$ X-NEWS: spcvxb rec.humor.funny: 1749K Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.0-3 14/03/90 VAX/VMS V5.4; site spcvxb.spc.edu I Path: spcvxb.spc.edu!rutgers!att!pacbell.com!decwrl!looking!funny-request  Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny  Subject: The IRS tax form % Message-ID: <S3bf.6021@looking.on.ca> / From: brett@hpsrbkc.sr.hp.com (Brett K. Carver)  Date: 2 Apr 92 00:30:05 GMT  Keywords: topical, chuckle Approved: funny@clarinet.com
 Lines: 113  H Since it's THAT time of year, I thought people might need a copy of thisK year's tax form (this is the short form).  Just fill it out and send it in.   J Some of the following is original, the rest has been gathered from various sources over the years.   K Note:  it's a full 80 characters wide and may be displayed with extra blank D lines by some notes/news readers.  If so, it'll look better printed.   							Brett Carver  							brett@hpnmd.sr.hp.com    P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------N f  11    000    4    000   Department of the Treasury -   11    999   999   11N o 111   0   0  44   0   0  Internal Revenue Service      111   9   9 9   9 111N r   1   0   0 44444 0   0  U U SSS                         1    9999  9999   1N m   1   0   0   4   0   0  U U SSS Individual Income       1       9     9   1P   11111  000    4    000   UUU SSS Tax Return            11111  999   999  11111P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------L For the year January 1 - December 31, 1992 or whenever you get around to it.P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------N please| FULL NAME | LAST NAME  | SECOND TO LAST INITIAL | Starch     | []cuffsP print,|           |            |                        | []yes []no | []nocuffsP type  |-------------------------------------------------------------------------N or use| Present address of addressee (must be filled out by addressor or legalF hyro- | guardian of aforementioned (unless greater than line B above)) glyph-| P ics   |-------------------------------------------------------------------------P (no   | City, Town, Post Office, Shoe Size | Address greater than line 41? []yesO Latin)|                                    | If yes, why? ________________ []no P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------N Height | Weight | Sex []yes | Occu-  Yours  _________ | Social Security NumberP        |        |     []no  | pation Spouse _________ | Yours _|_|_ Spouse _|_|_P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------P              >   Do you wish to designate    []yes   | Isn't     | NOTE:  if youP Presidential >>  $1 of your taxes to this    []no    | this a    | checked   yesP Election     >>> worthy cause?               []maybe | dumb law? | we  will comeP Campaign     >>  What about the little lady? []metoo |     []yes | and steal allP              >   The kids, dog, cat, fish?   []woof  |     []no  | your hubcaps.P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------K Requested   >   A. How many talking chickens do you own?    | D yes?   []no L by          >>  B. Names _______________________________    | E no?    []yesP the         >>> C. Do any of them play the oboe? []yes []no | F maybe? []perhapsP Department  >>>>----------------------------------------------------------------P of          >>> Do you live within 2 miles | Have  you  rotated | If no file IRSP Agriculture >>  of a decent  pizza  place? | your tires lately? | tire  rotationL             >   []yes []no []extra cheese  | []yes []no []flat  | Schedule LP --------------------------------------------------------------------------------O Filing  1 [] Single  2 [] Double  3 [] Triple  4 [] Sacrifice Fly | for IRS use N Status  5 [] Married Filing Singly Joint return                   |  O |   | XO              (even if spouse is married separately)               | ---|---|--- L         6 [] Joint married singly separate spouse                 |    | X |O              (but filing double jointed)                          | ---|---|--- N         7 [] Head of Household filing separate but joint return   |  X | O | OP              (if unmarried but jointly single)                    |-------------@         8 [] Head of joint filing single file spouses separatelyP         9 [] Widow(er) with separate dependent filing out of joint return singly.        10 [] Deceased filing posthumous returnD              (attach notarized Death Schedule D, signed by deceased)P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------L Exem-   41 a regular?                                      | Enter number ofP ptions     b [] yourself  [] 65 or over  [] blind  [] dead | boxes checked > ___<              [] spouse    [] 65 or over  [] blind  [] dead |L            c Names of Dependent children who lived with    | Check number ofP You          you __________________  Why? _______________  | boxes entered > ___< are        d Just first names dummy.                       |L here       4 Do you weigh more than last year's tax form?  | Enter number ofP  |         e Number of parakeets subtracted from Gross     | checkered boxes ___<  |           Rotated Income (plus line 27 - unless greater |G \|/          than twelve miles)                            | Do nothing P  v         f How many inches in a liter? _____             | Here          > ___  *      11 a Total ConfusionP              (add lines 6e and f,g; fold in eggs, beat until firm) --------> ---P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------P Income  12 Wages, Salaries, Tips, Extortion. (attach W2 forms to    |##|     | |P            your forehead with heavy duty staplegun) . . . . . . . . |12|_____|_|P         13 Remunerations (if less than gross reimbursements then    |##|     | |P Please     file schedule Q (see page 14 of "Joy of Cooking")) . . . |13|_____|_|P attach  14 Gross influx (see 40% of instructions) . . . . . . . . . |14|_____|_|P payment 15 Money you made (if $400 or less, more or less, list      |##|     | |P (small     schedule B without not filling in Part II and R2, but    |##|     | |P unmarked   more than line 8). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |15|_____|_|P bills)  16 What about all that cash you stashed in that jar under   |##|     | |P here.      the garage? (see page 7 of instructions) . . . . . . . . |16|_____|_|P |          ---------------------------------------------------------------------P |___    17 Add lines 12 through 16, multiply by 2,                  |##|     | |P            this is your total income. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |17|_____|_|P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------P Taxes   18 Enter Grossly adjusted net average income (line 17). . . |18|_____|_|P         19 Enter Total deductions (if greater than 0, enter 0). . . |19|_____|_|P         20 Subtract line 19 from line 18. Taxable income. . . . . . |20|_____|_|P         21 Figure Total Taxes using line 20 . . . . . . . . . . . . |##|     | |P            [] Tax Table [] Tax Rate Schedule X, Y, or Z [] Guessed. |21|_____|_|P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------P Payment 23 Federal income tax withheld  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |23|_____|_|P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------P Amount  25 If line 23 is larger that 21, you made a mistake,        |##|     | |P You        re-figure your taxes.                                    |##|     | |P Owe     26 Subtract line 23 from line 21. . . . . . . . . . . . . . |26|_____|_|P         27 Add the shirt off your back. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |27|_____|_|P         28 Send it in . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |28|_____|_|P         29 Pick a number between 1 and 10 . . . . . . . . . . . . . |29|_____|_|P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------P Please >  Under penalty of death, I declare that every figure on this return andP Sign   >> accompanying  schedules is correct  to within 100% plus or minus some.P Here   >  Signature ___________________________ date ___________   check here []P -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --O Selected by Brad Templeton.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.l  J Please!  No copyrighted stuff.  Also no "mouse balls," dyslexic agnostics,G Iraqi driver's ed, Administratium, strings in bar or bell-ringer jokes.m