black Lotus Society, the Republican Party, the John DillingereL Die For You Society, and the Camp Fire Girls. It is still useful to continueH the sham of the Birchers that we are seeking world domination; so do notI reveal that political and economic control was generally complete severaltM generations ago and that we are just playing with the world for a while until 2 civilization advances sufficiently for phase five.  A 	In fact you might still push Vennard's The Federal Reserve Hoax:~? "Since the Babylonian Captivity there has existed a determined,eE behind-the-scenes under-the-table, atheistic, satanic, anti-ChristianeN force--worshipers of Mamon--whose undying purpose is world control through theJ control of Money. July 1, 1776 (correct that to May 1st, Vennard can't getN anything right) the Serpent raised its head in the under-ground secret societyI known as the Illuminati, founded by Adam Weishaupt. There is considerable~M documentary evidence to prove all revolutions, wars, depressions, strikes andc= chaos stem from this source." Etc., etc., you know the stuff.i  A 	The general location of our US HQ, incidentally, has been nearlyaI exposed; and so we will be moving for the first time this century (what adL drag!). If you want, you can reveal that it is located deep in the labyrinthJ of sewers beneath Dealy Plaza in Dallas, and is presided over by The DealyI Lama. Inclosed are some plans for several new potential locations. PleasenH review and add any comments you feel pertinent, especially regarding the( Eristic propensity of the Pentagon site.  C 	Oh, and we have some good news for you, Brother Mal! You know thatnL Zambian cybernetics genius who joined us? Well, he has secretly co-ordinatedM the FBI computers with the Zurich System and our theoriticians are in ecstasyiK over the new information coming out. Look, if you people out there can keep,N from blowing yourselves up for only two more generations, then we will finallyI have it. After 20,000 years, Kull's dream will be realized! We can hardlywJ believe it. But the outcome is certain, given the time. Our grandchildren,N Mal! If civilization makes it through this crises, our grandchildren will liveC in a world of authentic freedom and authentic harmony and authentic_N satisfaction. I hope I'm alive to see it, Mal, success is in our grasp. Twenty thousand years....!0  E 	Ah, I get spaced just thinking about it. Good luck on the Principia.7 Ewige Blumenkraft! HAIL ERIS.A  
 					Love, 					     MAD MALIKs          3 PS: PRIVATE - Not for publication in The Principia. H We are returning to the two Zwack Cyphers for classified communications.C Herewith your copy. DO NOT DIVULGE THIS INFORMATION - SECURITY E-5.d  # [note: Graphic Cypher deleted  DtC]n  O _______________________________________________________________________________r  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~E Part Five     The Golden Secret      NONSENSE AS SALVATIONt  I The human race will begin solving it's problems on the day that it ceases  taking itself so seriously.   N To that end, POEE proposes the countergame of NONSENSE AS SALVATION. SalvationJ from an ugly and barbarous existence that is the result of taking order soK seriously and so seriously fearing contrary orders and disorder, that GAMESiL are taken as more important than LIFE; rather than taking LIFE AS THE ART OF PLAYING GAMES.  J To this end, we propose that man develop his innate love for disorder, andG play with The Goddess Eris. And know that it is a joyful play, and thatP- thereby CAN BE REVOKED THE CURSE OF GREYFACE.A  H If you can master nonsense as well as you have already learned to masterK sense, then each will expose the other for what it is: absurdity. From thatbA moment of illumination, a man begins to be free regardless of his_M surroundings. He becomes free to play order games and change them at will. HeIL becomes free to play disorder games just for the hell of it. He becomes freeM to play neither or both. And as the master of his own games, he plays without~L fear, and therefore without frustration, and therefore with good will in his soul and love in his being.   3 And when men become free then mankind will be free.D) May you be free of The Curse of Greyface.t* May the Goddess put twinkles in your eyes.% May you have the knowledge of a sage,      and the wisdom of a child. Hail Eris.						T'AI 						      ___   ___	    						      ___   ___ 						      ___   ___e 						      _________e 						      _________u 						      _________A  N ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THUS ENDS PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA E 	This being the 4th Edition, March 1970, San Francisco; a revision of L the 3rd Edition of 500 copies, whomped together in Tampa 1969; which revisedL the 2nd Edition of 100 copies from Los Angeles 1969; which was a revision ofJ "PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA or HOW THE WEST WAS LOST" published in New Orleans in, 1965 in five copies, which were mostly lost.    B If you think the PRINCIPIA is just a ha-ha, then go read it again.  7 	       (K) ALL RIGHTS REVERSED - Reprint what you like~  / 		Published by POEE Head Temple - San Francisco ) 		      " On The Future Site of Beautiful  			     San Andreas Canyon"_   Office of My High Reverence_ Malaclypse the Younger KSC   OPOVIG    HIGH PRIEST POEE 	s 				   KALLISTI   
