5 From:	IN%"JOE@SPCVXA.SPC.EDU"  2-DEC-1991 15:31:01.32  To:	IN%"terry@SPCVXA.SPC.EDU"  CC:	 Subj:	More New Cookies  @ Received: from SPCVXA.SPC.EDU by SPCVXA.SPC.EDU (PMDF #12025) id?  <01GDN54JBKB8934S93@SPCVXA.SPC.EDU>; Mon, 2 Dec 1991 15:30 EDT  Date: Mon, 2 Dec 1991 15:30 EDT  From: JOE@SPCVXA.SPC.EDU Subject: More New Cookies  To: terry@SPCVXA.SPC.EDU/ Message-id: <01GDN54JBKB8934S93@SPCVXA.SPC.EDU> ' X-Organization: St. Peter's College, US  X-VMS-To: IN%"terry"  ) X-News: spcvxb alt.startrek.creative:1378 2 From: sfnet@oliveb.atc.olivetti.com (Steven Ellis): Subject:Parody: Star Trek THE NEW GENERATION (continued..) Date: 2 Dec 91 15:44:38 GMT * Message-ID:<76311@oliveb.atc.olivetti.com>    0 	Well as promised to all those that mailed me...   		Here are seasons 3-5..  2 			Seasons 6 & 7 are in preperation to watch out!!  A 	Warning : Once again there are many in-jokes relating to life at 3 		York University, I hope you can get most of them.   N ------------------------------------------------------------------------------  K JNT: This is the best season to date without question!  I shall have to set M my alarm clock to remind me to come in from the garden to watch some of these N classics!  A new race is introduced, and many return.  Fantastic.  Stay tuned!    0 Season Three of "Star Trek - The New Generation"* Written by: Jonathan Burt & Edward J. Lord Produced by: John Nathan Turner   N 3:01  NANITE KINGDOM - In a homage to the brilliant opener to the third seasonL of "Next Generation", the Nanites return - and this time they bringing theirM brother the Ganites.  Together they reap havoc with the Enterprise computer,  J but meet their match with the now naive and stupid Data, whose wiped brainH contains the properties to kill Nanites.  In so doing, Data miraculouslyB recovers his memory much to the delight of Lt Commander Tasha Yar.  H 3:02  "BONES" - Dr Crusher and Dr Selar/Keleyr go off on a trip with theJ Medical Officer's Outing Society to visit the hallowed ground where DoctorM Leonard McCoy, Saint of Starfleet, was laid to rest.  When they get there, it K is realized that Beverly is in desperate need of a bone graft, and the only J bones at hand are those of Leonard McCoy - can Selar resolve so hideous a  dilemma?   H 3:03  TRICORDER READING - A day in the life of a tricorder.  Today it isC lucky enough to be chosen by Beverly Crusher for a self-diagnostic. N (JNT: We continue the run of "everyday" episodes.  It is fascinating just whatN a tricorder gets up to in a day.  There is some interesting camera angles too)  M 3:04  AN UNEARTHLY FERENGI - During peace negiotiations after the Condom War, N the Enterprise witnesses the first illicit breeding of a Ferengi and a human.   N 3:05  SENTINENT SAUCEPAN - Riker's obsession with home cooking takes on a new,L eerie aspect when his Banzite saucepan is overheated and comes magically to  life.   N 3:06  MIRACLES - At last success for Tasha and Data as their first child is onL its way.  Other miracles occur too - the remains of Ensign Ro reassemble andK become human and Lt Comm O'Brien turns up at Ten Forward, none the worse!   N What is more he claims never to have been away and remarks "The whole Universe knows I'm indestructible!"  L 3:07  QUING FOR A DRINK - The omnipotent Q returns once more after the newlyK resurrected Lt Comm O'Brien foolishly cracks the joke in Ten Forward, "if I L had the power of Q, I wouldn't need to queue!"  Q turns O'Brien into a brown. ale bottle, and has a party, but soon relents.  M 3:08  PLASTIC PULASKI - Kate Pulaski's visit to the Enterprise coincides with J an unfortunate practical joke played on Riker by Worf.  When she finds theJ inflatable sex toy in Riker's room, her renowned temper explodes, and even& Commander Picard cannot calm her down.  N 3:09  THE THREE DOCTORS - The three Doctors, Crusher, Pulaski and Selarkeleyr,H go on holiday to Risa.  There Beverly's purchase of a Horgon attracts a  mysterious admirer ...  