 X-NEWS: spcvxb alt.sex: 11461 I Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0 13.10.90 VAX/VMS V5.4; site spcvxb.spc.edu e Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!njin!princeton!udel!wuarchive!uwm.edu!ux1.cso.uiuc.edu!uxa.cso.uiuc.edu!fam26639  Newsgroups: alt.sex  Subject: List of pick-up lines5 Message-ID: <1990Dec10.193957.19972@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu> * From: fam26639@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Gangster) Date: 10 Dec 90 19:39:57 GMT$ Sender: news@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (News). Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
 Lines: 451  2 Ok, here's the list of pickup lines that I have...  J The following does not necessarily reflect my opinions and all the rest of the Standard Disclaimer.   (Yes, it's offensive)   G +---------------------------------------------------------------------+ G | THE CANONICAL (complete for non-mathmeticians) LIST OF PICKUP LINES | G +---------------------------------------------------------------------+  ^LA That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed...   # Do you want to see something swell?   C Hey babe....do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?   	 Drop 'em.    What do you like for breakfast?   = Is that a double ended dilldo or are you just glad to see me?   @ Is that a tic-tac in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?  E Hi there! I'm interested in having breakfast with you. Can I call you 
 or nudge you?   3 Excuse me. Do you wanna f**k or should I apologize?   + Irish : Have you got a little Irish in you?  She:  Uh...no....  Irish: Well, do you want some?  8 Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate; and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?   0 Say, didn't we go to different schools together?   Wanna fuck like bunnies?  D Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?   = I had a friend who used to hand out calling cards which said: *         Smile if you want to sleep with me3 then watch the victim try to hold back her smile...   - Hi, my name's Ron, how do you like me so far?   6 Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us  	 ---------   - I had a friend give a card that on the front: !         1       2       3       4                  Pick a number   ) and then on the back of the card it read:   )                 Sex maniacs always pick 3   @ you wouldn't believe how many women pick 3. It was a great card.  	 ---------    You smell wet.  Let's Party.  C Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair.   5 Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?   : Would you like to dance, or should I go fuck myself again?  $ Hey baby, let's go make some babies.   At the office copy machine:    Reproducing eh?  Can I help?  B Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?   -----------   # From:   MAD Magazine: Classic Flops          Spring 1986.  *         9 Very Unsuccessful Pick-up Lines:)         --------------------------------- 6         1. "Would you like to see my boa constrictor?""         2. "Is that a false nose?"5         3. "You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno."          4. "I'm drunk." +         5. "Hi, my friends call me Creepy." >         6. "Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?"         7. "I just threw up." -         8. "You're ugly but you intrigue me." E         9. "I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed             like that."   ------------       * Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.  ) You look more beautiful than Nurse Chapel   C Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?   D I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!  E Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `pud' and say: 3         Hey charlie, see anyone here you recognize?   K I require a tissue sample.  May i sever a little-used portion of your body?   (brandish forceps)   & Hey, wanna see my R2-D2 impersonation? (Think about it...)    Hey baby...infect me!   2 Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a bumper?!?  7 Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a trailer hitch?   @ Hey baby...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?  ' Hey baby...can you suck start a Harley?   9 Motion your finger to a girl to get her to come your way. ; When she arrives say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough  you would c*m."   ' Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f**k? ,         What's the matter, don't like pizza?  G I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting...  Let's meet sometime...   H I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.  	 ---------    The front reads:   , +------------------------------------+      ( |No Phone                 No Business|  ( |                                    |  ( |                                    |  ( |                                    |  ( |                                    |  ( |                                    |  ( |             No Name                |  ( |                                    |  ( |                                    |  ( |                                    |  ( |                                    |  ( |No Address                  No Money|  , +------------------------------------+          And the back reads:    , +------------------------------------+      ( |       I'M A SILENT SEDUCER         |  ( |                                    |  ( |Any chance to crawl in the sack with|  ( |you tonight?                        |  ( |If so, just keep the card: If not,  |  ( |kindly return it because they are   |  ( |expensive.                          |  & |                                    |& |I'm not as good as I once was.      |& |But I'm good once as I ever was!    |& |                                    |& |P.S. You don't have to say yes      |& |                         Just Smile!|, +------------------------------------+         
