% X-NEWS: spcvxb news.admin.policy: 614 P Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.1B4+SPC1 6/9/92 VAX/VMS V5.5-1; site spcvxb.spc.edu< Path: spcvxb!rutgers!att-out!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbesq Newsgroups: news.groups,alt.flame,talk.bizarre,news.admin.policy,rec.music.synth,rec.music.makers.synth,rec.humor 1 Subject: =3= Attack of the Usenet Winter Olympics 5 Message-ID: <1992Nov16.060508.16368@cbfsb.cb.att.com> . From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes) Date: 16 Nov 92 06:05:08 GMT Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com  Followup-To: rec.humor References: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Nov15.072436.11408@cbfsb.cb.att.com> / Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network A Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN! % Summary: Only the spectators survive. 	 Lines: 54 B Xref: spcvxb news.groups:41699 alt.flame:39212 talk.bizarre:73797 W  news.admin.policy:614 rec.music.synth:33592 rec.music.makers.synth:135 rec.humor:61262          \\=    ////     The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents...    (____)    \  /      ||     ||  ? Vin Scully:                            |     _                _ B >Hello again, sports fans!  This is    |  ||| |              | |||C >Vin Scully with an update on today's  | (||| |==============| |||) B >events in the Usenet Winter Olympics. |  ||| |   \   O   /  | |||@ >                                      |    '-'    '__|__'   '-'7 >The Altlifting competition, after a   |              | 7 >fast start by Michael Nolan of the    |              | 7 >group alt.humor.oracle (now "rec"),   |              | 8 >was marred by tragedy when athlete    |             / \9 >Joel Furr was crushed during an       |            /   \ : >attempt to move the alt.folklore.*    |           /     \( >hierarchy.  Furr is in critical but   |B >stable condition, and is expected to  |          "Put that DOWN!"@ >recover.                              |       o     o         oA >                                      |  o   -+-'  -+-   o   -+- @ >A subsequent attempt by Mark Brader   | -+-   |     |  '-+-   |A >of comp.society.folklore to move only |  |   / \   / \   |   / \ < >the alt.folklore.computers group also | / \             / \( >met with failure today, leaving Nolan |? >as the only athlete to have succeeded |    A L T L I F T I N G ( >at this difficult, challenging event. |C                                        |1992 Usenet Winter Olympics   C Vin:                                   |============ @  =========== C >Meanwhile, the semifinal round of the |||||||||| o /  * |||||||||| C >Hockey competition began today as the ||||||||| -+-  -+- ||||||||| C >group soc.religion.islam.ahmadiyya    |========= | == | ========== B >was flattened 17-0 by news.groups.    |         / |  / \ @__    :A >                                      |  \ /                   : @ >When asked for an explanation of the  |   .__|_o              :? >lopsided victory, news.groups team    | \                    : > >captain G. Wolfe Woodbury told us,    |  @                  :< >"We had the regular ice replaced by   |        "Where's the@ >frozen Holy Water, and while the SRIA |        #%$!! PUCK?!"  oA >people were standing around arguring  |                  :   -+- @ >over who would still be able to skate,|                 :   / |A >we scored 17 goals."                  |          @     :   @ / \ 8 >                                      |       o /     :7 >News.groups goes on to face the       |      -+-     : > >heavily favored rec.sport.hockey team |       |  "What puck?"5 >in the championships.                 |      / \   : ( >                                      |; >Stay tuned to USPN for more updates   |        H O C K E Y ( >and for exclusive coverage of the     |C >Downhill Arguing competition, coming  |1992 Usenet Winter Olympics ( >up right after these messages.        |