O 3:10  JACK'S BACK - Jack Crusher turns out to be alive and well, and working on J a bar on Risa.  His only comment to Beverly's frantic inquiries is to the M effect that the whole Universe knows that he is indestructible.  He agrees to $ take on a bar job on the Enterprise.  K 3:11  THE BEARD - In a riproaring story, Wil Riker decides to shave off his N beard.  After much agonizing and long conversations with Troi, Guinan and Jack1 he changes his mind and takes up pottery instead. N (JNT: This character piece gives a unique insight into one of the most popularK characters in the series.  It is also slightly autobiographical in that it  ? mirrors my own soul searching before I shaved off my own beard.   B 3:12  Q, Q, BARLEY, McGREW, CUTHBERT, DIBBLE AND GROVE - The five O aforementioned are Enterprise crewmembers put out of work by the Geordis.  They L call on the Q continuum, to whom they had pacted their souls in "Qing for a . Drink", to help them extract their revenge ...  N 3:13  NURSERY - Stepping back from recent hectic events, we see the EnterpriseM nursery in overcrowded operation - for James Riker is already showing some of L his father's natural talents ...  Meanwhile Data is kitting out a nursery of* his own and Lal is getting rather jealous.  M 3:14  THE NAKED NOW (PART II) - The conclusion to the oddly unresolved second K episode of the original series.  Jack realises his relationship with Guinan M has become more than merely professional and Picard and Beverly explore their ' relationship in a more intimate manner. J (JNT: I had always thought that 'The Naked Now' was a poor story, but thisN wraps things up perfectly!  As for Jack and Guinan, what can I say?  I am sure5 that viewers will be hooked over their illicit love."   L 3:15  THE FATHERS - An action packed episode in which Beverly, realizing herJ attraction to Jack is dwindling, plans to reveal the true identity of the K father of Wesley.  Meanwhile Tasha goes into labour and the Geordis plan to % visit their long lost father, Scotty.   H 3:16  THE SONS - Beverly's information makes Picard look at Wesley in anJ entirely new light.  Meanwhile its a boy for Data and Tasha, and Scotty is5 overwhelmed when the Geordis turn up on his doorstep. L (JNT: I am absolutely delighted with this episode, and I'm sure the viewers L will be too.  The startling revelations about Picard in this episode help to) create more mystery about the character.)   M 3:17  BANANA REPUBLIC - The Enterprise makes optimistic contact with a yellow K planet torn by political strife and populated entirely by enourmous walking  Bananas.K (JNT: It was about time for a new race, and here they are!  ILM have really I surpassed themselves with the Banana VFX.  Viewers will love this subtle  
 allegory!)  K 3:18  FOR THE HEAD IS HOLLOW AND I HAVE TOUCHED THE SKULL - The Enterprise  L warps to the Skullery, planet of the Skulls.  There Terbo, the chief skull, K takes Jack hostage and tortures him with peculiar odours.  Riker beams down L at high afternoon for an encounter with the Skull.  He takes with him EnsignI Yo, Ensign Ro's sister.  Meanwhile Wesley fails his pendulum examination. O The crisis is resolved when Riker steals the Skull's religious icon, a painting 4 of the Bones of Rucksack, and exchanges it for Jack.O (JNT: A Christmas cracker of an episode.  There are lots of in jokes in it too, J and I think the Skulls are becoming one of the most persistent races yet!)  J 3:19  FUNERAL FOR THE CRUSHERS - Wesley dies after drowning his sorrows inJ Romulan whisky.  Jack falls out of an airlock while in a passionate clinchL with Guinan.  Beverly is besides herself with grief, while Picard is besides himself with relief ...  (JNT: A real tear-jerker.)  K 3:20  CHINACLAY - Recovering from yet another funeral, Riker throws himself K into his pottery.  Unfortunately, he is using Banzite Restricted Use Clay,  M which if too much is used, can take on sentinent life!  