& X-NEWS: spcvxa rec.arts.startrek: 4387J Relay-Version: VMS News - V5.9C 19/12/89 VAX/VMS V5.3; site spcvxa.spc.edu5 Path: spcvxa!njin!rutgers!elbereth.rutgers.edu!jessup  Newsgroups: rec.arts.startrek G Subject: Parody Mount Press Release: #175 - Nightmare On the Enterprise = Message-ID: <Apr.20.13.30.27.1990.29264@elbereth.rutgers.edu> 1 From: jessup@elbereth.rutgers.edu (I Don't Exist)  Date: 20 Apr 90 17:30:28 GMT0 Organization: Rutgers Univ., New Brunswick, N.J.9 Summary: Wesley and Picard leave series.  Everyone happy? 
 Lines: 767  E      STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION -- "Nightmare on the Enterprise." A      The crew struggles to cope with the death of Wesley Crusher, 7      as a murderer stalks the decks of the Enterprise.    A      YULE LOG LISTING:   Wesley bites the big one...on Star Trek:       The Next Generation!   E A friend at New World TV, the new producers of ST:TNG as of season 4, E snuck out this script to me and said I could post it.  Big changes in B store for Star Trek, let me tell you. This is the Season 4 opener.  ) Spoilers Follow: (Like, the whole story!) L But let me warn you, those of you who wanted to see Wesley and Picard leave,L and find out who would be the new captain, will unfortunately get your wish.     NIGHTMARE ON THE ENTERPRISE : Story by Quantum Buc    Directed by Arnold SchwartzeneggerB Guest starring Yahoo Serious, Emo Phillips, Scott Bakula, and Burt Ward as the Beaver  @ [Scene begins with Enterprise in orbit around Earth.  Zoom in on@ Commander Riker, in the Captain's Chair. Rest of Bridge crew are
 unknowns.]  C RIKER:  Ship's Log, Commander...*BURP* William T. Riker reporting.  E      The Captain has beamed down to Earth to preside over the funeral @      of Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher.  Mr. Crusher was killed inC      the line of duty when the anti-matter couplers on his modified @      shuttle malfunctioned, destroying the vessel, and atomizing>      the little sh...soldier.  How the controlling rods to the>      coupler got removed and left in the starboard port-o-john:      remains a mystery, but Captain Picard promises a full       investigation, eventually.    A [Captain Picard, Worf, Data, Geordi, and Troi enter the bridge.   B Riker struggles to remove himself from the chair.  He then puts onD the stupid smile and poses, stopping to wipe mustard from his chins]  ( RIKER:  How did the service go, Captain?  B PICARD:  Oh, as well as can be expected, Number One.  I was rather@      surprised at the turnout though.  I didn't realize that Mr.2      Crusher was so liked by his fellow shipmates.  A WORF: (under his breath) They just wanted to make sure the little       snot was really dead.  ! PICARD:  What was that, Mr. Worf?   > WORF:  I said, Wesley Crusher had quite an effect on the crew..      His...absence will be constantly noticed.  > GEORDIE:  Yeah.  The party's at 1800 hours.  Uh, wake that is.  1 RIKER:  Excellent.  How is the Doctor holding up?   C TROI: Quite well actually.  I sense some deep sorrow, but she seems A      rather in control, otherwise.  William, my eyes are up here,       not down there.  E PICARD:  Yes. Well, just the same, I'd feel much better if the Doctor !      spent the night in my cabin.    . RIKER:  ...drool...Yeah, I just bet you would.  # PICARD:  What was that, Number One?   @ RIKER:  I said, Excellent idea.  You always have the crew's best<      interest in mind.  What was done with Wesley's remains?  E PICARD:  All we had left was the energy matrix that the Energex could >      separate from the anti-matter radiation.  Beverly had the?      energy released into the boy's favorite lake near where he       grew up.    [intercom whistles]   % O'BRIEN:  Transporter Room to Bridge.    PICARD:  Go ahead, Chief.   B O'BRIEN:  We've beamed up the last of the crew.  If it's okay with?      you, I'll be taking the transporters off-line for a while.    PICARD:  Anything wrong?  @ O'BRIEN:  Well, we had a strange energy fluctuation  as I beamedF      up the last group.  Nothing serious, but I would like to check it	      out.    D PICARD:  Okay.  But make sure you have everything functioning by the-      time we reach Akfilu-click-click-Huch 7.   H O'BRIEN:  Aye, sir.  They dinna' call me the miracle worker for nothin'.    PICARD:  Uh, right.  Bridge out.   [Bright Flare on Bridge]   Q:  Intruder alert, guys.   0 PICARD:  Q.  Why did I know you'd be showing up?  C Q:  Because it's in my contract.  Actually, I'm here about the loss       of your loved one.   
