% X-NEWS: spcvxb news.admin.policy: 592 P Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.1B4+SPC1 6/9/92 VAX/VMS V5.5-1; site spcvxb.spc.eduL Path: spcvxb!rutgers!att-out!cbnewsd!cbnewsc!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbesq Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor , Subject: =1= The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics5 Message-ID: <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com> . From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes) Date: 14 Nov 92 07:22:12 GMT Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com  Followup-To: rec.humor5 References: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com> / Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network A Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN! ? Summary: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Guidelines 
 Lines: 159B Xref: spcvxb news.groups:41399 alt.flame:39183 talk.bizarre:73629 V  news.admin.policy:592 rec.music.synth:33537 rec.music.makers.synth:99 rec.humor:61195         \\=    ////     The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents...    (____)    \  /      ||     ||  @                           \\    ||    \\    ||    \\    ||    \\A                          ////   ||   ////   ||   ////   ||   //// E    The 1992 Usenet      (____)      (____)      (____)      (____)    A    W I N T E R           \  /        \  /        \  /        \  / @    Olympics         \\    ||    \\    ||    \\    ||    \\    ||@                    ////   ||   ////   ||   ////   ||   ////   ||<                   (____)      (____)      (____)      (____);                    \  /        \  /        \  /        \  / :               \\    ||    \\    ||    \\    ||    \\    ||:              ////   ||   ////   ||   ////   ||   ////   ||6             (____)      (____)      (____)      (____)5              \  /        \  /        \  /        \  / 4         \\    ||    \\    ||    \\    ||    \\    ||4        ////   ||   ////   ||   ////   ||   ////   ||0       (____)      (____)      (____)      (____)/        \  /        \  /        \  /        \  / .   \\    ||    \\    ||    \\    ||    \\    ||.  ////   ||   ////   ||   ////   ||   ////   ||C (____)      (____)      (____)      (____)        Brought to you by C  \  /        \  /        \  /        \  /     the Betty Ford clinic C   ||    \\    ||    \\    ||    \\    ||    for chronic net.abusers (   ||   ////   ||   ////   ||   ////   ||   Bryant: A >Hello sports fans and welcome to the '92 Usenet Winter Olympics! A >This is Bryant Gumbel here at USPN headquarters, where we've put > >together one of the most exciting telecasts in Usenet Olympic@ >history -- featuring our new AsbestosCam (TM), a special camera@ >that lets you see the action as the athletes themselves see it!@ >And as a special treat we also have our EgoCam (TM), which lets- >you see the athletes as they see themselves!   = >Our coverage begins with one of the most thrilling spectator A >sports in the entire Usenet Olympics, one that puts 32 athletes  = >on the playing field at the same time, and doesn't end until 3 >there's only one athlete remaining!  Stay tuned...     *                      "HEY!  You can't move8                        in that direction!              *8                      It's against the rules!"          O9 "Yeah?  So   |__|           \                         -+- 8 what are you  ||              O                        |? gonna do      ||.............-+-....................../ \...... > about it?"  .(__)////    //// |  ////    ////    //// (_) ///.=        \  o.////    ////     / \    ////    ////    ////    . <          -+-   ////    ////    ////  o ////    ////    ////.;          .| //    ////    ////    //-+-   ////    /|__|   . :         ./ \ ////    // o    ////    | //    ////   || //.9        .////    ////   -+- /    /// / \ ////    //  ||  . 8       .    ////    //// |  ////    ////    ////    (__).7      .////    ////    // \    ////    ////    ////    . 6     ..................................................    %                             C H E S S   1                   The 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics      Charles Jaco: [asleep]@ >Hmph?  Oh!  Hello, sports fans, and welcome to USPN's exclusive@ >coverage of the 1992 Usenet Winter Olympics.  We're here at the@ >exciting Chess competition, where things have bogged down whileA >the players try to settle a rules dispute.  Let's go down to the . >playing field and see how things are going...   Chip Salzenberg:  [Red Knight]C >-- but paragraph 416 of the Guidelines says that no newsgroup will C >be renamed on a Friday, which means that the 100-vote rule doesn't C >apply unless the CFV is issued on a Saturday, so that the five day B >waiting period doesn't contain a Friday.  But there's a full moon >this weekend, so --   Dave Hayes:  [Black King] 7 >Wait, hold it:  I can't find my copy of paragraph 416.    Tim Pierce:  [Red Queen]B >That's too bad; you can't expect the entire net to stop what it's@ >doing and wait while you get your act together.  The Guidelines? >were followed to the letter, and that's what's important here.   " Gordon Van Huizen:  [Black Bishop]A >I could care less about the Guidelines.  What's important is the ? >opinion of rec.music.synth's readership, not some silly rules.    Jay Maynard:  [Red Pope]A >Blasphemy!  The Guidelines are much more important that you are!    Francis Uy:  [Pink Elephant]C >Woe!  This terrible renaming has prevented one person from reading > >the rec.music.synth group!  The connection to SYNTH-L will be! >lost, lost forever!  The horror!   $ Bill Fenner:  [Scarlet Pumpernickel]C >Oh, GIVE it a rest.  If the readers of rec.music.synth cared about B >these things, they would have learned what "CFV" stands for, read? >halfway through an article with a misleading Subject line, and > >mailed in a vote against the change.  They didn't do this, soC >obviously they choose to be ignorant of the USENET voting process.    Dave Hayes:  [Pearl Jam]A >Are you NUTS?  No one in their right mind would know to do that!    John Stanley:  [Indigo Girls]  >*I* would have known.  # Joel Furr:  [Red Hot Chili Peppers]  >*I* would have known.  $ Dave Hayes:  [Toad the Wet Sprocket] >See?   ! Laird Nelson:  [The Replacements] B >Dave, you're being unreasonable.  Before posting, reading or even@ >subscribing to a newsgroup, every person on the net should readA >and memorize the Guidelines, just like we have.  It's only fair.    Dave Hayes:  [Peter Gabriel]B >You can't be serious.  You people are trying to turn the net into> >a world of haves and have-nots, where the people who know the? >Guidelines run the network and the ignorant are beaten down --    Chip Salzenberg:  [Mojo Nixon]A >Oh, stop being so melodramatic.  We're just browbeating you into  >conformity, that's all...     Charles Jaco:  [yawning]B >As you can see, Bryant, the competition is running a little slow.: >We may have better luck tomorrow.  Then again, maybe not.   Bryant: @ >Charles, I'm surprised this game doesn't have a referee of some9 >kind.  Wouldn't it help in settling disputes like these?    Charles:@ >Bryant, this is a highly intellectual game, and the players all? >pride themselves on being able to work out the intricate rules A >and trip each other up on minor technical points.  If there were B >an unbiased third party involved in these disputes, it would take8 >a lot of the fun and excitement out of the competition.   Bryant: B >I see.  Well, thanks for the update, Charles.  Stay tuned to USPN: >for more coverage as the Usenet Winter Olympics continue!  
 Don Pardo:0 >Coming up next:  The Bogus Analogy competition!  
 [stay tuned!] 