It turns out that the H Ferengi and the Romulans have been after the clay for years and they now> attack the Enterprise while the clay vase goes on the rampage.K (JNT: This is an all action thriller.  It is very interesting the way that SL it is hinted that Banzite Clay was created by a man with thinning hair and a( Roman nose many thousands of years ago.)  N 3:21  ENGAGED - The Enterprise is engaged by Captain Riker to full warp speed,@ while his first officer Picard gets hitched to widow Dr Crusher.M (JNT: This episode beats even 'Gone with the Wind' for tear-jerking romance!)s  K 3:22  GORN, BUT NOT FORGOTTEN - The hostile Gorn are reintroduced, and theygM kidnap Dr Daylan Quaist, Beverly's mentor.  Picard declares that to interferemO would breach the Prime Directive and forbids Captain Riker from chasing.  Oddly N Riker obeys his first officer.  Even more oddly, all the Enterprise crew can't) remember a single detail of the incident.o  L 3:23  BODYSWAP - Data conducts a strange experiment in which Lt Cmdr O'BrienM swaps bodies with Lt Cmdr Worf!  This causes all kinds of problems, not least L with O'Brien's wife!  Data races against time to reverse the process as WorfI is due to appear on the Klingon gameshow "Know Your P'tac", but obviously-! cannot if he is really O'Brien.  nN (JNT: O'Brien and Worf are two very popular characters, which is why I am sureM that viewers will be thrilled with this episode.  It is particularly amusing oN that Worf is still only three foot tall, and so Keiko is taller than he!  I amO very keen to develop Data as an eccentric professor, and this is the first stepJ along that road.)   O 3:24  DECK OF CARDASSIANS - There are only 52 Cardassians left after a terriblefL war with the Ferengi.  They appeal to Riker for help, but which is the Joker in the pack?  M 3:25  I MARRIED A ROMULAN - In a bid to help Federation-Romulan relations, ittM is decided that one of the Enterprise's officers must marry a Romulan.  AftereO Worf steadfastly refuses, Troi gets the honour.  Her husband is to be CommanderhK Tomalok and she is to leave at once.  There are a fistful of moving scenes aO before Deanna is finally bid farewell.  Marina Sirtis leaves the programme with 7 this episode, while Majel Barrett guests as her mother.rL (JNT: We are obviously very sorry to see Marina go, but once more this story! has a strong emphasis on family.),  J 3:26  TRIBBLES VS BORG - In this stunning season finale, two classic foes M return.  Captain Riker's crew discover the frozen form of Harry Mudd floatingiO in space.  Unfortunately he has a Tribble on his person, which soon multiplies.gL It also transpires (as the Tribbles can now talk) that they have been wagingJ war against the Borg for centuries and are comandeering the Enterprise to  finish the job off.4K (JNT: A real corker of an episode to finish the season off.  Viewers may behN disappointed that the Borg don't actually appear in the episode, but I am sureL that seein Harry Mudd will ease their disappointment.  Roll on next season!)  / Season Four of 'Star Trek - The New Generation't  J 4:01  TRIBBLES VS BORG (PART II) - Arriving at the Borg planet, Relew, theL Tribbles, who have multiplied faster than the Geordis, force O'Brien to beamN them down to the surface where they indulge in fierce hand to hand battle withO the Borg.  Harry Mudd, having had trouble with Tribbles, rescues some Borg fromwN the blood bath below.  In gratitude they convert Mudd into Muddqutus.  Riker, N fed up with Tribbles, Borgs, and the endless rantings of Muddqutus, warps away leaving them all to it.c  M 4:02  NEXT WEEK IS LESS THAN IDEAL - The Geordis fall asleep.  A week later, "N they wake up to find they have no arms or legs!  What is more, everyone thinksI they have always been like that!  Could it have something to do with the w> nearby Romulan vessel?  Or could the danger be closer to home?K (JNT: This is an excellent mystery story; who has got the Geordis' legs andl9 why?  