! X-NEWS: spcvxb comp.os.vms: 49645 T Relay-Version: VMS News - V6.1B7+SPC1,2 05/22/93 VAX/VMS V5.5-2; site spcvxb.spc.edug Path: spcvxb!uunet!math.fu-berlin.de!news.belwue.de!news.uni-stuttgart.de!rz.uni-karlsruhe.de!usenet@rz 0 Newsgroups: comp.os.vms,de.comp.os.vms,uka.jokes- Subject: VAX/VMS Genesis Reference Manual :-) 1 Message-ID: <1tvkfj$6uv@nz12.rz.uni-karlsruhe.de> 3 From: S_ONASCH@iravcl.ira.uka.de (|S| Bernd Onasch)  Date: 26 May 1993 11:32:03 GMT# Reply-To: uranus@pilhuhn.ka.sub.org  Followup-To: comp.os.vms Distribution: world * Organization: University of Karlsruhe, FRG$ Summary: Parody of VMS bootstrapping# NNTP-Posting-Host: irav1.ira.uka.de  Mime-Version: 1.0 , Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit  X-News-Reader: VMS NEWS 1.25
 Lines: 142   Well,   I Some people asked too often "when in bootstrap does ... (not) happen" :-)    Greetings, Bernd Onasch   O -------------------------------------------------------------------------------     VAX/VMS Genesis Reference Manual  ================================   Order Number: EY-0815XY-3D   May 1993  ; This manual describes as parody how a VAX should bootstrap.   2 Revision/Update Information: This is a new manual.6 Software Version:            VMS version 5.0 and later  O -------------------------------------------------------------------------------   ? At the very beginning, there was really nothing (except space). C A short time later, some possibly useful physical rules were found. J Those rules took a long time to grow and complete verification error-free,L   and finally, led to the scientific divisions of electronics and computers.@ (This first day ended happy because of lack of serious problems)  D At the beginning of the next day, a large green flat board appeared.K A long time later, some black multi-footed boxes appeared above that board. N Then, not so long a time later, some connections between these feet were made.E (This was the second day - the day where the hardware problems began)   F Then, another millenia of milliseconds later, chaos was introduced andE   the wired black boxes decided to use electricity and start working. B The largest box called itself CPU and initialized the other boxes.L   Henceforth it used a small box labeled 4.77 MHz to get a sense of time andF   some other small boxes called ROM to load its ability to think from.;   (Obviously, those ROM's didn't know of their importance.) > (This third day saw the creation of firmware and system bugs.)  < After becoming aware of itself, the CPU searched for VMB.EXEE   to be able to use those masses of small useless 'RAM' boxes around. K After loading and executing VMB, the CPU developed the knowledge of memory, 7   but (who expected anything else ?) had no use for it. J Millions of system ticks later, the CPU found a module called SYSBOOT.EXE,D   residing on a very slow object called 'boot device' and loaded it.6 (This fourth day became the day of bootstrap problems)  D When executing this curious SYSBOOT, there was the need to load manyN   other programs from this slow object and to fill the formerly useless memoryA   with more or less useful data and programs (or only modules ?). N The first one was SYS.EXE that looked, in the eyes of the CPU, somehow useful.J The second one was RMS.EXE that was very huge and looked totally unusable,<   but (surprised CPU interrupt) when using this large beast,N   the slow object called boot device looked much better structured and useful.M The third one called itself SYSLICENSE.EXE and (by the force of the producer) .   thought it was the most essential module and?   it would be able to decide whatever program might run or not. G   (This guess was wrong as producers force lost power in the distance.) 6 After loading all those modules, the CPU looked around.   in search of other green boards and devices,:   thinking "Is there nothing else ? Is this really all ?",6   and found some additional more or less slow devices.@ Then, using the knowledge of SYS.EXE, it loaded some drivers and:   started to talk to those devices in the hope of answers,?   but most of the time, the CPU just waited for the line noise. E   Strangely, sometimes, those devices answered to very old questions. K (This fifth day finished with the knowledge of advanced bootstrap problems)   G This days first decision was to power up another black and huge box and D   turn memory into virtual mode (where no bit had gone back before).9 Then, the CPU got lost in all this empty memory areas and C   summoned some processes (so chaos could come and start its work). ; First, the Scheduler - to check and control all the others, .   unfortunately itself not visible as process.K Second, the Null process - something that is always able to use CPU cycles, @   but totally useless (and because of that sometimes invisible).? Third, the Swapper - to keep usage of the remaining memory low, C   exspecially for later processes (ever swapped the swapper out ?). > Then, SYSINIT appeared and added some more modules to memory -@   DCL.EXE that looked like a module whose only sense is to wait,I   F11XQP that tried to use the very early on loaded RMS more effectively, G   SDA.EXE, an essential programm ("Damn! Another screwdriver lost..."), C   DEBUGSHR.EXE, a module to control another one, how confusing, and 0   many other modules, each of lesser usefulness.I Finally, STARTUP.COM was loaded and began to test the waiting module DCL, J   adding a process CONFIGURE to allow highly secure system configurations,E   adding a process IPCACP to allow the producer (and noone else) some .     communication between different processes,G   adding a process ERRFMT to display all the errors in a pretty format, B   adding some xxx_SERVER processes to cache useless data packages,A   adding a process OPCOM to log errors and messages to the sysop, M   adding a process AUDIT_SERVER to guarantee the correct logging of the OPCOM >     and perform a secure (never stoppable ?) logfile handling,C   adding a process JBC_CONTROL to create user (*shiver*) processes, K   adding a process QUEUE_MANAGER to emulate printer queues that never work, ?   adding a process SMISERVER that should communicate with other <     CPU's around ("... and seek out new operating systems"),E   adding several processes called xyzACP to support strange protocols 6     ("In memory, every protocol is a correct protocol"#      from one Processor to another) &     like DECnet, LAST, LAT and TCP/IP.>   adding several user (*iiiieks* again) dependant processes to,     slow down every useful work the CPU had.L (This sixth day saw system installation and software problems - the nemesis)  N On the seventh day (the day of SUN systems) the (DIGITAL) CPU decided to rest.= This good idea (the NULL process needs testing) was disturbed >   by many user processes that started to do nothing worthwhile'   except allocating too much resources. C Then some lonely users (in front of their processes) tried to solve G   some very small (human) problems in a very slow (again human) manner, .   programming some small and useless packages.0 Following the rule of humans erraneous thoughts,:   those programs were never bug-free or fully operational.L   The more logic variant was a programming bug that messed up all ressourcesH   and brought down the six day work of system bootstrap within a second.K   (This feature is solvable by debugging in white text on black background) B Some more sophisticated user processes might move to kernel mode -6   and loose self control and memory management there -F   so everything got lost in the vast of endless dark addressing space.:   (Here it is possible that even a debugger has no chance)- Another nice possibility is the AUDIT_SERVER, 8   detecting a full system disk (that happens sometimes),6   and stopping every work yelling "Gimme Disk Space!".9   (This stops everything before a debugger can intervene) A After testing all these features, the CPU disappeared in a orange 7   cloud of logic - leaving all the bit patterns behind. @ (This day returned the CPU to day ZERO - where everything began)  O -------------------------------------------------------------------------------   K Some ideas taken from Ruth E. Goldenbergs "Internals and Data Structures" -tG I hope I have taken real procedings in account as much as is necessary.d  E Special thanks to Frank 'ComRam' Kargl and his uncountable questions,V9 		  Petra 'stargazer' Zeidler for all the spell checking.u  2 Written 1993 by Bernd 'Uranus' Onasch, VAXman i.R.  O -------------------------------------------------------------------------------u