 PICARD:  Who?    Q:  Wesley Crusher!   7 PICARD:  Oh. Yes.  We're in deep mourning, so please...   9 Q:  Yes, well, as you know, Wesley is a special person...    RIKER: Was.   C Q: Yes, was.  Thanks Chunky.  Anyway, since you've all been so kind D      to me in the past, I thought the least I could do was resurrect      the little sprite.    BRIDGE CREW: NO!!!!!!    Q: What?  C PICARD:  Er...what they meant is that we humans accept death as the B      natural conclusion to life.  We must not demean Wesley's life>      by belittling his death.  No.  Wesley is dead, and as hisA      friends, we must respect that.  He has passed on to a better       place.        ! DATA:  Wrigley's Pleasure Planet?   > Q:  Very well Picard.  But I hope you know just how pissed theA      Intergalactic Superior Species Commission For Special People ,      is going to be. Au Regarde, mes amis.    % [Q Departs.  Intercom whistles again]   ' GUINAN:  Captain?  This is Ten-Forward.   C PICARD: Guinan?  It's rare that you call the bridge.  What's wrong?   B GUINAN:  Geez, dude. Can't I ever call without gettin that kind ofB      response? ``Guinan, this is a surprise. Guinan, what's wrong??      Guinan, tell me about Tasha. Guinan, can you do that thing       with your tongue for me!''     RIKER:  Cough, cough.   D GUINAN:  Ahem. Anyway. Captain, is everything all right? I sensed...      something.   A PICARD: Q just paid us a visit. That is probably what you sensed.   1 GUINAN:  Yes, I suppose so.  Sorry to bother you.    PICARD:  No bother at all.   GUINAN:  Guinan out.  B TROI:  Well, sir. I'm going to check in on Dr. Crusher before I go      off duty.    1 PICARD:  Very well.  Tell her I'll be by...later.   5 RIKER:  Counselor, may I give you a hand to the lift?   2 TROI:  Will, those aren't my hands you're lifting.   RIKER:  Oh. Sorry.  C PICARD:  Number One.  Take a cold shower.  And get a better fitting 
      uniform.   A [Captain disdainfully removes pizza crust from his chair and sits  as scene fades to commercial. ]    [COMMERCIAL]  5 [Scene fades in as Riker and Troi walk down Deck 12.]   . RIKER:  Aw, come on Deanna.  It's been months.  2 TROI:  Will, I told you, we can't do that anymore.  0 RIKER:  It's because I've...beefed up, isn't it?  = TROI: Not at all.  We just aren't allowed to do that anymore.    RIKER:  Says who?   6 TROI:  Says Rodden...listen.  Please leave me alone.    @ [She runs off.  Riker kicks the wall then heads off to the mess.C Troi runs into her cabin, undresses and goes into the turbo shower. = Camera pans as she soaps her neck, arms, throat, brea...cough 5 cough. Anyway, long camera pans occur followed by...]    TROI:  I sense...I sense...   - [Suddenly music blares eee  eee eee eee eee   = A figure leaps in and stabs Troi dozens of times with a laser C scalpel, as she screams and her blood runs down her glistening body  into the turbo drain.]   TROI:  The pain, oh. Ugh.    [Commercial]   [Scene resumes on the bridge.]  C WORF:  Captain. Intruder Alert remains in effect.  Security reports 3      all decks secure.  No Intruder has been found.   & PICARD:  Then what are you suggesting?  > WORF: That Troi's murderer may not be an intruder.  There were      several witnesses that...   PICARD: Yes?  A WORF:  That Commander Riker had a rather verbal argument with the 0      counsellor just moments before her death.    ! PICARD:  You're not suggesting...   ' WORF:  Merely stating the obvious, sir.   2 PICARD:  NOT GOOD ENOUGH, DAMMIT; NOT GOOD ENOUGH!  D DATA:  Captain, logically, the Commander is the most likely subject.C      Ever since the Counsellor started her sex therapy classes, the C      Commander has been quite agitated.  And everyone is well awarevG      that the counsellor has of late refused to copulate with Commanderr      Riker.s   PICARD: What?!?:  A DATA: Copulate: To make love, have sex, do it, boff, shove it in,s
