$ X-NEWS: spcvxb rec.humor.funny: 1941K Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0-3 14/03/90 VAX/VMS V5.5; site spcvxb.spc.edu P Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!rutgers!usc!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!decwrl!looking!funny-request Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny  Subject: Original $ Message-ID: <S410.8a6@looking.on.ca>/ From: ST101608@brownvm.brown.edu (Arne Knudson)  Date: 21 Jun 92 23:30:03 GMT Keywords: computer, chuckle  Approved: funny@clarinet.com	 Lines: 76     D   I composed this myself, but it is, of course, based on Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven".F   Background - I'm a student computer consultant at my university, andH one of the shifts that I work is called "Help"; HELP is the userid of anH account on our mainframe, used by the student consultants, so that users/ can contact the consultants over the mainframe.    The Ravenous Mac   Once upon a midnight dreary,# Working help shift, weak and weary,  From without, and with a query Came a user through the door.   , "My disk just crashed." Her eyes all bleary,' I thought out loud, "now this is eerie, % You're the third, this evening dreary & with a dead disk; think there's more?"   In the Mac I placed her disk, " Called up Tools, and then DiskFix. Could I save without much risk? " Quoth the Mac screen: "Nevermore."   Frantic in my quest to help her ! I asked which files upon it were. " "My thesis, and a game, I'm sure," Was her answer, nothing more.   ! What demon-beast has so contrived ' To make these Mac disks so short-lived? ! I put the disk back in the drive; " Quoth the Mac screen: "Nevermore."   "Very well, if it must be!" " I screamed; the user looked at me.! Could her file be e'er retrieved? " Quoth the Mac screen: "Nevermore."   "Oh hated Mac, O vile machine!( I wash my hands of thee; they're clean!"  A grin appeared upon the screen; Said it, taunting: "Nevermore!"   ! "O heinous Mac, I do despise you! % Make her file and disk just like new, ! Or I'll take and then release you  From atop the highest floor!"   ) The Mac then paused, and thought a while. ! Upon the sceen appeared the file!  Gone was that annoying smile; ( Quoth it, vanquished, "Well, once more."  # Her thesis saved, she turned to go, ) "There's just one thing I'd like to know: ( Your name," I asked, and then, real slow( She smiled and said, "My name's Lenore."  " And so, upon this midnight dreary,( I'm still on help shift, much too weary.# In spite of this, I'm truly cheery: ! The Mac's in pieces on the floor.                             -ACK!)                           Arne C. Knudson 3                           st101608@brownvm (bitnet) ;                           Arne_Knudson@brown.edu (internet)  --N Selected by Brad Templeton.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.comJ Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  A Daemon will auto-reply.  ? Remember: Always give your jokes a descriptive "Subject:" line. > Don't use "joke" or "submission" or "joke submission," please.