 THE LAST WORDIK The foregoing document was revealed to Mal-2 by the Goddess Herself through K many consultations with Her within his Pineal Gland. It is guaranteed to beiK the Word of Goddess. However, it is only fair to state that Goddess doesn'teJ always say the same thing to each listener, and that other Episkoposes areN sometimes told quite different things in their Revelations, which are also theI Word of Goddess. Consequently, if you prefer a Discordian Sect other than N POEE, then none of these Truths are binding, and it is a rotten shame that you1 have read all the way down to the very last word.t  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~l DISCORDIAN SOCIETY Dedicated to an Advanced" Understanding  of the Paraphysical  Manifestations of Everyday Chaos  9 	     DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A LOPSIDED PINEAL GLAND?a  L Well, probably you do have one, and it's unfortunate because lopsided PinealG Glands have perverted the Free Spirit of Man, and subverted Life into a ' frustrating, unhappy and hopeless mess.r  N Fortunately, you have before you a handbook that will show you how to discover6 your salvation through ERIS, THE GODDESS OF CONFUSION.G It will advise you how to balance your Pineal Gland and reach spiritualhJ Illumination. And it will teach you how to turn your miserable mess into a$ beautiful, joyful, and splendid one.   POEE is a bridge from7 PISCES to AQUARIUS  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 3 the Words of the Illuminated			Rated X... NATURALLYa  * Why are we Here ? 				SUPPRESSED KNOWLEDGE  ! Have you ever secretly				HYGIENEe8 wondered why the Great				The Lord promised: "Therefore,; Pyramid has five sides? - 			behold, I will bring evil upon 6 counting the bottom?				the house of Jeroboam and will$ 						cut off from Jeroboam him that, GRAND OPERA					pisseth against the wall..."; "Wherefore my bowels shall sound		    -I Kings 14:10 (This t; like a harp for Moab, and mine			unsanitary practice causeda9 inner parts for Kirharesh."			serious erosion of the mud      -Isaiah 16:11				walls)    N Face to fact with the mighty forces and elements of nature, the thoughtful man= fearlessly contemplates his place in the great cosmic scheme.s 			       -><-  POEE  -><-  N YES, I'd like to know the Five Simple Actions that will turn Me into a "Mental Wizard" in a Single Weekend.   				   Warning! E Prolonged use in a darkened room may induce hallucinations or triggeroM undesired side effects. Should not be used in the presence of persons subjectr to epilepsy.  9 	      THIS MAY BE THE MOST IMPORTANT GUIDE IN YOUR LIFE!        			 -THE GODDESS ERIS PREVAILS-AO ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~,   			      SPECIAL AFTERWORD8 	       to the Loompanics Edition of PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA! 			G.H. Hill, San Francisco, 1979h/ 		 All Rites Reversed (K) Reprint What You Liked     			 INTERVIEW WITH NORTON CABALi- 		   by Gypsie Skripto, Special Correspondentt  @ 	It has been ten years since I net the mysterious Malaclypse theL Younger. I was free lancing for the underground papers and went to POEE Hear5 Temple at 555 Battery Street to try for an interview.e  A 	I found him in the Temple PO Box busy wrapping up the new FourthmK Edition of PRINCIPIA. He seemed impatient with me, insisting that he didn'teM have the time or inclination for foolish questions from reporters. Undaunted,eK I burst out with questions like whether he preferred Panama Red or Acapulco K Gold and how the fuck did we manage to fit inside of a tiny post office boxyL and other things apropos a naive young semiliterate dropout hippy writer. HeN asked me if I wanted to drop mescaline and fuck all night and said he knew howN to turn himself into a unicorn and there might be room for a tiny interview onM the cover of the PRINCIPIA if I wanted to work for the GREATER POOP so I saideC sure, OK, I've never dropped mescaline in a post office box before.,  D 	It turned out I was among the last to see Malaclypse. As subsequentM issues of GREATER POOP revealed, he was to disappear and POEE business was toeJ be assumed by his students at Norton Cabal. Professor Ignotum P. Ignotius,O Department of Comparative Realities, was assigned the Trust of the POEE Scruple M and Rev. Dr. Occupant became Keeper of the Box. The newly published copies ofwD PRINCIPIA were distributed by Mad Malik, Block Disorganizer, who hadF distribution contacts with the Aluminum Bavariati. Practical relations0 remained in the hands of concept artist G. Hill.  < 	When the 1000 PRINCIPIAS were gone the GREATER POOP stoppedK publishing, Head Temple closed down and the Cabal just seemed to evaporate.AN Finally even the box was closed. But over the years I noticed that copies wereO still circulating, and that independent Discordian Cabal would occasionally popnH out of nowhere (and still do ). And I would wonder what ever happened to Malaclypse.e  A 	When I read the ILLUMINATUS trilogy I resolved to again find andiH interview the denizens of Joshua Norton Cabal of the Discordian Society.  
