% X-NEWS: spcvxb news.admin.policy: 574 P Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.1B4+SPC1 6/9/92 VAX/VMS V5.5-1; site spcvxb.spc.edu Path: spcvxb!rutgers!noao!asuvax!gatech!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!linac!att!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes q Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor 3 Subject: =0= Prologue.  '92 Usenet Winter Olympics. 5 Message-ID: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com> . From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes) Date: 13 Nov 92 08:35:17 GMT Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com  Followup-To: rec.humor/ Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network A Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN! . Summary: "Prologue" is not a computer language	 Lines: 71 B Xref: spcvxb news.groups:41208 alt.flame:39127 talk.bizarre:73522 V  news.admin.policy:574 rec.music.synth:33501 rec.music.makers.synth:73 rec.humor:61094   Gene: C >Okay, let's get down to business.  The 115th meeting of the USENET = >Backbone Cabal is hereby called to order, President-for-Life @ >Spafford presiding.  Our first order of business is the size ofC >the net:  It's *still* growing out of control, with new newsgroups B >popping up like rabbits, and the number of people reading netnews >is going up way too fast.   Dave: ? >The average IQ of the net readership is dropping like a stone. @ >Most of these newbies don't even have Computer Science degrees,B >and some of them are even [shudder] Liberal Arts majors.  At thisC >rate, brethren, people like ourselves -- the elite, the brilliant, @ >the vanguard of the New World Order -- could become outnumbered >and lose control of the net.   , [A collective moan echoes around the table.]   Peter:@ >So far all of our efforts to drive away the riff-raff have beenA >unsuccessful.  I've got news.groups bent into contortions trying B >to rewrite the Guidelines -- which we still control, of course --C >and so far nobody's caught on.  But it hasn't slowed the number of  >new groups being created.   Brad: B >I've been making rec.humor.funny more and more uninteresting, andC >posting jokes that only a CS professor would understand, much less A >laugh about.  But the number of readers keeps going up.  I don't B >know what else to do:  How can we drive people away from the net?   Gene: @ >Last year's noble sacrifice by Brother Kent bought us time, butB >it was far from enough to rectify our situation -- and it left usA >with a vacancy on the Cabal.  [Nods to the Cabal's fifth member, C >who is lost in thought and does not respond]  We must take action,  >and it must be soon.    Dave: ? >Chaos.  The net will fall apart; complete chaos in a matter of B >years, maybe even months.  None of this would have happened if we >hadn't broken up AT&T, Peter.   Peter:> >Don't start blaming me again.  YOU're the one who deregulated; >cable TV, and I'm not even going to bring up Ross Perot --    Gene: B >Gentlemen, this is getting us nowhere.  We need a plan, somethingC >that will send the rabble packing and put USENET back in the hands A >of the ruling class, of the kind of people who designed it.  Ah, B >for the good old days, when we ruled the net with an iron fist...  4 [A collective wistful sigh echoes around the table.]   Rich Kulawiec:  [snaps fingers] ? >Gentlemen, I have it.  I've developed a cunning plan, one that C >will drive the newbies away from the net AND reduce the number of  B >readble newsgroups at the same time.  And, best of all, we'll use  >the Guidelines to make it work!   Gene: A >Brilliant!  Nefarious!  Rich, you've made a fine addition to the C >Backbone Cabal.  Do you have a particular newsgroup in mind as you < >start putting your plan into effect?  [rubs hands together]   Rich:  >I know *just* where to begin.    5 [Fade to black, and to the sound of evil laughter...] 