g From:	IN%"minow@bolt.enet.dec.com"  "Martin Minow, ML3-5/U26  14-May-1990 0946" 14-MAY-1990 10:31:55.97 
 To:	_TERRY CC:	 Subj:	oxymorons.txt   G Received: from CUNYVM.BITNET by SPCVXA.BITNET; Mon, 14 May 90 10:31 EDT O Received: from CUNYVM by CUNYVM.BITNET (Mailer R2.03B) with BSMTP id 0509; Mon,   14 May 90 10:27:27 EDT N Received: from decpa.pa.dec.com by CUNYVM.CUNY.EDU (IBM VM SMTP R1.2.2MX) with!  TCP; Mon, 14 May 90 10:27:22 EDT H Received: by decpa.pa.dec.com; id AA03512; Mon, 14 May 90 07:26:52 -0700D Received: from bolt.enet; by decpa.enet; Mon, 14 May 90 07:26:54 PDT! Date: Mon, 14 May 90 07:26:54 PDT K From: "Martin Minow, ML3-5/U26  14-May-1990 0946" <minow@bolt.enet.dec.com>  Subject: oxymorons.txt To: address@bolt.enet.dec.com 1 Message-id: <9005141426.AA03512@decpa.pa.dec.com>  X-Envelope-to: terry   OXYMORON    Ancient Greek : Oxus = "sharp"                 Moros = "dull"   0 "Oxymoron" = a sharp dullness or a foolish wise.     ....a self contradicting phrase. _____    2 When large numbers of men are unable to find work, unemployment results. &                        Calvin Coolidge   7 For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort  of thing they like. '                         Abraham Lincoln     That that is is.   : Why is this thus ?  What is the reason for this thusness ?   $                         Artemus Ward   3 Ah well, they say its not as bad as they say it is.     Black Light    ) I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.     Left Handed Screwdrivers.     Striped paint.    Pigeon's milk.    Straight hooks.    
 Cooking glue.    9 It was as bad as being up a creek in a barbed wire canoe.    * ....about as useful as a chocolate teapot.   ( I want my bedroom painted sky-blue pink.    compulsory volunteers     college student     jumbo shrimp     That shoe fits him like a glove.   5 I wouldn't be paranoid if everyone didn't pick on me.    C Plastic lemons, rubber bones, bricked-up windows, artificial grass,  plastic flowers, invisible ink.    8 People have one thing in common: they are all different.   8 It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. "                         Mark Twain   9 The trouble with our times is that the future is not what  it used to be.#                         Paul Valery    5 When one has good health it is not serious to be ill. '                         Francis Blanche     Is there life before death ?(                         Belfast Graffito   # Often it is fatal to live too long.                          Racine   , The first condition of immortality is death.%                         Stanislaw Lec    ! As famous as the unknown soldier.    - Anyone who isn't confused here doesn't really  know what's going on.    2 I must follow the people.  Am I not their leader ?)                         Benjamin Disraeli    5 The saddest moment in a person's life comes but once.    7 A commercial traveller was passing through a small town , when he came upon a huge funeral procession.$ "Who died?" he asked a nearby local.0 "I'm not sure," replied the local, " but I think its the one in the coffin."    8 The dumplings in a dream are not dumplings, only dreams.    He lived his life to the end.    5 You always find something in the last place you look.    A A woman met a man walking along the street wearing only one shoe.  "Just lost a shoe ?" she asked. $ He answered, "Nope, just found one."   2 Classified add: For Sale: Man's suit, perfect fit.   9 It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one * trifling exception, is composed of others.*                         John Andrew Holmes   2 Some painters transform the sun into a yelow spot;, others transform a yellow spot into the sun.%                         Pablo Picasso    . Beyond each corner new directions lie in wait.%                         Stanislaw Lec    < My play was a complete success.  The audience was a failure.   : My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.*                         Ashleigh Brilliant   7 A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants. +                         Arthur Schoperhauer    1 Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think. &                         Ambrose Bierce   ' You can observe a lot just by watchin'. "                         Yogi Berra   ? In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain. '                         Pliny the Elder    ; The English certainly and fiercly pride themselves in never  praising themselves.%                         Wyndham Lewis    A I have made mistakes, but have never made the mistake of claiming  I never made one. '                         James G. Bennet    < Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that* man can never learn anything from history.+                         George Bernard Shaw     Trapped, like a trap in a trap. &                         Dorothy Parker   + I am not sincere, even when I say I am not. $                         Jules Renard   7 You've no idea of what a poor opinion I have of myself,  and how little I deserve it.$                         W.S. Gilbert   B Great Rules for writing from William Safire in the New York Times.   + Do not put statements in the negative form. - And don't start sentences with a conjunction. * It is incumbent on one to avoid archaisms.E If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal 9    of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing. 4 Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.. Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all. De-accession euphemisms.D If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.( Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.( Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.- Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration. 4 Last, but not least, avoid cliche's like the plague.   * I used to be indecisive, now I'm not sure.   @ Graffitti seen in Pompeii : Everyone writes on the walls but me.   / Hypochondria is the one disease I have not got.     Procrastinate now!   > I've told you for the fifty-thousandth time, stop exagerating.   5 Young Man: Why do philosophers ask so many questions? B Old Philosopher: Why shouldn't philosophers ask so many questions?   1 What is the world to a man who's wife is a widow.    = A stone was placed at a ford in a river with the inscription: : "When this stone is covered it is dangerous to ford here."   C In the city today the temperature rose to 180 degrees.  This sudden = rise of temperature was responsible for the intolerable heat.    / "Have you lived in this village all your life?"  "No, not yet."   / "Who is the oldest inhabitant of this village?" > "We haven't got one; we had one, but he died three weeks ago."   * "Hey, somebody cut the end off this rope!"   + "Hey, Trixie, what's your earliest memory?"  "Umm... I don't remember!"    Overheard in hotel:  "It's eight o'clock, sir!"/ "Why the devil didn't you tell me that before?"    F Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down.+                          Ashleigh Brilliant    C There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad. &                          Salvador Dali   : Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore.  It's too crowded.   B Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly7 good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it. #                          Mark Twain    = I tripped over a hole that was sticking up out of the ground.    C Quotes from Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer:     Quick as a flashlight.   " It rolled off my back like a duck.   ' (When told his son was getting married) = Thank heaven.  A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.    " A hospital is no place to be sick.   & Our comedies are not to be laughed at.   " I can give you a definite perhaps.   , (when told a script was full of old cliches) Let's have some new cliches.   . ("You say you've never mad a picture before?")) Yes, but that's our strongest weak point.     Gentleman, include me out.  e7 A verbal contract is'nt worth the paper its printed on.   M) I can tell you in two words: im possible.j  x> (on being told that a friend had named his son Sam, after him)> Why did you do that ?  Every Tom, Dick and Harry is named Sam!  a) I paid too much for it, but its worth it.    > Gentlemen, for your information, I have a question to ask you.  U& I read part of it all the way through.   > If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.  nH I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five years.  MG Let's bring it up to date with some snappy nineteenth century dialogue.o  M4 Goldwyn: What kind of dancing does Martha Graham do? Associate: Modern dancing.C Goldwyn: I don't want her then, modern dancing is so old fashioned.a  cA I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after=
 they're dead.    C Bookkeeper: Mr. Goldwyn, our files are bulging with paperwork we nowC             longer need.  May I have your permission to destroy allm              records before 1945?B Goldwyn:    Certainly.  Just be sure to keep a copy of everything.   B Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.    (on a film set of a tenement) + Goldwyn  : Why is everything so dirty here?h3 Director : Because it's supposed to be a slum area.s? Goldwyn  : Well, this slum cost a lot of money.  It should looka(            better than an ordinary slum.  c Gentlemen, listen to me slowly.r  oD That's the trouble with directors - always biting the hand that lays the golden egg.l    Keep a stiff upper chin.  k- We have all passed a lot of water since then.e  nJ .... we have that Indian scene.  We can get the Indians from the resevoir.  a< (in discussing Lillian Helman's play, "The Children's Hour")& Goldwyn   :  Maybe we ought to buy it?8 Associate :  Forget it, Mr. Goldwyn, its about Lesbians.4 Goldwyn   :  That's okay, we'll make them Americans.  e; Don't worry about the war.  It's all over but the shooting.l  i% Associate :  Its to caustic for film.hG Goldwyn   :  To hell with the cost, if it's a good story, I'll make it.r  hC More sample and analysis (including a collection of visuals) can be C found in "More on Oxymoron" by Patrick Hughes, 1983, Penguin books.   n  w --
 Brendan Kehoe. --