Pip and Jane have provided us with a classic tale.):  K 4:03  HOME ALONE - The diminutive Worf and his wife, Dr Selarkeleyr, returnoL to the Klingon homeworld for a ceremony to solemnize the return of Keleyr 4 O years ago.  However the homeworld seems to be abandoned, and Worf has to fulfillL his ambition to be Emperor.  However, he is only Emperor for one day as the L other Klingons return from the seaside.  Unfortunately it is enough time forM Worf to have declared war on the Romulans, and the Enterprise has to beam himn! out of there in the nick of time.d  O 4:04  JEHOVAH'S FERENGI - Reports about the increasing hostility of the Ferengi,I do not match with observations of the Ferengi group travelling about the  E Universe converting races to the Ferengi religion.  Picard is sent tor: investigate, but is strangely reticent about his findings.  K 4:05  DATA PROTECTION - A high ranking Starfleet Admiral wants to dismantleaO Data as he claims he is a threat to the future stability of the Universe.  ThismO Admiral Lor Datasbro seems to have a personal vendetta against the android, andoJ it is up to Picard and Riker to find out what it is before it is too late.O (JNT: This story features some stunning special effects which I am sure viewersrG will love.  As for the surprise villain, I am sure the viewers will be i( delighted when they find out who it is).  L 4:06  KEIKO'S CAKE COURSE - It is fast approaching Captain Riker's birthday,6 and Chief O'Brien and Keiko decide to bake him a cake.I (JNT: A lovely character study, with only Keiko and O'Brien in it as they 8 examine O'Brien's warped nature since his resurrection.)  I 4:07  SKIN OF EVIL (PART II) - The Enterprise warps to pick up a group ofeI archaelogists trapped on the banned planet, Varga 2.  Unfortunately Armus M disguises himself as a sleeping bag and gets on the ship with the rest of the M baggage.  He wreaks havoc until Tasha causes him such confusion that he flieslF off in a shuttlecraft to rest.  The Enterprise loses contact with him.N (JNT: A bleak episode, but I felt Armus had such potential that I had to bringL him back.  As for where the shuttlecraft has gone - who knows?  Stay tuned!)  M 4:08  REVENGE OF THE ROMULANS - After suffering Deanna Troi for a few months, K the Romulans have tired of her constant harping on about suffering, sin and G emotion.  Tomalok is particularly fed up of her observations about his sL repressed childhood.  They decide to take revenge on the Enterprise.  It is J Commander Picard they most hate so they decide to kidnap him and place himL in a holodeck with only Deanna and Lwaxana for company.  Meanwhile Riker andM Data search for clues to Picard's whereabouts.  Data, using his refined sensesL of smell, concludes Picard is on Romulus and the two launch a daring rescue,? which is not entirely successful as they bring Deanna back too. I (JNT: It is great to have Marina back as the show was missing her amazing  acting talents.)  J 4:09  PIKE STAFF - The Enterprise encounters another rift in space throughK which the original Enterprise emerges, NCC 1701, commanded by Captain Chrisf. Pike.  Magically the two crews swap positions.N (JNT: I love continuity, and this aspect is strongest in this fantastic tale!)  M 4:10  GENESIS OF THE FERENGI - A time travel story.  Hearing rumours about aniN impending Ferengi invasion, the officers on the Enterprise find the ship beingM hurled back in time by a mysterious figure to prevent the development of thisnN aggressive trait in the Ferengi.  Once there, Riker is amazed to find that theN renowned villain Amster is in fact the Ferengi Prime.  Riker must agonize overO the moral consequences before he blows Amster away with a Phaser.  In so doing,eL the captain hopes to have changed the future for the better.  However as theF Enterprise departs, a mysterious figure looms over Amster's corpse ...J (JNT: I have had a lot of mail asking for more Ferengi episodes, and I canO exclusively reveal that this is the first of a batch.  Amster fans, don't worryrJ though, despite seeming to be killed here, he will be back!!  