      fu...  C PICARD:  Enough!!!... Perhaps I'd better have a word with him.  Mr.u%      Data, sigh, you have the bridge.r   [Picard exits.]r  0 DATA:  I do?  I do not remember being given one.   [commercial] [Return to bridge scene]  ? WORF:  Commander, it has been quite some time since the Captain"!      went to see Commander Riker.   B DATA:  No it has not. It has only been about five minutes. Six, if6      they put in an extra commercial to fill the time.  . WORF:  I SAID, ASSHOLE, IT HAS BEEN SOME TIME.  F DATA:  Perhaps you are right.  [Presses nipple, I mean, communicator.]6      Data to Captain Picard.  [waits] Come in Captain.  ' WORF:  Computer. Locate Captain Picard.B  , COMPUTER:  Captain Picard is on Holodeck 69.  < WORF:  Probably doing that idiotic Dickboy Hill thing again.  B DATA:  Computer, what program is currently running on Holodeck 69?  0 COMPUTER:  Worf Calisthenics Sequence, Level 10.  : WORF:  COMPUTER, RED ALERT!  Security team to Holodeck 69!  A DATA: I shall accompany you. Uh, uh, hmm. Ensign Beckett, you areSB      now in com...er, that is, (in Shakespearean accent) you have       the bridge.   ENSIGN:  Oh boy!
              iA [scene cuts to Deck 69.  Data and Worf are running down the deck.i? Suddenly, there is a multi-colored flash and two bug-eyed scalyE& beings appear. Worf draws his phaser.]  A ALIEN1:  Cease your sketching, Klingon.  I am Zootjenepasdestylo,o+      of the Eeeayeeaydominay Confederation.s  = DATA:  I am afraid it would take Captain Picard to be able tod      pronounce that. r  : ALIEN1:  We have come to converse with the Wesley Crusher.  % ALIEN2: He is very special, you know.l  C DATA:  I am sorry, but he is currently dead.  Should this situationr-      change, we shall be sure to contact you.   , ALIEN1:  This will not be tolerated.  Grrr.    [They leave]" [Worf and Data reach the holodeck]  8 REDSHIRT1:  I've just overridden the security code, sir.  C WORF:That took you 3.5 seconds more than is acceptable.  I will see       you in my quarters later.   [REDSHIRT1 turns white]i   REDSHIRT1:  Gulp. Yyyes, sssir.v  C [Three Redshirts run into the holodeck.  Seconds later various body.+ parts come flying through the open doorway]     DATA:  Computer, cancel program.  ? COMPUTER:  Request Denied. Security Level of Lt. Commander Datah&      insufficient. Program continuing.   WORF:  Just stay here.  E [He enters holodeck.  Moments later, various body parts belonging to sE little boys in leather fly through door, de-ressing (dissipating) as e they leave the room.]    WORF:  You can come in now.   < [Data scans the room, past Worf's blood soaked form.  In theE corner, they find Captain Picard's torso.  Nearby is his head, minus o, the nose.  The rest of him cannot be found.]  3 WORF:  How is this possible?  The security locks...w   DATA: ...have been overridden.  ; WORF:  But who would have the knowledge to do such a thing?e  , DATA:  Someone who is merely toying with us.   [Ominous music, followed by...]   F WORF:  I know where we can start.  Security team, meet me at Commander* 	Riker's quarters.  You have...45 seconds.  8 [Over Worf's communicator we hear running feet, screams," 'yessir's,and assorted commotion.]   [COMMERCIAL BREAK]  @ [Scene resumes in Riker's cabin.  Walls are covered with postersE from movie "Blind Date" and Little Caesar's Pizza ads. Worf and Data p: are there, as are several out of breath security officers]  B DATA:  Commander, could you tell me what occurred between yourself      and the Captain?   @ RIKER:  What are you...burp...talking about?  I haven't seen the%      Captain since I left the bridge.?  > WORF:  You LIE!!! We KNOW Captain Picard came to see you about      Counsellor Troi.o  @ RIKER:  Deanna, oh Deanna, sob.  