C              <<< SPCVXA::DUA2:[NOTES$LIBRARY]X-INFO-NETS.NOTE;7 >>> 1                                 -< X-Info-Nets >- P ================================================================================P Note 46.38         Info-Nets Postings for 05/27/90 - 06/02/90           38 of 45P SPCVXA::INFONETS "Murph Sewall <SEWALL%UCONNVM.BITN" 71 lines   1-JUN-1990 03:059                        -< How to use E-MAIL (original) >- P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------B Jonathan R. Partington <JRP1@phoenix.cambridge.ac.uk> sent this toA comp.rec.humor, but it seems apropos here too (at least to me :-) H ----------------------------Original message---------------------------->  We present some basic information for those thinking of using Electronic MAIL.   <  The day will come when you receive an incomprehensible MAIL; message, containing 200 lines of header and one line at the > bottom saying "Greetings from Bognor Regis" (or it may be Ulan? Bator). Probably the simplest way of dealing with such messages : is to delete them at once to save time answering them, but; occasionally you may feel like replying. So what do you do?    :  Well we'll assume that you are authorised to use ARPANET,? JANET, GORDONBENET or whatever (and if not you may as well give > up now before the Computing Service remove your toenails.) One@ way to reply to the message is to type something like REPLY, but< in complicated cases this won't work and you will be left to your own initiative.   >  First search the message for something that looks like a mail2 address. The following may well be mail addresses:   5  Joe.Hatstand%CHRONIX.VMS1@UK.AC.BOGNOR.REGIS.FISHNET    9  87-Weeble.Terrace!Mrs.Letitia.Globsquirtle%Leeds@LS2.9JT    ?  PMTZXQ8904%wombiquangle%mvs6$hello.sailor_vendepac@nose-flute3    > whereas the following are less likely to be mail addresses and3 are probably random garbage produced by the system:       >>>>You are a fish-faced weasel     +++UGH9000I+++My brain hurts       @ Mature_mailer_daemon_seeks_adventurous_lady_mailer_daemon_object: _wild_passion_and_possibly_a_family_of_little_fail_reports   ? ++++ Press the RETURN key for more output, or sit there looking  stupid, see if I care    9  Simple, eh? The ones with lots of @ and % signs are MAIL 
 addresses.   ;  Now all you have to do is discover the address to which to ; reply. This will be a random permutation of the address you = received the message from. Nobody knows why. We tried phoning < the JANET manager on 01-246-8047, but he wasn't there, so we? tried 01-8047-246, 246-01-8047 and several other possibilities. < Then the post office refused to deliver a letter to Mr Janet; because the postcode hadn't been correctly permuted and the ? stamp was in the wrong corner of the envelope (they said) -- so  we gave up.    >  Anyway for a typical mail address with 8 components there are> only 40,320 possible ways of ordering it, so it shouldn't take> long to try them all. Most of them will produce error messages8 from mailer daemons, file servers, or just random system? managers. DO NOT REPLY TO THESE (even if you can work out how). : There is nothing a mailer daemon likes less than receiving? unsolicited Valentine messages, requests that it stick its head < in a  bowl of porridge, moans that "it worked yesterday" and; cheeky requests concerning its inside leg measurement. Such 8 messages should of course be sent directly to your local Postmaster.    >  Well there we are. That was simple, wasn't it. Anyone wanting> further details should send a stamped addressed E-mail message0 to... er, well you can work it out for yourself.