Stay tuned!)  N 4:11  GIANT GEORDI - The Geordis vote to become one entity once more.  HoweverN the conversion process goes a bit wrong, and although Geordi was one again, heL is now 39 feet tall.  He must sleep in the corridor as he keeps hitting his ? head on the ceiling, but all the women want to get to know him.a  N 4:12  GUINAN'S DAUGHTERS - Guinan goes into an easy labour with Jack Crusher'sO children.  Once born the girls (Mell and Well) grow up incredibly fast.  At theiL same time, the Enterprise's systems start to fail.  Are the girls' birth andJ the ship's problem connected?  Riker believes so, but is struck down by a N deadly virus before he can act.  One by one, the crew fall until only Guinan, , Well, Mell and Commander Picard are left ...J (JNT:  Viewers have often commented on how much they have enjoyed the 2nd L season opener of the classic series "The Child", so I have decided to reuse M some of the same elements here.  It's a cracking episode, one which reveals at) lot of Picard and Gunian's relationship."o  ? There then follows what JNT refers to as his 'Ferengi Trilogy':  4:13  PLANET OF THE FERENGIt 4:14  TERROR OF THE FERENGIa 4:15  FATE OF THE FERENGIeO In these episodes, Amster, magically revived, journeys to the Ferengi HomeworldfK to install himself once more as the Ferengi Prime.  It transpires that the  L Ferengi are a collective being, and Amster uses this aspect of them to mountN a revenge attack on the Enterprise.  The Enterprise crew are under stress, andM it is not a good time to be attacked by the Ferengi.  The Ferengi capture theaI ship and install Amster as its commander.  Wesley, trying to contact his tH mother, realizes something is wrong and so sets off to help.  Amster is O revealed to be none other than the supposed Betazoid Tam Elbrom (from "Tinman")hM with amazing new powers as the Ferengi Prime, who has distorted the Ferengi'scO time-line for his own purposes.  The Enterprise crew face a massive task - theyiG must defeat Tam the Ferengi and restore the past to it proper order ....  M 4:16  TAIL TALE - Q has been learning French, in which 'queue' means tail.  QoN therefore decides it would be a nice idea if all the Enterprise crew had tails- too to celebrate this linguistic coincidence.   H 4:17  PEACE OF CAKE - Keiko bakes a cake to bring together Klingons and N Romulans who are still at war after Worf's intervention.  Having secured peaceM through a pacifying ingredient in her cake, Keiko is hailed as Peacemaker of O	 all Time.s  L 4:18   RETURN TO EDO - Wesley, who was magically seen alive in "Fate of the N Ferengi" turns out to have been resurrected specially by the God of the Edo toL open negiotations for the Federation with the Edo.  Condoms, after the greatM Condom War, are again the central issue.  Fortunately the Edo are specialistss in this field.  M 4:19  BEVERLY'S BABIES - A family episode.  Beverly is seen preparing to have I Picard's baby, looking after James Riker, her son from Captain Riker and tE getting to know her eldest child Wesley again after his resurrection.i  M 4:20  THE MARRIAGE - Captain Riker has the honour of joining Commander Picard O and Dr Beverly Crusher in holy matrimony.  However peeping Tom, Worf, trying to J learn a thing or two to impress Dr Selerkeleyr, almost spoils the wedding 	 night ...n  K 4:21  BANANA SKINS - The Enterprise warps to the Banana Republic to take ontN board a Banana delegation.  Unluckily it transpires that this is where Armus, N the skin of evil, landed his shuttle craft, and it looks as though the surface6 of the Republic is covered in rotting banana skins ...   4:22  THE PLANET OF MYSTERY -yJ (JNT: This is no less than the 100th episode, and it is a roaring, rompingL 90 minute advantage in which every single old enemy - the Ultimate Computer,! the Borg, the Bananas - return!!) M A mysterious forcefield drags the Enterprise to a mysterious dark planet.  