I ...I can't go on without her.  = [There is a noise from the closet. Eerie music plays again astB Worf draws phaser and opens door. Suddenly a scantily clad ensign ) falls out. She goes over and slaps Riker]e  B WOMAN:  You beast.  I thought you said I was the only one for you.  " [Riker shrugs and looks sheepish.]  ? DATA:  Commander, I am afraid that, pending an investigation, I D      must place you under arrest.  However, I am willing to confine 7      you to your cabin.  Mr. Worf, please post a guard.        B WORF:  By the way, has anyone seen Dr. Pulask..I mean, Dr. Crusher      since this all started?  A DATA:  Hmm. No. Perhaps I had better visit her.  The news will no       doubt be quite shocking.   . COMPUTER: RED ALERT...RED ALERT...RED ALERT...  5 DATA:  Lt. Commander Data to Bridge.  Come in Bridge.E  . COMPUTER: RED ALERT...RED ALERT...RED ALERT...  = [Worf and Data run out of cabin.  Riker starts to follow, butl@ pretty blonde Security officer pushes him back in.  Riker looks ? annoyed, looks at the officer, pulls his shirt over his bulge, m and smiles.  She smiles back.]   [Scene cuts to Turbolift]   * WORF:  Why won't this infernal THING open?  , DATA:  Somebody has overridden the controls.  A [Worf struggles to part doors, but they don't budge.  Data pushesSG him aside, inserts one finger between the doors, and flicks the finger.sC The doors fly open.  Worf looks mighty annoyed at Data, then entersd? Bridge.  Data gets a big smile on his face, then enters bridge.sC Bridge is cluttered with bodies.  A strange gas still lingers. DatatD goes over to ops station and activates the screen.  We see the lowerA portion of the Enterprise streaking away.  Suddenly, it explodes,h' blinding the bridge with bright light.]   A DATA:  Someone has separated the saucer section and destroyed theh      rest of the ship.  / WORF:  That means that Geordi and the others...s  B [Sudden coughing noise from aside gets Worf's attention.  He drawsB phaser and runs to wall.  Looks puzzledly at it for a second, then> fires phaser at wall.  Sparks fly, circuits sizzle, and a doorE slides open.  Inside is Geordi LaForge, semi-conscious on the toilet,b$ clutching his EngineerBoy Magazine.]  5 WORF:  I didn't know we had one of those things here.a  E GEORDI:  {cough cough} You don't {cough} read the blueprints {wheeze}n
       man.  > DATA: I have blown all of the gas out of the exhaust.  You areB      quite lucky you were in here.  You too are lucky, Worf, that 1      the gas seems to have no effect on Klingons.f  ( WORF:  [Rips a fart] Yes. [Rips another]    [Emergency fans activate again.]  C GEORDI:  Man, this is getting ridiculous. If Wesley was still here, )      we'd have had this solved hours ago.n  > DATA:  It gets worse.  We are apparently locked on a collisionA      course with the star Gootchie III.  I am unable to alter oure
      course. .  F WORF:  At least we know that the Commander is innocent.  He is locked :      within his cabin, and cannot be responsible for this.   {Communicator Beeps}  ' DATA:  Bridge. Lt. Commander Data here.g  0 GUINAN:  Data, is everything all right up there?   DATA: Actually...n    M GUINAN:  Listen.  Listen to da words of the wise, chile.  Dere be evil afoot,i1      evil dat consumes. Evil dat hungers, evil...l  ; DATA:  Excuse me.  I do not understand what you are saying.   C GUINAN:  What I'm sayin', meathead, is that bad shit is goin' down!    DATA:  Hmmm...  G WORF:  COMMANDER!  Ensign Goodbody is dead.  Her leather clad body was tK      found strapped to Commander Riker's bed, with a large spear protrudingT&      up through the bed and her chest.  ) DATA:  Computer.  