' X-NEWS: spcvxb comp.dcom.telecom: 22964 K Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0-3 14/03/90 VAX/VMS V5.5; site spcvxb.spc.edu c Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!rutgers!usc!wupost!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!news.acns.nwu.edu!telecom-request  Newsgroups: comp.dcom.telecom  Subject: See Figure 1 * Message-ID: <telecom12.535.9@eecs.nwu.edu>) From: mike@camphq.FIDONET.ORG (Mike Bray)  Date: 5 Jul 92 09:22:30 GMT  Sender: Telecom@eecs.nwu.edu Organization: TELECOM Digest Approved: Telecom@eecs.nwu.edu& X-Submissions-To: telecom@eecs.nwu.edu0 X-Administrivia-To: telecom-request@eecs.nwu.edu6 X-Telecom-Digest: Volume 12, Issue 535, Message 9 of 9
 Lines: 119  E I wish I could remember who sent this to me, and when they did, but I  don't. :(  So see figure 1. :)    0                 AT&T Customer Service Memorandum   @      Please stop submitting compliants.  This is our system.  WeC designed it, we built it, and we use it more than you do.  If there D are some features you think might be missing, if the system isn't asB effective as you think it could be, TOUGH!  Give it back, we don't need you.  See figure 1.   1                 *-------------------------------* 1                 |               _               | 1                 |              { }              | 1                 |              | |              | 1                 |              | |              | 1                 |           .-.| |.-.           | 1                 |         .-|  | |  |.-.        | 1                 |         | |       |  ;        | 1                 |         \           ;         | 1                 |          \         ;          | 1                 |           |       :           | 1                 |           |       |           | 1                 |           |       |           | 1                 |                               | 1                 *-------------------------------* %                             Figure 1.    F      Forget about your silly problem, let's take a look at some of the& features of your AT&T computer system.  	 * Options    A We've got lots of them.  So many in fact, that you would need two E strong people to carry around the documentation if we had bothered to @ write it.  So many that even we don't know what most of them do.E Don't ask us for any of these options, because we probably can't find B the PEC for it anyway.  Even if we find the PEC, we probably can'tC order it either (just TRY asking for nroff on a 3B2).  If you don't > like it, call Technologies.  They'll tell you to see Figure 1.    * Hot Lines    F If you need technical help, call our hotline.  You say that the guy atA the other end doesn't know any more than you do?  Too bad.  If we B could afford to pay qualified people to answer the phones, we'd beD paying them to make our computers work in the first place.  Besides,D you don't ever need to do anything sophisticated anyway.  If you do,
 see Figure 1.    * Integrated Voice and Data    E What the hell is integrated voice and data?  All it means is that you E can talk on the phone while you are typing on your terminal.  So what C if the terminal and the phone aren't integrated; that's not what we E advertise.  Besides, you probably can't even walk and chew gum at the > same time, much less talk and type.  If you can, see Figure 1.    * Unix   F We invented it; it's perfect, and we're the only ones who do it right.D We're so happy with it, we put it on every kind of computer we make.D We even try to keep it the same from release to release, but usuallyB we blow it.  If you want a computer with stable filesystems, get aE VAX.  Another thing: those nerds from Berkeley are just troublemaking A hackers who have a productivity complex.  They took our operating ; system and made it useful, so we told them to see Figure 1.     * Applications Software    F We give you MS-word; what else do you want?  So what if it is a clumsyF port from another operating system, it works doesn't it?  Well, OK, itF sort of works.  If you want applications software, get an IBM PC.  YouF can get lots of it and they even support it sometimes.  If you alreadyF bought one of our computers and are unsatisfied, you're stuck with it.C We spoke with our applications software people about this, and they 1 think a lot like we do; they said "see Figure 1."     * Shells   D We have two shells; one we sell and one we use.  The Bourne shell isA plenty good for trivial little hacks, which is all you do anyway. C Don't ask for the Korn shell either.  It's great, everybody at AT&T D has a copy, but we won't give it to you.  Besides, if you want to doD anything important, write it in C.  We told our shell programmers to see Figure 1 a long time ago.     * The C Programming Language   E We like it so much we named a book after it.  You can do anything our C machines can do, which is not very much.  Where else can you put so B much unreadable code in such a small space?  Besides, you probablyE should be programming in the shell anyway; C is too hard for you.  We > told our C programmers to see Figure 1 a long time ago anyway.    * Floating Point Hardware    C We have the WE32106 Math Accelerator Unit, one of the fastest chips D around.  It's so special that you need a special compiler to use it.F Nobody knows how to get you a copy of the compiler?  That's right.  WeF don't release it because we are writing another one.  When it's ready,E we might give it to you, but probably not.  In the meantime, you have E to stick with the interpreter, live with the slowness, and see Figure  1.   	 * Support    C We have thousands of service people out there, but most of them are F busy.  If your computer breaks, you will just have to wait.  Our techsF are rehashed phone installers, so don't expect them to be very helpfulF unless it involves tip and ring.  Oh, if something breaks between 5:00E PM and 9:00 the next morning, don't waste your time calling us, we're C out.  We also take lots of lunch breaks.  If you need real support, 
 see Figure 1.    E      In conclusion, stuff your complaint.  Love your AT&T computer or F leave it, but don't bitch to us.  We don't give a shit.  We don't have to.  We're the phone company. 