$ X-NEWS: spcvxb rec.humor.funny: 2044K Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0-3 14/03/90 VAX/VMS V5.5; site spcvxb.spc.edu a Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!rutgers!usc!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uunet.ca!xenitec!looking!funny-request  Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny ( Subject: Usenet Oracle (Warranty on RHF)% Message-ID: <S43b.2805@looking.on.ca> , From: engel@sj.ate.slb.com (Mike Engelhardt) Date: 4 Aug 92 08:30:12 GMT  Keywords: unrated  Approved: funny@clarinet.com	 Lines: 68   > Editor's Note:  This Oracle question was forwarded to me by anD Oraculite, and I provided an answer, but it was not sent in on time.A He liked the answer so I'm reproducing it here.  (I don't usually C do my own stuff unless I get independent confirmation that somebody  else likes it.)   5 The Usenet Oracle has pondered your quesition deeply.  Your question was:  > > 	Oh Great and Most Wise Oracle, whose process priorities areH > infinite; whose gargantuan disk quota is exceeded only by your IQ; andF > whose NET Purity Test Score is an irrational negative number, pleaseG > pause for a picosecond to answer this question which has been keeping : > me from sleeping-and more importantly, worshipping thee: > = > 	Where has Brad Templeton's sense of humor gone, and can we : > 	  replace it?  Is this covered by the factory warranty? >  > Your Lowly Supplicant   ' And in response, thus spake the Oracle:    } .....Thank-you Mr. Templeton!  } ? } [interesting behind the scenes interview about net joke flow, > } the origination of rec.humor, how to tell if a joke is funnyB } and a phone call down the street deleted for reasons of privacy] }  } But here's what you're after:  }   A } PLEASE READ THIS LIMITED USE NEWSGROUP LICENSE AGREEMENT FIRST   } K } This newsgroup is provided without warranty, either expressed or implied. ? } We make no warranties regarding its humour or fitness for any D } purpose, including but not limited to laughter, chuckling, filling? } spare network bandwidth, posting on walls, sexually harassing D } co-workers, picking up members of the opposite sex, wrapping fish,G } testing the "ping" program or inclusion in vice presidential campaign H } commercials.   The moderator licenses you the newsgroup but you assumeC } all responsibility for subscribing too and reading the newsgroup. H } Disassembly, reverse engineering or otherwise explaining jokes in thisC } newsgroup is expressly prohibited.   TeleJoke/RHF associates, in  F } association with ClariNet Communications and Looking Glass Software J } Limited hereby waives all liability for any and all damages arising out D } of the evolution of life on Earth or any other planet, or natural J } causes.   Not responsible for Act of God.  (My dad wrote that, not me.)  } H } Note that some states prohibit oral sex between consenting adults and H } have other silly laws so this exclusion of liability may not apply to C } you.  In the event of damages, TeleJoke/RHF's liability shall be  G } limited to payment of $1,000,000 from you to me.  No free support is  ? } provided.  For support dial 1-900-328-7448.  (Figure it out)   } H } READING OF ANY JOKES IN THIS NEWSGROUP CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF THESEH } TERMS.  iF YOU DO NOT ACCEPT THESE TERMS, PLEASE RETURN THE NEWSGROUP,G } UNOPENED, TO THE SYSADMIN OF THE NODE WHERE YOU SUBSCRIBED.   Refund? G } Sure, I'll accept one. Jokes are not repeated; if you like the jokes, @ } "especially the early, funny ones," then order the books.  AnyH } errors in printing are your fault.  Carpe Diem ("Fish for ten cents.")I } Vidi Vici Veni.   Wear clean underwear.  90% of Sturgeon's law is crap. H } The best things in life are disgusting.  Familiarity breeds.  It's not } my damn planet, monkey-boy.  --N Selected by Brad Templeton.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.comJ Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  A Daemon will auto-reply.  ? Remember: Always give your jokes a descriptive "Subject:" line. > Don't use "joke" or "submission" or "joke submission," please.