 				    * * *e  B 	As I cabled over Nob to San Francisco's Station 'O' Post Office IN couldn't help but wonder at Goddess' hand in assigning street addresses to HerL outposts. Mal2 had told me that Good Lord Omar always filed everything under "O" for OUT OF FILE.  E 	"Maya is marvelous" I was thinking when I rapped on the little metalYE door and was greeted warmly by a huge beard who introduced himself as_K Professor Ignotius. He ushered me into a spacious wood paneled and tapestry~K hung parlor where three others were laughing and passing around a wine jug. M The sunny one in a tunic was the Reverend Doctor Occupant, the trim khaki andoK jeans was Mad Malik and the wine jug claimed to be Hill. I got the recorder  on....  M GYPSIE SKRIPTO [in response to a question]: ...1969 but only briefly. I guess  I missed you guys.  N MAD MALIK: No wonder, he was pretty much a one man show then. We were just hisB students and were usually off on errands. You worked for the POOP?  F Gypsie: Well, for one night anyway. The interview is in the PRINCIPIA.  N REV. DR. OCCUPANT: Malik was the only one he would ever let write for the POOP or get on the letterhead.w  > Gypsie: Did you [Malik] have higher authority than the others?  K Malik: No, [but I was allowed to speak in the POOP] because [Malaclypse theaK Younger] hated politics. He was infuriated with Johnson and nixon over VietiN Nam because it was turning the renaissance into a political revolution and wasK stealing his sacred thunder. So he trained me in Zenarchy, which he learned.L from Omar, and I was the official anarcho-pacifist for the Cabal. Also I wasM liaison to The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria, the Chicago Discordians.hC Later Omar activated the Hung Mung Cong Tong and ELF, on zenarchistdM principles, and also Operation Mindfuck. I was also into those. Though at thekM time I was masquerading in GREATER POOP as a created cabbage to throw off the  FBI.  E Gypsie [to Hill]: Since you wrote it, I take it you are an anarchist?   J G.H. Hill: Since then I have given up anarchy. Too many rules-- hating the government and all that stuff.  : IGNOTUM PER IGNOTIUS: It's like hating your own fantasies.  L Malik: [Anarchy] is also standing up and proceeding forward, fantasy rule or not. The condition is the same.I  " Occupant: Brother needs some wine!  J Malik: We have had this argument before, Reverend Doctor Brother. But wine before platitudes, fill it up.   Gypsie [to Hill]: And pacifism?f  H Hill: I'm not sure I ever was one. Mal2 was not, Malik was. Personally IH accepted self defense yet I could never reconcile that with the ideal. IE finally gave up on that one too. Actually I just gave up on idealism.a  > Ignotius: Idealism lives with rules. Realism lives with rocks.  * Hill: Yeah. I get along better with rocks.  H Malik: Mal2 once told me that pacifism was a dilemma. If everybody was aF pacifist then everything would be perfect. But nobody is going to be aL pacifist unless I am first. But if I am and somebody else is not, then I getJ screwed. He said that there were five choices under that circumstance. TheJ first was napalming farmers and the second was executing your parents. TheK third was hypocrisy, the fourth was cowardice, and the fifth was to swallowd; the dilemma. Zenarchists are trained in dilemma swallowing.   + Occupant: So are other Erisians, like POEE.e  ? Ignotius: That is characteristic of the Discordian perspective.   ? Hill: But of course training contradicts Discordian principles.   = Malik: Oh so what. Contradictions are nothing to Discordians.h  M Occupant: Dilemma, Schilmemma. [to Gypsie]: What do you think of this, pretty~* ma'am? We don't get to hear your thoughts.  $ Gypsie: I'm reporting now, you talk.   Occupant: Later then?c   Gypsie: Perhaps. Later.a   Occupant: You are smiling.  K Gypsie: Hey, guy, later. [to Hill]: Doesn't this leave you a little schizy?    Hill: It's OK, I'm half Gemini.    Gypsie: What's the other half?  . Hill: Taurus. That makes me a stubborn schizy.   Ignotius: I'm a Whale.   Occupant: I choose Satyr.d    Malik: Spirits don't have signs.  2 Hill: A character can have a sign if I want it so.  D Occupant: Well I can have a sign if I want to and screw both of you.  C Malik: Come on Greg, you just think that we are your characters....u  H Occupant: You were inhabited by Malaclypse the Younger. He caused you to? create roles and those roles are being performed by us spirits.S  0 Ignotius: A perfectly normal pagan relationship.  M Hill: Well you can look at it like that if you want to, but I created Mal2 tod: my specifications just as I conceived all the rest of you.  