 X-NEWS: spcvxb news.admin: 3408 I Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0 13.10.90 VAX/VMS V5.4; site spcvxb.spc.edu < Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!njin!rutgers!gatech!mcnc!lrc!blosser_cy Newsgroups: news.admin$ Subject: The 25 Statments Of Fleazer$ Message-ID: <1217.2789863b@lrc.uucp> From: blosser_cy@lrc.uucp  Date: 8 Jan 91 08:43:38 GMT / Organization: Lenoir-Rhyne College, Hickory, NC 
 Lines: 136           	Please take note:    H 	The following is a copy of The 25 Statements of Fleazer, posted on thisO newsnet by his devoted followers and disciples that others might read it and be B enlightened in his doctrine; please take heed of its wisdom, . . .H 	This text does not reflect the opinions of Lenoir-Rhyne College or it'sO Faculty and Alumni, but rather are the opinions of a mere student, who has long P since graduated and is now dispensing his supreme knowledge and wisdom someplace else, . . . A 	Due to the controversial, heretical, and shocking nature of the  F following text, the reader should proceed with due caution (especiallyF those who are of the female gender), . . don't say we didn't warn you.I 	Please feel free to reply to me and express your feelings, emotions, and  concerns regarding this text.   * 	We welcome your comments and criticisms.    	Read on, . . .        			  THE 25 STATEMENTS   		   	     by Fleazer   B 	My fellow statesmen and liberators of world bondage, I greet all H of you in high salutations.  May the unity that we all stand for at this9 humble institution reign forever in truth and friendship. < 	To the authors of life.  To our gracious and most esteemed E President John Ezra Trainer, Jr., To The Lord Academicus, Doctor and  F Master Robert Spuuler and to The Right and Very Most Reverend Doctor, E J. Larry Yoder, and to the other Masters and Lords of All Knowledge:  H The All Encompassing Emporor of Philosophy, Guru and Lord to us, Doctor F Philip Blosser -- Blosser-San, Master Logician, King of all Courts andF Legislature of the World, Doctor Richard Von Dohlen, Duke and Ruler ofL North Hall, Scholar of the New Testament, Doctor Rufus Moretz, Prince of theL North, Master of All Directions, Apocalyptic Visionary, The Unique Most Rev.L Doctor Emmanuel Gitlin, and lastly to our Lord and Master Student GovernmentC President, Holy Lutheran Council Prince and Benevolent Benefactor,   Lyndon Helton.D 	Greetings from your most humble and respected servant, Fleazer.  I N have come today to post not a break but to reform the abuses that have rooted 0 again in our system of Excellence.  I, Fleazer, O Theologian and Philosopher Exemplar, Doctor novice, and Bishop of Lenoir Rhyne, O urge you all to read and critique the following statements to be debated at the B First Resselian Diet of North Hall to be held at your convenience.    C 	1) The most real and holy of all learning is Philosophy.  All else K is subordinate to it.  If any other system of learning becomes first above  * that of Philosophy let it become Anathema.  A 	2) Learning is the key to all life.  Subordinate the appetitive  G to the Virtue of learning.  This means, take pleasure in academics and  I from that one may take pleasures in that of sex, drink, and roller derby.   % 	3) Women are a negation to learning.   < 	4) Men should abstain from the tortures of womanhood.  ThisD doesn't mean that man should abstain from the pleasures of sex, and D the like.  Just don't get puppy eyed by the icy cold, heart tugging E games that all women play on men.  Remember, Eve ate the apple first.   ' 	5) Only Lutherans are going to Heaven.  	 D 	6) Fraternities should be abolished from this Christian institutionJ due to their kinship with gnosticism.  They are to be viewed as extremely L detrimental to modern day Christianity just as John of Marcion was regarded " in the early epoch of Christendom.  ; 	7) Beer, Wine, Liquor, and Pretzels are essential to life.   B 	8) In regard to statement 7, Schaeffer Beer has been canonized as the "Nector of the Gods."   D 	9) Male supremacy rests on the belief that women are defective men,5 since they are periodic and lack the rod of divinity.   = 	10) Only the professors of North Hall are worthy of worship.    	11) Save the whales.    	12) Club Soda not seals.   @ 	13) Nature is active.  It is a dynamic snowball collecting all G thoughts and molding and shaping them toward a new epoch of creativity.  	 # 	14) The state of Ohio is Anathema.   D 	15) Captain Morgan spiced rum worship is not idolatry since it not A only numbs the nerves and cells but makes one feel good all over.   . 	16) Karla Hoinkes is a rebel without a cause.  E 	17) All Catholics should be fed raw turkey (tushi) while standing on  a hot bed of coals.   9 	18) The personized center of the converging universe is   Jesus Christ, the risen Lord.   < 	19) There's more to Cape Cod than sand dunes and fresh air.  C 	20) Time is a mystery.  It is neither tangible nor understandable.   C 	21) Let him who speaks against education be anethema and accursed.   E 	22) To make the cross out of gold and material elements is anathema.  	 F 	23) Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth . . . and M then they will get the living @#$& beat out of them by some power-hungry bad  * ass who will end up taking over the earth.  " 	24) Men who study Greek are Cool.  D 	25) Feminism is a joke and a heresy to the Church and to the World.J They are inferior and need to recognize that they are.  To the stoves and I washers, women.  Make babies and listen to God's cry for male domination.     H 	Out of love and zeal for truth and the desire to bring to light, I haveN presented these statements in the name of our Mighty and Esteemed Institution,N Lenoir Rhyne College.  As our motto reeds, "And the truth shall set you free,"N so shall you also be free--Free from female fickleness and bondage from Jewish
 arrogance.E 	Blessed peace to us all, creatures of this cosmos and inheritors of   life.  	Peace, Love, and Oral Hygiene.      	FLEAZER       