Locate Commander Riker.h  E COMPUTER:  Commander Riker on Deck 7, moving towards sickbay,...dear.o  I WORF: Security team, apprehend Commander Riker before he reaches sickbay.mG       {waits}  SECURITY!!!  If you do not answer, I will see ALL of youM!      in my quarters this evening.    DATA:  Worf, look.  C [Data points to screen on console showing the Security area. BodiesrG lie strewn about, some with hatchets in their heads, some with arrows, s some dismembered.]  ) WORF:  My...my BOYS!  Riker IS DEAD MEAT!   H DATA:  Let us go find him immediately. By the way, why does our computer      sound like Luaxana Troi?    [They enter the turbo lift. H [Sudden glow of light in the center of the bridge.  A bald, white alien B with a halo and flowing robes hovers in the middle of the bridge.]  H ALIEN:  I have come to converse with Wesley Crusher.  He is special, you
      know.  B [Turbolift doors close.  Scene cuts to doors opening, and they runF down the deck. They reach Sickbay, but the doors refuse to open.  WorfM struggles and grunts for a few seconds as Data looks on amused.  Worf noticesaK Data's smirk and moves aside, angrily gesturing to the door.  Data blows ontG it and it explodes inward.  Worf dives in the room firing wildly.  Foury: patients get blasted against the wall by super-heavy stun. Worf shrugs sheepishly.]  C WORF:  Riker!  Surrender or I will be forced to seriously hurt you!   8 [Suddenly, Riker's head appears from around the corner.]  J DATA:  I am glad to see you are coming to your senses.  Although I fail toC      see why you have...'lost your head', as the human saying goes.i  K [Suddenly, Riker's head falls to the ground, with goo and guts dripping outkL of it.  Dr. Crusher steps out from the room, her hands dripping with blood.]  H DATA:  Ah, Doctor.  I am glad to see you are well.  I am sorry we had to#      interrupt your surgery, but...   ; WORF:  Data, SHUT UP!  She's the killer.  I can...smell it.h  E DATA:  I..do not understand.  All I can smell is your foul body odor.E  F CRUSHER:  I..I didn't want to do it. He made me.  Can't you see him,   standing there?  He made me.  M DATA:  Doctor, you are quite ill.  There is no one here but the three of us. l      Please give yourself up.e  ; CRUSHER:  NOOOOOOO! BONK BONK...KILL KILL!  BLAH BLAH BLAH!s  G [Worf whips his phaser up and fires.  The blast barely slows her down.]A  < WORF:  Hmm.  I will have to use...(Big smile)  Kill setting.  L [He pushes lever on phaser and you hear a high pitched drone. He fires againK and Dr. Crusher goes flying through a bulkhead, to come to rest in the nextI room]'  0 WORF:  Who the fuck got rid of the KILL setting?  K DATA:  I am afraid we never had a kill setting.  We are peaceful you know. q*      The best we have is super-heavy stun.  1 WORF:  But we HAD kill before. I've seen Riker...s  F DATA:  I am afraid it was a mass hallucination.  Regardless, we must  ) 	restrain  the Doctor before she revives.,  K [As DATA enters the room, he is hit in the head by an axe. Circuits and gooDJ fly as he flies across the room, and comes to rest behind a medical table.K We see Wesley Crusher, slightly decomposed and covered with muck and blood,bE standing there with an axe, smiling.  On his face is strapped Captaina Picard's nose.]    WORF:  The BOY!!!n  K WESLEY:  Yes, you Klingon Panzy.  I'm BAAAACCK!  And I've killed them all!        I'm CAPTAIN WESLEY now!  L WORF:  You are merely a boy.  As a mater of fact, you are a dead boy.  I can      beat you easily.  i  L WESLEY:  Like you did all of those nights while my bitch mom was gone?  Come4      on then you Klingon wuss.  Take your best shot.  M [Worf snarls and lunges at Wesley.  He throws several brutal punches and thenOJ snarls again, but his snarl turns into a high pitched shriek.  We then seeI Wesley's hand moving up from Worf's crotch, filled with a good portion ofu; Worf's groin.  