 -------------   7 She (to passing man):  Excuse me, do you have the time?  He: Do you have the energy?   3 What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?    Hey babe, Wanna get LUCKY!!!!!!   2 "Say mother!  Want another?" (if she has children)  B Suck my dick or I'll blow your fucking head off.  [requires a gun]  2 No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?  L Will you marry me and have my children?  [unfortunate side-effects: beware!]  C If you ever want to see your children again, you'll do what I want.   4 You're hitchhiking across the Mojave Desert?  Alone?  G I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing  A in black, did you know that? What you need now is a nice backrub. E Are the straps too tight, darling? How tragic. How very, very tragic.   M Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.    Bond. James Bond.   K Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.   : It's absolutely pure Bolivian. And I don't *give* it away.  B Nothing I can say will ease of the loss of your daughter, but restE assured that the Morgenstern Funeral Home will do everything possible 2 to bring you peace of mind in this harrowing time.  D Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me: to pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress.  I You know, I'd really love to fuck your brains out, but it appears someone  beat me to it.  ) Excuse me, do you live around here often?   H Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?  + Would you like to see a baby picture of me? D (Shows the girl the picture of a baby better endowed that most men.)  & Hello, Love, - Do you spit or swallow?  F You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book... So what's one more??  9 Hey babe -- did you know I'm on the Harvard Mailing List?    Your place, or mine?   What's your sign?    Nice shoes.  Wanna f*ck?  . Would you like to have morning coffee with me?  4 Excuse me, do you wanna spoon or should I apologize?  # You have the ass of a great artist.    FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS:F 1: MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE IN THE FRONT OF THE PERSON WHO YOU'RE TRYING    TO ATTRACT.K 2: PUT YOUR HANDS IN A VERTICAL PLANE AND SEPERATE YOUR HANDS TO THE PROPERM"    DISTANCE YOU WANT TO GET ACROSSF 3: LOOK AT THE PERSON OF YOUR AFFECTIONS AND WITH A SHIT EATING-EAR TOD    EAR GRIN SHAKE YOUR HEAD UP AND DOWN AS TO REPLY THAT YOU'RE THIS    BIG!   . There's the old classic from the movie Fletch:F (to girl in towel):  Excuse me, could I borrow your towel? My car just-                         hit a water buffalo. r   Your face or Mine??o  E Her: What do you think of this (dress, sweater, article of clothing)?h Him: I like nothing better.   F The best pickup line I witnessed was a friend of mine who walked up toL a young lady in a club and asked "Are you ready to go home now?".  They left	 together.-  ? Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.i  1 That's a nice dress - could I talk you out of it?-  H If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold _IT_ against me?   When asked for a match: E         How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?.  9 Take off that dress and fuck my brains out you cave newt.     Nice tits.  Mind if I feel them?  : I love you.  I want to marry you.  Now fuck my brains out.  C Forget that!  Playing doctor is for kids!  Let's play gynecologist.   ) Let's take a shower together --you smell.i  7 I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatoradex  % Kiss me you fool, fuck me you harlot.o  0 I've got an itch, honey.  Lower. lower. in. out.  # If I was Elvis, would you screw me?d  H I want to thank you for [insert any event here], Grab your ankles bitch!  G Wanna play carnival? That's where you sit on my face and I try to guess' your weight.  9 If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me.o    Want to see my stamp collection?  J Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.o  # I wanna floss with your pubic hair.   / I'm on fire.  Can I run through your sprinkler?h   I'd look good on you.a  J Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?!  I thought you knew...   D At the dinner table, (if you eat together) pickup the bread and say,         "Wanna roll?"o  ! Excuse me, have I fu**ed you yet?   E I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I've got more of something else.   A Ever tried those wierd prickly condoms?"  (sure to get responses)b  9 Funny you should mention that, I was a gynecologist once.-  ( Cold out isn't it?  (staring at breasts)  ? Ya' know, that outfit would look great on my bedroom floor.....a  K "Actually, Ma'am, Ah'm not as tall as you think. Ah'm from Taixus, and Ah'm, sittin' on mah wallet."l  A Hey!  Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'y  ( I would kill or die to make love to you.  / I would die happy if I saw you naked just once.   G I am writing a new algorithm, and I need some test data.  What are your 
 measurements?8  5 I have some hard code I want to try your compiler on.    Top Ten Elf Pickup Lines  10. "I'm down here"G   9. "Just because I've got bells on my shoes doesn't mean I'm a sissy"e3   8. "I was once a lawn ornament for John Bon Jovi"n)   7. "I can get you off the naughty list""F   6. "I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys".   5. "I'm a magical being. Take off your bra."G   4. "No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks overa       at Keebler"kE   3. "I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man"-,   2. "You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig".   1. "I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners"I                 -- Late Night with David Letterman, from Michael Wertheimn  C Sometimes it can be helpful to start with a complement.  eg.  afterOA "accidently" bumping her boobs, noticing a loose button, etc. saya>         "If they weren't sooo large it wouldn't have happened"  ! Sex is a killer ... so die happy!e  0 I love every bone in your body - especially mine  1 "Hey... somebody farted.  Let's get out of here."   ? "Say, Didn't we go to different high schools at the same time?"u  / The most common pick-up line used in a gay bar:y#         "May I push in your stool?"h  : I have only three months to live (heard it in a movie ... $ of course, this was all before AIDS)  ) Chicks dig me;  I wear colored underwear.l  9 Excuse me, is it true that you're a sexual tyrannosaurus?   $ I'm a copilot for American Airlines.  ) Hi, I make more money than you can spend.   8 That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.  0 Excuse me... do you have change for a $100 bill?   Hi! Can I buy you a Car?   NOW, B*TCH!   
 Fancy a fuck?a  , My face is leaving in 15 minutes.  Be on it.   --------------   Lines by women:e  . -- Please may I rest my head on your shoulder?  , -- Do you know how to use this? [a vibrator]  - -- How about a night of passion in Doncaster?    -----------     He:  "What was that?" She:  "What was what?"  He:  "That sound."  She:  "I didn't hear anything." .  He:  "It was the sound of my heart breaking."  	 ---------   . There's always Harlan Ellison's great failure:  (         Q: Wha'dya say to a little fuck?          A: Go away, little fuck.   -----------   2 How about the best response to an unwanted pickup?  )     Man:  So what do you do for a living?-      Woman:  Female impersonator.  
 ----------  7 You've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across.....   # -----------end of list-------------  Female to guy:  "   Hi, you look like a real wanker.      (pause for effect)|     Want a break tonight?   N  The guys usually spend so much time trying to convince you that they're not aO "wanker" (that ego thingy) that in the end they are trying to pick *you* up!!!!    --# Felix "The Gangster of Love" Maderan1 Future Manager of Heavyweight Wrestling Champions E ===================================================================   ; "Oh come on Frasier, isn't it enough I do it to your mind?"-" 				   - Dr. Lilith Sternan Crane	