I Occupant: You didn't invent Eris. She caused you to think you created thep spirit of Malaclypse.y  N Hill: Oh bull! Besides, I changed her so much the Greeks would never recognize her.  ! Occupant: That's what She wanted!   4 Ignotius: Deities change things around all the time.  C Malik: What you don't realize is that a spirit has a self identity.(  L Hill: Nope. A spirit is a product of definition and the one who is doing theL defining around here is me. Your identity is what I say it is. Just to prove" it, I'm going to change your name.  N SINISTER DEXTER: It's OK with me. Fate is fate. I never much liked "Mad Malik" anyway.e  D Ignotius: Besides people confused him with Joe Malik in ILLUMINATUS.  - Dexter: I sort of enjoyed the confusion part."  ( Occupant: Doesn't prove anything anyway.  4 Gypsie: That name sounds familiar. Where is it from?  N Hill: Its a name I came up with in the old days and never used it much. Its onJ page 38 of the PRINCIPIA referring to Vice President Spiro Agnew. I alwaysK thought I invented it but now it sounds like a Stan Freberg name now that I~J think about it. It may have stuck in my preconscious memory from early TV.  . Gypsie: Can you use it without his permission?  K Hill: If it is his? I don't know. I hope so. it means "left right" in LatintM and is a perfect name for a libertarian anarchist. Actually in my kind of art	I the question of what can I use freely and what can I not is a very trickye problem.   Gypsie: How do you mean?  L Hill: Well, take a collage for example. Like the early one on page 36 of theK PRINCIPIA. Each little piece was extracted from some larger work created byeE some other artist and published and maybe copyrighted. I find them insN newspapers and magazines mostly. Often from ads. With a collage you select andN extract from your environment and then assemble into an original relationship.  J The PRINCIPIA itself is a collage. A conceptual collage. All of it happensJ simultaneously. But visually it is a montage, passing through time, like a
 book does.  L There is a lot of pirated stuff in the PRINCIPIA, especially in the margins.N But also I sympathize with artists who must own and sell their works to earn aM living. Art, like knowledge, should be free fodder for everyone. But it isn'tt It is perplexing.T  8 Gypsie: Where did all the things in PRINCIPIA come from?  H Hill: Well, a full answer would take another book in itself. Most of theN writing credited to a name is a true person and almost always a different nameN means a different person. Most of the non-credited, you know, Malaclypse, textJ is mine although some things credited to either Mal2 or Omar were actuallyE co-written and passed back and forth and rewritten by each of us. TheBI marginalia, dingbats, and pasted in titles and heads and things came from,J wherever I found them--some of which is original but uncredited DiscordianJ output, like the page head on 12 and other pages which is from a series ofL satiric memo pads from Our Peoples Underworld Cabal. All page layout is mineL and some whole graphics like the Sacred Chao and the Hodge Podge TransformerF are mine but mostly I just found stuff and integrated it. Mostly I didH concept, say 50% of the writing, 10% of the graphics, all of the layout.  3 Gypsie: Specifically, what are some of the sources?a  N Hill: Weel, the poem on the front cover is by Walt Kelly and was spoken by oneM of his characters in Pogo. The government seals starting from page 1 are fromoN a book of sample seals from the U.S. Government Printing Office. Western UnionK on page 6 got into the act because I used to be a teletype operator and hadgK access to blank forms. Rubber stamps came from all over the place and some,yA like the apple on page 27, I carved myself. A few I ordered to myuK specification, like on page 1. The quote on the top of page 8 might be fromrL Barnum, I'm not sure. The jumping man on page 12 is from an advertisement. IM recognize the style--a popular commercial artist-- but I don't know his name.wM The Chinese on the page is a grocery ad, I think. The Norton money on page 14RI is historic,plus my little additions. The apple on page 17,as well as theiL triangle on 23 and the Sacred Chao on 50 are, believe it or not, pasteups ofN mimeographs, from Seattle Cabal. That group produced the best damn mimeographyN I've ever seen. The Lick Here Box on page 23 is one of many tidbits making theN rounds in alternative/underground newspapers in those days. Trip 5 page headerM on 29 was a chapter title in one of Tim Leary's books. The Knight on the bullPF with the TV antenna on his helmet on page 46 came from a very artisticN magazine called Horseshit and put out by two brothers from Long Beach. I don't) remember their names. Wonderful magazine.s  : Occupant: Eris told Mal2 what to use and where to find it.  