Worf stare's in disbelief, then keels over.]C  % WESLEY:  Just as I though.  No balls!e  : WORF:  First a nanny, and now a dead boy....ack.....{thud}  @ WESLEY:  It's mine!  The ship is mine!  Now I shall destroy it!   M [His head spins around as he hears a door close. Looking around, he sees thatmD Data is gone.  He screams an unholy scream and runs out after Data.]   [Commercial]  I [Scene resumes with a very damaged Data running down the hall.  Suddenly,?I walls start dropping down in the corridor.  The camera pans back down theuH hall to see Wesley slowly following, dragging his decomposing body afterG Data.  He speaks into a communicator.  His voice is carried through thet
 intercom.]  @ WESLEY:  DAAAAATAAAAA!  I'm COMMMMMING!  I control the ship now!? 	I've killed them all! That frog  captain, that whore Troi with ? 	her breasts flopping all over the place,  that pompous fat assh 	Riker, Everyone!     6 [Suddenly, a figure drops down from a Jeffrie's tube.]   GEORDIE:  Not everyone, punk!H  G [Geordie is wearing a red headband, cut off shirt, and carrying a large  lethal looking gun]    GEORDIE:  Eat hot photon, punk!n  K [He fires a blast at Wesley and the explosion atomizes the boy.  Geordie iso5 blown back about ten feet and slams into a bulkhead.]   - GEORDIE:  Uhhhh! I got him.  It's over, Data.R   WESLEY:  No it's not, Magoo!  H [Wesley's hand reaches out from the bulkhead and lifts Geordie up by hisL neck.  Wesley then steps out of the wall, his body glittering of energy.  He7 throws Geordie's body  through a bulkhead, pulping it.]i  M WESLEY:  Bdee bdee bdee, that's all folks.  No one left alive but you and me, M      Pinocchio.  And actually, neither of us is alive!  Ha!  I kill me!  Your :      still trapped, Robbie the Robot.  Heeeeeere's Wesley!  J [Wesley opens the bulkhead in front of him, and Data is not there.  In theK next bulkhead we see a hole in the shape of Data's body.  Wesley screams an  inhuman roar and follows.]   [Cut to Data's lab.]  I DATA:  Second Officer's Log.  I am trapped in my lab, injured and swiftlyhJ      losing consciousness. A most fascinating sensation. The insane corpseD      of Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher is at this moment, moments awayF      from entering this lab and destroying me.  After researching thisK      phenomenon, I have discovered that the lake that was the final restingrF      place of Wesley's energy matrix has an 'infamous' history to it. L      Crystal Lake, as it is known, is said to possess paranormal abilities. I      I can only hypothesize that whatever 'energy', perhaps an alien lifezM      form, that exists there mingled with the boy's life force to create thiszM      creature.  I now see only one chance for this ship's survival.  I intendoH      to activate my 'project' that I had been secretly working on.  EverJ      since my failure with Laal, my daughter, I have been trying to expandE      upon my past work.  Using the records contained in  Star Fleet's K      Transporter Computer and data banks, and also using much of the theory H      behind the Holodeck that we have learned since the episode with Dr.E      Moriarity, I have attempted to resurrect one of the Federation'se-      greatest heroes. I can only hope that...u  G [Suddenly the door to Data's lab blows inward into shrapnel, and Wesleyn enters]    WESLEY:  Honey!  I'm Home!  M [Data starts pushing buttons at lightening speed.  Wesley walks over and ripst off both of Data's arms.].  J WESLEY:  Oh, I'm sorry. You were busy.  Let me help you.  I'm smart. Can I      lend you a hand?d  # [He holds up one of Data's hands.] m  B DATA:  Is this black humor you are attempting?  I have studied it.  I [Wesley screams and rips off Data's legs.  His torso and head fall to the  floor.]   ; WESLEY: Awww.  