% X-NEWS: spcvxa rec.arts.startrek: 163 J Relay-Version: VMS News - V5.9C 19/12/89 VAX/VMS V5.3; site spcvxa.spc.edur Path: spcvxa!njin!rutgers!tut.cis.ohio-state.edu!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!think!mintaka!chaos.cs.brandeis.edu!lis Newsgroups: rec.arts.startrek - Subject: Parody (1st in an occasional series) : Message-ID: <1990Feb22.004653.13425@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu>0 From: lis@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (Elisabeth Riba) Date: 22 Feb 90 00:46:53 GMT7 Organization: Brandeis University Computer Science Dept 
 Lines: 100   k-  Ah... hello Mister Spock.  s-  Good day, Captain.! k-  Are you an avid baseball fan? B s-  Baseball is a tactical game played on a geometric pattern of 4C     sides with a spherical object. The purpose is to knock the sh*t @     out of the object amidst loud verbalisations of 'Hurrah' and.     'Knock 'em on their *ss.' Is this correct?D k-  Indeed. We are in the process of learning about one of the base-     ball teams from old Earth.D s-  Oh? I am quite versed with old Earth history... perhaps I may be     of assistance. k-  That's the idea. s-  Very well... proceed.  k-  Alright... who's on first.D s-  I am unable to determine who is on first without proper informa-+     tion concerning the team and year, sir.  k-  So? C s-  Perhaps we could start with who the team is, and I can test the 
     accuracy.  k-  No... who's on first.  s-  I do not know. k-  No... he's third base. s-  Who is?  k-  No... he's first base. s-  Who is?  k-  Correct. s-  Who is correct?  k-  Sometimes. s-  Who is sometimes? F k-  No... who is first baseman. I'm not familiar with sometimes' iden-	     tity.  s-  Who's identity? + k-  No... him I know... he's first baseman.  s-  Who is? 
 k-  Right.> s-  Perhaps we can discuss the identity of the second baseman.	 k-  What.  s-  I said the second baseman.	 k-  What. D s-  This is highly illogical. You have no apparent auditory disfunc-<     tion, sir. Now, as I asked... who is the second baseman?< k-  No... you didn't ask that, and who is the first baseman.: s-  I am not familiar with that piece of information, sir.7 m-  Dammit, Spock! You messed up the whole setup there! - s-  Forgive me Doctor... I am not a comedian.  m-  Obviously. s-  That much is certain.  m-  Just get back to the skit.D s-  Very well. Captain... I ask you... politely... who is the second     baseman.? k-  No... who is the first baseman. What is the second baseman. F s-  That is incorrect, Captain. The second baseman is obviously a sen-D     tient being, and therefore should be referred to as who, and notD     what. Who is the second baseman, not what is the second baseman.B k-  Wrong, Spock. Who is the first baseman, and what is the second     baseman.% s-  That statement is most illogical. D k-  Okay... wait a minute. We'll get Scotty... he's Irish... he must%     love baseball. Oh Mister Scott...  sc- Aye, Cap'n? ? k-  Who is the first baseman of the team we were talking about. 2 sc- Aye, Cap'n. It ain't never been any other way! k-  You see, Spock? F s-  Yes... Mister Scott seems to know the material well. Alright, Mis-+     ter Scott... who is the second baseman? = sc- Ach! No, Mister Spock! That be what you're talking about! E s-  I know that be what... er... is what I'm talking about. I am very B     intelligent, and rarely lose track of what I am talking about.E sc- Ach! Don't bring track inta this! That be a bloomin' field event! . s-  What has this got to do with field events?' sc- Ach! No! What's the second baseman! F s-  Again, I note that a person should be referred to as 'who' and not     'what' Mister Scott.1 sc- Only if he's tha first baseman, Mister Spock! * s-  What you are saying is most illogical.( sc- Ach! No! What's a real bright fella!. s-  Who is a 'real bright fella' Mister Scott?) sc- No! Who... now he's a real dope, sir!  s-  Who is? 
 sc- Right!# s-  You are relieved, Mister Scott. 
 sc- Aye, sir. C s-  Sir... this is most illogical, and I am no longer interested in D     learning who the second baseman is. I am also growing impatient." k-  No... who's the first baseman.; s-  Very well sir. Good day, gentlemen, or whoever you are.   
 Spock leaves.   F k-  Sh*t! Whoever! I forgot about him! Wait... I don't remember a who-     ever on the team...    Meanwhile...  : s-  I am so good sometimes. Good night, whoever you are... --  , Universicon IV--March 24, 1990    | Lady Lis, Brandeis U, Waltham, MA  10am-5pm | ~~~~~~~~> Mike Gold, Peter David, Bill Mumy | a.k.a. Elisabeth Anne Riba> Elliot S! Maggin, and much more!  |        lis@cs.brandeis.edu