AsrN the forcefield seems to emanate from a mysterious dark tower, Riker decides toM beam all his officers to the mysterious planet to investigate.  Mysteriously,vL they encounter and mysteriously overcome every old enemy they have faced.  AL mysterious Romulan consul, T'Pot, reveals the tower is known as the Tower ofL Pick Card and is the source of great power.  Picard looks rather shifty, butM points out the difference in spelling.  The crew must get into the dark towerrB to switch off the forcefield, but who is really manipulating them?  M 4:23  FALL OF TROI - Captain Riker is overwhelmed with joy when he discovers tL that the Bananas have reached Betazoid and some have survived Armus' attack.K Unluckily the Bananas have declared war on the Betazoids over unjust banana K prices at market, and are winning.  The House of Troi falls and Picard musta- rescue Lwaxana before the Bananas get her ...r  L 4:24  PROMOTIONS - As a belated gesture of true thanks for all the work theyL have done, Starfleet promotes everyone on the Enterprise.  Picard is captainH once more, and picks the diminutive Worf as his new first officer.  Only/ Ensigns Ro and Yo refuse their new commissions.e  K 4:25  GUT FEELING - Admiral Riker can finally leave Captain Picard to guidedN the vessel and he returns to his natural instincts for a while.  But they needL honing as Lesley Ben, the woman he dates, is more interested in sharp actionO than any other form of action.  For once, Riker's gut feelings have misled him.w  L 4:26  DAYLIGHT BORGERY - The Enterprise finds the Borg are trying to captureN Armus from the planet of the Bananas.  However, as always, the Borg turn theirM attention away to the Enterprise when it arrives and activate a sharp cutting'L beam.  Admiral Riker and Captain Picard frantically rack their brains as theL atmosphere of the ship drains into the void of space and the Borg prepare to8 at last assimilate the Enterprise into their culture ...L (JNT:  A wonderful way to end the season.  I love the way that continuity is2 maintained with the return of the Borg once more!)    / Season Five of "Star Trek - The New Generation"p  O 5:01  BORGEORDI - As the Borg rip apart the Enterprise, the officers rack theirnM brains for a solution.  Finally Commander Picard suggests that they beam overhN giant Geordi from his isolation in a corridor to see what he can do.  When he M gets there, giant Geordi literally rips apart the Borg ship and defeats them.oJ In being beamed back, he is reduced to normality for the first time since 8 "Geordis" and is surrounded by congratulatory crewmates.  I 5:02  RO, RO, RO YOUR BOAT - Ensign Ro has been watching old logs of the tM Enterprise NCC1701/A.  She is influenced by James T. Kirk's rendition of Row,aO Row, Row Your Boat Gently Down the Stream in the events about Sybok and decidestM to steal the Enterprise D to enact her own scene thus.  Her singing is so baddN that Captain Picard is forced to evacuate the bridge as Ro warps off.  LuckilyK Ensign Yo is able to withstand the frequency and she seizes Ro, although YosN dies in the attempt.  It transpires that Ro was gripped by a mysterious power.  M 5:03  LA FORGE'S LOCKS - Geordi is enjoying normality again when he is struck,N by a mysterious radiation which makes his hair grow.  It is uncontrollable and4 Geordi is inconsolate at looking like a Space Hippy.  N 5:04  BLACK AND WHITE MINISTREL - A mystery disease strikes the Enterprise in O which the crews' skin colour begins to change.  Picard traces it back to GuinaneN who is contaminating the crew with her own illness - in "Clues" she is seen to9 have white legs, and this disorder has become contagious.e  K 5:05  ANGEL TWO - Returning to the Angel system, the Enterprise visits the eM second world.  This planet is dominated entirely by lustful men, who promptlysK kidnap all the women from the ship.  The male crew are forced to beam down  J under the command of an enraged Commander Data to indulge in hand to hand  combat to retrieve their mates.e  J 5:05  DUSTBIN - A quiet episode following Worf's reorganization of rubbishH procedures on the Enterprise.  