G Hill: Yeah, in a way that is right. That is why my name does not appearw@ anywhere on the PRINCIPIA and why it was published with a brokenJ copyright--Reprint What You Like. I knew I was taking liberties and didn'tM want my intentions to be misunderstood. It was an experiment and was intendediJ to be an underground work and that involves a different set of ethics than commercial work.  ' Gypsie: There are no real names at all?n  L Hall: Oh, some. Camden Benares is a real name because he legally changed hisL original name to his Holy Name. Also, instead of using Mordecai Malignatus II used Bob Wilson's real name on page 12 because Werewolf Bridge was a work J before Discordianism. And of course real people like Neils Bohr crop up in quotes.   O Gypsie: What do you think about the PRINCIPIA now? Would you want to change it?u  J Hill: I consider it a successful work and I wouldn't want to change it. InM some ways it is immature and I am not the same person I was 10 years ago, but N it accomplished the objectives I set for myself and it has the effect I wanted* it to have. There are a few errors though.   Gypsie: Like what?  L Hill: Oh, I changed a quote from Tom Gnostic on page 61 and I don't think heK ever did forgive me for it. He's right. Starbuck's Pebbles should have been.M preceded by the Myth of Starbuck which was being saved for something else andgN never got used. I should have used it when I had the chance. And then Eris didK a neat little trick on me by having IBM make the Greek selectric typewriterlM element not coincide with all the characters on their keyboard. So the little K "kallisti" that appears on the title page and lastly on the back cover cames9 out "kallixti" and I was too dumb to know the difference.i  + Gypsie: Will there ever be a Fifth Edition?a  J Hill: There already is a Fifth Edition, by Mal2. It is a one page telegramM that reduces everything to an infinite aum. I found it at Western Union whererK a machine got stuck and kicked out hundreds of pages of nothing but m's. He,( made it the Fifth Edition and then left.  I Principia/Malaclypse was a very personal work for me and actually took 10dL years to culminate. it was one single statement that included my adolescenceF in the 50's and my young adulthood in the 60's. When I finally had theL paste-ups done I knew that I had finished it. That is why, quote, MalaclypseK left. I knew it was finished. I didn't know exactly what it was, but it was. done.a   Occupant: See?  K Gypsie: Earlier you said that you met your objectives. Just what were thoset objectives?   J Hill: Well, that's hard to answer because it kept refining itself over theK years. In 1969 I mainly though of myself as a cosmic clown and I set out tot= prove, by demonstration, that a deity can be anything at all.   H In other words, people invent gods and not the other way around. Later I5 decided that I was doing some kind of conceptual art.   I In the 50's my culture taught me that I was created by and for a deity, aeI specific male deity, and that all other deities are FALSE. Yet my growingoK experience showed me that any deity is true in some sense and false in somepM other sense. So I set out to do what my society told me is impossible--make au+ real religion from a patently absurd deity.a  I In the 50's a female deity was blasphemy. In the 70's a humorous deity isaG still considered impossible, ridiculous, and blasphemous. As far as I'mlI concerned, I have proven my point. Eris is a real deity and even though I 2 don't promote Erisianism as a serious religion....   Occupant: I do!r   Dexter: You speak for yourself.o   Ignotius: Here, here.   E Hill: ...I do point out that it makes just as much sense from its ownnE perspective as all the others do from each of their own perspectives.e  L Occupant: I think paganism is a valid spiritual path. I encourage Erisianism8 because it makes fun of itself. i think this is healthy.  M Ignotius: If you can live rewardingly with Goddess Eris you can live with anyM deity, including none at all.   J Dexter: I don't much go for the worship business but I argee with OccupantM about the spirit of the thing. We live in a time of turmoil, the whole planeteN is in a state of change. If we, as a species, cower from the confusion then we' die with the dying. This is revolution.o  8 Ignotius: I am an athiest myself. There is no Greg Hill.  