Now I've left you without a leg to stand on.   E DATA: Ah.  This IS humor.  I believe I understood that reference. YoudA 	are attempting physical humor, much in the vein that the great    	Earth comedian, Gal...t  D WESLEY:  SHUT UP Damn it!  You're supposed to be scared!  That's the 	way it works! a  . DATA:  You know I am incapable of any emotion.  1 [Wesley screams and throws Data across the room.]   > WESLEY:  Any last words before I rip you up into little chips?   DATA:  Yes, just one.R   WESLEY:  And that is?k   DATA: Activate.s  J [Suddenly, the lift thingie lowers down, and we see a male form wearing an outdated Starfleet uniform.]  K KIRK: Now, just what do you think you are doing, young man?  You're a mess.r  2 WESLEY:  This...this relic is supposed to stop me?  H KIRK:  I'm not here to stop you son.  I agree with you.  Everyone on the.      Enterprise-D must be destroyed.  Correct?   WESLEY: YES!  M KIRK:  Bright lad.  And as we can see, you've pretty much accomplished that.  1      Poor Data will cease to function any minute.    WESLEY:  YES!!!x  B KIRK:  AH ah ah.  You've forgotten one person.  One member of the $      Enterprise-D crew still exists.  ! WESLEY:  WHO?!?  I must KILL him!e  H KIRK: Why, yourself, son.  you're the last one.  You must carry out your-      prime directive. You must Kill YOURSELF.o    WESLEY:  Huh? But...  L KIRK:  But but but.  All talk and no action.  No time for thinking.  Are you3      going to finish the job, or are you...chicken?    [Wesley starts to turn blue]  F WESLEY: Chicken?  Nobody calls Wesley Crusher chicken!  I'll show you!  J [He starts to scream and tear himself to pieces.  He finally fades away in an electromagnetic light show.]   $ DATA: That was most impressive, sir.  - KIRK:  It was nothing.  I do it all the time.O  J DATA:  I am afraid that I am about to deactivate.  Thank you for saving my
      ship.  J KIRK:  Not your ship, MY ship.  I've come home again.  And soon, you'll be      well again to.h  - [The screen darkens as Data goes unconscious]r   [Commercial]  L [We fade in for the closer.  The camera pans around the bridge to see all ofH it's little lights and thingies flashing and beeping again.  The ship isC whole once more, as we see a quick exterior shot of the NCC-1701-E.eL Inside, we see Captain James Kirk in the Center chair.  The other two chairsL have been removed.  At the science station is Data, wearing pointed ears andH green tinted skin.  At communications is Guinan, looking real pissed off; about having to wear a red miniskirt.  The intercom beeps.]e  % CRUSHER:  Are we ready to leave, Jim?e  H KIRK:  Yes, Bones.  We're off to Boldly Go Where No MAN Has Gone Before.  * CRUSHER:  Aye, sir.  I'll...see you later.  - KIRK:  Right.  Mr. Data, take us out of here.    DATA:  Aye, Captain.  E [Suddenly there is a bright flash on the bridge.  A Purple Insectoid g suddenly appears, chittering.]  K ALIEN:  I have come to see Wesley Crusher.  He is quite special, you know.        May I converse with him?u  E [Kirk stands and does a flying kick into the alien who slams into theiB bulkhead and slumps unconscious.  A security guard drags him off.]  1 KIRK:  Not on MY Ship, Mister.  Full speed ahead.h   [Enterprise fades into space]   # -----------------------------------r  ( There you all are.  I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!   					Quantum BucJ  >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>K ^ ARPA:     jessup@elbereth.rutgers.edu                                   veL ^ UUCP:     !rutgers!elbereth.rutgers.edu!jessup                          v # ^ DISCLAIMER:   Did I err?						  vdK ^ QUOTE: "Oh, the PAIN!" - Deanna Troi and Dr. Zachary Smith              vsJ  <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Let the pigeons loose!!!