Still being only three foot tall, he getsO mangled after falling into the disposal shute, but his wife, Dr Selarkeleyr, isn able to save him.   N 5:07  QBED ROOT - Q reappears and whisks the Enterprise back to the mysteriousN dark planet.  Riker and an uncomfortable Picard realize that Q is creating theJ Banana race on the planet below, but he has a firm-voiced accomplice, who M orders Q to transport the Bananas to the Banana Republic in order to disguiseS his own identity. M JNT: "A delicious mystery is building up - who really created the Bananas andl  why?  And how can he command Q?"  K 5:08  TIN HAT - Tam Elbrom, alias Amster the Ferengi Prime, returns to the dN Enterprise.  Due to some amazing new powers, he is able to cause subsidence inL the ship's ceiling and Admiral Riker is forced to order everyone to wear tin hats to combat this evil.c  O 5:09  THE LANDING - While warping back to Starbase 645 for ceiling repairs, the M Enterprise is attacked by vengeful Ferengi.  Further damage, Riker is forced  N to land the entire ship on the Banana Republic, but it proves to be a slippery
 operation.   5:10  HUMDRUM EXISTENCE - Mr Hum returns, having substituted himself for Mr Hom.He hates Worf and Geordi for capturing him four years earlier, so Hum attacks L the small Worf and beats him up easily.  However, luckily, Geordi is able toO use his manipulative hair to trip Hum up and Riker court martials Hum for being  a traitor to Betazoid.  L 5:11  SWEET SIXTEEN - Riker is frustrated when Troi leaves him for a Vulcan.K Solace is at hand, however, from Guinan's new barmaid, 16 year old Busty.  rN Riker gets on with the job in hand, but is further frustrated when Picard has 3 to reprimand him for conduct unbecoming an Admiral.W  O 5:12  VENGEANCE OF THE FERENGI - Geordi's father Scotty comes aboard to pay his L long haired son a visit.  Amongst other things he reveals that Uhura was theO mother of Geordi and that he knew of the Ferengi 80 years ago but was dissuadediL from mentioning it by a shadowy figure whose voice suggested a ShakespeareanL background.  The Ferengi turn up to take revenge on Scotty for a past crime M against the Ferengi race and in the resulting crossfire, Scotty dies, but nothJ before he can whisper to Riker "Picard - Ferengi - Bananas" with his last N breath.  (JNT: "Stunning revelations abound in this episode.  How could Scotty? have known about the Ferengi, and who was the shadowy figure?")n    K 5:13  VASH PROMISES - Vash visits and is extremely upset to find Picard haspN married Dr Beverly Picard.  She fights with Beverly, but the Dr manages to get4 the upper hand by stabbing Vash with a tranquilizer.  L 5:14  APPLICATION OF DOOM - The Romulans make a concerted effort to break upM the Federation by smuggling someone on board the Enterprise.  The chosen man,nJ Pro-consul Hemlock, is so convincing a human that he passes the interviews- with ease.  He is given a job as ship's chef.n   5:15  THE INFILTRATOR - Hemlock starts to poison Riker's food, and Worf realizeswhat is going on.  He is too small to stop Hemlock, however, but Picard phasersrK the Romulan in time to save the Enterprise.  However a Warbird decloaks andi6 cripples the Enterprise with an amazing new weapon ...  G 5:16  SKELETON IN THE CUPBOARD - The Enterprise crew are suffering fromvL leukemia after the Romulan attack with a radiation weapon.  They desperatelyM need a bone graft so Riker hails a passing Skull ship and after some problemss? the Skulls supply the necessary bone material to save the crew.t  O 5:17  SINGING A SOONG - Dr Soong wasn't killed by Lor in "Brothers" but insteadhL it is revealed Data helped him to an escape pod.  Now Soong returns, singingN "The whole Universe knows I'm indestructible."  Lor takes over the Enterprise,L but Soong sings at such a high frequency that Lor crumbles into nothingness.M (JNT:  A fantastic continuity episode.  