 [laughter]  4 Gypsie [to Hill] : What do you think of ILLUMINATUS?  H Hill: Oh, I love it. I was finishing PRINCIPIA when Shea and Wilson wereM working on ILLUMINATUS. It took Dell five years to publish it...maybe that isiC significant. The 1969 Discordian Society was a mail network betweentE independent writers of various kinds. Norton Cabal was just me and mytI characters and I used the other Cabals as sort of a laboratory. In return L other Discordians would bounce their stuff off of me. We would toss in ideasM and anybody could take anything out. It was a concept stew. The exchanging ofh8 ideas and techniques broadened and encouraged all of us.  J I like ILLUMINATUS for the surrealism. A very effective method of writing.  J Ignotius: I got misquoted. Worse, I wasn't even in that scene and if I had+ been then I would have said something else..  0 Dexter [to Ignotius]: That was me in that scene.  $ Ignotius: Oh, is that what that was?  " Dexter: He got our names mixed up.  I Hill: He got mixed up about me too, in COSMIC TRIGGER. Bob says that when.I Oswald was buying the assassination rifle, my girlfriend was printing theaL first edition of PRINCIPIA on Jim Garrison's Xerox. It wasn't my girlfriend,E it was Kerry's; it wasn't the FIRST ED PRINCIPIA, it was some earlierIM Discordian thought; it wasn't Garrison's Xerox, it was his mimeograph; and itMG wasn't just before Kennedy was shot but a couple of years before that.*   E The FIRST ED PRINCIPIA, by the way, was reproduced at Xerox Corp when M xerography was a new technoloGypsie. Which was my second New Orleans trip in  K 1965. I worked for a guy on Bourbon Street who was a Xerox salesman by day.h  L Dexter: I think that George Dorn took too much guff from Hagbard. If someoneC pulls a weapon on me, I'm more inclined to either leave or kill thei
 sonofabitch.    , Occupant: You are supposed to be a pacifist.  I Dexter: I'm speaking figuratively of course. I'll tell you more tomorrow.a  B Gypsie [to Hill]: Did you really translate erotic Etruscan poetry?  E Hill: Sure, but I used a pen name. I signed it "Robert Anton Wilson".f  " [A quick rap is heard on the door]  ( Gypsie: I have only one question left...   Dexter: I'll get it.  L Gypsie: ...what I really want to know is how can we all fit inside of a tiny little post office box?   5 Dexter[to Gypsie]:It's a telegram for you, from Mal2.g   Gypsie: To me?   [Paper tearing]   eK Gypsie [reading]: "If I told everybody how they could live inside of a post.N office box then everybody would stop paying landlords and go live inside theirH post office boxes. It would collapse the building! Can you imagine, postN offices collapsing all over the country, the hemisphere, the PLANET! The wholeN world's communication system would be destroyed. No,no, I must not say. I dare not!  
 -------------eN * I checked this further with Mr. Thornley. He says that the woman in questionN was not his girlfriend, she was just a friend, and it wasn't a couple of yearsI before Kennedy was shot but had to be a couple of years after (but beforem% Garrison investigated Thornley). --GS7  O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~p! FIFTH EDITION							ODD# Infinityl   			     PRINCIPIA DISCORDIAe 				      or, 		   A CATERPILLAR'S PRAISE TO THE BUTTERFLY   				  being them 			       FINAL STATEMENTn 			  of Malaclypse the Younger    ) 		       published by Joshua Norton Cabal2+ 		     San Francisco (K) All Rites Reversedo    O ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~a 				WESTERN UNIONa 				   TELEGRAMsO _______________________________________________________________________________o  O MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM O MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMeO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM O MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMnO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMhO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM O MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMeO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMeO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMwO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMuO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMnO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMcO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMsO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM O MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMlO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMdO MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM   1 [a final graphic was deleted here at the end DtC]i