$ X-NEWS: spcvxb rec.humor.funny: 1765K Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0-3 14/03/90 VAX/VMS V5.4; site spcvxb.spc.edu i Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!rutgers!jvnc.net!yale.edu!qt.cs.utexas.edu!cs.utexas.edu!uunet!looking!funny-request  Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny  Subject: FORTRAN% Message-ID: <S3c4.539a@looking.on.ca> 3 From: ib09@rz20.rz.uni-karlsruhe.de (Thomas Koenig)  Date: 7 Apr 92 08:30:05 GMT . Organization: University of Karlsruhe, Germany Keywords: smirk  Approved: funny@clarinet.com	 Lines: 69   J Here's a little ditty I dreamt up to go with Billy Joel's song 'Pressure',. about one of the joys of scientific computing.              FORTRAN  " You have to learn to pace yourself FORTRAN  You're just like everybody else  FORTRAN  You've only had to write Pascal  So far But you will come to the day When the only thing that counts  Are megaflops on a Cray  And you'll have to deal with FORTRAN    You used to call me paranoid FORTRAN  But even you can not avoid FORTRAN * You swore that ENTRY's a sure road to ruin Now here you are with old code COMMON blocks are misaligned  Assigned GOTOs disturb your mind And you cannot handle FORTRAN    All grown up and no place to go  Pascal, Prolog,  What do you know?   All your life is a Lisp machine, Linked lists, quicksort, What does it mean? FORTRAN  FORTRAN    Don't ask me for help  You're all alone FORTRAN  You'll have to code it On your own  FORTRAN * I'm sure you'll have some cosmic rationale$ But here's your program, incomplete,$ Two weeks late, three times too slow Nothing to do but log on now And write all your code in FORTRAN  FORTRAN    All your life is Byte Magazine
 I read it too  What does it mean? FORTRAN   * I'm sure you'll have some cosmic rationale But here you are with old code COMMON blocks are misaligned  Assigned GOTOs disturb your mind And you have to code in  FORTRAN  FORTRAN, FORTRAN One, two, three, four  FORTRAN  --O Selected by Brad Templeton.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com. J Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  A Daemon will auto-reply.  E Remember: Only ONE joke per submission.  Extra jokes may be rejected. 