Viewers will delight in Brent's threeaN fold performance - I love the way which we've already used the idea in episode* three of this season!!  Great continuity!)  L 5:18  THE DEADLY STATUE - Riker moulds some Banzite material into a Statue, K which of course comes alive.  As it rampages around the Enterprise, Ferenige= and Romulan ships once more decloak and demand its surrender.s (JNT:  This story has many similarities with the Dr Who classic "Silly Nemesis".I am very glad to reuse some of the ideas here again!)  N 5:19  MELLOW YELLOW - Political bust-up on the Banana Republic.  Rebel BananasK attempt to overthrow the regime who appeal to Captain Picard for help.  But P oddly, Picard is loath to assist and switches Data off for suggesting otherwise.  N 5:20  CHOCKY - Deanna's love for chocolate comes close to costing her her lifeL when she swallows a portion of Banzite expanding chocolate.  She is about toO explode when Picard miraculously heals her and beats up Riker for asking how hea did it.r  M 5:21  MILES APART - In a horrific accident, Lt Cmdr O'Brien's limbs and head nN are blown off, but he seems oddly unbothered.  Beverly cannot reconstruct him,O but her husband Picard mysteriously can.  Picard glues Beverly's mouth together 8 in Ten Forward when she is about to reveal this miracle.  O 5:22  KLINGFILM - The Tholians are now the film makers of the Universe and theydK want to make a documentary about the Klingons.  The only surviving Emperor  N willing to talk to them is Worf (see "Home Alone") but he is too small and the Tholians cannot be bothered to build a miniature set.  Picard magically restoresWorf to full size to resolve the dilemma, and excuses himself by pretending to be a film buff.t  M 5:23  THE CUTTING EDGE - Geordi's hair is running amock but Picard provides ayN pair fo Banzite scissors with which Geordi can control his hair within bounds.L Picard hyponotizes Geordi to stop him telling the barber, Mr Mott, about the magical scissors.o  K 5:24  WILL HE STAY OR WILL HE GO? - Admiral Riker is recalled to Starfleet nN Command where he is offered a job to control the growing space piracy problem.I He agonizes over whether to depart, but eventually leaves the Enterprise.   K 5:25  SUDDENLY HUMAN, AGAIN - Data is tapping a power source provided by a rH mysterious shadowy assistant.  Data succeeds in creating a machine whichN turns machines into living matter - the toaster becomes intolerable after suchO treatment.  Data turns it on himself and becomes at last a human.  He announcesrN he is to be called Jock McData, and is now a Scottish Jew.  The shadowy figure vanishes ...b (JNT: I decided Data was very stereotyped as an android, so I have fulfilled hiswish to be human!)  K 5:26  Qs and As - In an absolutely stunning season climax, Q returns to theeM Enterprise and kidnaps Picard.  Taking him to a planet of volcanoes, Q taunts,K Picard to escape without losing his temper - for every fit of fury causes a L tremendous explosion of lava killing some inhabitants.  Meanwhile Commander K McData is adjusting to humanity.  Another Q turns up to offer assistance ifiL McData will hammer a nail up his nose ...  On the planet, Picard is winning!K He eventually banishes Q and he himself flies off, claiming to be P of the oK P continuum, an older and wiser continuum than that of the Q.  It was P whosN created the Banana race, dissuaded Scotty from mentioning Ferengis and createdK the omnipotent Banzite materials.  The crew is stunned as P goes into orbit  round a sun.O (JNT: At last!  The culmination of all I have been working for!  I disliked therN Picard character, whom I felt to be too authoritative, and now the truth aboutL Picard has been revealed, there is no point in keeping him on.  This sets upG an excellent new season, with McData now captain, and no P in control!)A  P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------  $ 	Be warned there is more to come....    6 	Let us know what you think, good bad or indifferent??