$ X-NEWS: spcvxb rec.humor.funny: 2453P Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.1B4+SPC1 6/9/92 VAX/VMS V5.5-2; site spcvxb.spc.edu Path: spcvxb!rutgers!ub!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!sample.eng.ohio-state.edu!purdue!ames!sun-barr!cs.utexas.edu!uunet!looking!funny-request Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny  Subject: Finals Week% Message-ID: <S4c1.6dd8@looking.on.ca> 2 From: jt3h+@andrew.cmu.edu (Jeremy Matthew Toeman) Date: 16 Dec 92 17:20:03 GMT Keywords: topical, chuckle Approved: funny@clarinet.com
 Lines: 178  G 50 Fun things to do in a final that does not matter (i.e. you are going I    to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam)     C   1.  Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 B   minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some1   gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.   K   2.  Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the    secret documents!!"   G   3.  If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long J   answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the   integral symbol.  H   4.  Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's   left nostril.   H   5.  Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debateG   your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm K   SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk    the instructor is.     6.  Bring cheerleaders.   I   7.  Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly F   say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been toH   every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are    you? Where's the regular guy?"  J   8.  Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max   level.  I   9.  On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to G   refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this I   question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be    creative.      10.  Bring pets.  J   11.  Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh ofJ   relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the   country" and run off.   J   12.  Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into@   very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "MerryI   Christmas."  If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. H   Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.  ?   13.  Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.   G   14.  Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your    head, and nothing else.   K   15.  Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as    vulgar as possible.   J   16.  Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make<   one up!  For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.  G   17.  Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. (   Blame it on the person nearest to you.  <   18.  As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.  F   19.  Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to beJ   taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to letI   them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of *   the profits if they are allowed to stay.  E   20.  Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to '   another seat, continue with the exam.   J   21.  Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out,&   start commenting on how easy it was.  I   22.  Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If J   it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE.	   etc..).   K   23.  Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers    completely blacked out.   C   24.  Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down ?   violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.   B   25.  Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten theF   instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving   after one hour to go drink)   F   26.  Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point6   during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).  J   27.  Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why,F   tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes onC   above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"   >   28.  Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.  J   29.  Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, putH   on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera"   until they drag you away.   K   30.  Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the N   class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged.I   Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take    the exam.   H   31.  Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, sayJ   "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our   Lives is on!!!"   0   32.  Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.  I   33.  From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore I   the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to J   leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the
   River Kwai.   /   34.  Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.   J   35.  If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs youA   could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most H   equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life   story.  F   36.  Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and	   shield.   K   37.  Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the G   exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.   I   38.  Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... E   like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just K   failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with L   the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."  8   39.  When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.  E   40.  After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any >   question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.     41.  One word: Wrestlemania.  I   42.  Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they    do before concerts start.   4   43.  Try to get people in the room to do the wave.  @   44.  Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.  I   45.  Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. /   Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.   I   46.  Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent /   to you every few minutes throughout the exam.   H   47.  During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs,   anything you can reach.   J   48.  Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90   degree angle.   J   49.  Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you areN   asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student HandbookE   with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical J   instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".  J   50.  Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks"   --- % Jeremy Toeman    jt3h+@andrew.cmu.edu     --O Selected by Maddi Hausmann.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.   L This newsgroup is sponsored by ClariNet Communications Corp.  The "executive moderator" is Brad Templeton. 